If that's not depressing enough, try the dildo that puts you on a self-imposed sex strike based on the measurements of certain political and social facts. For example, if you set a "tolerance limit" of two Iraqi civilian deaths a day, then on any day where civilian deaths in Iraq exceed that number, the vibrator is locked out and you can't use it. No one dies and you're free to jack it! Awesome! Also creepy!

Obviously, these inventions are more Statements than useful masturbatory devices—it's probably better to imagine how a 8.5 quake would rock your hoo-hah instead of waiting for one. But the attempt to tie your daily orgasms to events affecting other people on Earth is a fascinating concept.

Both of these projects are being developed by a group called Cho-Yaba to compete for the "Golden Kleene" award at the next Arse Elektronika this fall. We're very interested in seeing the final results, even if given what we've seen so far their third as-yet-unveiled project—something called the "Perpetual Erection Machine"—is almost too spooky to contemplate. Even for us.

· a series of controversial dildonics (free.fr, via Slashdong)
· Controversial Dildonics (cho-yaba.com)
· Arse Elektronika 2008 (monochrom.at)

(Oh, and the most shocking part? How about the $2,200 price tag? Guess they won't be giving that idea away anytime soon ... )

· Shockspot.net - Pleasure System (shockspot.net, via Slashdong)

After Immersion won its lawsuit against Sony, Internet Services sued them, looking for a cut of the $90 million verdict. But now, halfway through the trial, the lawyer for Internet Services wants off the case and filed a motion to remove himself. So they are now suing him too, in order to force him to stay.

What does all of this have to do with orgasms? Well for starters, if you want to build and sell any sort of vibrating cybersex device, this one company can and probably will sue you for patent infringement unless you license their technology first. (Even a patent lawyer who makes his living doing this stuff doesn't want to work for them anymore, though he won't say why.) If you care about where your next buzz comes from—and who might stand to profit from it—these links might be worth a read.

· Keker & Van Nest wants to get away from client with cybersex patent rights (The Prior Art)
· Who Says Patent Lawsuits Aren't Sexy? (techdirt.com, via gadgets.boingboing.net)
· Immersion vibrates more than your games? (slashdong.org)
· Thumbnail via Slashdong

Their team of specialists tells us that it's a fully open call for machinery asking for, "a PDF containing description and pictures of your working device or a detailed proposal by April 30, 2008. We plan to present the winners of Prixxx Arse Elektronika in autumn 2008 @ Arse Elektronika." We're hoping that whoever wins the prize can deliver an opening night demo worthy enough for us to say, "Move over, Fuckzilla" ... followed by a battle royale of mechanized monster machine mayhem!

· Sex Machine Award: Prixxx Arse (monochrom.at)

See also:
· Kink Hosts International Conference on Sex & Technology (video, kink.com)
· Arse Opening Night Fuckzilla Demonstration (video by BotJunkie, blip.tv)
· Arse Elektronika 2007 Photos (and media wrap, laughingsquid.com)

Previously: · Porn And Tech @ Arse Elektronika

The lineup of speakers and panels looks pretty exciting, and there's also a performance lineup starring Kink.com's Fucking Machines, an interactive female orgasm exhibit (their equivalent of booth babes, we guess), and something called "The Electric Orifice Orchestra" where "extravagantly dressed performers use live biofeedback from muscular interior walls of their bodies to create a multi-media interactive show". Our arses are already tingling with geeky porn-tech glee. (Or from our latest Marital Aid Test Kitchen mishap. It's hard to tell.)

· Arse Elektronika 2007: Porn and Tech Conference (tickets, info @ monochrom.at)
· Thumbnail: Kink.com's Fuckzilla in action

We've been on internet longer than we care to think about, but we do enjoy the occasional look back at the history of this Earth-shaking medium—all the way back to the dark ages of 1997! Remember when the webcam was a young and vibrant technology seeking to unite the globe, and all our heads were filled with dreams of someday making love to Cindy Crawford over an interactive broadband virtual reality sex machine? Hal Pink at Tramp Stamp Studios has unearthed this dusty documentary footage from the early days of teledildonics (when he wasn't even Pink yet) where he reveals the ancient voodoo magic of remote-controlled cockrings to a wide-eyed British TV host. As we look back at the state of the art in vibrating eggs and video web chats from all those ages ago we can't help but think, "Wow ... look how far we haven't come in ten years." Seriously, aren't these pretty much the same options we have today? Where are our VR goggles and pulsating body suits and fleshy, photorealistic cyberbabes? This video could have been shot last week, and we'd hardly be able to tell the difference. Snap to it, geeks! We're not going to live forever ... unless you've been working on a solution for that instead?

- - -

· Dildonics!? (trampstampstudios.com, video via veoh.com)

Previously: Vortex Vibrations: Vacuuming Your Way To A Better Orgasm, OhMiBod's BodiTalk: Reach Out And Fuck Someone, Sex Toy TechWatch: Introducing Twitterdildonics, Porn Vegas Dispatch: Virtual Holes and Virtual Sticks, Xbox's Vibration Sensation, Morning Wood: A Little Dab'll Do Ya, What Porn Stars Like About Porn

Apparently, where there's a Wii, there's a way—to make it into a sex toy, that is. Leave it to qDot over at Slashdong to point us toward the latest filthy dirty hardware hacks, this time featuring gaming's newest darling, the Wii. Shall we have another round of bluetooth sex hyperbole, or is this patch the real deal? "Wiibrator is a python application for Linux that puts control of a TranceVibrator (but requires a kernel patch for some reason?) in your hands through interaction with the Wiimote." We'll just have to see what kind of semaphore-like, swashbuckling moves you'd have to pull with Wii in hand to make it all worthwhile... -V. Blue

· The Wiibrator (slashdong.org)

Previously: Marital Aid Test Kitchen: 7 Function Wireless Remote Egg, Xbox's Vibration Sensation, Sex Toy TechWatch: Je Joue Programmable Vibrator, Porn on Nintendo DS?, Sex Toy TechWatch, Nintendo Revolution Sex Toy?