· Speaking of ... we were just thinking today that what Macau really needs is a Playboy Mansion. Now our timeshare there won't go to waste! (abcnews.go.com)

· Brooke Burke and Brooke Burns are not the same person. Trust us—we checked very closely. (gorillamask.net)

· Hookers will no longer be called prostitutes in Britain, although if you still want to call your girlfriend a "dirty whore" in bed then take your chances. (yahoo.com)

· Because we've gone almost an entire week without an adult awards show, you better get your nominations in for the next one. Seriously, when is it our turn to win? (bestadultawards.com, via xbiz.com)

· Some dude in Denver wants to put a stop to Ladies' Nights, because they discriminate against men. Word is that he will also be the chairperson of the city's next Sausage Festival. (westword.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· You will never find another group of spokespeople anywhere who are this excited to talk about clean bums. Plus, bare ass in Times Square! (cleanishappy.com, via adage.com via Gawker)

· Superproducer Brian Grazer and sort-of-okay director Brett Ratner are bringing Hugh Hefner's life story to the big screen. We wonder if there will be any nudity. (variety.com + Defamer)

· What the hottest new fashion trend for young brides? See-through wedding dresses. Is it bad luck for the groom to see the bride's boobs before the wedding? (ekstrabladet.dk)

· Another American tourist ruins it for the rest of us by taking a nude bath in Rome's historic Barcaccia fountain. You can't take us anywhere. (reuters.com)

· Would you give up sex before giving up your cellphone? If you're that attached to your handheld friend, you probably weren't getting laid anytime soon anyway. (tech.blorge.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Hey, Lindsay Lohan, how that's rehab program going? Which one of the 12 steps is "ride around on a giant tricycle while wearing a bikini? (egotastic.com)

· Finally, someone is rewarding Marisa Miller for her obvious talents. If you don't think looking this hot is a talent, you must not get out very much. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· Remember Dutch hottie Katja Schuurman? Maybe these photos will jog your memory. (glizzy.nl)

· What the hell is going on with this giant inflatable monkey and his crotch? We don't think your kids should be playing in there. (giantmonster.com, via random-good-stuff.com, more @ Boing Boing)

· Here's a list of the only video games in the history of the Entertainment Software Rating Board to ever receive an Adults Only rating. You say "Strong Sexual Content" like it's a bad thing. (Kotaku)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· You can't not escape Danielle Lloyd's watchful gaze, but really, why would you want to? (americanidol2006blog.blogspot.com)

· Maxim, Stuff and Blender walk into a bar and get sold to a private equity firm, which proves that firm privates are still worth a lot of equity. (cnn.com)

· Prostitution may be legalized in Mexico City, so American gringos just might have an excuse to leave Tijuana. (time.com)

· A big lawsuit is asking who is really responsible for what happens to you on MySpace? We don't know why, but for some reason it feels like it's all President Nixon's fault. (xbiz.com)

· A former NFL player and his girlfriend go down for running a prostitution ring in Pittsburgh. We guess athletic cups just aren't as exciting as pimp cups. (thepittsburghchannel.com)

· Hugh Jackman and Jessica Alba have been voted the sexiest superheroes of all time. Whew! Now that that's settled we can finally get some sleep this weekend. (skynews.com.au)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· When Cameron Diaz goes surfing, she goes surfing in a bikini. It's starting again already! (egotastic.com)

· Welcome to Gatwick Airport. Do you have any strippers you would like to declare? (timesonline.co.uk)

· Is Flickr (ie. Yahoo) blocking content for users in Germany and Southeast Asia? Does a bear ... you know? (Boing Boing)

· An alleged "spam king" will remain in jail after being denied bail, which is too bad because he could have easily earned that money in just a few hours a day while working from home! (chron.com)

· A couple in Punta Gorda, Florida, joined the Several Stories High Club, but got caught while having sex high above the city. Did we mention they were on a crane? (sun-herald.com)

· A Minnesota county gets serious about strip clubs by thinking about preparing an interim ordinance that will then maybe allow for them to consider possibly adopting new regulations after giving the issue some serious study. Government in action, folks. (avn.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Iran declares that porn producers and "their main elements" are "corruptors of the world" and can now be sentenced to death. Hey, we don't make the stuff ... we were just holding on to it for a friend! (cnn.com)

· At eight-and-a-half-months pregnant, Katie Price is almost as big in her stomach as she is in her chest. To be fair, it is two lumps to one. (lustbox.org + toxicmagazine.com)

· A woman in England is going to jail after ripping an ex-boyfriend's testicle off with her bare hands and then trying to eat it. Wow, she makes those guys in Iran seem almost reasonable. (news.bbc.co.uk)

· The fembots are coming! The fembots are coming! Better stock up on the oil. (inventorspot.com)

· After drawing a successful comic book and a successful fake band, it's only natural for an artist to turn to designing luxury vibrators. (pitchforkmedia.com)

· Free speech advocates have been calling on Yahoo to declare a sensible anti-censorship policy and protect human rights on the web. Yahoo shareholders? Not so much. (xbiz.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Wait a second ... a local TV station hired a bikini model with no journalistic experience to be its new anchor, and it's all just a reality show stunt? Could our TV be lying to us? (news-journal.com)

· UFC show host-with-the-most Rachelle Leah is Sicilian, manages to maintain her dignity while wearing a belt as a bikini top, and doesn't mind too much when guys she's dating fart around her. We think we may be in love. (fhmonline.com)

· Make a note: You cannot trademark the name "Fucking Machines" because the government doesn't like naughty words. What will this mean for our newest venture, "Cock Contraptions, Inc."? (Boing Boing)

· It looks like we missed the World Naked Bike Ride ... again. It's because we're always getting something caught in our spokes. (canada.com + worldnakedbikeride.org)

· Meanwhile, a new year means another group of senior citizens taking their clothes off for charity. Be sure to thank the producers of that "Calendar Girls" movie when you see them. (wtkr.com)

· A naked man wearing just "a paper bag over his head with eyeholes poked out" is haunting Brooklyn. Oh, did we forget to mention the masturbating? (metro.us)

· How do you get busted for excessive nudity when you work at a strip club? In that environment, you really can't be naked enough. (kutv.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Danielle Lloyd, bless her heart, slips into a diamond-studded bikini for charity, but ends up distracting us so much we forgot where we put our checkbooks. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· Jenna Jameson wants you to design logos for her clothing lines, and you must obey Jenna. (adultfyi.com)

· Remember the porn addict whose pastor can monitor his internet activity? Apparently, he wasn't making that shit up. That's some serious voyeurism. (stuff.co.nz)

· It's just possible that having sex before marriage will not send you plummeting into a spiral of shame and depression. Sorry if that spoils the surprise for you. (umn.edu, via about.com)

· Ten reasons why that New York Times article might be wrong about the internet and porn. We promise not to mention this again until Monday at the earliest. (wired.com)

· Jezebel finds out more than she probably wanted to know about vaginas. Isn't blogging fun! (Jezebel)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Gisele Bundchen thinks it's ridiculous that the Catholic Church bans sex before marriage. "Show me someone who's a virgin," she says. Why? What will you do to him if we do? (newswatch50.com)

· Now that Paris Hilton is out of jail, let us look at this photoset starring lookalike Christine Alexis and reflect upon what might have been if her stupid skin condition and/or possible nervous breakdown hadn't gotten in the way. (orgasmatrix.com + Defamer)

· As the person who pointed this out to us said, once you see that the London 2012 Olympic logo looks like Lisa Simpson giving head, you can't un-see it. (YouTube)

· News flash: The number of people willing to pay for content on the internet is dwindling. When was it ever rising? (xbiz.com)

· Step 1: Make some "x-rated" art. Step 2: Have it banned by the city for being "inappropriate." Step 3: Profit. (nypress.com)

· Canada is one of the best place to go for nude beaches, but their summer will be over in about two weeks, so make it snappy. (hfxnews.ca)

· Ohio strip clubs continue to fight the state's new "six-foot" law. Why don't they just find strippers with longer arms? (wlwt.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Breaking: After months of legal wrangling, Julie Amero, the substitute teacher convicted by porn pop-ups, has been granted a new trial because the prosecutors are "dumbasses." Okay, that's not the actual quote, but we think we captured the spirit of it. (courant.com)

· Petra Nemcova proves that you can alight from a vehicle wearing a sexy dress and still keep your dignity intact. And still look sexy, for that matter. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· Jessica Cutler, the artist formerly known as Washingtonienne, will not be taking Larry Flynt up on his $1 million dollar offer, even though she probably has plenty of dirt to share about our government officials. It's almost like she has sex just for the fun of it. (radaronline.com)

· Keep an eye out for Fleshbot faves Monique Alexander and Roxy Jezel in cameo roles in HBO's "Entourage" tonight. (If you watch "Entourage", that is, which we don't. Tell us how they did, OK?) (avn.com)

· A Singapore radio station raises some hackles with a speed bra removal contest. Well, they wouldn't wear bras at all if the government wasn't so picky about it. (stuff.co.nz)

· An Indonesian tax minister's photo presentation to newspaper editors turned into a full demonstration of his "porns" collection. Good thing we don't pay taxes on our Indonesian Amway business. (Boing Boing)

· Naturists may sincerely believe their lifestyle is not about sexuality, but that doesn't change the fact that naked bodies are hot. (guardian.co.uk)

· Here's some photos and video of Spencer Tunick's recent Amsterdam shoot. Residents of the city's famous red light district were not impressed. (stuff.co.nz)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· A federal appeals court tells the FCC to go fuck itself and rules that if the president can say any bullshit thing he wants on TV, then so can any asshole in America. Fuckin' A right we can! (forbes.com)

· Britney Spears' ass devours its thong packaging. At least she's finally getting some decent media coverage. (egotastic.com)

· Jenna Jameson is already on Team Hillary; now Savanna Samson is "in love" with Rudy Giuliani for president. Now that would be a debate we might actually tune in to see. (papermag.com)

· You may or may not get turned on by ladies who are expecting, but ... holy cow, pregnant Salma Hayek boobies! Who knew those things could any better? (wwtdd.com)

· Dita Von Teese will star in her first movie ... as a stripper. It's a bit of a stretch, but we think she can handle it. (metro.co.uk)

· If you're wondering who won those Feminist Porn Awards, the answers are here. Congratulations to all you crazy dames. (goodforher.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Pamela Anderson is kissing a magician. Maybe he knows how those things continue to defy gravity. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· The bizarre life (and sad death) of the famous Academy Awards Streaker. His package will live forever. (wfmu.org)

· Auctioneers expect to get £2 million for a nude portrait that King Charles II kept hidden in his bedroom. Wow, even a king has to stuff his girlie pics under the mattress? (thisislondon.co.uk)

· If you want to show a friend how much you care, forget about a Hallmark card. Just screw their brains out. They'll appreciate the gesture, trust us. (indiatimes.com)

· She-porn outfit, For The Girls is holding an erotic fiction contest, so remember to take notes next time you're getting some. (forthegirls.com)

· Internet porn: Wrecking marriages since 1991. Or saving them, we're not sure. Either way, never give your spouse your email password. (wimmera.yourguide.com.au)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· It seems that the plucky Barbie Cummings was not the first lady that a certain Tennessee state trooper has given "special treatment." (Not that Barbie is complaining.) We guess free blowjobs aren't an official perk of the job. (usatoday.com + newschannel5.com)

· You remember Tea Leoni, right? If not, these bikini pictures probably won't jog your memory, but you should check anyway just to be safe. (theblemish.com)

· Did you know Kelly Hu was once an X-Man? Or X-Woman? Or X-Person? Whatever ... now she's just X-Hot. (dailypoa.com)

· August political rag The New Republic may be struggling to find readers, but more stories about Porno Jim and cum blankets should certainly turn things around. (Gawker)

· How will Ohio's strippers cope when the new adult entertainment law goes into effect this summer? If only there were some sort of "club" where they go to unwind and have some fun ... (ohiou.edu)

· Popular music is apparently dominated by "sexy and edgy" lyrics, which we would know nothing about since we smashed our victrolas in protest when that "Elvis Preseley" character started shaking his hips so scandalously. (reuters.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Holly Valance enjoys her swimming pool almost as much as we enjoy watching her lounge next to it. (dailypoa.com)

· Japanese inventors create futuristic underwear to keep infrared photographers from seeing your naughty bits. And the pervert arms race escalates! (inventorspot.com)

· A sexy wardrobe to make your wife look like a whore? $77. Getting her to fuck you like one? Priceless. (wearemakingporn.com)

· Spice up your sex life with a collagen injection directly into your hoo-ha. If you believe that will work, we've got a penis pump the size of the Brooklyn Bridge we'd like to sell you. (thegshot.com, via wfmu.org)

· "Does Page 3 degrade women?" That depends on your definition of "degrade." If it's the same as everyone else's definition, then we will have to get back to you on that. (dollymix.tv)

· A survey of Adult Friend Finder users reveals that 72% of them would consider performing in porn. Of course, since 100% of them will consider banging strangers they meet on the internet, it's not that surprising. (xbiz.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· You don't think Digital Playground would use the buzz around "Pirates of the Caribbean 3" to promote their own "Pirates" sequel do you? Such crass commercialism has no place in Hollywood! (adweek.blogs.com)

· How do you deal with cleavage when "American breasts are getting bigger while shirts are getting smaller"? Sounds like the problem is taking care of itself. (abcnews.go.com)

· In Germany, on the other hand, devotion to boobs (or addiction to plastic surgery) could cost you your job. Unless your job is like "boob model" or something. (int.iol.co.za)

· She's not a pornstar, but every wants to snog with the Snorg Tees Girl, right? (Jalopnik)

· Australians are worried about the "pornification" of their culture. Hey, it already happened to us Yanks, and look how well that turned out! (xbiz.com)

· Your challenge: Ignore a fabulous pair of boobs hovering over you, or get a pie the face. Welcome to Japanese TV! (YouTube, via tvinjapan.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Want to know what your mom is up to now that you've moved out of the house? Do you now wish you'd minded your own business? (The Today Show)

· Heather Locklear must have put her bikini in the dryer, because it doesn't fit her anymore. She should try that with all her clothes. (the usual suspects)

· Growing up in the Dominican Republic, Julian Tavarez had just two dreams—become a pitcher for the Boston Red Sox or become a porn star. Hey, it's not too late to do both. (aolsportsblog.com, via adultfyi.com)

· What's wrong with creating a gateway of strip clubs leading into Washington, D.C.? It might even keep some of those lobbyists from finding the Capitol. (examiner.com)

· So who really wrote this article about the saga of Sex.com? More importantly, will anyone pay to read the book about it? (kierenmccarthy.co.uk)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Danielle Lloyd pretends to secretly be a lesbian for the benefit of Zoo Weekly readers. We have no problem with this. (gorillamask.net)

· Kelly Preston is on vacation at the beach, but without her pasty husband. We definitely have no problem with this. (egotastic.com)

· According to a new survey, email spam is a greater problem than ever, but Americans are "less bothered" by it than they used to be. We've believe the phrase you're looking for is "too emotionally shattered to fight back." (xbiz.com)

· PETA is once holding its World's Sexiest Vegetarian contest. Did they just do this a little while ago or have we been working here too long? (peta2.com)

· It seems Australians aren't so happy about their local nude car wash, after all. Perhaps it's because everyone in town suddenly can't keep their car out of the mud. (news.com.au)

· Six strippers in Tampa, Florida, are arrested and charged with "nudity-related" offenses. They might have trouble with their alibi, since, you know ... they work in a damn strip club. (tampabays10.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Don't you hate it when you go to a baseball game and a wet t-shirt contest breaks out? No wonder Dodgers tickets are so popular in L.A. (lioninoil.blogspot.com, via Deadspin)

· Ron Jeremy and Jake Gyllenhaal together at last! OK, so that's completely misleading, but don't you want to see what the Hedgehog looks like when he's asleep? (Defamer)

· When noted sexpert Susie Bright compiles a list of her desert island sex toys, you better pay attention. Let's just hope she remembers to pack a heavy-duty electrical generator too. (susiebright.blogs.com + amazon.com, via Eros Blog)

· Raise your hand if you're surprised that Apple is upset over a sex toy ad that mimics one of theirs. Congratulations, you win a solid-gold iPod! (avn.com)

· An adult website surveys its own customers and finds that, shockingly, they're totally cool with porn. We've haven't seen a vote rigged this badly since the last time Ohio voted for president. (xbiz.com)

· Speaking of Ohio, the governor says the state's new strip club bill is a complete waste of time and he won't sign it. It still becomes a law, of course, but doesn't he sound all principled and leader-like? (columbusdispatch.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· The silver lining to all this Britney Spears exposure is that she can finally get some honest advice about how to choose a proper bra. Finally, someone to set this girl straight. (knickersblog.com)

· Eva Longoria's ass is in the eye of the beholder. Guess we'll just have to agree to disagree. (egotastic.com+ hollywoodtuna.com)

· Oh noes!!1! Social networking sites may soon over take porn as the most popular places on the web. We hope Gawker Media has a new blog for that too. (thechronicleherald.ca)

· If you took a taxi in San Diego recently and your cabbie was not wearing pants, look on the bright side—unlike some other cities a cabbie not wearing pants is still news in San Diego. (10news.com)

· Mike and Mandy's latest ladyboy gallery caters to all sides our reader demographic ... or at least those into chicks with boy parts. (mikeyandmandy.com)

· How do pornstars sell their houses? Very easily. (upi.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· If you're completely incapable of wearing a shirt properly and your entire boob is just hanging out there for all to see, we guess that technically counts as a nipple slip too. Score one more for Mischa Barton! (toxicmagazine.com + idontlikeyouinthatway.com)

· The paparazzi at the Cannes Film Festival booed Pamela Anderson for not cooperating. Any booing heard at her film is entirely coincidental. (bodogbeat.com)

· If you're a business student and you can't find a way to make a profit on college girl bikini calendars, you should probably just change your major right now. (seattlepi.nwsource.com)

· Meet the Rhode Island School of Design's ice hockey team, the Nads and their faithful mascot, Scrotie. They're art students, man. Don't hate. (risd.dailyjolt.com)

· Radar Magazine discovers amateur porn. Next month: Have you heard of these things called "blogs"?(radaronline.com)

· Oh by the way, that place in D.C. where rich people take their limousines to watch live girls dance in the nude? Not a strip club. And these dollar bills in our wallet are not a tip. (washingtoncitypaper.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives