· Speaking of ... we were just thinking today that what Macau really needs is a Playboy Mansion. Now our timeshare there won't go to waste! (abcnews.go.com)

· Brooke Burke and Brooke Burns are not the same person. Trust us—we checked very closely. (gorillamask.net)

· Hookers will no longer be called prostitutes in Britain, although if you still want to call your girlfriend a "dirty whore" in bed then take your chances. (yahoo.com)

· Because we've gone almost an entire week without an adult awards show, you better get your nominations in for the next one. Seriously, when is it our turn to win? (bestadultawards.com, via xbiz.com)

· Some dude in Denver wants to put a stop to Ladies' Nights, because they discriminate against men. Word is that he will also be the chairperson of the city's next Sausage Festival. (westword.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· American "pornstar" Courtney Coventry is questioned in the investigation for some sort of British bribing scandal that we don't really understand. But hey, free trip to London, right? (thesun.co.uk)

· The FBI agent in charge of 2257 inspections says the adult companies aren't doing so hot when it comes to record keeping. Maybe the owners should talk to that Courtney chick. (thesun.co.uk)

· Remember Daniella Cicarelli and her sex on the beach escapade? Turns out she now owes YouTube money because she complained. The lesson? Do not fuck with Google. Ever. (Boing Boing)

· Australia would like you to know that if you speed in your car, it's because you have a small dick. Sorry you had to find out this way. (upi.com)

· So a Polish magazine runs a picture of their President and Prime Minister sucking on the tits of German Chancellor Angela Merkel (on the cover!) and somehow people are upset by that? Those Europeans are so touchy. (yahoo.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· It's a few months old (at least), but we couldn't resist sharing this photo reposted from BME on a blog called Horrible Tattoos—which apparently is the place for anyone who has a problem with two penises coming out of someone's ass. And butterflies. Why do you hate butterflies? (horribletattoos.blogspot.com)

· Hey, we're big fans of public sex, but maybe a public pool is not the best choice of venue for it. Although "I was just showing off my new breast implants" is a pretty good alibi. (wesh.com)

· A golf course, on the other hand, is perfect for strippers, lap dances, and sex acts. That would certainly help the TV ratings for most PGA events. (with video! @ poconorecord.com)

· Life is sweet at Florida's only (legal) clothing-optional beach. Maybe not as fun as the golf course or the pool, but still sweet. (beaconnewspaper.com)

· Yeah ... why should public nudity be illegal? Look at all the fun we're having with it. (americanchronicle.com)

· The first two people to be charged under the CAN-SPAM act are found guilty of sending unsolicited porn emails. The good news is they can quit their job and earn thousands a week working from prison! (infoworld.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· You will never find another group of spokespeople anywhere who are this excited to talk about clean bums. Plus, bare ass in Times Square! (cleanishappy.com, via adage.com via Gawker)

· Superproducer Brian Grazer and sort-of-okay director Brett Ratner are bringing Hugh Hefner's life story to the big screen. We wonder if there will be any nudity. (variety.com + Defamer)

· What the hottest new fashion trend for young brides? See-through wedding dresses. Is it bad luck for the groom to see the bride's boobs before the wedding? (ekstrabladet.dk)

· Another American tourist ruins it for the rest of us by taking a nude bath in Rome's historic Barcaccia fountain. You can't take us anywhere. (reuters.com)

· Would you give up sex before giving up your cellphone? If you're that attached to your handheld friend, you probably weren't getting laid anytime soon anyway. (tech.blorge.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Hey, Lindsay Lohan, how that's rehab program going? Which one of the 12 steps is "ride around on a giant tricycle while wearing a bikini? (egotastic.com)

· Finally, someone is rewarding Marisa Miller for her obvious talents. If you don't think looking this hot is a talent, you must not get out very much. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· Remember Dutch hottie Katja Schuurman? Maybe these photos will jog your memory. (glizzy.nl)

· What the hell is going on with this giant inflatable monkey and his crotch? We don't think your kids should be playing in there. (giantmonster.com, via random-good-stuff.com, more @ Boing Boing)

· Here's a list of the only video games in the history of the Entertainment Software Rating Board to ever receive an Adults Only rating. You say "Strong Sexual Content" like it's a bad thing. (Kotaku)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Megan Fox will dominate the new Transformers movie, even though her co-stars are killer robots the size of 18-wheelers. She's got some pretty powerful weapons of her own. (maximonline.com)

· MSNBC discovers phthalates, and only about 10 months after the rest of the sex toy-loving world. Yay, mainstream media! (msnbc.com)

· The founder of Agent Provocateur turns down membership in the Order of the British Empire because he thinks Tony Blair is "morally corrupt." Funny ... we always thought that was the chief selling point of their knickers. (timesonline.co.uk)

· Michelle Pfeiffer will not do any more nude scenes without first approving them with her kids. Wait, is Michelle Pfeiffer even considering doing nude scenes? Because we should really be kept up to date on these things. (thesun.co.uk)

· Former Miss Israel Gal Gadot defends the whole "Women of the IDF" promotion. If your army's got it, flaunt it. (upi.com, related party photos @ Gawker)

· "One in three Britons think that if a woman jumps up and down, washes or urinates immediately after sex, she can prevent pregnancy." Hey, UK ... so there's these birds and these bees ... (news.com.au)

· Hermosa Beach, California, denies a business permit to a store called Condom Revolution. That's exactly how the British ended up where they are. (dailybreeze.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Babelog regular Anna Michalik is very skillful with power tools. We wonder if she could use a hand on that back porch? (dailyniner.com)

· Make your reservations now for the newest Hooters franchise ... in Dubai. When they say "wings hotter than the Arabian desert," they mean it. (gulfnews.com)

· To shave or not to shave? Your balls that is. The manscaping debate rages on (with way too many references to "musky odors" for our tastes.) (observer.com, via Gawker)

· Worcester County, Maryland, passes an emergency zoning bill to restrict the growth of adult business, because there's no greater emergency than a zoning emergency. (delmarvanow.com)

· We won't be at the naked summer solstice run in Latvia this weekend, but to show our support we might jog around the living room in our underwear. (yahoo.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· You might be shocked to learn this, but "Obama Girl" Amber Lee Ettinger once posed for Maxim magazine. That doesn't sound like her style, does it? (maximonline.com)

· Ugandan police claim that 90% of 911 emergency calls are just lonely women looking for sex. We think about 100% of Ugandan police officers must think pretty highly of themselves. (monitor.co.ug)

· Just a reminder, "Put it on my tab" doesn't work when it comes to ordering lap dances. Especially when you don't pay the tab after eight of them. (gazetteonline.com)

· You may think you're anonymous on the internet, but the law may say differently, so watch your mouths, you dirty sonsabitches. (xbiz.com)

· Circumcision rates in the U.S. are dropping, which means you might be seeing even more skin than you're used to in the next generation of pornstars. If you can stop looking at the chicks for more than five seconds that is. (ap.org + Gawker)

· Sexy roadside ads are major traffic hazards in Greece and one man is out to put a stop to them. But then how will they recognize the most popular underwear models when they meet them? (sky.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· It's not a Mary Carey birthday party until a pornstar (aka Jessica Jaymes) pulls her tits out. Tell us again why she isn't the governor? (drunkenstepfather.com)

· If we're reading this correctly—and we're pretty sure that we're not—Mitt Romney has made a fortune selling hardcore pornography to bored business travelers. Somehow he's not a governor anymore either? (huffingtonpost.com)

· The girls from a Utah escort service were actually thinking about the children when they threw this bikini car wash over the weekend. Being wet and soapy is a good cause all by itself. (kutv.com)

· Getting naked and hugging trees is a swell idea for an environmental protest, but watch out for the bark. That stuff itches! (orovillemr.com)

· Just a reminder that in New York women have just as much as right as men to walk down the street topless and get a nice settlement when the cops try to rough you up for it. Sounds fair to us. (cnn.com)

· "Everyone who thumbed through the "Iowa Nights" magazines at various interstate rest areas had the same reaction. "It's nudity and suggestive things that young children shouldn't see." We've met a lot of truck drivers and we're pretty sure that not everyone had the same reaction. (whotv.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· You can't not escape Danielle Lloyd's watchful gaze, but really, why would you want to? (americanidol2006blog.blogspot.com)

· Maxim, Stuff and Blender walk into a bar and get sold to a private equity firm, which proves that firm privates are still worth a lot of equity. (cnn.com)

· Prostitution may be legalized in Mexico City, so American gringos just might have an excuse to leave Tijuana. (time.com)

· A big lawsuit is asking who is really responsible for what happens to you on MySpace? We don't know why, but for some reason it feels like it's all President Nixon's fault. (xbiz.com)

· A former NFL player and his girlfriend go down for running a prostitution ring in Pittsburgh. We guess athletic cups just aren't as exciting as pimp cups. (thepittsburghchannel.com)

· Hugh Jackman and Jessica Alba have been voted the sexiest superheroes of all time. Whew! Now that that's settled we can finally get some sleep this weekend. (skynews.com.au)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· When Cameron Diaz goes surfing, she goes surfing in a bikini. It's starting again already! (egotastic.com)

· Welcome to Gatwick Airport. Do you have any strippers you would like to declare? (timesonline.co.uk)

· Is Flickr (ie. Yahoo) blocking content for users in Germany and Southeast Asia? Does a bear ... you know? (Boing Boing)

· An alleged "spam king" will remain in jail after being denied bail, which is too bad because he could have easily earned that money in just a few hours a day while working from home! (chron.com)

· A couple in Punta Gorda, Florida, joined the Several Stories High Club, but got caught while having sex high above the city. Did we mention they were on a crane? (sun-herald.com)

· A Minnesota county gets serious about strip clubs by thinking about preparing an interim ordinance that will then maybe allow for them to consider possibly adopting new regulations after giving the issue some serious study. Government in action, folks. (avn.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Iran declares that porn producers and "their main elements" are "corruptors of the world" and can now be sentenced to death. Hey, we don't make the stuff ... we were just holding on to it for a friend! (cnn.com)

· At eight-and-a-half-months pregnant, Katie Price is almost as big in her stomach as she is in her chest. To be fair, it is two lumps to one. (lustbox.org + toxicmagazine.com)

· A woman in England is going to jail after ripping an ex-boyfriend's testicle off with her bare hands and then trying to eat it. Wow, she makes those guys in Iran seem almost reasonable. (news.bbc.co.uk)

· The fembots are coming! The fembots are coming! Better stock up on the oil. (inventorspot.com)

· After drawing a successful comic book and a successful fake band, it's only natural for an artist to turn to designing luxury vibrators. (pitchforkmedia.com)

· Free speech advocates have been calling on Yahoo to declare a sensible anti-censorship policy and protect human rights on the web. Yahoo shareholders? Not so much. (xbiz.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Brit babe Emily Scott looks good even in Dutch German. We think that's required by the European Union. (dailyniner.com)

· Larry Flynt's offer of $1 million for any evidence of "illicit sexual or intimate relations with a Congressperson, Senator or other prominent officeholder" has already received about 200 responses ... and that's just from the Clinton family. (xbiz.com)

· R&B "star" Ray J "directed" the worst celebrity sex tape of all time and now he's ready to unleash the magic once again! How hard can it be to top the original? (entertainmentwise.com)

· We don't care how stupid it looks, we would totally buy one of these cars. The girl comes with it, right? (Gizmodo)

· Korean pop star Lee Hyo Lee wants to take over the whole Pacific Rim using some sort of sexiness "weapon." Surrender now and you'll be spared. (asia1.com.sg)

· Officials say Wisconsin's nude beaches attract crime, drugs, and lewd behavior, but beachgoers say it's the same as any other beach. Except, you know, with more boobs. (channel3000.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Wait a second ... a local TV station hired a bikini model with no journalistic experience to be its new anchor, and it's all just a reality show stunt? Could our TV be lying to us? (news-journal.com)

· UFC show host-with-the-most Rachelle Leah is Sicilian, manages to maintain her dignity while wearing a belt as a bikini top, and doesn't mind too much when guys she's dating fart around her. We think we may be in love. (fhmonline.com)

· Make a note: You cannot trademark the name "Fucking Machines" because the government doesn't like naughty words. What will this mean for our newest venture, "Cock Contraptions, Inc."? (Boing Boing)

· It looks like we missed the World Naked Bike Ride ... again. It's because we're always getting something caught in our spokes. (canada.com + worldnakedbikeride.org)

· Meanwhile, a new year means another group of senior citizens taking their clothes off for charity. Be sure to thank the producers of that "Calendar Girls" movie when you see them. (wtkr.com)

· A naked man wearing just "a paper bag over his head with eyeholes poked out" is haunting Brooklyn. Oh, did we forget to mention the masturbating? (metro.us)

· How do you get busted for excessive nudity when you work at a strip club? In that environment, you really can't be naked enough. (kutv.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Danielle Lloyd, bless her heart, slips into a diamond-studded bikini for charity, but ends up distracting us so much we forgot where we put our checkbooks. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· Jenna Jameson wants you to design logos for her clothing lines, and you must obey Jenna. (adultfyi.com)

· Remember the porn addict whose pastor can monitor his internet activity? Apparently, he wasn't making that shit up. That's some serious voyeurism. (stuff.co.nz)

· It's just possible that having sex before marriage will not send you plummeting into a spiral of shame and depression. Sorry if that spoils the surprise for you. (umn.edu, via about.com)

· Ten reasons why that New York Times article might be wrong about the internet and porn. We promise not to mention this again until Monday at the earliest. (wired.com)

· Jezebel finds out more than she probably wanted to know about vaginas. Isn't blogging fun! (Jezebel)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Gisele Bundchen thinks it's ridiculous that the Catholic Church bans sex before marriage. "Show me someone who's a virgin," she says. Why? What will you do to him if we do? (newswatch50.com)

· Now that Paris Hilton is out of jail, let us look at this photoset starring lookalike Christine Alexis and reflect upon what might have been if her stupid skin condition and/or possible nervous breakdown hadn't gotten in the way. (orgasmatrix.com + Defamer)

· As the person who pointed this out to us said, once you see that the London 2012 Olympic logo looks like Lisa Simpson giving head, you can't un-see it. (YouTube)

· News flash: The number of people willing to pay for content on the internet is dwindling. When was it ever rising? (xbiz.com)

· Step 1: Make some "x-rated" art. Step 2: Have it banned by the city for being "inappropriate." Step 3: Profit. (nypress.com)

· Canada is one of the best place to go for nude beaches, but their summer will be over in about two weeks, so make it snappy. (hfxnews.ca)

· Ohio strip clubs continue to fight the state's new "six-foot" law. Why don't they just find strippers with longer arms? (wlwt.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Breaking: After months of legal wrangling, Julie Amero, the substitute teacher convicted by porn pop-ups, has been granted a new trial because the prosecutors are "dumbasses." Okay, that's not the actual quote, but we think we captured the spirit of it. (courant.com)

· Petra Nemcova proves that you can alight from a vehicle wearing a sexy dress and still keep your dignity intact. And still look sexy, for that matter. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· Jessica Cutler, the artist formerly known as Washingtonienne, will not be taking Larry Flynt up on his $1 million dollar offer, even though she probably has plenty of dirt to share about our government officials. It's almost like she has sex just for the fun of it. (radaronline.com)

· Keep an eye out for Fleshbot faves Monique Alexander and Roxy Jezel in cameo roles in HBO's "Entourage" tonight. (If you watch "Entourage", that is, which we don't. Tell us how they did, OK?) (avn.com)

· A Singapore radio station raises some hackles with a speed bra removal contest. Well, they wouldn't wear bras at all if the government wasn't so picky about it. (stuff.co.nz)

· An Indonesian tax minister's photo presentation to newspaper editors turned into a full demonstration of his "porns" collection. Good thing we don't pay taxes on our Indonesian Amway business. (Boing Boing)

· Naturists may sincerely believe their lifestyle is not about sexuality, but that doesn't change the fact that naked bodies are hot. (guardian.co.uk)

· Here's some photos and video of Spencer Tunick's recent Amsterdam shoot. Residents of the city's famous red light district were not impressed. (stuff.co.nz)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· A federal appeals court tells the FCC to go fuck itself and rules that if the president can say any bullshit thing he wants on TV, then so can any asshole in America. Fuckin' A right we can! (forbes.com)

· Britney Spears' ass devours its thong packaging. At least she's finally getting some decent media coverage. (egotastic.com)

· Jenna Jameson is already on Team Hillary; now Savanna Samson is "in love" with Rudy Giuliani for president. Now that would be a debate we might actually tune in to see. (papermag.com)

· You may or may not get turned on by ladies who are expecting, but ... holy cow, pregnant Salma Hayek boobies! Who knew those things could any better? (wwtdd.com)

· Dita Von Teese will star in her first movie ... as a stripper. It's a bit of a stretch, but we think she can handle it. (metro.co.uk)

· If you're wondering who won those Feminist Porn Awards, the answers are here. Congratulations to all you crazy dames. (goodforher.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Pamela Anderson is kissing a magician. Maybe he knows how those things continue to defy gravity. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· The bizarre life (and sad death) of the famous Academy Awards Streaker. His package will live forever. (wfmu.org)

· Auctioneers expect to get £2 million for a nude portrait that King Charles II kept hidden in his bedroom. Wow, even a king has to stuff his girlie pics under the mattress? (thisislondon.co.uk)

· If you want to show a friend how much you care, forget about a Hallmark card. Just screw their brains out. They'll appreciate the gesture, trust us. (indiatimes.com)

· She-porn outfit, For The Girls is holding an erotic fiction contest, so remember to take notes next time you're getting some. (forthegirls.com)

· Internet porn: Wrecking marriages since 1991. Or saving them, we're not sure. Either way, never give your spouse your email password. (wimmera.yourguide.com.au)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· It seems that the plucky Barbie Cummings was not the first lady that a certain Tennessee state trooper has given "special treatment." (Not that Barbie is complaining.) We guess free blowjobs aren't an official perk of the job. (usatoday.com + newschannel5.com)

· You remember Tea Leoni, right? If not, these bikini pictures probably won't jog your memory, but you should check anyway just to be safe. (theblemish.com)

· Did you know Kelly Hu was once an X-Man? Or X-Woman? Or X-Person? Whatever ... now she's just X-Hot. (dailypoa.com)

· August political rag The New Republic may be struggling to find readers, but more stories about Porno Jim and cum blankets should certainly turn things around. (Gawker)

· How will Ohio's strippers cope when the new adult entertainment law goes into effect this summer? If only there were some sort of "club" where they go to unwind and have some fun ... (ohiou.edu)

· Popular music is apparently dominated by "sexy and edgy" lyrics, which we would know nothing about since we smashed our victrolas in protest when that "Elvis Preseley" character started shaking his hips so scandalously. (reuters.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives