Evan Stone is the lucky bastard who gets to take sweet young Stoya to bed in this installment. Evan, with his beautiful flowing locks of hair, demonstrates the skill and grace that had made him one of the best male performers this industry has (or will ever) see. Our hearts practically burst with joy to see him fuck our favorite girl, like two wild animals, caught in the act, more breathtaking and beautiful than mere words can capture.

Mick Blue doesn't fare as well, all things considered. He gets tied up by our Stoya, blindfolded and beaten up a little bit, before earning the honor of tasting her sweet nectar. We can name a hundred men off the top of our head who would suffer worse for a single drop of her. Cheer up, Mick. You still get to have sex with one of the most beautiful women on the planet.

Then, in a surprise twist, Stoya and crazy cockstar Angelina Valentine work over Tony De Sergio, taking turns on each other while sharing his meaty tool. Stoya even manages to sneak a finger or three up the naughty European man's crack after donning some medical gloves.

Last but not least, sexy male stud Derrick Pierce has his way with the girl who won over our hearts with a single, naked glance, piercing all the way into our soul. He's a firm lover, but somehow gentle, and their sex is both passionate and raw without seeming cruel. Stoya, as always, looks satisfied. We, however, are left wanting more and more and more....which is probably why the geniuses behind Digital Playground threw in a couple of extra scenes.

Vanessa Leon takes an exquisite pounding in her tight little pussy from Ben Englishes monster cock—which is now retired, except for special occasions.

Carmel Moore allows Tommy Gunn to dive all the way in and up her pink tunnel of love, wailing like a dog with it's paw caught in a bear trap most of the time she is getting serviced. Rumor has it that Tommy Gunn's cock is harder than most, with other female performers marveling that it's more like getting fucked by a slab of marble than an average man. True story.

"Stoya Workaholic" comes out next week, just in time for every major holiday. You can check out the goods right here and now, thanks to the good folks over at Digital Playground. Happy Monday, everyone!

Stoya
Buy "Stoya Workaholic" (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Stoya
Buy "Stoya Workaholic" (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Stoya and Derrick Pierce
Buy "Stoya Workaholic" (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Stoya and Derrick Pierce
Buy "Stoya Workaholic" (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Stoya and Derrick Pierce
Buy "Stoya Workaholic" (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Stoya and Angelina Valentine
Buy "Stoya Workaholic" (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Stoya, Angelina Valentine, and Tony De Sergio
Buy "Stoya Workaholic" (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Stoya, Angelina Valentine, and Tony De Sergio
Buy "Stoya Workaholic" (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Stoya, Angelina Valentine, and Tony De Sergio
Buy "Stoya Workaholic" (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Stoya
Buy "Stoya Workaholic" (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Stoya and Mick Blue
Buy "Stoya Workaholic" (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Stoya and Mick Blue
Buy "Stoya Workaholic" (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Stoya and Mick Blue
Buy "Stoya Workaholic" (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Stoya and Mick Blue
Buy "Stoya Workaholic" (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Stoya and Evan Stone
Buy "Stoya Workaholic" (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Stoya and Evan Stone
Buy "Stoya Workaholic" (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Stoya and Evan Stone
Buy "Stoya Workaholic" (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Carmel Moore and Tommy Gunn
Buy "Stoya Workaholic" (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Carmel Moore and Tommy Gunn
Buy "Stoya Workaholic" (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Carmel Moore and Tommy Gunn
Buy "Stoya Workaholic" (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Stoya
Buy "Stoya Workaholic" (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Vanessa Leon and Ben English
Buy "Stoya Workaholic" (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Vanessa Leon and Ben English
Buy "Stoya Workaholic" (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Vanessa Leon and Ben English
Buy "Stoya Workaholic" (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)

What, you haven't figured it out already? Well, we'll give you three guesses...and by the way, her solution doesn't involve fixing the skirt (or going to school, for that matter).

· Buy "Dirty Little Schoolgirl Stories #2" (gamelink.com)

Cummin' At You 3D

Studio: Tommy Gunn Entertainment
Director: Tommy Gunn
Cast: Tommy Gunn, Sindee Jennings, Riley Evans, Tony DeSergio

Review by: Gram Ponante

Were this movie not 3D, it would still be an excellent interactive couples' title. The story is simple: Sindee Jennings wants to audition for producer Tommy Gunn's porn movie and, of course, she needs to be put through her paces. Along the way she is also tried out by Tony DeSergio and Riley Evans. (Almost) needless to say, she is rode hard and put away wet, as Ms. Jennings is a copious squirter.

But with 50 percent of the cast being Playgirl-friendly dudes, the interactive elements of "Cummin At You" leave plenty of room to see the guys from the females' point of view. To his credit, ladies, Tommy Gunn looks soulfully into your/Sindee Jennings's eyes as he eats you/Sindee Jennings out.

But what is truly revolutionary about this movie (which producers Gunn and Marcus London call a "preview of something even bigger") is that, either with the new breed of 3D-ready HDTVs or with the attached red/blue 3D glasses ("Or you can use the same glasses from the matinee of 'Up,'" Gunn said), you can experience the performers cumming—with whatever substance they have at their arousal—at you.

It's like "A Bug's Life 3D" at California Adventure except with the long-raging argument about whether female ejaculation is real or just urine.

I have had the opportunity ("pleasure" just isn't the most appropriate word) of Sindee Jennings squirting in my face in real life. But the virtual version is really cool. Not only that, but viewers get the illusion of the performers' ankles resting on their shoulders.

3D in mainstream movies is like parodies are to porn; some seem gimmicky and some exploit the genre in a suitable way. But 3D in porn just seems like the right way to go.

And it's worth mentioning that Gunn and company could have gotten this wrong in so many simple, porny ways, but they didn't.

"We knew we had to get Sindee," Gunn said.

Exactly. Because 3D is not about subtlety.

Pure Play (pureplaymedia.com)
Buy "Cummin' At You" (tlavideo.com)
Pure Play (pureplaymedia.com)
Buy "Cummin' At You" (tlavideo.com)
Pure Play (pureplaymedia.com)
Buy "Cummin' At You" (tlavideo.com)
Pure Play (pureplaymedia.com)
Buy "Cummin' At You" (tlavideo.com)
Pure Play (pureplaymedia.com)
Buy "Cummin' At You" (tlavideo.com)
Pure Play (pureplaymedia.com)
Buy "Cummin' At You" (tlavideo.com)
Pure Play (pureplaymedia.com)
Buy "Cummin' At You" (tlavideo.com)
Pure Play (pureplaymedia.com)
Buy "Cummin' At You" (tlavideo.com)

Supreme master pornographer Robby D is back at it again, this time with a "workout supplement"
that is guaranteed to burn off some extra calories, if you know what we mean. (Get it? Because you'll be so excited, um, right then. Okay. Sorry. It's easy to get distracted once we start talking about boobs.)

Titties. What is the source of our attraction to them..and why can't we stop staring? Sure, everyone always thinks that they know, but do they really? Robby D delves deep into the cleavage above the heart of the issue, and works us all into a frothy lather as he tries to figure out whether it's a biological instinct or just, ya know, the fact that those puppies are huge and jiggling back and forth hypnotically in our faces, looking all full of hot sweet milk, and jiggly, wait...what were we saying again?

Chavon Taylor, Rebecca Lane, Melissa Lauren, Shyla Stylez, and Cassandra Calogera make sexy ass milk maids. These jug all stars take sweet juicy poundings while their milkshakes keep us completely entranced. You've got to see this to believe it.

"Titlicious" swings pendulously back and forth into stores this week from Digital Playground and Robby D. These amazing images belong to them. Grab a tall glass of milk and dive right in!

Cassandra Calogera and Scott Nails
Cassandra Calogera and Scott Nails
Cassandra Calogera and Scott Nails
Shyla Stylez and Mick Blue
Shyla Stylez and Mick Blue
Shyla Stylez and Mick Blue
Melissa Lauren and Mick Blue
Melissa Lauren and Mick Blue
Melissa Lauren and Mick Blue
Rebecca Lane, Mick Blue, and James Deen
Rebecca Lane, Mick Blue, and James Deen
Rebecca Lane, Mick Blue, and James Deen
Chavon Taylor, Tony De Sergio, and Mick Blue
Chavon Taylor, Tony De Sergio, and Mick Blue
Chavon Taylor, Tony De Sergio, and Mick Blue

And seriously: when was the last time you actually needed a secretary to transfer a call? Like, never, right? Better to bring in the girl who knows how to give (and receive) downtown and let the calls fall where they may...not that we've ever, uh, run an office or anything. But we're sure that's how it all works.

· Buy "My XXX Secretary 2" (adultdvdtalk.com)

Seinfeld: A XXX Parody

Studio: New Sensations
Director: Lee Roy Myers
Cast: James Deen, Ashlynn Brooke, Sadie West, Evan Stone, Sasha Grey, Cassandra Calogera, Kristina Rose, Natalie Norton, London Keys, Eric John, Tony DeSergio

Review by: Gram Ponante

"Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" is the long-anticipated, much-dreaded New Sensations product that seemed to signal the barrelbottom-scraping of the porn parody trend, in which a show with only one vaguely pornable main character out of several non-starters is upended and tweaked for maximum adult entertainment.

What gave "Seinfeld XXX" the greenlight over, say, an equally unlikely pornic adaptation of "Rhoda" was that some of the cast members were born during the run of the original.

For fans of Jerry Seinfeld's nine-season show, there is plenty about the parody to vaguely nod about; the costumes and set are similar, the familiar bass riffs are there, and director Lee Roy Myers even takes a shot at recreating camera angles.

But is it funny? I seem to remember the original show was funny.

Sadly, though it tries really hard, "Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" is not funny.

(People say the same thing about me, what with my Ratt references that are introduced and never repeated. Just watch.)

"So what's the deal with the '-ography' on the end of 'pornography'?" asks Gary (James Deen—for some reason producers chose to slightly change each character's first name) in a wraparound standup segment. "It means 'to study something,' right?"

Gary then riffs, Jerry Seinfeld-like, on pornography vs. dickography. Deen has the inflection down and Myers has the lighting down, and there is a laugh track that you want to punch in the face, but neither is the segment funny nor does "-ography" mean "to study something." That's "-ology."

Ditto the ballpark re-creations of Kramer ("Crammer"), the Soup Nazi (Evan Stone as the Porn Nazi), and George ("Gorge"); each is a good try but there is nothing in those performances or the writing that justifies a movie.

Kristina Rose as "Elaina" is the exception. She channels Julia Louis-Dreyfus admirably, and she is the gateway to all that is wonderful about "Seinfeld XXX."

Because Rose's two scenes and those of Ashlynn Brooke, Sasha Grey, Sadie West, London Keys, and Cassandra Calogera stand out; it is the one area in the movie where the contrivances are welcome (Calogera interrupts Gary onstage, the only example in recorded history of a good heckler). And that is a huge relief, because it's a porn movie.

What saves "Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (you have to read the XXX as "triple X" rather than "ecks ecks ecks" to make that A work) is that the sex scenes are really good, which means the movie's priorities are in order.

But do parody producers think the audience deserves the tension involved in a series of unfavorable comparisons with the source material just for the releasing capabilities of a Kristina Rose and Ashlynn Brooke in sex scenes that could have been in any other movie?

I guess so, because I really wanted the sex scenes to be good, and the tit pops and cum shots were more important to me than the punchlines and rim shots.

You're out of the cellar for this round, New Sensations; just don't remake "Maude."

Kristina Rose and James Deen
"Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (seinfeldxxx.com)
Buy "Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (gamelink.com)
Steve Pomerantz
"Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (seinfeldxxx.com)
Buy "Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (gamelink.com)
Eric John
"Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (seinfeldxxx.com)
Buy "Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (gamelink.com)
Kristina Rose
"Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (seinfeldxxx.com)
Buy "Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (gamelink.com)
Eric John, Steve Pomerantz, Kristina Rose, and James Deen
"Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (seinfeldxxx.com)
Buy "Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (gamelink.com)
James Deen
"Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (seinfeldxxx.com)
Buy "Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (gamelink.com)
J. Walker
"Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (seinfeldxxx.com)
Buy "Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (gamelink.com)
Natalie Norton
"Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (seinfeldxxx.com)
Buy "Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (gamelink.com)
Evan Stone
"Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (seinfeldxxx.com)
Buy "Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (gamelink.com)
London Keys
"Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (seinfeldxxx.com)
Buy "Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (gamelink.com)
Kristina Rose and London Keys
"Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (seinfeldxxx.com)
Buy "Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (gamelink.com)
Ashlynn Brooke
"Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (seinfeldxxx.com)
Buy "Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (gamelink.com)
Ashlynn Brooke and Evan Stone
"Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (seinfeldxxx.com)
Buy "Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (gamelink.com)
Sadie West
"Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (seinfeldxxx.com)
Buy "Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (gamelink.com)
Sasha Grey
"Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (seinfeldxxx.com)
Buy "Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (gamelink.com)
Sadie West, Sasha Grey, and Eric John
"Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (seinfeldxxx.com)
Buy "Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (gamelink.com)
Cassandra Calogera
"Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (seinfeldxxx.com)
Buy "Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (gamelink.com)
James Deen
"Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (seinfeldxxx.com)
Buy "Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (gamelink.com)
Cassandra Calogera and James Deen
"Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (seinfeldxxx.com)
Buy "Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (gamelink.com)
Natalie Norton and Tony DeSergio
"Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (seinfeldxxx.com)
Buy "Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" (gamelink.com)

I never learned what happened between Tony DeSergio, Oliver Sanchez and Evans on the set of Harmony Films' "Gazzman's Perfect Breasts" (director Gazzman, even though the breasts aren't actually his, at least has great taste in them; tomorrow he's shooting Aiden Starr), because I feared bursting into flame, but several things are certain:

1. Evans' breasts are great
2. The Tampa native even has great breasts when she's sitting down
3. One of Porn's many fantasy elements, I've just realized, must be fucking on the surface of the Sun

· Gazzman (myspace.com)

Blue Moon Productions presents their 12th volume of "radical couples therapy," featuring Devon Lee & Marcus, Jordan Kingsley & Tony De Sergio, Ethan Cage & Lexi Lamour, John West & Priscilla Sin, all engaged in running game.

Lindsay Kay, Cali Winters, Jessica Dalton, Scarlet Fay, and Maxine Tyler may seem like defenseless fuck bunnies, all wet and ripe and gullible and just waiting to be snatched up, rode hard, pulled all the way open, then left sore and satisfied—but don't judge a book by its cover. We know better. We've seen "Poison Ivy" (yeah, the original one with Drew Barrymore, back in the day.).

We know how these young seductresses are when they begin to realize the power of their blossoming sexuality, even though they've been on 50 first dates and never been kissed. We know how these bad girls will use it to ruthlessly get what they want just for sport, like an evil doppleganger, even if it means tearing apart the sanctity of marriage—just like the Amy Fischer story. They just want to know what happens. Just like Donnie Darko, they want to destroy the world.

It may be just wishful thinking on their part, knowing that the best men are family guys, and wanting to live happily ever after so bad they could just scream. They just keep hoping, more fascinated than Curious George, until it all reaches a fever pitch—far from home in a conspiracy of love with no place to hide until the world seems like nothing more than one big grey garden.

Luckily all of these couples have the strength, communication skills, and sheer staying power to drill these young fire starters into utter mind bending satisfaction, despite their irreconcilable differences, making sweet music and lyrics to go along with them. Together they go the distance until everybody's fine. Sure beats riding around in cars with boys eating home fries, we can tell you that.

In the end, despite the strange circumstances and their altered states, they end up going together like E.T. And Charlie's Angels.

"Couples Seduce Teens 12" releases next week from Pink Visual. Check it out.

Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pinkk Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)
Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
Buy "Couples Seduce Teens #12" (gamelink.com)

"Sophia Santi Erotique" from Digital Playground is labeled as a Celeste "experience." Sifting through the lush cache of photographic evidence they left behind while filming, we couldn't agree more with that assessment. Snap after amazing snap, it's like living one miraculous sapphic adventure after another.

Joining the unforgettable siren are comparable beauties Karli Montana, Samantha Ryan, Kimberly Kane, Devaun, Cody Lane, Tiffany Brookes, and sexy little Micah Moore. Celeste's superior attention to detail (allowing her lighting, makeup, wardrobe, and set design to enhance the mood) helps to engulf us deeper into the perfect erotic illusion. With Sophia Santi, she is more on point than she has ever been.

Celeste is truly a master at her craft—and we couldn't be more grateful.

"Sophia Santi Erotique" comes out next week, but you can sneak a peek at some of what is in store in the exclusive gallery below. Digital Playground owns these pictures though and they will hurt far more than your feelings if you abuse their trust... so just play nice now, okay?

Sophia Santi

Buy "Sophia Santi Erotique" (digitalplayground.com)

All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Micah Moore and Charles Dera

Buy "Sophia Santi Erotique" (digitalplayground.com)

All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Sophia Santi and Tiffany Brookes

Buy "Sophia Santi Erotique" (digitalplayground.com)

All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Micah Moore and Charles Dera

Buy "Sophia Santi Erotique" (digitalplayground.com)

All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Tiffany Brookes and Sophia Santi

Buy "Sophia Santi Erotique" (digitalplayground.com)

All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Cody Lane, Italia Christie, and Marco Banderas

Buy "Sophia Santi Erotique" (digitalplayground.com)

All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Devaun and Tony De Sergio

Buy "Sophia Santi Erotique" (digitalplayground.com)

All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Sophia Santi and Kimberly Kane

Buy "Sophia Santi Erotique" (digitalplayground.com)

All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Sophia Santi and Kimberly Kane

Buy "Sophia Santi Erotique" (digitalplayground.com)

All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Sophia Santi, Samantha Ryan, and Karlie Montana

Buy "Sophia Santi Erotique" (digitalplayground.com)

All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Sophia Santi, Samantha Ryan, and Karlie Montana

Buy "Sophia Santi Erotique" (digitalplayground.com)

All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Micah Moore

Buy "Sophia Santi Erotique" (digitalplayground.com)

All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Cody Lane and Italia Christie

Buy "Sophia Santi Erotique" (digitalplayground.com)

All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Sophia Santi

Buy "Sophia Santi Erotique" (digitalplayground.com)

All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Sophia Santi

Buy "Sophia Santi Erotique" (digitalplayground.com)

All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)

For one, this marks the first time a "Not the"-style parody has pornified a show that wasn't a sitcom—for another, never before have modern porn parodists attempted to venture into sci-fi. But does it work? Does "This Ain't Star Trek XXX" go boldly into this new territory—or does it meekly fall flat, unable to complete the journey?

We'd have to say that—for the most part—the venture is a success. It certainly helps that "Star Trek" was a rather campy endeavor, full of cheesy special effects and plot twists that didn't always add up (just like porn!). In terms of plot, set, and feel, "This Ain't Star Trek XXX" certainly keeps the pace with its inspiration (we guess all those hours Axel Braun spent studying old "Star Trek" footage paid off!). "This Ain't Star Trek XXX" certainly satisfied our desire for a porntastic retro future where multicultural crews explore the depths of space (and all the women wear crotchless pantyhose sans underwear).

Not surprisingly, Evan Stone's Kirk is the highlight of the film (we're pretty sure that Evan Stone will steal the show in any porn comedy); but his co-stars do turn in admirable performances (especially during their sex scenes, which take up about 5/6 of the two hour feature). We were particularly taken with the sexed up Jenna Haze and blood fever stricken Sasha Grey (but, of course, you knew we were going to say that).

For the curious, the plot (which can be watched, sans sex, on the bonus disc) amounts to this: while tooling around space, the Enterprise happens across a stranded ship, the Botany Bay. Upon boarding, they discover three bodies in suspended animation (and one skeleton). One of these bodies turns out to be Khan—who, upon being revived, seduces ship historian Marla MacGuyver (Aurora Snow), and then plots to take over the Enterprise by poisoning everyone with PSI 2000.

And what's the antidote to PSI 2000, you ask? Why, a sudden release of endorphins—like, say, an orgasm. Cue shipwide orgy!

Hot as the sex was, though, we occasionally found ourselves wishing (to echo one of our commenters) that there was less of it. Not that we minded seeing Jenna, Aurora, Sasha, Codi, and Jada heaving and sighing in various states of undress—but with so much time devoted to the fucking, "This Ain't Star Trek XXX" is more a standard porn with "Star Trek"-themed interludes, and less, well, a "Star Trek"-movie with sex in it.

Perhaps future porn parodies could take a page out of the "Pirates" handbook, and treat the sex scenes the way mainstream movies treat fight scenes: edit the shit out of them so that they fit into the flow of the movie, while still giving us our hedonistic burst of naughty pleasure (and then, of course, include the full sex scenes on the bonus disc, for the times when we don't care about plot).

But even so, this still winds up on our recommended list. Any movie that manages to keep Nick Manning from shouting, "Dropping loads!" gets automatic points (and hey, if it happens to replace that catchphrase with "Cum Khan, eat it, eat it"... well, so much the better).

· Buy "This Ain't Star Trek XXX" (gamelink.com)

*****

Previously: First Look: "This Ain't Star Trek XXX" Goes (And Comes) Boldly

That got your attention, didn't it? With a title like "Jana Cova: Belle," it's what we would expect. Still, that's a lot of pressure to live up to, don't you think? Especially when you constantly have to reinvent your genre with the same tired old cliches.

Eastern European sexual refuge—and former Digital Playground contract star—Jana Cova stars in three erotically charged scenes of Sapphic delinquency along some very alluring ladies, specifically the lovely Brooke Belle, Sophia Lynn, Lisa Daniels, and Kina Kai. For the most, part none of the scenes ever reach far past a mild boil, but they do serve to delight the senses and whet our appetites for harder fare.

Separating the girl-on-girl action are two very hard, distinctive fuck scenes which include the stunning young Alexis Love taking a double drilling that borders on assault from Marco Banderas, and Maya Hills getting De Sergio's nail slammed into her bubble gum pink Eskimo folds. While curiously at odds stylistically, they give "Belle" a meaty substance it otherwise lacks (no pun intended), and ground an otherwise ethereal flight into softcore fantasy lesbian theatrics with some much needed solid pussy pounding.

All in all Celeste does, well, better than average with what she has to work with. Her talent and vision recreate a star whose shined brighter in better days before going gently into that good night. Goodnight, Miss Cova and good luck!

"Jana Cova: Belle" releases this week from Digital Playground.

· All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)

Well, we may not get the chance to see that impossibly beautiful "Star Trek" cast getting it on, but at least Hustler has assembled another, equally sexy Enterprise crew to strip down and get sexed up. Yes, kids: "This Ain't Star Trek XXX" comes out tomorrow—and we've got a sneak peek at the action, right here, right now.

It may not be the first "Star Trek" porn out there, but we're pretty sure it's easily the best. With Jada Fire as Uhura taking on Kirk and Spock at the same time, crew member Aurora Snow taming the wrathful Khan with her talented ladyparts, Codi Carmichael jumping Bones's bones, Jenna Haze giving Spock the what for, and—last but certainly not least—Vulcan Sasha Grey getting logical with Captain Kirk...well, really, could it possibly get any better than this? We're not even sure what the plot is, but with a cast like this, we're not sure we care.

"This Ain't Star Trek XXX" streets tomorrow, May 12. Go boldly where no one else has gone, right here in this exclusive gallery.

· Hustler Video (hustlervideo.com)

The bad news? We still have to wait a whole two weeks to see the finished product. What gives? We want to see it now! We need to know why, exactly, everyone's eyes are going weird, and what evil plot Khan unleashes... oh, and also we want to see Vulcan Sasha Grey gettin' logical (if you know what we mean).

· This Ain't Star Trek XXX - First Look (hustlerworld.com)

Now we'll just have to see if the plot and the fucking are something Gene Roddenberry would be willing to take credit for.

· Star Trek XXX Sneak Preview (hustlerworld.com)

Thankfully, since this is Fleshbot, and not Better Homes and Gardens, we got to watch the film on office time anyway. And let us tell you: it was awesome.

There are some of you out there who may feel that we've made too much of a deal out of the fact that this release contains Stoya's first on camera boy-boy-girl scene. And to that we say, "Dude, it's Stoya. With two guys."

We think that's argument enough.

But some of you may still be wondering, exactly, how it all played out—how, exactly, does Stoya end up with her hands on two dicks; and, really, is the scene any good?

Setting aside the fact that any scene where Stoya is naked and/or fucking is, by definition, a good scene; yes, this is a good scene. It's well directed, well cast, well shot, and, um, really hot.

To wit: the scene begins with Mick Blue calling Stoya into a room where he's sitting with Tony De Sergio. Mick and Stoya begin to make out, Stoya gets blindfolded, and, ahem, things proceed to get steamy while Tony looks on.

Then, while Stoya (still blindfolded) is giving Mick a blowjob, he calls over Tony, and has him place his cock in Stoya's mouth. Oh, the old switcheroo!

And this is when we get to one of our favorite moments of the scene: the "surprised" look on Stoya's face when her blindfold is taken off and she's faced with two cocks. Priceless! Amazing! Adorable! (Don't believe us? Check out the video clip to the left.)

And while we're on the topic of adorable: how awesome is it that Stoya's freckles are completely, totally visible in this scene?

Not sure? We'll answer for you: it's very, very awesome.

One clarification for the curious: though this is a boy-boy-girl scene, it is not—in strict porn parlance—a double penetration scene. Which is to say: though Stoya does have penises in her mouth and pussy at the same time, there's no simultaneous anal/vaginal action (nor, for that matter, is there any anal action, period). Not that we're complaining: the scene is phenomenal as is (and if Stoya one day chooses to do DP on camera, well, we'll just consider ourselves that much more blessed).

Anyway, in sum: buy "Bad Girls" for Shay, for Gabriella, for Serena, and for Kelly—but especially buy it for Stoya, Tony, and Mick. Trust us, it's totally worth it.

· Buy "Bad Girls" (digitalplayground.com)
· Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)

Not that we're surprised that they went above and beyond. Since when is enough ever really enough for these geniuses? Clearly, never. Ever. Period.

Which is why this title starts out with two of the sexiest bitches the adult industry has ever seen just flat out going at each other. Jenna Haze looks so amazing we can barely sit still while looking at our monitor, especially when you put her right next to luscious young Teagan... with both of their asses and nectar-glistened slits pouting out at us ever so temptingly. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but these shots are worth a million glazed eyes, dumbfounded and looking on in speechless wonder.

Saucy Teagan takes the sweetest fucking next. Why do all these shots leave us feeling like we were there with this sexy girl next door, convincing her to get dirty when there really just isn't time in the day for it? Every shot screams afternoon delight.

When it comes to man meat, Brianna Love and Gianna like double servings. Both ladies ski slalom with perfect balance, allowing several of their holes to simultaneously give and receive unimaginable pleasure to the happy man whores servicing them. Gianna's hefty jugs jog freely around as she slobbers lovingly on a rigid man pole, her partner uttering convincing moans of satisfaction—and again, we wish we were next up.

And how many times can we say it? We will never, ever, ever get tired of watching young Jenny Hendrix take a hard cock in any hole she pleases. Her curvy ass and petulant pout only make us want to grudge fuck her into next year.

"Teagan Video Nasty" releases next week from Digital Playground. Odds are you'll soon own a copy—but for now check out this great sneak peek gallery. Just remember your copyright laws and behave.

· All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)

Well, a week later, the sets have been constructed, the costumes designed—and, most importantly, the cast has been set. But how does Hustler's band of adventurous starfarers compare to the original crew of the NCC-1701? We've put together a side by side comparison, so you can judge for yourselves.

Kirk

Star Trek XXX: Evan Stone
Star Trek: William Shatner

Spock

Star Trek XXX: Tony DeSergio
Star Trek: Leonard Nimoy

Sulu

Star Trek XXX: Ero Sennin
Star Trek: George Takei

Bones

Star Trek XXX: Cheyne Collins
Star Trek: DeForest Kelley

Scotty

Star Trek XXX: Anthony Rosano
Star Trek: James Doohan

Khan

Star Trek XXX: Nick Manning
Star Trek: Ricardo Montalban

Uhura

Star Trek XXX: Jada Fire
Star Trek: Nichelle Nichols

Nurse Christine Chapel (maybe)

Star Trek XXX: Codi Carmichael
Star Trek: Majel Barrett

And, of course, what porn parody would be complete without some completely invented female characters?

Ruth: Jenna Haze

Chandra: Sasha Grey

Marla: Aurora Snow

· This Ain't Star Trek XXX set report (hustlerworld.com)

Yes, Digital Playground's "Bad Girls" features Stoya's first onscreen boy-boy-girl scene, with Mick Blue and Tony De Sergio as her very lucky co-stars. It's going to take us a while to recover from the shock of this news—good thing we have a week to prepare for the DVD's release.

· "Bad Girls" Trailer (digitalplayground.com)
· Images of Stoya courtesty of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)