We actually attended a women's roller derby match recently and can therefore say with some authority that these contests do not usually devolve into hair-pulling, shirt-ripping, girl-on-girl topless brawls. (Yes, we did feel a bit ripped off, but it was a fun time anyway.) So we have to inform you that this roller girl showdown between Bizarre magazine models Sarah-Jayne and Nina Kate isn't that realistic. But like that hot all-girl orgy on wheels that wasn't, it's still entertaining: the fight may be staged, but the sexiness isn't. Just don't expect a real roller girl to tear her shirt off whenever you ask her to. She might tear your head off instead, unless you ask very, very nicely.

· Rollergirls (pics + video @ bizarremag.com)

We guess it's still considered bizarre that a beautiful fetish model could have a decent career despite having one limb missing below the knee. So it is fitting that Bizarre magazine would be the place to find Viktoria, a British lass who works for fetish palace Torture Garden and also happened to grow up with a deformed leg that was amputated just last year. However, it shouldn't really be that bizarre at all. Our regular readers know that amputee fetishes are not exactly unique and even if they weren't ... a beautiful girls is a beautiful girl. With her prosthetic on you wouldn't even notice the difference and without ... well, there's plenty to look at besides her legs (which are nothing to sneeze at, by the way.)

· Viktoria - Cover Girl (bizarremag.com)

If you like Nuts magazine, but don't like, you know ... magazines, then we have the solution for you: instead of running down to the newsstand or mailbox every week to see if your favorite model has made the cover of your favorite lad mag, you can just visit their new Cover Girls website where all the most popular girls are ready and waiting for your sticky-fingered perisal. You'll find photo and video galleries for all the chirpiest birds including Lucy Pinder, Sophie Howard, Eva Wyrwal, Lindsey Strutt and other usual suspects—with absolutely no dangerous staples or paper cuts to worry about! Convenience, simplicity and lots and lots of boobs. That's internet efficiency at its best.

· Nuts Covergirls (nuts.co.uk)

We've complained about this before, but ... when the heck is summer going to start? Every time we think that the sunny days are finally here to stay, some stupid cold front moves through and we're bundled up under the covers. Nuts apparently feels our pain this week, because they've brought us a true taste of why we're so impatient for summer to get here: hot chicks on the beach. And they even went above and beyond their call of duty by bringing two of our favorite crush objects (and their wet, tanned and naked breasts) together at last. Just knowing that Sophie Howard and Eva Wyrwal are BBFFL (= Best Beach Friends For Life) makes us feel as warm as if we were lounging in the hot sun and sand with them right now! Which we're not. Why couldn't they build the internet closer to the ocean?

· NUTS 50 Sexiest Beach Snaps Featuring Eve Wyrwal (dailypoa.com)

We're not sure if anyone actually conducted the necessary physical examinations in order to verify the authenticity of these breasts, but we would certainly have liked to have had that job (take a number, right?) Alas, we'll just have to take Zoo Weekly's word for it, since they do have a good track record when it comes to these sorts of things—and until Microsoft develops that "Squeeze-O-Vision" technology we hear they're working on, you'll just have to rely on the ample visual evidence to make your own decision too.

· 100 Best Real Boobs (zootoday.com)

And while we're on the subject of topless superheroines today ... well actually we don't know whether Aria Giovanni and Bianca Beauchamp have any real superpowers aside from the uncanny ability to cause a mysterious stirring in our pants whenever they're around. But even though they may be mere mortals, their knock-down, drag-out catfight in the new issue of Bizarre is every bit as hot as we expected it to be, proving that sometimes these things really are worth the wait (and hype). In fact, all that was missing was hypnotic laser beams shooting out of their boobs and ladyparts ... but we guess you can't have everything. (Though maybe they might want to consider that for Round 2?)

Nuts Goes To The (Topless) Movies

Even though we watch a lot of hardcore movies where tits are a dime a dozen, there's still something a little bit thrilling about seeing an actress pop a boob or two out in a mainstream Hollywood movie. Maybe it's because it's more unexpected or the women are (sometimes) more famous—or maybe it's just because a naked breast is a naked breast and no matter how you're seeing it, it's still cool. You should ponder these great unknowables while admiring Nuts magazine's screen capture skills in their latest cover feature, "100 Topless Movie Babes." The gals are presented in no particular order, so no fighting over who deserves the Academy Award for Best Lighting, Most Jiggle, or Best Set Design. And yes, the magazine does make a "Golden Globes" reference so that's already been taken care of for you.

· NUTS Presents 100 Topless Movie Babes (dailypoa.com)