Today's milves are looking more and more like yesterday's porn ingenues and alt girls with their tramp stamps and fetishy pasts. What interested me was the appearance on the boxcover of delightful Eurotart Maria Bellucci and, of all people, Julie Simone.

Simone is best known for her bondage and fetish work, so it was intriguing to think about what she'd be up to in a straight-up gonzo movie. In this outing she plays one of Vannah Sterling's sympathetic friends who show up for her divorce party.

There is something comforting about this movie. Each of the women squeezes into such whorish clothing for what one could only assume was to be a General Foods International bonding moment, clacking across the wood floors of a Porn Valley rental home, that no one should be surprised that a group of men from next door came by to fuck the living daylights out of them.

Still, no one seems to mind.

The heaving MILFflesh on display here is truly astounding, and we want to see more of each of the participants, including the perfectly shaved Simone, Sterling, the enthusiastic Sheila Marie, Bellucci, Mallanie Monroe, and Raquel Seib. But filming an interracial orgy - as you know - is like herding cats. And in a room with wood floors the gibbers and squeaks bounce around, making the movie cacophanous and unfocused.

So turn off the sound and hope for the best; something will definitely slide into view.

· Black Ice DVD (blackicedvd.com)
· Buy "Interracial MILF Orgy 3" (gamelink.com)

"Internet pornography is easily accessible, anonymous, and inexpensive, and it can have both beneficial (supplementary to a healthy sex life) and harmful (anti-social) outcomes," says Applied Psychology student and survey creator Jake Lazere. "This study inquires about the use of internet pornography by senior citizens and the effects it has on their lives."

If you are over 60, we at Fleshbot would also be interested in what drives you to this site (my guess? That curve-hugging siren April Flores). Leave a comment if you plan to take the survey.

· Researching Sexuality Survey (researchingsexuality.blogspot.com)

It was at a "Porn Week" event in Las Vegas and Kiara was a contract girl for a company that no longer exists. She was 19 and the star of the show, surrounded by guys who had forgotten for just a few hours that, elsewhere, they'd be considered creepy.

Kiara has probably reconsidered her porn career - she's nowhere to be found in recent movies - so here's a hello and a happy birthday to the Googling civilian once known as Kiara Marie: Your work on the stairs really tied the room together.

· Kiara Marie at IAFD.com (iafd.com)
· AVN 2007: "A fine spray of legitimacy" (gramponante.com)
· Buy Kiara Marie's movies (gamelink.com)

"You know you're hot when your son's best friend wants to fuck you" is the logline of this movie, which establishes a MILF as someone who not only has borne children, but whose offspring's horny friends are old enough to want to get a closer look at their buddy's orifice of origin.

While there might be a chance that each of the women in this movie (Carrie Anne, Chennin Blanc, the abundant Rachel Love, Vannah Sterling) has not actually had a child, each is in her 30's or 40's, and that is a commitment to MILF quality I respect.

"I thought you were making dinner for my dad!" cries an awestruck Billy when he finds a ravenous and garment-shiny Chennin Blance masturbating at him.

"Maybe I'll have you for dinner," she says.

Now if the world would only get on board with the correct plural. Must consult Chomsky...

· Mr. Filth (mrfilth.com)
· Buy "Latex MILFs" (jerkoffzone.com)

· Zero Tolerance (zerotolerance.com)
· Buy "Waist Watchers 4" (gamelink.com)

All those things we could do for days and days. So lots of pictures of them are great for us, and her many movies are even better. But there are other parts to a woman. Internet, take heed. Do you know how many Google image search pages we had to cruise before we found a decent picture of her ass?

More than she has had birthdays.

· Cassandra Calogera at IAFD.com (www.IAFD.com)
· Buy "Cassandra Calogera’s movies" (www.gamelink.com)

"You caught my eye as you walked down the street/I was drawn to your middle meat" declares the "Muffin Tops" theme song. In the fashion typical of director Jim Powers, stars Brooke Scott and Marlie True begin the movie by doing a ho-stroll down a crowded street in broad daylight until they are won over by a man offering them jumbo ice cream cones Claudia Downs and Rucca Paige were also encouraged to buy jeans a couple sizes too small.

Powers in his boredom and despair (we approve of both) lets people like Otto Bauer, in his scene with True, improvise a Dada scene about avocadoes

"Juicy fucking fruit from a juicy fucking fat-leafed tree, Baby," he says. Then he returns to the script: "Reach back here and open your fucking butt."

Muffin Tops are so in demand in the world of this film that Claudia Downs (it is amazing she came back) is forbidden from going to the gym.

"That's so sweet," she says.

In the final scene, veteran porner Dave Hardman consoles Rucca Paige that Muffin Tops beat "90-lb. tweakers" all the time.

"Do you love my Muffin Top?" she sobs with joy.

If we didn't know the work of Jim Powers better, we would say this movie is a celebration of femininity and empowering of the proudly voluptuous. But that was almost certainly not the intention. Still, these women are some tasty pastries.

· Wicked Pictures (wickedpictures.com)
· Buy "Muffin Top" (gamelink.com)

So who do we root for in "Kiss Attack," this comic art/porn/hip hop/rave/drag effort by artist Carlos Batts and his wife, the zaftig April Flores, who plays lead vampire babe Ms. Sangre? Well, in that Sangre's sisters include Sasha Grey, Sara Vandella, and a woman named La Cholita, we vote for the bloodsuckers, stupid.

Batts enlisted the help of New Mexico artist Nathan Carlisle, whose splendid animations fleshed out characters (like Drakul) that budget restrictions prevented from human depiction.

But where "Kiss Attack" really succeeds (as it should) is in its sex scenes, each with its own color palette, such as this one with the pale and lush Sara Vandalla and this vivid (small v) exchange with Sasha Grey.

Do we really learn anything new about vampires in "Kiss Attack"? Er, no. But they're a fuckload sexier than werewolves.

· Carlos Batts (carlosbatts.com)
· Buy "Kiss Attack"@ Amazon (yes, amazon.com)

"When I measured you last week," says Van Damage to comely Emma Cummings, "you weren't so womanly." If you were they, wouldn't you be compelled to fuck after such an exchange?

The blur is what happens when bodies start slappin'. You can't control it. Not even with a Blu-Ray player. Here, Derrick Pierce helps Brooke Scott with body image issues.

At no point in the movie, other than in the title and in the sound effects, is the idea of "babies" considered; the theme of the movie is more one of fat as a result of indolence rather than youth. Lee Stone chastises Jersey (no relation) Cummings over her slovenly workout habits, for example. Then Stone does that thing where he flips her upside down so she can blow him (see gallery). So she can't be that heavy.

Another possible title for this movie would be "Abby Winters-cum-Cocks-sans-Didgeridoos," but that wouldn't fit on the DVD.

· Hustler (hustlerworld.com)
· Buy "Barely Legal Baby Fat" (gamelink.com)