What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Being For The Benefit Of Gina Lynn's Ass

First off, we were so impressed with last week's efforts that we are moving to Philadelphia to fondle the left ball of Duncan Doughnut and perform an Ass Meld on our sneeze reflex. But it's a new week in a litigious world, and Zero Tolerance has clearly forgotten about a certain lawsuit-happy Cupertino company in naming its latest "Apple Bottomz." After all, one look at Gina Lynn and it's an easy jump to "How many USB devices can I daisy chain from her ass? Like, 128?" Your job this week, then, is to rename this movie as if it were either a Beatles lyric or a computer product. Having trouble? Your mother should know. More »

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Brownout Edition

We're an enlightened group of people here, right? Remember when your wife sat on my lap at the dinner party and you were uncomfortable but we all got over it? That's what I mean. But now and then there is a porn title even we First Amendment Patriots quail at. More »

"Interracial Booty Patrol 5": When Too Much Passion Is Not Enough

Regular readers of this web endeavor know that the porn industry isn't all glamor and dazzle. In fact, some people get downright bored when getting downright bored. But that doesn't mean you have to choose that image for your box cover. More »

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Grinders, Gyros, And Hoagies Edition

"I would like to grind your cock into a fine paste," Brea Bennett did not say at a news conference announcing her "Cock Grinder" movie. "Or maybe a meal from which I can make my family's tortillas." As head-scratchingly bad a title something implying that, should your penis pass through Bennett's folds, it will be ground is, I'm sure you can imagine a much, much more horrifying title. More »

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Catatonia Edition

Submitted for your approval: There is something not quite sentient about the woman on the left, being disrobed for your delectation in this Earl Miller movie. Now I get glazed looks like this all day, running as I do the Dunkin' Donuts concession inside Bogue Chitto High. But I don't know if these ladies are inviting me in or asking me to step outside while the formaldehyde tops off. More »

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Gold Medal Edition

This publication seems to be in love with the word "fap" as much as the nation is in love with Michael Phelps. So why not combine them? At least for the duration of this post, substitute "Phelps" for "fap" and consider the onomatopoetic implications (I imagine the L sound coming from a punch to the throat when it's done). More »

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? MILF Accessories Edition

What kind of woman forgets to take out her curlers before allowing herself to be reamed by the local blind, distractingly hairy-legged newsboy? Well, a MILF, apparently. In some circles a MILF is a mom, in others a cougar, and in this someone who just doesn't care. Why not a housecoat, too? Two weeks ago we asked for the optimal teen porn accessory—and you, bless your heart, said a big wheel. Now, if you can suggest the best porn accessory for a MILF, you will join last week's laureate in the winner's circle. More »

Fleshbot OMG: What Lies Beneath

I can't say whether or not this will be a regular feature, but out of the hundreds of porn titles I receive each week at Fleshbot West few if any inspire a vocal reaction. Fewer still require my showing this to te proprietors of every Korean travel agency along the hallway. You've probably already guessed (because you're brilliant) but I found myself understanding how Civil War General Ben Butler felt when he said that the look of things in the north did not prepare him for conditions in the south. More »

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Tender Discoveries Edition

Let's do the math: an average of five scenes per movie times seven movies. That means that at least 35 people have not had black cock before. In this day and age. I remember when we graduated we all went out and got one, and that's hard to do in Middlebury. So what people are watching in "My First Black Cock #7" is a tender right of passage rather than the bumpy journey mainstream media would have you believe it is. So be like last week's winner, fleshbotpdh, and come up with the next Best First Thing for porn—with extra points granted for something that can be done on a big wheel. More »

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Mother And Lollipop Reunion Edition

Sadly, none of the pairings in this movie are of actual mothers and daughters; in fact, one participant revealed to me that "even if I had a daughter, I wouldn't have sex near her". But that is why porn is all about fantasy. More »

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Mentor Lesbians Edition

Back in my day (I am now 23), lesbians didn't look like this—or at least the mainstream media, softball-playing, Melissa Etheridge-listening, workmen's comp-seeking, Seneca Falls enpilgrimaging ones didn't. So seeing this lesbian MILF movie, even after a steady diet of porn lesbians, is still a shock. More »

Ripped (Off) From Basic Cable: "Dawg The Black Booty Hunter"

The A&E show "Dog the Bounty Hunter" has no porn elements in it whatsoever—yet viewers would probably not be surprised if each and every one of its characters had a porn career, so similar is the demographic. That is why "Dawg the Black Booty Hunter" (and, really, do we ever hear of white booty?) is the most apt porn crossover we have yet to actually see. Now all we need for our double-digit channel flipping is "Ass Road Truckers." More »

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Penal Reform Edition

We know. "We're evolved enough as porn consumers to not expect a literal interpretation of the title on the boxcover, hence why these harlots are outside and not actually in detention," you might say. But that wasn't the point we were going to make. Instead, dazzle us like last week's winner did and come up with a Motown girl group name for the flashing harlots on the bench. More »

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? It's Not A Tumor Edition

You might as well face it: Rocco Siffredi is—and rightfully so—the world's most popular male porn star. But that does not mean his "Puppet Master" DVD doesn't look terrifying, what with the head of that Robert Palmer video girl growing like an abscess out of that crawly girl. And what does that picture have to do with puppets? More »

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Ladies Of Leisure Edition

I suppose Fleshbot management keeps me around for my boilermakers and Daddy's money, because now and then I look at the angular and spavined pinups my colleagues choose and feel out of the loop. "It's Father's Day," I'll say. "These women can't accommodate my seed." More »

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Unsightly Spills Edition

Not that Fleshbot readers aren't anything but swinging bachelors and (maybe two, at most three) bachelorettes, but they are also well-read. So they should know, at least anecdotally, that the word "blowout" strikes fear in anyone who has ever changed a diaper. More »

2008's Top Ten Porn Parodies: Life Imitates Art?

While some porno titles are clearly the products of divine inspiration ("Cum Fart Tsunami," anyone?), others rely on more mundane sources of inspiration. giving us "The Eliot Splitz-her Story" and any number of "Sex and the City" clones. In a tip of the hat to the latter mode of pornspiration, Mike Myers and Dana Carvey teamed up during the MTV Movie Awards to offer us the "Top Ten Porno Names Based On Hit Movies Of 2008." Any idea how long it'll take for the porno studios to actually make these into real stroke flicks? Cause we're dying to see "The Suck-It List."

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Galaga Edition

Where else but in porn would a reference to a 30-year-old video game get any traction as a movie title? This blowjob vehicle (directed by the ready-for-anything Courtney Cummz) has the perfect title. But we have a problem with the boxcover: what does this picture have to do with the title? More »

Been wondering why the makers of "Carolina Jones and the Broken Covenant" didn't go with a classier title like "Carolina Jones and the Temple of Poon"? Apparently you're not the only one who thought that way. But never fear: even if Carolina didn't make that particular journey, others have still gone before her. (theblogblog.net +imdb.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Outrageous Edition

Maybe it's because we've mellowed in our senescence (we're 23), but we can't remember the last time we thought anything was outrageous. Nutrageous, maybe, but never outrageous. Especially asses. Can you imagine saying, "Your ass offends me"? I couldn't. And I especially wouldn't say it to Kelly Starr. More »

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Hearting Alexis Silver

The title of this movie might be "I Love Alexis Silver," but the box cover photo reveals that Silver might be ambivalent about you. More »

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Rest Your Bones Edition

Poor Majority-Challenged Blackzilla: the load he carries is so onerous that he often has to lay it down on your hot wife. Problem is, sometimes she is frightened and/or partially blinded and can't provide the weary traveler with any hospitality. It must be his opening line. More »

Great Moments In Cuckoldry: Who Is "The World's Biggest Cum-Eating Cuckold"?

One of the great questions of our age will finally be answered in this pro wrestling-style "sports entertaintment" extravaganza: Which cuckolding scenario is the most humiliating to be on the business (i.e., "eating") end of, a "10-Man Cum Slam" or a "5-guy cream pie"? Tough choices to be sure—but let's try to look past the uncomfortable racial undertones and focus on the humiliation, shall we? Impressive though their feats may be the real stars here aren't Adrianna Nicole or Samantha Sin, nor the faceless hordes getting off in and on their presence: it's the two half-men squaring off in this battle royale to be the most debased of all. Even Kick Ass Pictures honcho Mark Kulkis can't settle this matter, because he claims he couldn't sit through it ... and he produced the damn thing. You're not going to get a stronger endorsement than that. More »

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? A Taste Of Wet Chocolate

Just so you don't flip out, the "Wet Chocolate" in the title of this post refers to someone in a movie—we don't know who—named Wet Chocolate. We pondered whether the movie title was redundant because it mentions both "Black" and "Inner-City," so your job this week is to choose a better porn, banking, and civic euphemism for "minority" than "inner-city." Can you do it? Be like last week's winner, bmeboy, and dazzle the nut out of our juicy-ass booty. More »

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Scarlet Letter Edition

Roxy Jezel looks so frank in this picture that we really don't care what is written on her. And that's lucky, because "Served Raw" just doesn't seem like the right title, despite the writing being the same color as blood which just makes this a little "Helter Skelter"-y. More »

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Not Ralph Fiennes Edition

We're pretty impressed with this DVD cover in that the attention is evenly spread over the main participants. That should be a clue as to what kind of movie this is, and a good idea for some muckraking reportage as well: which gender gets more money in this case? More »

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Under The Hood Edition

Red Light District sure does have bright and airy looking box covers despite Their Dark Materials. Take, for example, the real title of this movie. We know it's hardcore porn, but does it have to be so graphic? We'd prefer to think that the little red-haired girl is about to see something wonderful up her friend. More »

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? The Good Eartha Edition

In addition to the fact that you're going to hell for watching it and they are for making it, today's porn producers have a tough job naming new titles now that the only sensible one, "Watch This For Four Minutes At A Time," doesn't sound sexy enough. More »

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? The Conversation

This cover intrigues us for its simplicity, and because it seems like one person is being left out of the conversation and is presenting us with a theatrical aside. More »

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Shark(a)'s In The Water Edition

"Our Sharka." More »

What Would Vishnu Do? Mayhem's "Juggernauts 8"

"It's time once again for the biggest hooters on earth getting titty fucked and glazed with gallons of hot sticky cum ... It's a jumbo jugs jamboree you're going to love!" More »

Porn Of The Moment: Smash Pictures Hits The "Mother Lode"

You cannot argue with us that this is at least the best porn title of the past several days, perhaps even a fortnight. While many of these women are not actually mothers, they certainly look exactly like your moms, what with their latex and being named Puma Swede, so you can be assured that the mature hijinks going on have an air of authenticity. More »

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Oral Exams

There's a whole lot of mouthing going in this movie featuring the fellatio talents of Amber Rayne and Sasha Grey, but what is the artist really trying to tell us? More »