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Learn The Feminine Mystique From "Not The Brady Bunch XXX: Pussy Power"

Ottimo Massimo — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 17:00:00 EST

Sure, this episode was good, but Will Ryder should probably move on before Cousin Oliver shows up.

Not The Bradys XXX: Pussy Power

Studio: LFP Distribution/X-Play
Director: Will Ryder
Cast: Lexi Belle, Dylan Riley, Kacey Jordan, Alana Evans, Lynn Lemay, Ashlyn Rae, Nicole Ray, Tanner Mayes, Mike Horner, Kris Slater, James Deen, Mikey Butders, Ron Jeremy, Eric John, Seth Gamble, Dane Cross

On this episode of "Not The Bradys," young Jan (now played by Dylan Riley) feels neglected by her family, teachers, and—most of all—the boys at her school. Little does Jan know that all she needs to get a little attention (or tickets to a concert, or good grades) is some Pussy Power. And with that skirting-the-edges-of-sexist comment, let the film begin!

Lucky for Jan, bad girl Tanner Mayes shows at the Brady Compound and wildly masturbates in her bed, which somehow introduces Jan to the world of mature decisions and sexual favors. Jan realizes that the key to Marcia's success has always been blowjobs, and so her only hope of "being good at something" lies in emulating her big sister.

Meanwhile, everyone else is having sex, looking good in their ‘70s garb, maintaining erections and wholesome imagery, etc. Lexi Belle is the new Marcia, and she fits the role just fine. Her secret romp with the high school quarterback is not only inspirational to the viewer, but to Jan and Cindy as well.

On the male side of things, all is well. James Deen is still adorable as Peter. He somehow manages to look goofy and enthusiastic in the middle of his scene with Tanner, just like good ol' Christopher Knight. Mikey Butders embodies the coy Bobby Brady just as well. His threesome with Ashlyn Rae and Nicole Ray is one of the finest in Brady family history. Except maybe for that one time Alice stumbled into Mr. and Mrs. B's bedroom.

But hey, gang! There are some things more disappointing than Jan's violin playing (insert laugh track here). They still haven't delivered on that real, slow Sam the Butcher/Alice loving, although the characters talk about it non-stop. However, there is a simulated sex scene in which Alice ducks behind the kitchen island and Ron Jeremy pretends to be fellated most comically. Like most of the humor in Will Ryder parodies, this goes until it becomes awkward, keeps going, and then arbitrarily stops.

All in all, it feels like another Will Ryder movie: the sex is very good, the comedy is very bad, and everyone can feel ok about the lack of Brady-on-Brady boinking. The whole Pussy Power thing is something to think about. We always wondered how Carol convinced a man to take her and her three daughters in; "much more than a hunch" indeed.

Babealicious: Top Ten Fleshbot Babe Galleries Of 2009

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 16:00:00 EST

As the eight days of Chanuka draw to a close, we'd like to give you a very special gift: the gift of babes. True, they may be babes you've met before...but they're still the very best we know.

Yes, in 2009 you fell in love with Madison Young, Allyssa Hall, Faye Reagan, Georgia Jones...and a whole lot of public disgrace (you guys sure are kinky!). Let's relive 2009 with the gift that keeps on giving.

10) India Summer (Fucking Machines)

9) Allyssa Hall (Little Mutt)

8) Marie McCray (Public Disgrace)

7) Madison Young (Hustler College Girls)

6) Nikky (Nikky's Dreams)

5) Faye & Georgia (Beauty Is Divine)

4) Cecilia Vega (Public Disgrace)

3) Dominika (Hegre-Art)

2) Lea Lexis (Public Disgrace)

1) Elina (Met Models)

Diamond Foxxx Sparkles In "Busty Office MILFs"

DCypher — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 15:00:00 EST

In a world where beautiful, big breasted bosses rule the workplace with lusty fire dancing in their dirty loins like a golden hawk, your usual OSHA regulations regarding sexual harassment don't always apply—thank Buddha!

It's honestly been a while since we last saw our old friend Miles Long. So you can imagine our surprise when we learned that he was the artist behind this Third Degree Film masterpiece-in-the-making. Yes, you could say we were titillated...because we would never stoop so low as to be that punny.

Busty beauty Diamond Foxxx shows us once again why she's become the hottest new MILF of 2009, with an incendiary performance that left us drooling from our mouths and genitals and craving more. Her sheer sexual presence and sultry mystique are enough to make you cum in your pants prematurely, and then she gets to work on a hard prick with her mouth, hands, tits and holes—and it's game over.

Former Vivid girl and extraordinary beauty Raylene also stars in this big boob vehicle, her sly smile and ample curves a blessing under any circumstances. She's slow to arouse, her gift the wry art of seduction, but once this hot mama gets her engine cranked up she's an unstoppable sex machine who can take on all cummers.

Sultry sex pots Victoria Valentina, Moxxie Maddron, and Sienna West join in with their jiggling juggs, each presenting memorable and enntertaining performances that will keep you mesmerized.

"Busty Office MILFs" is available now from Third Degree Films. Check out our exclusive gallery below!

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Broadway Boobs: "Glee"'s Lea Michele Topless In "Spring Awakening"

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 14:00:00 EST

"Glee"'s Rachel Berry might not be willing to do nudity to get ahead—but Lea Michele, the actress who plays her, has no such qualms. Yes, Lea went topless for her role in "Spring Awakening—and we've got proof.

Above, a video clip from Lea's performance. And to think, we could have seen this play on Broadway last year: if only we'd had the foresight to realize it starred the girl we'd be crushing on at the end of '09. How foolish we were!

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The Decade In Porn: Tera Patrick Looks Back On 2000-2009

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 13:00:00 EST

As the first decade of the 2000s draws to a close, Fleshbot's sitting down with adult industry influentials to learn how the business of pleasure has changed over the past ten years. Today's expert: Tera Patrick.

One of the biggest stars of the adult industry, Tera's made a name for herself as a performer, model, business owner—and, come this January, as an author, as well. Lucky for us, Tera was able to take time out of her busy schedule to chat with us on the phone about the changes she's seen in the adult industry over the past ten years. Click through to read her thoughts.

Fleshbot: Adult entertainment in 2009 looks a whole lot different than it did in 1999. In your opinion, what's been the single biggest change this decade?
Tera Patrick: I got into the industry in '99 actually, and it's kind of funny that I've been in for ten years because, I never thought that I would be doing anything for ten years. But I think that...there's been a couple changes. One, the amount of talent that's in the industry now has grown immensely. When I started in '99 it was a small group of people. Everybody kind of knew each other, and now I don't
know anybody. And it's really weird. There's not really any stars anymore in the industry, you know? There are so many girls that come in and out and...you don't really get to know anybody. [And] there's free porn all over the internet now. That's been one of the biggest things – the YouPorn. It's changed the way people
view porn. You know, now guys are like, "Oh, why do I have to join websites? I can just go join a free porn site and see whoever I want." And that's devalued the business, I think, quite a bit.

At left: "18 and Nasty #11," one of Tera's earliest movies, released in 1999.

In terms of the talent: you said there are a lot more performers. Do you think that performers get in with a different goal now than they did ten years ago? Have the type of people getting into the industry changed?
Oh yeah, there is no goal (laughs)...When I first got into the business, it wasn't about treating the business like a business. It was just about having fun and making money. And then as I got more famous I realized,
"Oh, you know, I need to have a plan." I mean, if I'm going to get anything out of the business I need to start treating the business like a business. And I tell the girls to do that today because the girls just get chewed up and spit out, you know? They shoot for hundreds of sites or hundreds of companies and then they don't save their money and then they're out of business. And their image is everywhere, blasted everywhere, and they have nothing to show for it.

I tell girls today if you want to get into the business don't shoot for everybody. Open your own website and keep your image exclusive. I think that's the best advice that any girl could take right now, and I think that if you have a goal, the goal is to just come in, make money and you know, treat the business like a
business.

At left: "Island Fever," released in 2000.

Has the business end of the industry changed? There's a lot of talk about porn getting more mainstream—do you feel like it's professionalized, or is it mostly the same as it's always been?
I think mainstream's always been fascinated by porn. I think that the porn industry [is] other Hollywood. Everybody's a fan of porn: it doesn't matter where you go, who you meet, everybody loves a pornstar, you
know? I always say pornstars are the new rock stars. I was at the AT&T store today and everybody's like, "Oh my God, Tera!" Everybody knows who I am. You know, I'm not trying to sound like I'm the example, but...everybody knows who Jenna and I are. It's not just me and Jenna, a lot of people are starting to recognize more and more pornstars, not just because the industry's becoming more mainstream but because porn is so out there. It's all over the internet, it's all over HBO, it's all over Showtime, it's all over the news. You can turn on the news and something's being done, some big deal's being done or...I don't know if it's becoming more mainstream; it's just becoming more into business.

At left: "Tera, Tera, Tera," featuring Tera's first hardcore girl-girl scene. Released in 2004.

You've integrated adult work with mainstream work. Do you think it's becoming easier to do that?
I don't think it's easier for everybody. I don't think it's necessarily easier. I think it depends on the performer, I think it depends on who you are. I think if you're mainstream marketable, yes, it could be easy for you. But I think that most of the girls in the industry can't cross over, and not just because they're not pretty enough...it's just, it's about having the right agent, it's about being in the right place at the right time and it's about what you can contribute. You know, it's not easy to break into mainstream even if you haven't done porn. Think about all the girls that have never done porn that are moving to Hollywood, moving to New York to be models and actresses and they're waiting tables...the entertainment industry as a whole is just a brutal industry to get into, period.

At left: "Flawless," released in 2007.

How has the work that you, personally, do changed over the past ten years?
From '99 to 2001, I shot probably about 50 movies, maybe 60. And then I signed an exclusive contract with a video company and did about four movies, and then I started my own company and shot about 15 movies. And I stopped shooting in 2006. And ever since then I've focused more on—I don't want to use the word "retired." I don't like to say that I'm retired, because to me retired means you don't work at all. I would say I've retired from porn. I will never shoot another porn movie again.

Well, I say that, right, and then you see me in some huge feature. You're supposed to never say never, so I'm never gonna say never. As of today, as of my plans for today, I don't have any plans to shoot any more adult movies. I just wrote a book that I'm very proud of. I have a mobile deal with Giant Mobile. I have a Mistress Couture clothing line, I do a lot of mainstream press and media. I've taken my career in another direction. I don't want to do porn anymore...I've been focusing on doing more mainstream modeling and more mainstream things, and that's just because I—I'm not turning my back on the industry, but I don't believe that you can do porn forever. God bless Teri Weigel and Amber Lynn—they're still beautiful, and there's a lot of beautiful women in the industry that are older that are still doing porn, but it's just not for me. I just want to go in another direction.

At left: Sinner Takes All, Tera's memoir, coming out in January 2010.

Shirts And Skins: "Sporty Girls 3"

Gram Ponante — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 11:30:01 EST

So rarely in porn do we venture into the world of personal trainers and home badminton courts that we forget the affluent have sex, too. The subtext of "Sporty Girls 3" is that all women are pink beneath their whites.

This movie is exceptionally well shot by William H. and edited by Robert Laplance. The team makes these sunny, upbeat, and strenuous interludes with Monique Alexander (fantastic blowjob), Sadie West (competent soccer player), Phoenix Marie (pliant!), Abbey Brooks (thanks for involving men in your life, finally), and the resurgent Hillary Scott that much more effective.

I am not saying that the five women listed above can't do some major damage just standing there, but a movie like this one, which would be a throwaway in other hands (brief setups of women exercising and then playfully seduced by their partners), really knocks it out of the park, making each performer look her sweaty, alluring best.

As a carnivore, I like a little flesh and jiggle. Only volleyballer Abbey Brooks qualifies as voluptuous - everyone else is either whippet thin or, like Phoenix Marie, muscularly sexy - but each vignette displays teamwork, effort, and vigor. I want these women on my side.

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"Barely Legal" Triumphantly Marches Forward

DCypher — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 15:00:00 EST

In the search of a delicate and absolute truth, Larry Flynt took a whisper hidden in the deepest part of our subconscious and turned it into a roar. Now Hustler invites you to witness a new generation howl.

After more than a decade of "Barely Legal" girls, from delightful Bunny Luv to present day, one would think that the bloom would be off the proverbial rose when it came to the flagship release that spawned a series of imitators, as well as its own spin-off sub-niche. Make no mistake, whatever delirious magic existed from the start, that served to lure us in to a Lolita fueled wonderland of taboo and fulfillment, still eagerly holds sway over us now.

"Barely Legal 101" stars beautiful young women-to-be Allie Haze, Christina Moure, Delia Darling, Courtney Page, and Ally Kay. Each of them is more extraordinary than the last. Each a tender flower, blossoming, their sticky pink petals being delicately fingered open with pristine care, before the final plucking. Not since the wanton orgy tents of Persian God King Xerxes have young ladies in the fragile heat of their own sexual awakening been so revered, so cherished, with each succulent drop of their awkward and precious unveiling being utterly savored.

"Barely Legal 101" should be out in time for the New Year. Keep your eyes open and hold on to your dreams. In the meantime, feel free to take all the time you need getting to know these young ladies from the sample of their sexy wares below. We are certain that, were Nabokov alive today, he would snatch up a copy and relish it with divine zeal and masturbatory purpose.

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Celebrity Skin: The Top Ten (Naked!) Celebrity Moments Of 2009

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 17:00:00 EST

Celebrities: they just can't keep their clothes on! And you when their naked bodies make it into the public eye, Fleshbot's on the case. Now, let's take a moment to remember what scandals were popular on Fleshbot in '09.

10) War Machine Goes Porn Machine: True, War Machine was only a celebrity to those who are really into MMA—but he still was enough of a star for his crossover into porn to be a significant news story.

9) Anne Heche in "Spread: Who doesn't want to see Anne Heche topless and getting groped? Obviously, all of you did.

8) Ashley Greene: Naked on the Internet?: Annoying as it may be, we do have to thank the "Twilight" franchise for making us aware of Ashley Greene...and Ashley Greene for (allegedly) making these nude photos available to the public.

7) Scenes from the Leighton Meester Sex Tape: And speaking of naked teen idols: "Gossip Girl" Leighton Meester's sex tape may not have looked all that interesting...but hey, Leighton Meester was enough to carry it to popularity.

6) New Nudes of Vanessa Hudgens: And because naked teen idols come in threes: Vanessa Hudgens also had nude pictures surface (again)...but since she's got good lawyers, the pix disappeared from the internet about as quickly as they appeared.

5) Alans Morissette (Sorta) Goes Topless on "Weeds": Alanis's topless scene was one of the most hyped bits of TV nudity this year...and, sadly, one of the most disappointing.

4) Rihanna's (Alleged) Naked Pix: We may never know if these are really, truly Rihanna...though if she keeps taking her clothes off for album covers, we might be able to get pretty close to confirming. UPDATE: Turns out Rihanna did confirm. Our suggestion that she keep taking her clothes off still stands.

3) (Fake) Katy Perry Nude: While Rihanna's alleged nudes could still be her, this picture of "Katy Perry" unfortunately wasn't.

2) The Miss Universe Sex Tape: Most celebrity sex tapes are boring and badly shot. Anya Ayoung-Chee, however, really knows how to shine in front of the camera. Can someone tell us why Vivid never offered her a million dollar contract?

1) Eric Dane, Rebecca Gayheart, and Kari Ann Peniche Make The World's Most Boring Sex Tape: And it wouldn't be a celebrity scandal list without a mention of the Eric Dane/Rebecca Gayheart/Kari Ann Peniche tape. True, it was boring...but at least we all got to see McSteamy's wang.

Swaptastic Shenanigans & Penny Flame In "Wife Switch 8"

DCypher — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 15:00:00 EST

Pink Visual drops their newest "Wife Switch: this week. With both girls giving us a lesbian tease, then two couples going at it at the same time, it's like tripling the amount of hardcore in every single scene!

We couldn't be happier with the results—well, short of being invited into the juicy action. "Wife Switch 8" features ten couples who are all (ahem) totally brand new to the art of swapping, trying out the swinger thing for the very first time! Okay, we don't buy it either, but we're willing to go along for the ride. That's why it's called suspension of disbelief, right?

The very first scene brought memories flooding back to us. Alex Sanders, Mark Zane, Monica Mayhem, and long lost Penny Flame (of VH1 fame) all get crazy in a four way pile up that is as impressive as it is mesmerizing to watch. Our favorite new Huffington Post blogger shines like a diamond as the meat to this crazy sex sandwich (not to mention the instigator) chowing down on Monica Mayhem's juice box before pairing off with her new lover's boyfriend. The scene delivers a punch, with Mark Zane keeping the heat on.

The rest of the movie, including the scenes with Alex Star, Jay Lassiter, Mackenzie Star, Velicity Von, Anthony Rosano, Justin Magnum, Kayla Carrera, Sara Jessie, Jessica Bangkok, Joey Brass, Kylee Reese, and Scott Lyons, are just as interesting to watch. But the second scene of the show caught our attention just a little more—by about four extra inches in length and three extra inches around.

Claire Dames, Friday, Lee Stone, and the legendary Sledge Hammer put on a show that we could not look away from. Seriously, it was like mixing porn with Cirque De Soleil, minus the clowns and the tight wire. The scene featured acrobatics, heavy lifting, contortionists, sword swallowing, partner exchanging, and death defying acts of cunt stuffing! C'est tres magnifique!

"Wife Switch 8" releases this week from Pink Visual and Blue Moon Productions. Check out this mega ultra super gallery! It's swaptastic!

Light My Fire: Top Ten Amateur Candle Sex Videos

Kate Kant — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 14:00:00 EST

How do we love thee, candlestick? Let us count the ways. Candles provide hot wax for dangerous games, a flexible shape for perfect penetration, and the perfect soft light to set the stage for a romantic evening.

Maybe it's just a candle and thou, or maybe you're incorporating one into some play with a partner—however a candle is used, it's still fucking sexy. So have a very happy Hanukkah, and remember these videos when lighting that menorah tonight.

Previously: Top Ten Video Archive

Hot Chick Masturbates With a Candle (megaporn.com)

Candle in the Ass (megaporn.com)

Hot Wax (xtube.com)

Privat Amateur (megaporn.com)

Light my candle (xtube.com)

Candle Fucking 5 (xtube.com)

My french wife with a candle in her asshole (xtube.com)

fun in a corset (xtube.com)

Candle Fucking 3 (xtube.com)

Valentines (xtube.com)

Toy Story: Fleshbot's Top Ten Sex Toys Of 2009

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 17:00:00 EST

2009: the year of the robot that mimics the love stylings of your favorite pornstars, a tiny little toy jampacked with ten eager tongues, and a wireless vibe that syncs with your iPod. So many innovations...but which were the best?

As the year draws to a close, we've reviewed our reviews from 2009, and scientifically determined just which toys were the best of the best this year. Below, our picks for the tops in toys.

10) The Real Touch: With a few rare exceptions, high end (and high tech) sex toys are almost exclusively targeted at women. The Real Touch is looking to change that. A high tech masturbator that syncs with POV porn, the Real Touch may just change the face of toys for boys. True, it has its problems (most notably, the fact that it won't work if you're not paying per minute for AEBN's porn)—but it's promising enough to give us hope for the future.

9) OhMiBod Freestyle: After years on the scene, the OhMiBod has finally reached its full potential. With the Freestyle's wireless connection, you can finally rock out to your tunes without being tied down to them.

8) Tenth Anniversary Tristan Butt Plug: The Tenth Anniversary Tristan Plug takes a good thing and makes it better (or at least bigger). A beefed up version of the original Tristan plug, the 10th anniversary edition is a must have for any butt aficionado in need of an upgrade.

7) Bolero Straitjacket **BEST LUXURY TOY**: This delightful bondage device combines the efficient immobilization of the straitjacket with the delicious eroticism of being nearly naked. True, it's not cheap—but if you're willing and able to invest in your BDSM toy chest, it's an excellent addition.

6) Imperial: With 11 inches of aircraft quality spun aluminum, the Imperial is bound to please any and all size queens—especially the ones who enjoy toys with the ability to pleasure and violently disfigure.

5) Bloomy: A wonderful dildo for the girls, and a p-spot stimulating butt plug for the boys—Bloomy's a toy that everyone can enjoy! (Just, uh, remember to sterilize it before sharing.)

4) Finger Tingles **BEST BUY**: Since the day we first discovered sex, we've wondered whether there could ever be away to improve on the erotic abilities of the simple little finger. The answer, friends, is yes: with the help of the Finger Tingles, your mild-mannered digit becomes a super finger.

3) Contour Q **BEST DISCREET TOY**: Don't be fooled by Contour Q's innocent appearance: these bumpy little massage stones know their way around a woman's body. And we do mean all parts of the body.

2) Sqweel: With the Sqweel, Love Honey set out to create a toy that replicates the sensation of oral sex. While they may not have quite achieved that goal, they did create a wholly unique toy that stimulates in a very unusual (and very pleasing) way.

1) Form 2: Small, sleek, and super-powered: the rabbit-inspired Form 2 has two silicone ears that are all revved up and ready to rock. And just like a real rabbit, this thing won't quit until long after you're satisifed.

Worst Toy of 2009: The Blowguard: Sure, it'll enable you to give a decent blowjob with absolutely no effort...at the cost of your dignity, your comfort, and your ability to control your drooling.

"Barely Legal" Overloads With "Brand Spanking New"

DCypher — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 16:00:00 EST

It was nearly a full year ago that Alex De Large directed the Barely Legal sub niche "Brand Spanking New," but the results are just as prurient today, when it is being released, as they were then.

We're not entirely sure why Barely Legal wouldn't be enough on its own. Adding "Brand Spanking New" almost seems like overkill. With nothing else to go on, we can only assume that they mean to suggest that in addition to being of legal age to plunder their sweet va-jay-jays, these girls are also relatively inexperienced.

The only problem with that is that they have Lana Violet turning in one hell of an aggressive scene full of zest and spunk well beyond her age. Seriously, since when does a barely legal girl who's still exploring her fresh sexuality pull a ball draining suck job off like that? Or get fish hooked? Or take that kind of power drilling with the confidence of a NASCAR driver? Come on now!

Of course, this might explain why nearly a year later she is the only chick in this volume that we know and have met. The others may be long gone now, married, off to college, getting paid for sex by celebrities for all we know, or toiling away without the recognition they deserve.

Ally Ann, Cameron Love, Isis Taylor, and Jessica Right all turn in stunning performances as well, making this an exceptional release for its category. If you like seeing really hot young girls getting turned into sexually satisfied young women, wild in the throes of anticipated ecstasy, possessed by newborn lust, reborn like a cum covered phoenix rising from the shy shell of their former awkwardness, you could do far worse.

"Barely Legal: Brand Spanking New" is available now. Check out our hard earned exclusive gallery and feel free to let us know what you think. Have a safe and happy weekend!

From 0 To 60: Top Ten Amateur Road Head Sex Videos

Kate Kant — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 14:00:00 EST

Imagine cruising down the interstate with the sun shining and a light breeze kicking in. Now, imagine a hot girl sitting in the front seat. She reaches over, unbuckles and finally proves she really can drive stick.

Nope, this isn't a dream. Don't believe us? Just watch these videos! Road head happens all the time; why else are there so many smiling faces in cars during rush hour? Regardless of how fast we're driving, there's always room for a little extra heat in the front seat.

Previously: Top Ten Video Archive

GF Gives me a blowjob in the car and Swallows!!! (xtube.com)

SUCKING DICK IN THE CAR (yuvutu.com)

Car Blowjob (xtube.com)

Blowjob in car (xtube.com)

Schwanzlutschen (yuvutu.com)

60 MPH Cum Swallowing Blow Job (yuvutu.com)

Blindfolded car blowjob (yuvutucom)

Super Pete.. y algo mas (yuvutu.com)

her playing with my cock and sucking me on way home (yuvutu.com)

ROAD HEAD FROM THE HOTTEST GIRL (pornhub.com)

Get Your Mack(Beth) On With This Contest

Ottimo Massimo — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 13:00:00 EST

And as we end another week, a new pair of star-cross'd lovers (a Fleshbot reader and a porno) shall make their civil hands unclean.

We'd like to take a moment and thank Madison Young for presenting "The Curse of MacBeth" to the world. She has a lot of guts for fucking with Shakespeare (literally penis-and-vagina-ing Shakespeare), and it's something we'd like to see more of. As always, that's where you, the highly literate and ever-creative Fleshbot readers, come in.

For this week's contest, we'd like to hear you flirt. Spit your game in Shakespearean English for some fly 17th Century honeys. If you were approached by a couple of foxy wenches, what would you say to free them of their frocks? Imitate Shakespeare however you'd like; rhyme, meter, word choice, and confusing innuendos are just a few of the tools at your disposal.

Post your entries in the comments section. Perhaps your skillful persuasions will prompt parody porn directors to set their sights on some classic theater. Or maybe some you'll make an impression on some horny drama major. It's hard to say. What we can say is the winner will receive a copy of "The Curse of MacBeth" and mad Thespian street cred.

Speaking of street cred, it's time for us to give some out! Last week's odes to Lisa Ann produced some glorious work. If she read this site (does she read this site?), she would be most flattered. But this moment is not about Lisa Ann; it's about you.

As always, all of the entries were brilliant. Beaker delivered another volley of clever haiku. mattyte made a strong endorsement for MILF-assisted death:

Queen of the Cougars
Being mauled by Lisa Ann
Perfect way to go

On the longer side of things, Dethzilla treated us to a near-epic poem about reincarnation. We're guessing you'd need about a billion karma points to come back as anything close to Lisa Ann, but we nonetheless love the line the silent motorboat.

But we have to give it up to offred, whose adoration for Lisa Ann is only matched by his powers of iambic pentameter.

Ode to Lisa Ann (A Sonnet - my first attempt at one, be gentle)

Oh Lisa Ann, thy subjects will be true
Toward thy bosom, hanging like ripe fruit.
Its ample offers craft a heady brew,
That clouds the minds of even the astute.

By teaming with the fair Julia Ann,
Thou plays in waters leading thou to shiver.
To watch thy exploits will lead ev'ry man,
To tremble, with their manhoods all a-quiver.

When I was young and green in days of yore,
I quested vainly to attract a sylph.
Alas, I now know that which I adore;
The beauteous curves found only on a MILF.

My want for thou is not for Sarah Palin,
But to go rogue in a fit of heedless nailin'.

Anyone who rhymes "sylph" with "MILF" is a baller in our book. Congratulations, offred! You just earned yourself a fresh, soggy copy of Wet! We'll be contacting you through your profile page to let you know how to claim your prize.

· Madison Young picture via Jizz Bomb (nsgalleries.com)

"Gangbang Squad" Goes All Out For Lucky Number "16"

DCypher — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 20:00:00 EST

If you've ever dreamed of getting the stuffing fucked out of you by about seventy-two consecutive inches of beer-can-wide, hard, black cock, or just enjoy watching other people take it, have we got a treat for you.

That's right campers—our good friends over at Pink Visual have sent over this massive collection of pictures from their latest volume of the "Gangbang Squad" featuring lovely cum covered angels like Amber Rayne, Aurora Snow, Anita Blue, Katie Angel, and Hollie Mae Holmes.

Sexy Amber Rayne is no stranger to taking any and all cocks you can send her way. This dirty little angel has an extraordinary sexuality that knows no bounds. Thank Buddha! We are certain that she could carry this opus on her own, taking on forty or more guys if she had the time and a little notice to stretch. If anyone deserves some recognition as 'Performer of the Year' she does. We'd be happy to give it to her any day of the week!

Aurora Snow proves that she hasn't changed a bit since her decadent Sin City days. She's still the pint-sized queen of taking big black cocks in every hole until her lovers balls are fully drained and they are satisfied. She's entertained more men than football, UFC, and that cheesy Victoria Secret Fashion show combined—and is still ready for more. It's great to see her back in action. She will always be one of our favorites, because she loves every minute of sucking and fucking she can get—and it shows.

"Gangbang Squad 16" comes out from Pink Visual this month. Look for it...after you check out this huge gallery of course. We suggest you do it a little at a time, bookmarking the page and coming back when you've had time to, um, recover. If you are like us it's going to be something you want to savor, not gobble down and throw out. This set alone could keep an average man happy for the rest of the cold holiday nights to cum.

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The Decade In Sex Toys: The Evolution Of Marital Aids In The '00s

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 16:00:00 EST

In these days of platinum vibrators and rubout robots that sync to porn, it can be hard to remember that things weren't always this great on the sex toy front. In fact, just ten years ago, things were very, very different.

Fortunately, the team at Babeland has a much longer memory that yours truly—and they were very happy to sit us down and school us on exactly what's changed in the adult novelty arena over the past ten years. So how far have we come? Read on to find out.

At left: What a difference a decade makes.

The Best Selling Toys of 1999:
Pocket Rocket
Rabbit Habit
Hitachi Magic Wand
Rabbit Pearl
Silver Bullet
Freshman (a hot pink, phallic, sparkly jelly rubber vibrator)
Slimline
Fukuoku 9000 finger vibe
Leo, a silicone dildo
Nubby G

At left: The Rabbit Habit, the iconic toy of 1999. (Thanks, "Sex and the City"!)

The Best Selling Toys of 2009:
The Rabbit Habit and Magic Wand continue to dominate thanks to their brand loyalty. We saw the Mystic, a battery version of the Wand, debut recently and rival the Hitachi for sales.
We Vibe, a clit/g-spot vibe a woman can wear during intercourse, is a one of a kind vibrator that women and couples continue to purchase in droves.
Gigi, a stylish, strong, nicely packaged toy became a runaway hit, with an excellent ‘word of mouth' reputation. Our staff love this toy so much, they literally hand-sell it. If there is universal staff love for a toy, it'll sell.
SaSi, a high tech toy with an iPod-like interface dominated sales in 2009
Form 6, a sleek, high end, design-centric toy introduced Jimmyjane vibes to customers. The brand is making a name for itself.
Laya Spot, excellent mid-range priced toy, fits nicely in one's hand (it's ergonomic) and travels very well. Great gift vibe.
Pure Wand, a really heavy metal g-spot dildo, did great.
SpareParts Harness was popular among harness-lovers.

At left: Je Joue's SaSi.

What, in your opinion, were the best (meaning highest quality, best user experience) toys on the market back in 1999?
Rabbit Habit and Rabbit Pearl sales skyrocketed thanks to an appearance by the Rabbit Pearl on Sex and the City in 1998. These vibes (one has an attached battery pack, the other holds batteries in base of vibe), which were already popular among fans of g-spot/clit stimulation (hence our reference to them as "Dual action" vibes), received mainstream legitimacy and started surpassing the Hitachi in sales. It's a much sexier vibe; we sometimes joked that the Hitachi was the vibe of choice for first wave feminists (who had so few choices), but the Rabbit won over the 2nd and 3rd waves! And really, who wouldn't be tempted by the promise of little rotating pearls massaging your sensitive bits while rabbit ears tickle your clit?!

The Pocket Rocket was/is a powerful, wonderfully-named mini vibe, and so discreet you could carry it around in your handbag for easy access, which was empowering.

The Fukuoku, a fingertip vibe, was also a fairly recent innovation around then, and the ability to add "vibration" to a hand job, a massage, or for extra oomph during sex, was well-received.

At left: The Fukuoku.

What are some of the best (again, highest quality, etc) toys on the market now?
Gigi, Form 6, SaSi, We Vibe—all innovations that are designed specifically to enhance women's sexual experience in new ways. Fun Factory's silicone toys are a huge improvement, too. And even the beloved Rabbits from Vibratex appeared a few years ago in Elastomer version, in response to the phthalate concern. And not to be overlooked is the Silver Bullet vibe, a low cost vibe with a surprisingly strong vibration, and more durable than cheaper vibes.

At left: Lelo's Gigi.

What's been the biggest change in the sex toy industry over the past decade?
Probably the same changes you see in the rest of the manufacturing world: stronger, smaller motors; more advanced technology (programmable!); and improved materials like silicone and elastomer. Even wood dildos, which were more popular in the ‘70s, are making a comeback thanks to the green movement.

But hands down the biggest recent change is the proliferation of designer, luxury vibes. These toys deliver incredible functionality (think programmable, customizable, rechargeable, etc), plus they're aesthetically pleasing, featuring tasteful, sophisticated designs. Designer toys are typically made of high quality silicone, are often rechargeable, are texturally pleasing, are usually either waterproof or submersible, and are contoured to fit (and more effectively stimulate) a woman's body. They are typically packaged in attractive, satin-lined boxes so opening the box makes you feel the way you would purchasing some coveted piece of jewelry or a new fragrance.

This category makes up the highest increase in Babeland's sales for the past several years. Sales of luxury vibes (average price point is $120) have risen by four times during the recession. Women are investing in pleasure!

At left: JimmyJane's $3250 Little Platinum Eternity.

Has American culture become more accepting of sex toys/masturbation over the past decade?
Absolutely! Sex toys may have had their coming out on Sex and the City, but [now they've] finally moved into the "cool to own one" realm. Stars like Eva Longoria, Madonna, the Beckhams, Rihanna and Britney have all been "caught" shopping or talking about sex toys. Mainstream magazines are much more likely to cover them—just this year, we appeared in a Time Magazine feature on eco-sexy toys. HBO has filmed Babeland three times, most recently during a ‘Kinky crafting' event.

By seeing images of sex toys reflected back by popular culture in ways that are not stereotypical or demeaning (until recently they could just be counted on as the butt of a joke), the rest of the population finally gets the message that there might be something they're missing out on!

At left: Vibrators, one of Oprah's favorite things.

What do you think the sex toy industry will look like in another ten years?
The industry itself will probably not change much, except that the big players will try to capitalize (as they always do) on the innovations of the cutting edge smaller players by introducing their own versions of luxury toys (without the quality). Consumers will finally start to become more brand savvy. It's no accident that Hitachi has been a top-seller for decades. Sure, it's a powerhouse, but it has a brand name for quality behind it, and the toy has always lived up to that. The marketing has just been missing good, reliable brands, and that's what Lelo, JimmyJane, Vibratex, and Fun Factory are delivering.

We'll definitely continue to see the high product sector roll out—with engraved, diamond encrusted vibrators being more available to the general population (at least the wealthy ones). Phthalate toys, which are still fairly common in typical adult stores, will be gone, thanks to the consumer-savviness of the buying population. And we're still waiting for a really good cyber-sex toy.

At left: the Real Touch...the future of toys?

Cameron Gold Sets The World On Fire In '"Cum Hunters 3"

DCypher — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 15:00:00 EST

From what we can tell, the premise behind Porno Dan's absurd new movie "Cum Hunters 3" is that cock hungry girls drive around hunting for cum. Yep. That kinda thing happens all the time, especially in L.A. Right?

Why, just last week we had to fight off a pack of wild legal teen pornstars that came flying at us out of a limo on Sunset Boulevard on our way to the post office. The possessed posse went right for our junk, ripping the fabric from the crotch of our TR's before we fought them off near the Wilcox station. Damn! What were we thinking?

And now this week Immoral Productions goes and presents Cum Hunters 3 starring Ashli Orion, Amy Brooke, Audriana Angel, Beverly Hills, Cameron Gold, and Renatta Black. We could have been part of it. Thanks for not warning us, Porno Dan!

Ashli Orion and Amy Brooke realize that there's strength in numbers and team up on their cum hunt, with great results. Then again, we can't imagine that Amy Brooke could ever fail to seduce anyone. Her sweet bubble, sultry bedroom stare, and rapacious appetite for anal chaffing followed by hot load gargling are enough to win over the most timid man. Once she sets her sights on a man, it's only a matter of time until that man's hard cock is as far up her tight, tiny ass as she can get it.

We would have been just as happy to have nailed naughty newcummer Beverly Hills, who was damn spun for a double dose of throbbing fuck stick that she took hard cock up every hole she could get it in. Even though they didn't show it in the flick we're pretty sure she tried to get it into her right ear as well. This girl is completely insane for a fat prick!

Oh, and don't even get us started on Cameron Gold. That girl is so fine it's hard to imagine that we wouldn't have to trick her into sleeping with us, instead of having her beg us for a piping hot load of freshly churned man chowder. We'd like to burn this city to the ground this holiday season using Cameron Gold as our match. Yes, she is that hot. Catch up.

"Cum Hunters 3" comes out next week from Immoral Productions. You can check our exclusive, never seen before gallery below.

Cameron Gold
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Lisa Ann Goes Gay For Levi Johnston Porn

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 18:45:00 EST

You heard it here first: Lisa "Serra Paylin" Ann is making her gay porn debut as (who else?) Serra Paylin in JetSet's "Getting Levi's Johnson." The plot of this one should be pretty obvious. (One more pic below!)

The Decade In Porn: Courtney Trouble Looks Back On 2000-2009

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 16:00:00 EST

You may know Courtney as the founder of indie porn site NoFauxxx.com; she's also one of the fine minds behind Good Releasing's Reel Queer Productions. And now, her thoughts on how the adult industry has evolved through out the '00s.

At left: Courtney Trouble.

Adult entertainment in 2009 looks a whole lot different than it did in 1999. In your opinion, what's been the single biggest change this decade?
I'm young, so the past ten years of porn have really been all I've truly experienced, but I've got to say that in the past ten years, I have seen so many independent porn ventures rise and fall on the internet. A good few of them, including my site NoFauxxx.Com, have really succeeded in creating a long-term brand and legacy, while others came and go like night clubs. With this whole do-it-yourself dot.com take on pornography, I think many subcultures have been able to create, sell, and experience pornography, which I could be wrong but I don't think that was happening in the 80s or 90s. Porn has really moved away from something that lives, breaths, and does payroll in "Porn Valley" and become somethign that anybody can do, and making a living from, all over the world. I think the single biggest change has been not just the internet, but the internet's ability to let subcultures and independant pornographers reach worldwide audiences, making limitless room for creative pornography projects. The big companies can complain all they want about how the internet has killed their profits, but the plus side is that people like me have a chance to do our work and gain visibility.

At left: Baron, shot for NoFauxxx in 2002.

You launched NoFauxxx in 2002. What was the industry like back in those days? What motivated you to start your own site?
I dind't have much part in the "Industry" until much more recently. Back in 2002, I was 19, living in Olympia as a tiny Riot Grrrl nugget, and rebellious against not only mainstream porn but alt porn that wasn't inclusive of people of larger sizes, varied genders, or racially diverse. SG lived in Portland and was still considered the most empowering porn out there, and it still didn't feel like enough - and that was really the motivation behind starting the site. The term "Queer Porn" didn't exists what-so-ever, even though a few things like Ssspread.Com and SIR Productions were making what I would consider "queer porn" back in the day. But nobody called it that until No Fauxxx hit the scene. So, for me, I was creating images for fun, not realising that what I was doing was creating a genre for my work and others to follow.

At left: Tom and Huck, shot for NoFauxxx in 2003.

How has NoFauxxx changed over the years?
It started out as such a tiny site, with just me and a few of my brave friends from Olympia. I was a phone sex operator and was really obsessed with having a balance of "fantasy" and "reality" in my work, so No Fauxxx became an outlet for me to make erotic art that showed the "reality" of the sexuality in my community. The photos were DIY digital on a bulky Nikon CoolPix, couldn't get them much larger than 600 pixels, and didn't even own a light set, studio props, or a video camera. I shot people's "realness," asked them to be themselves, and shot in very natural, intimate places. The goal of realness is still a factor these days, but there's a lot more tools of the trade and high-concept storyline on my set these days. I still really love shooting someone masturbating with no makeup on, that will never change - but I've evolved to use better tools to get that done.

At left: Trouble, shot for NoFauxxx in 2004.

Has it become easier or harder to be an indie pornographer since the beginning of the decade?
In my case, easier. People have really caught on to the indie and queer porn movements, and I feel like investors/producers are more open to picking up DIY film makers to make porn for them because they've realise that, "Hey, these Porn Valley DVDs aren't selling like they used to, but this tiny little company's movies are flying off the shelves." I don't disrespect the work that L.A. performers and directors do, but I do think that the "market" is looking more now towards the kinds of porn that I make - indie, chemistry-driven, fun, creative... The generic stuff just isn't catching the consumer's eye anymore. As far as self-promotion and marketing go, at the beginning of the decade, being active on message boards, link exchanges with other sites, and buying web and/or print ads were really crucial to the success of a small porn site, but now with all the social networks like Twitter and Facebook, just being there, being personal, and being generous with freebies has been enough to keep new visitors coming to my site all the time.

At left: NoFauxxx in 2005.

How has the SF porn scene evolved over the past decade?
Ten years ago, SIR Productions was making films and Good Vibrations had a few titles. SIR even won an AVN Award for Best All-Girl Feature. There really wasn't much going on here aside from that, and hadn't been since the "Golden Era" of SF porn production with the Mitchell Brothers and all that stuff. I musn't forget to mention that GAY porn has ALWAYS been in SF and I don't know much about that industry or how it's changed in the past decade, except with their self-imposed mandatory condoms (wish I could say that about LA) and of course, evolving with the internet just like the rest of us.

Now, you've got all sorts of things going on. To break it down there are 3 main directors; Myself, Shine Louise Houston, and Madison Young; and then the production company Trannywood Pictures, and of course, Good Vibration's Good Releasing launch just this year. (I am the headlining director for the Reel Queer Production line under GR) Now we are seeing porn media from LA and New York take interest in our movies and our stars. A year ago we were breaking into parties at AVN, handing off our burned copies to people like Fleshbot and XBiz. Now they come to us, and this year, nobody's gonna kick anybody off the red carpet at AVN for being a dyke. Just in this past year we've really made it happen, and I think more and more people are looking to SF for great porn of all kinds.

At left: Madison Young, shot for NoFauxxx in 2006.

Has Porn Valley become any more accepting of different body types/genders/etc? If so, what's been the motivating factor?
Kind of. Belladonna cas cast SF queers like Syd Blakovich and Jiz Lee, and hot fatties like April Flores just recently, and some other production companies have accepted them with open arms as well - sought them out even. Vivid has a Vivid Alt division run by artist & pornographer Eon McKai and that has brought more subculture flavor, diversity in the types of women you see in porn, into the spotlight. I don't think you saw many brunette tattooed hipsters in Vivid movies in the 90's. Our subcultures have become porn genres, and again I think it has a lot to do with growing presence of independent adult work and art on the internet.

At left: Avarice, shot for NoFauxxx in 2007.

The internet has obviously had a huge impact on the adult industry. What's been the best change the internet has brought to the adult marketplace? The worst?
The two biggest changes I think have been of course, peer-to-peer file sharing, and social networks. A big company might say that tube sites, torrents, or P2P will be the death of them, and it sucks for the performers to have their scenes blasted for free all over the internet, but I don't think that the tube sites are really hurting the smaller companies at all. It's kind of like when Napster came out and everybody was getting free music, it was almost a socialist thing - the big companies were loosing money, and the small companies and independent artists were getting more exposure, more fans, and more people buying their records and concert tickets. It all really depends on how you look at it, or where you are on that spectrum. And as I said before, having social networks around allows us to market ourselves for free and with a truly personal voice, and that's something I'm sure seemed absolutely impossible 10 years ago.

At left: NoFauxxx in 2008.

Any thoughts on what the industry will look like at the end of the next decade?
I'm seeing events like the Feminist Porn Awards, and the Berlin Porn Film Festival, become more prevalent. I think we could be headed into another "Golden Era" like the 70's when porn was revolutionary, shown in theaters, talked about in colleges, and not taken so much for granted. There are brilliant artists making films and independent companies coming out from their "underdog" status. I think at least for the next few years, porn will be seen more as Art than trash. I can't say it will last another ten years, but I am happy to be a part of it for the long haul.

At left: NoFauxxx in 2009.

"Kayden And Rocco Make A Porno"...And We Get To Watch

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 15:00:00 EST

Surprisingly, "Kayden and Rocco Make a Porno" is not a porn parody of the similarly titled Kevin Smith movie. Instead, it's a penetrating look at what happens when two frustrated pornstars step behind the camera. Spoiler alert: hilarity ensues.

Kayden and Rocco Make a Porno

Studio: Adam and Eve
Director: David Lord
Cast: Kayden Kross, Heidi Mayne, Kiara Diane, Dani Jensen, Codi Carmichael, Tiffany Mynx, Rocco Reed, Chris Cannon, Jenner, Evan Stone, Tommy Gunn, Barrett Blade

"Kayden and Rocco Make a Porno" opens with a scene of (surprise!) Kayden and Rocco making a porno—or at least fucking on camera. But wait: this isn't a porn scene from the porno that Kayden and Rocco make. This is a scene from a different porno starring Kayden and Rocco, one which Kayden and Rocco are sitting at home watching. (Have we lost you yet?)

After watching herself with Rocco, Kayden bemoans the state of porn today: clearly, she could do a better job behind the camera than these bozos. And thus Kayden sets off on the same path as many a performer-turned-director before her. With Rocco at her side, Kayden makes a porno.

Along the way, we meet an interesting cast of characters. Heidi Mayne shows up at the audition so desperate to land a role that she blows Chris Cannon and Jenner in the waiting room (at the same time). Aspiring pornstar Evan Stone (pre-haircut!) loses his chance to get cast in the production, but lies his way into a job as the PA...and then lies his way into Tiffany Mynx, Kiara Diane, and Dani Jensen as well. Rocco engages in on-the-job intimacy with make up artist Codi Carmichael. And, in a last ditch effort to save her film, Kayden takes on both Barrett Blade and Tommy Gunn.

"Kayden and Rocco" is one of those rare pornos that manages to have just the right mix of plot and sex, without seeming gratuitous on either front. The story is entertaining, the acting is good; and at no point do we find ourselves asking why, precisely, these people are having sex with one another. They're having sex because they're making a porno (come on, it says it right on the front of the box!).

You'll have to watch the movie if you want to see how it all turns out—whether Kayden succeeds at her dream, or finds that being a director is harder than it looks—but when you do, you'll have an enjoyable time. Just, uh, don't take the movie as an instructional on how to make your own porno. Trust us on that one.

· Buy "Kayden and Rocco Make a Porno" (adameve.com)

Buy "Kayden and Rocco Make a Porno" (adameve.com)
Buy "Kayden and Rocco Make a Porno" (adameve.com)
Buy "Kayden and Rocco Make a Porno" (adameve.com)
Buy "Kayden and Rocco Make a Porno" (adameve.com)
Buy "Kayden and Rocco Make a Porno" (adameve.com)
Buy "Kayden and Rocco Make a Porno" (adameve.com)