Yes, just submit an application, pose nude (and get paid for it!), and wait for the votes to roll in. If you're selected as one of the Stars of the Month, The 1 will produce your film short, or make a demo and music video starring you—or do whatever other insane thing you need to do to make your dreams come true.

We're not going to pretend to understand how it all works (we suspect there's some sort of voodoo and/or fairy dust involved, frankly). However, since quite a few hot women (and some Crush Objects!) are involved with the whole thing, we're going to throw our support behind it. Below, a selection of ladies whose dreams we hope come true.

· The 1 Contest (the1contest.com)

Pinup model Mandy Pauline is just dying to be an actress.

Jayme Langford wants to be a rock star.

The multi-talented Ashali Alcocer wants to act.

Model Thao wants to be a hynpotist. Girl, you've already got us hypnotized.

Lux Kassidy wants to be an MMA fighter. We'd gladly step into the ring wither.

While the collection does contain a few legit porn pics from the early days, most of the files are graphic advertisements, both gif and jpeg. So instead of looking at some late 1990s beaver shots, we thought it'd be a hoot to reminisce about the flashy, alluring, and often disturbing pre-Y2K ads. We have to admit it, we definitely got tricked into clicking some of these.

· XXX Collection (internetarchaeology.org)

Copyranter's Buygone Product of the Week is this lovely improvement on the telephone. Sports Illustrated may have their Football Phone, and that girl from "Juno" has her kooky Hamburger Phone, but playboys, pimps, and millionaires only use this nipple-less taffy lady whose nether regions send sounds across the country. It's the natural evolution Alexander Graham Bell would've wanted. Those European artists sure know what's up.

· Buygone Product of the Week: Oral Sex Phone (copyranter.blogspot.com)

We'll be back later. Maybe. It's hard to say. Would you want to come back to civilization if you had underwear worthy of frolicking through the pine-fresh forest? We thought not.

· Change Starts With Your Underwear. And Office Nudity (video @ AdRants)
· Original video via PACT Organic Underwear: Videos (wearpact.com)

Brad Tinmouth gives his gift to art history majors everywhere: Girls In Front Of Art. Mr. Tinmouth graciously erased everything that isn't museum-worthy (though you can see the original image when you scroll over it). Now that hot girl spread-eagled on the bed won't distract you from the Van Gogh on the wall. Enjoy.

Everyone else: naked amateur girls over here!

· Girls In Front Of Art (girlsinfrontofart.com)

Loewe, the Spanish luxury brand, came up with this advertisement for their new scent, Aire Loco. Really, we have no idea what's going on. We're just going to let this one slide.

· Nonsensical Sexuality of the Week (copyranter.blogspot.com)

What does this have to do with fashion? We're not entirely sure...but we're going to have a really hard time keeping our, uh, hands off the copier for the rest of the day.

· Copy Sluts (viceland.com, via filthygorgeousthings.com)

· Apparently In Slovenia, all billboards have boobs. (copyranter.blogspot.com)

In all honesty, the spread is rather tasteful. We genuinely guffawed during the interview, especially when Marge asserted that she was happy to be a "MILK—a Mom I'd Like to Know." It's just so wholesome. And this is probably the most exciting celebrity cover to come out in a while.

The only real disturbances were Marge's boobs under the gauzy negligee. Maybe it's just the pink-sheen from her outfit, or the fact that she has nipples, but they look too...human. Too Playboy-approved. Too perky. Marge has three kids, and we always assumed she breastfed them. Could Krusty-brand Baby Formula be the key to her youthful bounce?

· Marge Simpson's Playboy Photos Revealed (worstpreviews.com)

Sounds interesting, really—but perhaps we'd all be better off using aphrodisiacs that don't turn our partners into objectum-sexuals. Now, who's up for some oysters?

· Man, woman getting it on. Man takes phone call. So woman f*cks man's pants. Man left to smell pants. (copyranter.blogspot.com)

Why anyone would want to snort cum is beyond us, truly, but in the case of Porno Dan from Immoral Productions we're thinking it's because his every day bodily fluids contain ample amounts of narcotics or narcotic-like substances. It's not entirely unlike a heroin addict shoving water through cotton (or so we are told) in the hope of getting one last hit or the "call the dealer again while you scrape the bag and lick the mirror" philosophy that has served some of us well over the years.

So, withholding all judgment and plunging forward, we took a gander at this unique phenomenon of girls blowing Porno Dan then snorting his load and found ourselves fascinated. We think you will, too. Seems like something so exotic should come from a far corner of the globe, like Germany, where Dan and his crew are at this very moment running around causing havoc at the Venus awards. Nope. It all goes down in and around beautiful Chatsworth.

The willing participants, and by willing we mean they both "slept" with Porno Dan and snorted his cum, include such lovely women as Amy Starz, Ashli Orion, Heather Starlet, Kylie Love, Sierra Skye and the wildest girl in all of porn—Amber Rayne. Yes, you read that right. Digital Playground's new contract star Janie Summers once snorted cum. That's why she made the boxcover of today's release. She also starred in Dan's "Fuck A Fan" series—twice. Translation: we should all expect amazing things from this wild young thing.

Heather and her gal pals explore new terrain, pulling gooey gobs of nut butter way up into their sinuses in a way that only a serious neti pot session will be able to fix later on. Crazy, crazy girls. Rumor has it that Ashli Orion loved snorting cum so much that she actually changed her MySpace nickname to "Cum Snorter." We're pretty sure that means you can start counting down the seconds until her profile gets deleted, but you get the general idea.

"Snort That Cum" releases from Dan Leal and Immoral Productions today. You're going to have to see these pictures to believe them.

Heather Starlet
Buy "Snort That Cum" (tlavideo.com)
Heather Starlet
Buy "Snort That Cum" (tlavideo.com)
Heather Starlet
Buy "Snort That Cum" (tlavideo.com)
Heather Starlet
Buy "Snort That Cum" (tlavideo.com)
Sierra Skye
Buy "Snort That Cum" (tlavideo.com)
Sierra Skye
Buy "Snort That Cum" (tlavideo.com)
Kylie Love
Buy "Snort That Cum" (tlavideo.com)
Kylie Love
Buy "Snort That Cum" (tlavideo.com)
Kylie Love
Buy "Snort That Cum" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "Snort That Cum" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "Snort That Cum" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "Snort That Cum" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "Snort That Cum" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "Snort That Cum" (tlavideo.com)

The Foundry, the advertising agency that skankified the classic character, said they "challenged the consumer's notion of what this beer was," and we couldn't agree with them more. Allegedly, the dwarves (dwarfs?) represent seven types of drunks, but they could just as easily represent the seven types of post-coital emotions. It must be some damn good beer.

If Disney were smart, they'd put all this bad blood aside and cast Megan Fox in the Ho White full-length feature (she kinda looks like Megan Fox, doesn't she?). All this press is just going to sell more raspberry ale and cartoon porn, and Disney isn't doing anything to capitalize on that. Keep your pimp hand strong, Disney.

· AdFreak.com (adweek.com)
· AdelaideNow (news.com.au)

True, we've seen weirder (much weirder) stuff in the realm of porno promos—but for today, this one definitely takes the cake.

Photographer Louie Banks chose the second option for an editorial in Gang Up Magazine, in a piece he calls "Plastic Fantastic." It's almost like your Barbie struck a deal with a Real Doll, but way less horrifying.

· Gang Up (gangupmagazine.com)
· Photo by Louie Banks (flickr.com)

So we're not all that surprised by the numerous photographers on Flickr who've chosen to depict lovely Barbie (and a few of her friends) in compromising—and decidedly Sapphic—positions. You never forget your first love, right?

· Lesbian Barbies (cityrag.com)
· Photo by Sakuri Lepestochek (flickr.com)

Our question (besides whether Marge is a natural bluehead): should we feel sadder for Hugh Hefner or Matt Groening?

· Ay, Caramba! Marge Simpson Gets Nude for Playboy (eonline.com)
· Thumbnail via Cartoon Fucking (cartoon-fucking.thumblogger.com)

Seriously, though...they're still together? (Sorry.) The video—which accompanies clever lyrics like, "You've got a pussy, I've got a dick, so what's the problem?"—starts like any other, with some very mild teasing, then slowly ramps up until it explodes into an all out fuckfest. Backed by Rammstein.

Yes, it's weird. But hey, it's a porno music video: are you really going to say no to that?

· "Pussy" (video @ visit-x.net)

· In case you missed the copy down there in the right corner, this is a billboard promoting the 28th Graphic Arts Biennial in Slovenia. (copyranter.blogspot.com)