The Wall Street banking industry may have collapsed in a heap of soiled derivatives, but that won't stop folks from indulging in the little things that make life bearable—like $1,000 lap dances. Gotta keep those economic "fundamentals" strong, you know. (amny.com; thumb via Reality Kings via Ask Jolene)

The U.S. State Department is advising Americans to avoid Bulgarian strip clubs due to recent turf war violence between rival gangs. So, you know ... that dream vacation package to the strip clubs of Bulgaria is probably going to have to wait. Shucks! (xbiz.com)

The NY Times quotes an outraged dad who sees all those sexy but non-explicit strip club ads on the top of NYC taxis and wonders what he's supposed to tell his young daughters they're trying to sell. Fortunately, the answer comes from a much more reasonable reader in the comments: "I tell my children that they sell hairspray, lots and lots of hairspray." (nytimes.com)

Scores is a landmark institution in the New York strip club universe, but both locations are in danger of being shut down permanently because of all the, you know ... crime and stuff. How will our city's hedge fund managers blow their expense accounts on overpriced champagne now? (ap.google.com)

Heroic swimmer Michael Phelps once again demonstrates the famous reach and determination that won him eight gold medals at the Beijing Olympics. Wait until you see his breast stroke. (radaronline.com)

Despite having untold scores of pasty-faced conventioneers in town, Denver strip clubs are suffering from a bit of a lull this week. Since when do people prefer political speeches to bathtub shows? The solution is simple, however—next week's tech convention will set things right! Nerds to the rescue! (denverpost.com)

The Las Vegas outpost of Scores strip club will attempt to set a world record for the most lap dances given during one song. Man, is that guy going to be sore in the morning. (avn.com)

A Manhattan strip club owner is "shocked" to learn that his VIP rooms might have been used for more than just lap dances and claims (from the jail cell where he is being held on prostitution charges) that he runs one of the "cleanest" clubs in town. Sounds convincing—until you hear from an old friend who used to work for him. That's not quite how Baby Sinead remembers it.... (nydailynews.com + babysinead.com)

The slumping economy means fewer customers at strip clubs, but ironically enough, it also means more strippers since the pay is still better than most other jobs (which you can't get anyway, because the economy stinks.) The moral of the story? Ask about getting your unemployment checks in stacks of singles. (tbo.com; thumb via lust-hero.net, via Ask Jolene)

On The Road Again

So you have your handy GPS unit loaded up with the address of every strip club from Maine to California, but you're afraid of prying eyes getting all up in your Points Of Interest? Let Nudar's new Stealth GPS database show you the quickest way to the nearest "muffler shop" or "headlight service" instead? (They're really strip clubs, though! Get it?) (nudar.com)

An attempt to charge Texas strip club patrons an additional five bucks that would go towards state sexual assault support services and health care for the poor was struck down this week as unconstitutional. Which is fine as far as we're concerned: we're all for helping victims, but when that five bucks could also mean one more surreptitious grope while we're shoving a bill down someone's g-string we totally have to draw the line somewhere. Times are tough enough these days for us too, you know? (avn.com)

The U.S. economy has gotten pretty bad, but at least one sympathetic source is helping out—a strip club in Chile is offering to accept American dollars at 2004 exchange rates in order to lure in broke gringos. Because nothing helps soothe the pain of weak monetary policy like a nice lap dance. (bloomberg.com, via guanabee.com)

Remember that vegan strip club that opened like six weeks ago in Portland? Yeah, it's up for sale on Craigslist already. Serious buyers only, of course, because Craigslist is where serious businessmen go to buy serious businesses. (craigslist, via Gawker, via rivercitykitty.com) More »

When it comes to strip clubs in downtown LA, there's classy and then there's ... uh, really classy. Being unrepentant sleaze fans ourselves we guess we'll just have to take Gridskipper's word for it, but it's nice to know they're there if we ever decide to treat ourselves to a fancy night on the town. (gridskipper.com)

The owners of a Tampa area gentlemen's club were cited by police after putting up this eye-catching sign out front, but not for the reason you think: the bare ass was fine, but those flashy blinking lights have got to go. Seriously, show some class people! (myfoxtampabay.com)

When Lap Dances Go Wrong

A New York City banker is suing a strip club for what he says are "serious injuries" incurred during a tragic lap dancing accident. There was a lot of pain, but we're guessing not much suffering. (newsday.com, thumb via nshoneys.com)

Vegan Strip Clubs Are Serious Business

The strip club steak dinner special is such a time-honored "manly man" tradition, that it never really seemed necessary to create something like a vegan strip club. Plus, no one really goes to those places to eat. But one hardcore vegan business owner has made that dream a reality at the Casa Diablo in Oregon, the world's animal-free strip joint. ("The only meat is on the pole!") The local news media could not be more thrilled, since it gives bored beat reporters the perfect opportunity to create an audition tape to be the next "Daily Show" correspondent. We just can't decide what's funnier: The stone-faced anchorman warning viewers to stay away from the upcoming objectionable content or his co-workers milking that salacious content for cheap ratings and cheaper jokes? We're going to head over to Burger King and chew on it some more. More »

Brantford, Ontario, spent $430,000 (Canadian!) to buy a strip club just so they could tear it apart. Now, if only there was some easy way for them to make all that money back ... (brantfordexpositor.ca)

Texas strip clubs are fighting over a new law that forces them to charge a $5 entrance fee to every customer. "You can only charge so much to the customer before they will go (to) Bennigans." Ain't that the truth! That place is delicious! (chron.com)

Hey, if you're going to the mall this week for some last minute shopping, be sure to head downstairs and pick up a lap dance. Oh, what's that? Your mall doesn't have a strip club in the basement? Then maybe you should move. Immediately. (cbs4denver.com)

An abandoned strip club near Chicago has been turned into a Christmas tree store. It's like a Charlie Brown Christmas miracle only, you know ... the opposite of that. (chicagotribune.com)

Word to the wise: Just because you work at a strip club like Scores, that doesn't mean you have to bang the boss for money or let the managers smack you on the ass whenever they want. Leave the sexual harassment to the customers. (nydailynews.com)

Remember Ohio's controversial no-touching strip club law? Well, it's still controversial and lawsuits are still a-flyin'. They've reached federal court now and who is more trustworthy when it comes to fairly settling complex issues than the federal government? (cleveland.com)

The real shocker at Shockers Showbar isn't the naked ladies, it's the $6,000 bill they try to stick on your credit card for lap dances and drinks. Six grand in one night for lap dances isn't excessive really, but at least give the guy what he paid for. (wvrecord.com)

New York City boob palace Scores is launching a holiday "Cans for Cans" drive. Bring in a can of food for the needy and get free admission to the naked ladies. In stripping as it is in food, the more the cans the better. (amny.com)

A Georgia father is understandably peeved after his son ran up (or was bilked into?) a $53,000 strip club tab in just one night, while celebrating his graduation from college. We're guessing he didn't major in finance. (thesmokinggun.com + ajc.com)

Speaking of New York City strippers, we can't wait to see that new Broadway show about the naughty nanny. We hear it's super hot. We haven't actually been down to Times Square in quite a few years, though—do you think it's changed much? (copyranter.blogspot.com)

Attempts to hold a ballot referendum on Ohio's new strip club law failed miserably, so it looks like no one is going to be touching anyone inappropriately anytime soon. (columbusdispatch.com)

It's good to know that strippers can get workman's comp, but judging by some of the shadier clubs we've been in what they really need is combat pay. (wlfi.com)

Some Florida strip clubs are offering free flu shots for patrons this fall, but if you try to poke any butts yourself you'll have to answer to the bouncers. (palmbeachpost.com)

Speaking of strippers and the law, it looks like the good people of Ohio will get to vote on their state's new ultra-strict strip club regulations. Somehow President Bush is already 10 points ahead. (avn.com)

A federal appeals court has struck down a ban on nude dancing in places that serve alcohol. The right of the people to get rip-roaring drunk and throw dollar bills at naked ladies shall not be infringed. (forbes.com, pole via artybees.co.nz)

Meet the "Sexually Oriented Business Board" or the reason why you can have a gangbang with three strangers in a sex club, but can't let a stripper sit on your lap in Nashville. It's the senseless and arbitrary government regulations that we love the most. (nashvillescene.com)

Porn Valley (Adjacent) Dispatch: Adult Film Star Ball

Denver has always been sexy. Dick Hallorann knew it. Pam Dawber as Mindy knew it. Robert Guillaume as Benson knew it. That is why porn parvenu Dave Navarro and the delightful Jesse Jane will be hosting that city's fourth Annual Adult Film Star Ball, to be held August 25 at La Boheme Gentlemen's Club and its fabulous adjacent tent. Joining the more than 25 adult stars scheduled to perform or attend will be Nikolai Volkoff and the Iron Sheik, favorites from the whimsical world of wrestling. More »

An Australian politician says his poll numbers might dip slightly now that folks know about his drunken night at a strip club during a visit to America. Frankly, it would have been rude to not observe the local customs. (foxnews.com)

Canadian strip clubs fight for their right to hire foreign workers. "This is one of the professions where there is a worker shortage." Really? Surely, we must be able to loan our neighbors some hot naked people in this time of crisis? (canoe.ca)

We knew there had to be a perfectly reasonable explanation for a federal judge spending $3,000 at a strip club in two days: He was drunk out of his mind, of course. And you thought he was doing something improper. (9news.com)

It's one step forward, one shimmys back in the strip club world this week as the famous Crazy Horse Too in Las Vegas announces that it's closing its doors. Having an owner in a jail and no liquor license will do that to you. (lasvegassun.com)

In a welcome advance in our collective right to ogle g-strings at close range, the Scottsdale City Council has voted to legalize lap dancing and "on-person or in-costume" tipping in strip clubs. Whether noted Scottsdale resident Jenna Jameson will make a surprise appearance at Skin Cabaret to try out the new ordinance for herself remains to be seen. (AVN)

Morning Wood: What Are You Looking At? (Besides Joanna Krupa)

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