What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Mentor Lesbians Edition

Back in my day (I am now 23), lesbians didn't look like this—or at least the mainstream media, softball-playing, Melissa Etheridge-listening, workmen's comp-seeking, Seneca Falls enpilgrimaging ones didn't. So seeing this lesbian MILF movie, even after a steady diet of porn lesbians, is still a shock.

What you must needs do to win this week's contest in as spectacular a fashion as last time's winner slyty did is to tell us what you would say to ripe Bree Olson to lure her into your experienced Sapphic boudoir. Not that she looks like she needs much convincing.

· Girlfriends Films (girlfriendsfilms.com)
· Buy "Lesbian Seductions 15: Older/Younger" (gamelink.com)

Ripped (Off) From Basic Cable: "Dawg The Black Booty Hunter"

The A&E show "Dog the Bounty Hunter" has no porn elements in it whatsoever—yet viewers would probably not be surprised if each and every one of its characters had a porn career, so similar is the demographic. That is why "Dawg the Black Booty Hunter" (and, really, do we ever hear of white booty?) is the most apt porn crossover we have yet to actually see. Now all we need for our double-digit channel flipping is "Ass Road Truckers."

· BNew Porn Order" (newpornorder.com)

· "Dawg" tease on YouTube (youtube.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Penal Reform Edition

We know. "We're evolved enough as porn consumers to not expect a literal interpretation of the title on the boxcover, hence why these harlots are outside and not actually in detention," you might say. But that wasn't the point we were going to make. Instead, dazzle us like last week's winner did and come up with a Motown girl group name for the flashing harlots on the bench.

· Gazzman (gazzman.com)
· Buy "Young Harlots - In Detention" (gamelink.com)

We often think of Hot House as we do some of our well-meaning but clueless relatives: we love them even if they ship their screener DVDs to us in oversized, wasteful packaging that won't even fit through our stretched-out mail hole. And like our Aunt Barbara (as well as a lot of porn companies, to be fair), Hot House also sometimes does things that make little sense to anyone but themselves—for example, the box cover for the soon-to-be-released "Paging Dr. Finger".

Fleshbot Readers Work Hard!

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? It's Not A Tumor Edition

You might as well face it: Rocco Siffredi is—and rightfully so—the world's most popular male porn star. But that does not mean his "Puppet Master" DVD doesn't look terrifying, what with the head of that Robert Palmer video girl growing like an abscess out of that crawly girl. And what does that picture have to do with puppets?

Please rename this porn movie in a fashion that fits with the box photo and you shall be praised on high next week in the same way that last week's winner was: in these five hyperlinked words.

· Evil Angel (evilangel.com)
· Buy "Puppet Master" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Ladies Of Leisure Edition

I suppose Fleshbot management keeps me around for my boilermakers and Daddy's money, because now and then I look at the angular and spavined pinups my colleagues choose and feel out of the loop. "It's Father's Day," I'll say. "These women can't accommodate my seed."

Here, on the other hand, are a couple of pneumatic lovelies lounging about the set, just daring you to feed them some Father's Day kabobs. Sure "Waist Watchers" is a great title for 1976—but can you be like last week's winner paraffinshot and this time find a more sensual and aromatic title for this movie than the one G-d gave it? Thank you.

· Zero Tolerance (zerotolerance.com)
· Buy "Waist Watchers 3" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Unsightly Spills Edition

Not that Fleshbot readers aren't anything but swinging bachelors and (maybe two, at most three) bachelorettes, but they are also well-read. So they should know, at least anecdotally, that the word "blowout" strikes fear in anyone who has ever changed a diaper.

For this reason, as well as an equally legitimate need to not compare something that happens to Lorena Sanchez with a weekly sale at a mattress store, the word "blowout" needs to be excised from this title. So friends, be like last week's winner Tits McGee and find a more suitable title for this movie. And because we are benevolent, you can keep the "Creampie."

· Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
· Buy "Cream Pie Blowout 3" (gamelink.com)

We Don't Want To Do Their "Dirty Work"

Everyone knows that porn loves a pun, and to prove it we conducted an Unofficial Fleshbot Survey this morning. Turns out 19 of 20 new-release titles that caught our eyes were puns of one kind or another, mostly riffs on popular movie titles or TV shows or common American catchphrases. "The Porne Ultimatum", "The Bone Ultimatum", "Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Stop" ... you get the idea.

2008's Top Ten Porn Parodies: Life Imitates Art?

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Galaga Edition

Where else but in porn would a reference to a 30-year-old video game get any traction as a movie title? This blowjob vehicle (directed by the ready-for-anything Courtney Cummz) has the perfect title. But we have a problem with the boxcover: what does this picture have to do with the title?

Last week's winner saw an opportunity. Your job this week is to create a new boxcover for this movie; you can post a link to your creation in the comments below, or email entries to gram (etc) fleshbot.com.

· Zero Tolerance (ztvideo.com)
· Buy "Face Invaders 3" (gamelink.com)

Maybe it's because we've mellowed in our senescence (we're 23), but we can't remember the last time we thought anything was outrageous. Nutrageous, maybe, but never outrageous. Especially asses. Can you imagine saying, "Your ass offends me"? I couldn't. And I especially wouldn't say it to Kelly Starr.

Think of a better name for these asses, won't you? Something that fills us with joy, like last week's winner.

· Michael Stefano (wikipedia.org)
· Buy "Michael Stefano's Outrageous Asses" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Hearting Alexis Silver

The title of this movie might be "I Love Alexis Silver," but the box cover photo reveals that Silver might be ambivalent about you.

The question we put to our friends this week is: With that baleful gaze, What Is Alexis Silver Really Thinking? Does she heart us, or does she skull us, or perhaps even "at" symbol, octothorp, and question mark/exclamation point us? Be like last week's winner, bleeble, and set us straight.

· New Sensations (newsensations.com)
· Buy "I Love Alexis Silver" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Rest Your Bones Edition

One of the great questions of our age will finally be answered in this pro wrestling-style "sports entertaintment" extravaganza: Which cuckolding scenario is the most humiliating to be on the business (i.e., "eating") end of, a "10-Man Cum Slam" or a "5-guy cream pie"? Tough choices to be sure—but let's try to look past the uncomfortable racial undertones and focus on the humiliation, shall we? Impressive though their feats may be the real stars here aren't Adrianna Nicole or Samantha Sin, nor the faceless hordes getting off in and on their presence: it's the two half-men squaring off in this battle royale to be the most debased of all. Even Kick Ass Pictures honcho Mark Kulkis can't settle this matter, because he claims he couldn't sit through it ... and he produced the damn thing. You're not going to get a stronger endorsement than that.

· "World's Biggest Cum Eating Cuckold" (DVD info + downloads @ kickass.com)
· "Who Is 'The World's Biggest Cum-Eating Cuckold'?" (press release @ avn.com)

Previously: Great Moments In Cuckoldry: Dirty Harry In "Mandinka Parties", This Week In Bad Press Releases: Cuckolding For Dummies

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? A Taste Of Wet Chocolate

Just so you don't flip out, the "Wet Chocolate" in the title of this post refers to someone in a movie—we don't know who—named Wet Chocolate. We pondered whether the movie title was redundant because it mentions both "Black" and "Inner-City," so your job this week is to choose a better porn, banking, and civic euphemism for "minority" than "inner-city." Can you do it? Be like last week's winner, bmeboy, and dazzle the nut out of our juicy-ass booty.

· WoodburnVOD (woodburnVOD.com)
· Buy "Inner City Black Cheerleader Creampie" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? A Big Big Love Edition

And this we know: when you've got the word "Gigantic" on a porn boxcover, the consumer believes the adjective modifies body parts. This week's contest might be a little Mad Libs-y, but what is the most incongruous thing you can think of that would follow "Gigantic"? Take your cue from last week's winner, bleeble, who thought to add a multicultural element to our posting worldview (which caters almost exclusively to Latvians).

· (See the Real Title) (gamelink.com)

Previously: WWFRD? Archive