At least, that's what we've gathered from this selection of photos culled from the first issue, which feature scantily clad models—both in and out of swimwear—lounging about artily. And this is just a taste, mind you: the actual magazine features 360 pages of these provocative "photo stories."

Hey, it definitely beats paging through the Lands' End swimwear section.

Mirage Magazine (miragemag.com)
Mirage Magazine (miragemag.com)
Mirage Magazine (miragemag.com)
Mirage Magazine (miragemag.com)
Mirage Magazine (miragemag.com)
Mirage Magazine (miragemag.com)
Mirage Magazine (miragemag.com)
Mirage Magazine (miragemag.com)
Mirage Magazine (miragemag.com)

We're not sure why, exactly, this is the "real" swimsuit issue—are other Maxim issues full of fake swimsuits?—but we do know that it's really worth looking through. But you don't have to just take our word for it...

· Maxim Magazine's Swimsuit Issue 2009 (cameltap.com)

Swimsuit issue students that we are, we couldn't escape the strange feeling of deja vu we got upon glimpsing Marisa Miller's beaded boob attire. Does it remind anyone else of Daniela Pestova's 2000 cover? Not that we fault Marisa for the homage—after all, she did reveal her habit for re-enacting classic SI shots back in 2004—but the resemblance is uncanny.

Then again, any discussion of who or what is on the cover of a paper magazine seems kind of pointless in this digital age. Especially when you can visit the SI Swimsuit website right now and see hundreds more photos of every model in this year's issue, including race car driver Danica Patrick, the wives of several famous athletes, and even an entire squad's worth of NFL cheerleaders. (Our personal favorites.) Oh, and the supermodels in microscopic (and occasionally non-existent) swimsuits. If you remembered to stock up on canned on goods, even that long walk to the mailbox has become obsolete.

· 2008 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)
· Marisa Miller Previous SI Issues Gallery (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)
· Marisa Miller tribute (goldenfiddle.com)

Fans of shouting out grocery store prices at complete strangers (and yodeling) are no doubt in morning today, as CBS airs Bob Barker's final episode as the host of "The Price Is Right." (If you're stuck at work today, you can catch it tonight in primetime.) The legendary putter—and notorious ladies man, if you'll recall—is stepping down after 35 years and thousands of new cars, but what we're most concerned about is the fate of his greatest television innovation, Barker's Beauties. Bob could never have given away all those dinette sets and Hawaiian vacations without the able-bodied assistance of his harem of statuesque babes, who took smiling, pointing, and generous hand flourishes to a whole other level. Unlike us, Bob was even lucky enough to know at least one of these ladies in the most intimate of ways, which considering that he was pushing 70 at the time, is more than deserving of a polite hat tip. We don't know what kind of custody battle will ensue after his departure, but here's hoping the Beauties will live on in form as well as spirit. We think Bob would have wanted it that way.

· The Price is Right Models Galleries (tpirmodels.com, via complex.com)
· Bob Barker's final appearance today
· Nude BB galleries: Nikki Schieler Ziering, Heather Kozar, Cindy Margolis + Dian Parkinson
· List of Barker's Beauties (Wikipedia)

Previously: Blast From The (TV) Past: The Popsicle Twins, Strip For Pain: "America's Most Dangerous Game Show", Japanese Game Show Showdown

We were too hung over on barbecue ribs last night to catch the Miss Universe pageant, and believe it or not, we're kind of sad we missed it. This year's finals featured the first Rastafarian contender, a bald chick, Miss USA falling on stage (and getting booed by the NAFTA-hating Mexico City crowd) and an upset win by Riyo Mori, the tall drink of water from Japan. And because a beauty pageant just isn't a beauty pageant without a topless photo scandal, some old modeling pics of Miss Czech Republic conveniently resurfaced just in time for the event. (We suppose that, technically, she is not wearing a top.) It sounds like it had something for everyone, even if you like to pick your own winner based solely on the swimsuit competition. We'll be keeping an eye on Japan, however, because if they're now adding leggy superbabes to their list of exports there will soon be no stopping them.

· Miss Japan crowned Miss Universe 2007 (story + slideshow @ yahoo.com)
· Miss Japan upsets Universe (brisbanetimes.com.au)
· Lucie Hadasova Topless Pictures Heat Up Miss Universe Contest (toxicmagazine.com)
· Miss Universe 2007 (missuniverse.com)

Previously: New Miss Great Britain Yet To Be Brought Down By Scandal, Miss Australia "Nude" Scandal, Celebrity Cameltoe Watch™: Rachel Smith, Miss USA 2007, Meet (And Grope!) Miss Nevada, (Former) Miss Great Britain Danielle Lloyd in Playboy, Miss Universe 2006, Natalie Glebova, Miss Universe 2005

· Brazilian bombshells Adriana Lima and Ana Beatriz Barros together again at last for the first time like you've always seen them before. Or something. (latenightpictures.com)

· Ladies, buy a solar powered swimsuit and use your hotness to make this nation energy independent. (shakewellbeforeuse.com)

· Men, do not buy these cock slippers, unless of course, your foot fetish demands it. (sexornot.blogspot.com)

· Was Italian porn legend Moana Pozzi murdered? If you consider assisted suicide to be murder, then yeah. (corrieretandem.com)

· A New York State appeals court rules that words can "depict" sexual content, and not just images. So go fuck yourself. (13wham.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· You know your 15 minutes are over when your homemade celebrity sex tape is so boring, no one even wants to put it on the internet. Better luck next time, Lauren Conrad! (tmz.com, via Gawker)

· Girls Aloud singer Sarah Harding gets $200,000 to stand around in her bathing suit. How much to see her in the birthday suit? (toxicmagazine.com)

· Attorney General Alberto Gonzales admits that mistakes were made and US Attorneys were fired for not prosecuting enough obscenity cases, but that it's also totally cool and he didn't anything wrong. Says to Congress: "We're still buds, right?" (yahoo.com + avn.com)

· Is that fetish model Sativa Verte shaking her booty on Fuse TV's PantsOff, DanceOff? We know she's an expert at the "pants off" part, but does she have any rhythm? (fuse.tv)

· Ahh, the things journalists will do for a story ... like work as phone sex operator. Still no answer as to which profession is more shady. (ctnow.com, via Boing Boing)

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Kylie Minogue gets a new gig as a swimsuit model for H&M. Now she has something to fall back on if the whole "international music superstar" thing doesn't work out. (savemanny.blogspot.com)

· "Can regular guy date a porn star?" Sure ... if you don't mind knowing that your girlfriend paid for dinner with her "Gaped Crusaders" money.(sunjournal.com)

· An armed robber steals $140 from a porn store cash register, then walks off with the real treasure—$22,000 in DVDs. Cops are on the lookout for the guy with the most kick-ass video library in town. (lsj.com)

· European sex shops go upscale, because for some reason all their swarthy, low-class customers don't want to pay $50 for a DVD anymore. (dnaindia.com)

· A former pornstar wins 1.7 million yen in court (about $14,000), because apparently in Japan, you can't talk about famous people after they've retired. Is there any way we can get Britney Spears and Paris Hilton to retire in Japan? (mainichi-msn.co.jp)

· The "he said/she said" porn piece comes to the startling conclusion that a) guys like porn and b) porn isn't real. We're glad that's finally settled. (collegiatetimes.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Brigite isn't just the designer of all the thongs, micro bikinis, and see-through swimsuits sold by the company that bears her name ... she's also the model. That's right, this sexy online swimsuit company is a one-woman operation right down to the nipples poking through her undersized tops. For all we know, she answers the phones and balances the books, too. However, despite the growing market for "mature" half-naked models, the 51-year-old Brigite is hanging up her g-string and looking for someone else to take over the backbreaking of work of hanging out at swimming pools and beaches and showing off your tan lines. Ladies should send in their resumés, now, while everyone else should enjoy their last remaining looks at this enterprising entrepreneur. If you even choose to forgive her for unleashing the Borat Thong on the world, that's up to you.

· Brigitewear (brigite.com)

Previously: Swimwear Photography By Zuan: Colombian Heat, A.S.S.: A Swiss String, Molly Brown's Swimsuits, Malibu Strings Bikini Company, Magnum Bikini Photos, Lingerie and Swimwear from Belabumbum, Wicked Weasel Bikinis

While you were out drinking on Friday night, the leadership in this country changed hands as Miss Tennessee Rachel Smith won the Miss USA pageant. The crown was passed to her from reigning wild child Tara Conner, but only time will tell if the new champ will follow in the footsteps of her predecessor when it comes to creating controversy. She certainly has a long way to go to catch Miss Nevada in that department ... or Miss Great Britain ... or Miss (Almost) Norway, but a little swimsuit competition cameltoe action isn't a bad way to start. Here's a hoping a bit of scandalous magic is still left in that tiara—because if beauty queens can't get people riled up with their "out of control" antics, then what's the point of even having a pageant?

· Rachel Smith Is Miss USA (toxicmagazine.com)
· Miss Tennessee crowned new Miss USA (celebrity-pictures-gossip.com)
· Miss USA Pageant Slideshow (yahoo.com)
· Related: Sexy Miss Sweden Not Just a Pretty Face (abcnews.go.com)

Previously: Flesh Flicks Classic Edition: Revisiting Aylar Lie, Meet (And Grope!) Miss Nevada, Trump or No Trump?, (Former) Miss Great Britain Danielle Lloyd in Playboy, Wet Spots - Tara Conner, Miss Universe 2006

We know that summer is probably far from your minds right now, especially when you're outside scraping ice of your car's windshield, but it's never too early to start thinking about bikini weather. Or just bikinis. If you just can't wait, you could try to bridge the gap between the hot and cold seasons with a nice crochet bikini from Off The Hook. (Get it? It's a pun!) These are unique, custom-made beauties that are sure to catch the eye, and since they're made of nice warm yarn, you can wear them in temperatures at least one or two degrees cooler than a normal swimsuit. (Just trust us on this.) Best of all, the loose construction exponentially increases the chances for a stray nipple to pop through the top. Everybody wins! The only thing we're wondering is: do they shrink when they get wet? Because that would be like ... even more awesome.

· Off The Hook Bikinis (offthehookbikinis.com, modeled by our friend Ashley Shank-Gellar)

Previously: Unusual Underwear, Knit Porn, A.S.S.: A Swiss String, Malibu Strings Bikini Company, Mohair Fetishwear, Scarf Sex Video