If that's not depressing enough, try the dildo that puts you on a self-imposed sex strike based on the measurements of certain political and social facts. For example, if you set a "tolerance limit" of two Iraqi civilian deaths a day, then on any day where civilian deaths in Iraq exceed that number, the vibrator is locked out and you can't use it. No one dies and you're free to jack it! Awesome! Also creepy!

Obviously, these inventions are more Statements than useful masturbatory devices—it's probably better to imagine how a 8.5 quake would rock your hoo-hah instead of waiting for one. But the attempt to tie your daily orgasms to events affecting other people on Earth is a fascinating concept.

Both of these projects are being developed by a group called Cho-Yaba to compete for the "Golden Kleene" award at the next Arse Elektronika this fall. We're very interested in seeing the final results, even if given what we've seen so far their third as-yet-unveiled project—something called the "Perpetual Erection Machine"—is almost too spooky to contemplate. Even for us.

· a series of controversial dildonics (free.fr, via Slashdong)
· Controversial Dildonics (cho-yaba.com)
· Arse Elektronika 2008 (monochrom.at)

(Oh, and the most shocking part? How about the $2,200 price tag? Guess they won't be giving that idea away anytime soon ... )

· Shockspot.net - Pleasure System (shockspot.net, via Slashdong)

After Immersion won its lawsuit against Sony, Internet Services sued them, looking for a cut of the $90 million verdict. But now, halfway through the trial, the lawyer for Internet Services wants off the case and filed a motion to remove himself. So they are now suing him too, in order to force him to stay.

What does all of this have to do with orgasms? Well for starters, if you want to build and sell any sort of vibrating cybersex device, this one company can and probably will sue you for patent infringement unless you license their technology first. (Even a patent lawyer who makes his living doing this stuff doesn't want to work for them anymore, though he won't say why.) If you care about where your next buzz comes from—and who might stand to profit from it—these links might be worth a read.

· Keker & Van Nest wants to get away from client with cybersex patent rights (The Prior Art)
· Who Says Patent Lawsuits Aren't Sexy? (techdirt.com, via gadgets.boingboing.net)
· Immersion vibrates more than your games? (slashdong.org)
· Thumbnail via Slashdong

. . .

Photography: Noa Yafe · Art Director: Siren E. · Models: Momo, Zaki · Thanks: D. Laniado
Art courtesy Sexy Art Gallery

Their team of specialists tells us that it's a fully open call for machinery asking for, "a PDF containing description and pictures of your working device or a detailed proposal by April 30, 2008. We plan to present the winners of Prixxx Arse Elektronika in autumn 2008 @ Arse Elektronika." We're hoping that whoever wins the prize can deliver an opening night demo worthy enough for us to say, "Move over, Fuckzilla" ... followed by a battle royale of mechanized monster machine mayhem!

· Sex Machine Award: Prixxx Arse (monochrom.at)

See also:
· Kink Hosts International Conference on Sex & Technology (video, kink.com)
· Arse Opening Night Fuckzilla Demonstration (video by BotJunkie, blip.tv)
· Arse Elektronika 2007 Photos (and media wrap, laughingsquid.com)

Previously: · Porn And Tech @ Arse Elektronika

The lineup of speakers and panels looks pretty exciting, and there's also a performance lineup starring Kink.com's Fucking Machines, an interactive female orgasm exhibit (their equivalent of booth babes, we guess), and something called "The Electric Orifice Orchestra" where "extravagantly dressed performers use live biofeedback from muscular interior walls of their bodies to create a multi-media interactive show". Our arses are already tingling with geeky porn-tech glee. (Or from our latest Marital Aid Test Kitchen mishap. It's hard to tell.)

· Arse Elektronika 2007: Porn and Tech Conference (tickets, info @ monochrom.at)
· Thumbnail: Kink.com's Fuckzilla in action

We've been on internet longer than we care to think about, but we do enjoy the occasional look back at the history of this Earth-shaking medium—all the way back to the dark ages of 1997! Remember when the webcam was a young and vibrant technology seeking to unite the globe, and all our heads were filled with dreams of someday making love to Cindy Crawford over an interactive broadband virtual reality sex machine? Hal Pink at Tramp Stamp Studios has unearthed this dusty documentary footage from the early days of teledildonics (when he wasn't even Pink yet) where he reveals the ancient voodoo magic of remote-controlled cockrings to a wide-eyed British TV host. As we look back at the state of the art in vibrating eggs and video web chats from all those ages ago we can't help but think, "Wow ... look how far we haven't come in ten years." Seriously, aren't these pretty much the same options we have today? Where are our VR goggles and pulsating body suits and fleshy, photorealistic cyberbabes? This video could have been shot last week, and we'd hardly be able to tell the difference. Snap to it, geeks! We're not going to live forever ... unless you've been working on a solution for that instead?

- - -

· Dildonics!? (trampstampstudios.com, video via veoh.com)

Previously: Vortex Vibrations: Vacuuming Your Way To A Better Orgasm, OhMiBod's BodiTalk: Reach Out And Fuck Someone, Sex Toy TechWatch: Introducing Twitterdildonics, Porn Vegas Dispatch: Virtual Holes and Virtual Sticks, Xbox's Vibration Sensation, Morning Wood: A Little Dab'll Do Ya, What Porn Stars Like About Porn

We love it when someone finds yet another way to help us better ourselves with technology, and even though it's hard to imagine anything more innovative or technologically groundbreaking than a new Vibrating Cyberskin Pet Pussy And Ass, maybe the day has come to set aside the pussy and pick up the phone (and then get back to the pussy). OhMiBod, designers of the iPod-run vibrator just released their newest toy, the BodiTalk. Like the OhMi, the new toy picks up vibrations in patterns from a secondary gadget—your cell phone—and wirelessly runs a three-pattern vibrating sequence for the duration of the call. Unlimited nights and weekends, here we come (again)!-V. Blue

· BodiTalk (ohmibod.com - thanks Erica!)

Previously: The Wiibrator, Marital Aid Test Kitchen: 7 Function Wireless Remote Egg, Xbox's Vibration Sensation, Sex Toy TechWatch: Je Joue Programmable Vibrator, Porn on Nintendo DS?, Sex Toy TechWatch, Nintendo Revolution Sex Toy?

· Rihanna enjoys long walks on the beach and snorkeling. Her turn-off are blogs that post photos of her in a bikini and rude people. (hollywoodtuna.com)

· Wired's Regina Lynn has an update on the next step in teledildonics. The machines have us right where they want us. (wired.com)

· If you want to keep the details of your industry conference super secret, do what the Internext does: hold in it Las Vegas the week after the AVN Expo, after everybody is worn out or gone home. Also, don't let in any media types who might want to actually cover it. Works every time. (lasvegassun.com)

· One story that did come out of Internext was the auction of several, uh ... "interesting" domain names. The bidder who spent $90,000 on handjob.com, said he was satisfied, but he probably could have made a better domain name for himself and saved some time. (domainnamewire.com + sugarbank.com)

· Breaking out the condoms can be an awkward moment, but what if they came with a mix CD to help you set the mood? Nothing could be more awkward than watching you dance naked. (reuters.co.uk)

· We think we understand why the Food Network's Giada De Laurentiis is so popular, and it ain't her recipe for chicken parmesan. (YouTube, via SaveManny)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Among the innovations announced at this year's Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas was no attempt by computer manufacturer Dell to address the domestic sensual electronics market.

Not unveiled by Dell founder, namesake, and CEO Michael Dell at this morning's keynote address, the Delldo is part of Dell's Gear Up! campaign which also includes a 27" monitor and a "World of Warcraft"-branded notebook computer.

Join us for a preview of the Delldo Home Erotic System that never was (but might well be!) after the gap. - GP

- - -

Conceding that Europeans already enjoy broadband advances like fiber-to-the-home, Dell said that the Delldo, a customizable dual-core "multi-insertion-point web-enabled phallus" was just the thing to keep Americans competitive.

Dell started Dell Computer from his dorm room at the University of Texas, Austin in 1984 with $1,000. The distinctive Delldo design is reminiscent of the UT Longhorn logo.

The Delldo comes pre-loaded with Windows Vista and a webcam with proprietary blogging software for use in Dell's proposed social networking portal, Cock Planet.

"What sets our products apart is customer service," Dell said, acknowledging criticism of help desk efficiency in 2006. "But our consumer model is only aided by the scaleability of our products." To that end, Dell pointed out that "gaping" could be offset by easily-installed upgrades up to six inches in girth and 13" in length.

"And two dollars from each Delldo purchase will go to planting a tree in a managed forest," Dell added, "to offset whatever emissions you or the Delldo produce while using it."

"Enter the future, and let the future enter you," Dell concluded.

(None of this is true. But we can dream, can't we?)

· Dell (dell.com)

Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch Archive

Apparently, where there's a Wii, there's a way—to make it into a sex toy, that is. Leave it to qDot over at Slashdong to point us toward the latest filthy dirty hardware hacks, this time featuring gaming's newest darling, the Wii. Shall we have another round of bluetooth sex hyperbole, or is this patch the real deal? "Wiibrator is a python application for Linux that puts control of a TranceVibrator (but requires a kernel patch for some reason?) in your hands through interaction with the Wiimote." We'll just have to see what kind of semaphore-like, swashbuckling moves you'd have to pull with Wii in hand to make it all worthwhile... -V. Blue

· The Wiibrator (slashdong.org)

Previously: Marital Aid Test Kitchen: 7 Function Wireless Remote Egg, Xbox's Vibration Sensation, Sex Toy TechWatch: Je Joue Programmable Vibrator, Porn on Nintendo DS?, Sex Toy TechWatch, Nintendo Revolution Sex Toy?

It wasn't very long after the invention of the first vibrating video game controller that someone first got the idea of incorporating it into their sexual activities. (We're guessing the actual elapsed time was about two seconds.) The history of these dual-use pleasure devices is long and distinguished, but our pixel-humping sibling site Kotaku may have stumbled on a new wrinkle in the genre, courtesy of Xbox 360's new Live Vision Camera. While chatting online with a fellow gamer, you can now use your controller to active the vibration feature on the controller of the person you're talking to. The implications of this may not be entirely clear to the non-gamers out there, so we'll spell it out for you: you can put this thing in your vagina and have a Microsoft employee jerk you off from Seattle. Welcome to the future.

· GC06: "Major Nelson Alludes To Exciting Masturbatory Functions of Vision Cam!" (Kotaku)
· "Xbox teledildonics from xbox, with live video chat" (tinynibbles.com)

Previously: "Sex in Video Games" @ SxSW, Sex Toy TechWatch: Je Joue Programmable Vibrator, Virtual Reality Sex Machine, Nintendo Revolution Sex Toy?, Sexercise Bike Mod, Xbox Vibrator Mod

· Could technology become so advanced that in the future we only fuck machines instead of each other? That sounds like the worst science fiction movie ever. (msnbc.msn.com)

· Some quick-draw paparazzo snagged a photo of Penelope Cruz's elusive, half-submerged nipple. You know how in the movie "Jaws," the scariest scenes are the ones where you don't actually see the shark? Well, this is nothing like that. (egotastic.com)

· Tamara Hoover, the Austin art teacher who got in trouble for being interesting - and nude - has settled with her school and resigned from her job. Since her other option was to fight to keep working with a bunch of boring prudes, she probably made the right choice. (statesman.com)

· Despite what you may have heard, sex doesn't sell - at least not to girls anyway. It's a good thing they only make up, like, 50% of the population or something. (businessweek.com)

· Say, it ain't so! Amsterdam threatens to shut down of almost half of the city's Red Light businesses. That would be like taking the casinos out of Las Vegas ... or the hookers. Either one. (jaunted.com)

· Today's tourist advisory: Girls are not allowed to go wild in Orange Beach, Alabama. Any other beach in Alabama would probably be fine though. (al.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

As part of our ongoing commitment to bring you the latest in sexy technological developments here at Fleshbot, we present you with this small but illuminating selection of preview video clips featuring a lissome FTV model putting her Nokia handset to good use; while we have no idea what sort of conversation could've precipitated such an act, we at least hope she remembered to set the ringer to vibrate beforehand. It'd be a shame to misplace it.

· FTV Model: Extreme Pussy Insertion (.mpg video clips @ dumpstersluts.com - thanks Hunter)

Previously: Sex Toy TechWatch: Je Joue Programmable Vibrator, Previously: Talking Head Vibrators, Sex Toy TechWatch: iBuzz Musical Vibrators, "The Toy", Transports of Delight, PhonePurr

· The Smoking Gun brings us another case of sex discrimination at Hooters, but with a new twist. A male supervisor was allegedly fired after sticking up for waitress who were told that if tips were light, go ahead and turn tricks to earn the extra cash. We knew we should have asked for the "Spicy Jack" wing sauce. (thesmokinggun.com + hooters.com)

· Australian joins the depressing worldwide crusade against good, clean fun by ordering cheerleaders to cover their midriffs. A cheerleader without a visible belly button is like sugar-free ice cream: sure, it still gets the job done, but what's the point? (sportsillustrated.cnn.com + threewisheslingerie.com)

· The four major networks join forces and sue the FCC for overstepping its authority with the recent wave of indecency rulings. Seriously, how could there be any complaints filed against CBS's "The Early Show," when no one is even watching? (washingtonpost.com)

· New research claims that having regular sex can improve your golf score. This study is brought to you by the Society of the Neglected Wives of Golfers. (dailyrecord.co.uk)

· Sex researchers present a hopeful look at the future of sex and technology, but we're beginning to wonder if teledildonics is one of those "wave of the future" innovations that will never really lives up to its promise. It's sort of like those personal jet packs we're still all waiting for: you might see it at a trade show or the occasional Super Bowl halftime, but will you ever actually have one in your garage? (Reuters)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives