Fleshbot: straight, television

"Californication" Is Boring, Except When There Are Boobs

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 11:45:13 EDT

"Californication," the show that probably didn't make David Duchovny a sex addict, has a lot of sex in it. After all, it is about a sex addict — and isn't that all those people think about anyway? Nevertheless: even though it's full of sex, the show somehow manages to be boring, at least during the parts that don't feature a topless Brooke Banner. So what's a viewer to do? If using TiVo to fast forward to the ~~naked~~ good parts is too much work, point your browser to "Californication Girls," a site that's slowly accumulating all the worthwhile clips in the show. Because why should you sit through a thirty minute show for four minutes of boobs? (Though come to think of it, we've done more for less.) · Californication Girls (californicationgirls.com) · Sex arouses little interest in Showtime's 'Californication' (nydailynews.com)

Previously On "Weeds": Nancy's Boobs Say Goodbye To Another Season

Jonnobot — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 14:45:55 EDT

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Lest you think the highlights of the last two episodes of "Weeds" this season were restricted to glimpses of hot man booty, loyal viewers were also treated to yet another extended naked shot of Mary Louise Parker in a bathtub during Sunday's finale—so extended, in fact, that the producers almost seem to be rolling their eyes at perverted celebrity boob fans who put their TiVos into overdrive every time there's so much of a glimpse of exposed areola to be had anywhere on cable television. But did that stop us? Of course not! As Justin Kirk as MLP's besmitten brother-in-law said when confronted with her toplessness, "They're bigger than I thought." See if you agree with him after the jump. (Note: Spoiler alert, obvs—and we don't just mean Nancy's boobies.). . . The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser. • See also: Finale wrap-up: "Weeds" (salon.com; spoilers galore)

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Previously: Previously On "Weeds": Nancy Gets Spanked, Previously On "Weeds": Nancy Gets Seriously Laid,

Remembering The Glory Days Of The Boob Tube

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 14:55:45 EDT

If you are as ~~old~~ eternally youthful as we are, then you remember when television was just three channels and the best you could hope for when it came to boobies was a swimming pool catfight on "Dynasty." TV had to be a lot more creative back then and so did viewers looking for any kind of jiggly bouncy fun. Do you have any idea what it was like to rely on "Three's Company" for your dose of wild sexual hijinks? Then along came cable and the next thing you know TBS is showing "Sex and the City" reruns and Cinemax has stopped showing Shannon Tweed movies because they aren't scandalous enough. The point is that you are spoiled brats with your 24-hour internet fuckfests—and that this list of the 50 sexiest TV shows of all time makes us weep with horny teenage nostalgia. Check out this all-too brief clip from our personal favorite, "Red Shoe Diaries," and maybe someday you'll understand the value of good soft core nakedness.

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· Mr. Skin's Top 50 Sexiest TV Shows of All Time: Part One! (mrskin.com)

Savanna Samson Heats Up The Evening News

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 12:35:15 EDT

"The Daily Show" has always wanted to perk up your regular evening TV watching and kick mainstream news outlets in the butt. So why not do so by recasting the Evening News with Savanna Samson in the role of Katie Couric? It may just supposed to be a joke, but it's an idea could actually help CBS with their ratings. It certainly couldn't hurt (More @ thedailyshow.com)

Pink Gets Exposed At VMAs

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 11:30:52 EDT

At this point, wardrobe malfunctions are almost a required part of awards shows. In fact, if Pink hadn't exposed a section of her duct-tape covered boob while performing at MTV's Video Music Awards last weekend, well, we'd have felt downright cheated! (entertainmentwise.com)

A religious "family" group is complaining...

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 11:10:43 EDT

A religious "family" group is complaining that Playboy's "Girls Next Door" show is "nothing more than an infomercial designed to promote Playboy Enterprises' various products." Um ... do they not understand how television works? (avn.com)

Oh! Canada, We Fap For Thee

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 15:15:13 EDT

Canada is launching a new pay television porn network that promises to show at least 50% homegrown Canadian smut. Gee, that's an awful lots of pucks. (theglobeandmail.com; photo of proud Québécoise Lanny Barby via this)

Larry Flynt Fights For Our Right To Fap In Peace

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 11:40:39 EDT

You've seen "The People Vs. Larry Flynt" countless times and read every issue of Hustler cover to cover. But believe it or not, there's a lot about Larry Flynt that you just don't know—and IFC aims to school you with their tell-all documentary "Larry Flynt: The Right To Be Left Alone," which airs tomorrow night. Focusing on some of the less sexy (but still fascinating) aspects of Flynt's life, the movie offers an insider account of Flynt's freedom fighting in the name of free speech with rare footage of the infamous Supreme Court case against Jerry Falwell, Flynt’s prison sentencing for refusing to name his source in the FBI entrapment tapes of John DeLorean, and, best of all, Flynt’s gubernatorial and presidential campaigns. Check out the trailer after the jump.

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· Larry Flynt: The Right To Be Left Alone (ifc.com)

Last Call For "Call Girl" (For Now)

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 13:15:24 EDT

Last night was the season finale for the first chapter of "Secret Diary Of A Call Girl", and while we don't know when (or if) the second season will begin we hope Billie Piper keeps finding work in the meantime. Sure, real call girls probably roll their eyes every time "Belle" explains the "secrets" of high-class prostitution, but we find it goofily charming. Besides, it's not like we could ever afford to pay $1,000 for a single night of bliss, so this will have to do.

· Secret Life of a Call Girl: Season 1 (sho.com)

Burlesque Balloon Babe Braves Big Bong ... Er, Gong

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 10:28:00 EDT

Yes, we're still watching The Gong Show every week, but only because we're awaiting the glorious return of The Unknown Comic. (Ask your parents.) Fortunately, we are still occasionally entertained by some of the acts that come through there, like the appropriately-named Katie Balloons, who proves that balloon fetishism is alive and well—as if we needed the reminder—and you still can't show bare boobs on basic cable. Sorry to burst your bubble.

· The Gong Show with Dave Attell (comedycentral.com)

Previously On "Weeds": Nancy Gets Spanked

Jonnobot — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 13:25:21 EDT

While we continue to love our "Weeds", we have to admit it's been going to some pretty dark places this season—not to mention a few implausible ones. Why did Nancy decide to save the doublecrossing Celia from being offed by her mota-smuggling overlords anyway? Is it really possible to dig a tunnel across the border from Mexico to a suburban strip mall? And most important of all, why didn't they hire an expert to show actor Demian Bichir how to deliver a proper spanking to Mary-Louise Parker in last night's episode—you know, one that would really leave handprints on her butt instead of those obviously painted-on ones she flashed later on? No matter: we still got to see MLP in her panties (bestill our hearts). And if this is just the beginning of a kinky relationship between Nancy and her Mexican drug kingpin, we say bring it on. Check out the versimilitude (or lack thereof) for yourself after the jump.

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· "Weeds" Official Site (sho.com)

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Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch: Lexington Steele Smokes "Weeds"

HBO has canceled our favorite show, "Tell...

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 10:15:00 EDT

HBO has canceled our favorite show, "Tell Me You Love Me"—which means we will never find out what really happened to all those full-frontal couples and their dull, passionless relationships. Maybe we'll get to see some full-on penetration in "Mad Men" this season instead? (hollywoodreporter.com, via nymag.com)

It's Always Sunny With Mayte Carranco

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 11:30:53 EDT

The votes are in, and Mexico's Mayte Carranco has been deemed the world's hottest weather girl. The competition was stiff, but with her penchant for wearing midriff bearing outfits and prancing around in her bra on the air, Mayte ultimately prevailed. We think we can safely say the best weather girl won. (asylum.com)

The Gong Show Returns: Bring On The Naked Freaks!

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:46:03 EDT

Have you heard? The Gong Show is back! We were very excited to learn of this development, because we like nonsensical performance art and big shiny metal objects. But mostly we're just tuning in hoping to see whatever 2008's version of The Popsicle Twins might be. After all, the very first episode featured this bizarre, yet acrobatic, pseudo-burlesque act and because outrageous behavior and gratuitous nudity can only help you in this environment, the big finish involved clothing removal. It can only get better—and by "better" we mean much, much worse—from here, right?

· The Gong Show with Dave Attell (comedycentral.com)
Previously: Blast From The (TV) Past: The Popsicle Twins

We've been meaning to slog through this...

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 13:45:35 EDT

We've been meaning to slog through this groundbreaking investigative TV news report on sex and our culture—but frankly, we just can't. We don't need John Stossel's mustache to tells us how we're ruining America—we're well aware of that already. But if you want to be reminded about society's impending doom go right ahead and tune in. Just don't tell him about the cake farts. (abcnews.go.com)

Four and a half years after that infamous...

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 11:50:10 EDT

Four and a half years after that infamous "wardrobe malfunction" that shook the world, a federal appeals court has overturned the $550,000 fine the FCC slapped on CBS for showing the entire planet Janet Jackson's right boob ... which means that the sum total of the entire saga is officially nothing. Our long national nightmare is (finally? please?) over. (abcnews.go.com)

"Get Smartass" Brings Back The Boob Tube (At Least) Once More

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 16:20:15 EDT

As we've noted before, no one finds a good gimmick and drives it until the wheels rust off quite like certain folks in the porn industry. The flavor of the last year or so is obviously the classic TV sitcom spoof, which finds at least two more incarnations coming your way: Ryder Skye and Penny Flame will soon attempt to settle mankind's most enduring mystery (Ginger or Mary Ann?) in "This Ain't Gilligan's Island XXX," which starts shooting this week—but not before Hustler wraps up "Get Smartass," wherein our brave hero Maxwell Smartass and his busty, er ... trusty sidekick Agent 69 (of course) do battle with the forces of evil. Too bad the latter production wasn't ready in time to beat mainstream Hollywood's "Get Smart" remake to the punch. Maybe when it comes to combing back issues of TV Guide for script ideas, the Porn Valley gang still has a long way to go. (Watch the "Get Smartass" trailer after the jump.)

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· Hustler Wraps 'Get Smartass,' Rolls 'Gilligan' Parody (avn.com)

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Previously: Top Ten TV Sitcom Porn Spoofs We'd Like To See

Vagine On A Dime: HGTV Host Lee Snijder Alts It Up

Gram Ponante — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 00:00:00 EDT

It used to be that basic cable was a solid gig, but former Home & Garden TV "Design On A Dime" host Lee Snijder wasn't so lucky, and now he and girlfriend Jett Angel have turned to documenting items common to Fleshbot West's household: Goth Girls. Might-as-well-be-porn site TMZ reported that Snijders started Goth Rock Girls, an unsurprising (but no less appealing, what with Fleshbot Crush Object^TM Scarlett Pain moping therein) inky and pierce-y website. But no "cable" jokes, please: this is an all-girl affair.

· Goth Rock Girls (gothrockgirls.com)

America Loves Busty Heart!

Jonnobot — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 14:10:32 EDT

Much of America outside of a certain subset of Boston Celtics fans might have gotten their first eyeful of Busty Heart via recent episodes of "America's Got Talent", but the fact is that the plucky and prodigiously endowed performer has been flopping her ginormous boobs around things like tin cans and beer kegs for years now. All of which amusing enough to watch, of course, even if her knack for self-promotion is really the talent we should all be paying attention to. (bustyheart.com et al.)

More Secrets Of "Secret Diary Of A Call Girl"

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 16:37:32 EDT

Have you been watching Showtime's broadcasts of "Secret Diary of A Call Girl"? We know it's only been on for two weeks, but the show seems to be picking up steam (and getting more steamy) as it moves along. Ok, it's probably not a very realistic look at the life of a call girl—what with all the amazing apartments and handsome johns—and Billie Piper's constant fourth-wall breaking narration can be a little off-putting, but we've found ourselves enjoying it quite a bit. We got a sneak peek at tonight's episode and not only do you get a close-up look at "the girlfriend experience" you also get your first (brief) look at Billie's bare breasts. See what we mean? It's better already!

· Secret Diary of a Call Girl (sho.com)