Fleshbot: straight, silly

October Appreciation Month: Show Your Sexy Fall Colors

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 12:40:37 EDT

It's the first day of the new month—and we are so on the ball this time! Perhaps it's because we're always super-jazzed about turning the calendar page when October rolls around: Fall is in full swing, we can start planning our Halloween costumes, and we can practically taste those giants bags of candy that await us! Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that half of our senior editorial staff is celebrating birthdays this month (which we're sure is just a coincidence). Or maybe we're still feeling a little guilty that we gave September the fuzzy end of the lollipop. For whatever reason, there are plenty of sexy reasons to celebrate in the weeks ahead ... especially if we make them sexy. So grab your toothbrush and start whooping it up for Dental Hygiene Month and more after the jump.

. . .

Computer Learning Month

A Series Of Sex "Tubes"

Dental Hygiene Month

Katrin Kozy: Toothbrush Babe
Toothbrushing video
Toothbrush Fetish: Paste Pumpers

Fire Prevention Month

Fountains Of Pleasure: A Tribute To Girls Who Squirt

National Cookbook Month

What's Cookin'? Top Ten Kitchen Sex Videos

National Cookie Month
Naughty Girl Scout Misty Anderson (teenchickpics.com)

National Roller Skating Month

Crash Into Me: "RollerDollz" Really Satisfies

Pasta Month

Nikki Nova (redclouds.com)

National Chemistry Week (October 17th-23rd)

National School Bus Safety Week (October 17th-23rd)

The Magic School Bus

National Business Women's Week (October 20th-26th)

Casual Sex Fridays

World Vegetarian Day (October 1)

Vagetarian Porn
How To: Make Your Own Veggie Vibrator
Flesh Flicks: Cucumber Love

World Teachers Day (October 5)

Higher Learning: Top Ten Classroom Sex Videos

National German-American Day (October 6)

Flesh Flicks: Got Milk Maids?

World Egg Day (October 8)

Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Bnaughty Vibrating Egg

National Angel Food Cake Day (October 10)

National Bring Your Teddy Bear to Work and School Day (October 13)
Care Bear Sex (RedTube)
Teddy Babes

Be Bald and Be Free Day (October 14)

The Bald And The Beautiful: Shaved Head Girls Are Cool

No Beard Day (October 18)

Lesbians Shaving (RedTube)

National Mole Day (October 23)

Military Spies

Mrs. Ana Edson Taylor becomes first person to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel and survive. (October 24)

Plush Animal Lover's Day (October 28)

Hot Tail: Your Furry Schoolgirl Striptease Fantasy Finally Comes True

National Chocolate Day (October 28)
Mellie and Christine

Bring your Jack-O-Lantern to Work Day (October 29)

Pumpkin Porn

Halloween (October 31)

Our Last Halloween Post Ever (Promise!): Sluts Take Over Manhattan
Xanthia Doll (GothicSluts.com)
Scar @ Gothic Sluts

* * * * *

Previously: September Appreciation Month: It's Never Too Late To Celebrate!

What gives you a boner? Scarlett Johansson?...

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 09:50:00 EDT

What gives you a boner? Scarlett Johansson? The Deschanel Sisters? "The Wonder Years"? Whatever it is, it's good enough for Boner Party! It's the website that celebrates all that is boner-iffic in the world. Isn't that sweet of them? (bonerparty.tumblr.com)

September Appreciation Month: It's Never Too Late To Celebrate!

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 13:35:25 EDT

We have a confession to make—we blew it this month. We had meant to make our monthly holiday appreciation posts a first day kind of thing, but something about the holiday of Labor got into our heads and we guess we took that day off. Actually, there's no excuse for this bout of lazy/forgetfulness—but thankfully, September is "Be Kind To Editors and Writers Month," so you can't complain. In the spirit of forgiveness and remembrance, however, we decided to honor all those days you missed out on over the past four weeks (while you still have a few hours left to enjoy them) and give you something to look forward to next year. As for October ... well shoot, that's tomorrow! Looks like we've got some work to do ...

. . .

Library Card Sign-up Month

Flesh Flicks: File This One Away For Later

National Hispanic Heritage Month

Para Ti: Our Favorite Ladies Of Latin America
How Fuckable Is Your Country? Latin American Edition

Shameless Promotion Month

"Not Bewitched XXX": More Hype Than You Can Twitch Your Nose At

Pleasure Your Mate Month

Marital Aid Test Kitchen

National Singles Week (September 15th-21st)

Masturbation

National Clean Hands Week (September 15th-21st)

Stories With A Happy Ending: Top Ten Massage Sex Videos

Anniversary of the premiere of "Star Trek" (September 8, 1966)

XXX Trek: Even The Klingons Are Afraid
Leonard Nimoy Boldly Defends Full-Figured Women
William Shatner Does Playboy

Bald is Beautiful Day (September 8)

The Bald And The Beautiful: Shaved Head Girls Are Cool

Wife Appreciation Day (September 9)

Mothers Know Best (Even If They're Not Always Actual Mothers): Top Ten MILF Sex Videos

Video Games Day (September 12)

Ava And Mia Do "Halo 3"
Exclusive: Hannah Harper Does "Whorecraft"

National Student Day (September 16)

Higher Learning: Top Ten Classroom Sex Videos

Women's Friendship Day (September 16)

Sapphic Erotica Galleries

Talk Like a Pirate Day (September 19)

Talk Like A Pirate (Or Just Fap Like One)
Pirates II Coverage

Hobbit Day (September 22)
Flesh Flicks: Size Doesn't Matter (Or Make Sense)

National Hunting and Fishing Day (September 25)
Flesh Flicks: Lesbians Ahoy!

Love Note Day (September 28)

Spice Up Your Sex Life The Cosmo Way

Chewing Gum Day (September 30)

Bubble Gum Porn: Chew On This

Rosh Hashanah (September 30)

The Chosen Ones: Jewish Girls In Porn

International Women's E commerce Days (September 18th-21st)
Club Jenna, Teravision, Joanna Angel, Melissa Midwest, Baby Sinead, etc.....

* * * * *
Previously: August Appreciation Month: Hot And Sweaty, Just The Way We (Sorta) Like It

iPhone App Stretches Mobile Technology's Boob-Groping Limits

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 11:55:41 EDT

As if you couldn't see enough actual boobs on your iPhone, some genius Machead has created an application that actually allows you to touch and fondle them! Or the outline of a boob, that is. OK, so maybe it's just a line. But still: it's a boob! And even if a bouncy little blob that responds to fingertip touch but lacks any definable features of a real breast gets less interesting the more you play with it, it's good to know that boob physics are alive and well—as are the stunning lengths that Apple fanboys will go to in order to grope a hot rack. (Non-iPhone owners can test it here.)

· paiTouch: Virtual boob simulator for the iPhone (crunchgear.com, via Gizmodo)

Diesel Makes Porn Safe For After Work Too

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 11:20:14 EDT

Sure, we've seen that paint-by-numbers SFW porn gimmick many times before—but never in video form! So we couldn't help laughing at this advertisement for an international party Diesel is throwing for its 30th anniversary next month. Sometimes the easy jokes are easy for a reason. Video after the jump.

. . .

• Diesel SFW XXX (break.com)
• Diesel Dirty Thirty (diesel.com)
• Make Porn Work-Safe: THE MOVIE! (forums.somethingawful.com)

Contempt Of Porn Court

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 16:55:58 EDT

We're not lawyers—or doctors, for that matter—but we're pretty sure the "expert" testimony is this fake vagina trial would not be admissible in any court. Sure, watching some anal sex under sterile lab conditions is an excellent way of gathering scientific data, but we don't see what any of it has to do with a bunch of lame jokes about pussy. Just stick to the facts and the fucking or we'll declare this whole damn system out of order.

. . .

· "vagina court" (RedTube)

What happens when an Australian Rules Football...

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 14:58:20 EDT

What happens when an Australian Rules Football star parades around his city in broad daylight wearing a dress and an oversized pink dildo? We're not sure actually—is that one of the wacky Australia rules? (news.com.au; more @ Defamer Australia)

August Appreciation Month: Hot And Sweaty, Just The Way We (Sorta) Like It

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 12:50:55 EDT

We are heading into the home stretch of the dog days of summer, and have just about had our fill of 90 degree days and 110% humidity. Seriously: having a valid excuse to wander around our apartment naked all day is great and everything, but we also haven't been off our leather couch in three weeks and we're pretty sure our bare skin has permanently bonded with it. So how can we distract ourselves until fall rolls around? Well, we can always learn a new language or get that checkup we've been putting off. Or maybe we'll just go into a hypnotic trance for the next 31 days. As you'll see after the jump, August is good for doing all those things—and of course, it's also good for looking at porn too. Why waste the season waiting for Labor Day to roll around anyway?

. . .

National Immunization Awareness Month

· Medical Curiosities: "Dr. Probe's Lab Of Perversion"
· Sasha Grey's Health Tips

Learn Japanese Month

· How To Talk Like A Dirty Geisha
· Fleshbot Archives for Japan, Japanese + Tentacles

National Inventor's Month

· The Chin Dong

Black Business Month

· Man and his secretary in the office (onlinesexportal.net)
· NicheFlixxx Helps Everyone Get Their Freak On
· Vanessa Blue, Ask For Her By Name
· "Why Interracial Porn is Stupid" (And Why We Agree)

World Breastfeeding Week (August 1st-7th)

· "feeding her man" (Megarotic)

Elvis Week (August 11th-19th)

· "Burnin' Love" (dvdempire.com, via)
· "Of Time And Passion" (movieroom.com)

National Resurrect Romance Week (August 12th-18th)

· "can't count how many guys" (PornHub)

National Aviation Week (August 13th-19th)

· Joining The Mile High Club (While Still On The Ground)

Sister's Day (August 1)

· Danielle & Tamara Kondratiuk and more Sisters

Hypnosis Day (August 2)

· (You Will Be Turned On By) Trance Providers: Erotic Hypnosis Videos

Coast Guard Day (August 3)

· "Two Blondes on a Boat"

National Gymnastics Day (August 5)

· Gymnast Sex (Megarotic)
· Flesh Flicks Classic Edition: Naked Romanian Gymnasts Forever!

National Friendship Day (August 6)

· Slumber Party! (video @ PornHub)

National Mustard Day (August 7)

· Hot Dog Girl (toxxxy.com)

Sandcastle Day (August 17)

(via)

Hawaiian Statehood Day (August 21)

· Hawaii Porn Blog (hawaiipornblog.com)
· Nautica Thorn (1/4 Hawaiian)
· Mika Tan (Born in Honolulu)

Kiss and Make Up Day (August 25)

· The Single Best Thing To Happen At The AVN Expo This Year (Maybe Ever): Three Minutes And Nine Seconds Of Hot Girls Kissing Each Other
· Postcards From Las Vegas: Abby Winters Lesbian Makeout Session

Women's Suffrage Day (August 26)

· "tied and forced to orgasm" (RedTube)

Crackers Over The Keyboard Day (August 28) ((Ed note: Huh?))

· "fucked on desk" (Megarotic)

According to Hoyle Day (August 29)

· Erotic Playing Cards

* * * * *

Previously: July Appreciation Month: Celebrate The Summer With Porn!

If you're undecided about which presidential...

Jonnobot — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 15:25:33 EDT

If you're undecided about which presidential candidate to vote for come November and are looking for some celebrity guidance (and why wouldn't you be?), ask yourself: would you rather find yourself in the same polling booth as Halle Berry and Scarlett Johansson, or Wilford Brimley and Heidi Montag? The choice is clear! (Of course we mean Wilford and Heidi. Did we mention how much we totally love watching "The Hills"?) (meaningfuldistractions.wordpress.com)

OK, so maybe our idea of a sexy iPhone unboxing...

Jonnobot — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 11:45:29 EDT

OK, so maybe our idea of a sexy iPhone unboxing video doesn't exactly involve some fully dressed dorky dude licking his new device before lubing it up and plugging it into his laptop ... but then, it's not our iPhone he's inboxing, now is he? Hopefully when it comes down to making it really sexy he'll know where to look. (mysexyunboxing.com)

Adult Mosaic Makes The World A Nicer Place, One Naked Babe At A Time

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 10:55:46 EDT

Do you ever get the feeling that the world would be a much more enjoyable place if it were made entirely of naked chicks? Well, we think about that all the time—and now that we've discovered the Adult Mosaic generator, life just got a whole lot better. Upload a picture and watch in amazement as it is transformed into a mosaic comprised of hundreds of teeny tiny hot babes. For added fun, try making a picture of a naked lady out of a bunch of other pictures of naked ladies and watch the universe fold in upon itself and explode! (adultmosaic.com, thanks Hallie!)

The Ballad Of Crystal And Jack, Or "The Longest Amateur Sex Tape Ever"

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 13:20:09 EDT

Ah, youth! The only problem with it, as they say, is that it's wasted on young horny people with nothing better to do than hang out around the house all day drinking, smoking and having sex. Take Crystal and Jack, or "Baby" and "Baby" as they usually refer to each other. They're just two crazy kids in love, and you will get to know more about them than you could have ever possibly hoped to in this 11-part video epic. Watch them cook dinner! Watch them drive around in their car! Listen to them talk! (Oh boy, do they talk.) And occasionally—in between long soliloquies about "the Houdini" and "skull dragging," whatever those things mean—they also have sex. It may not sound like it's worth sitting through a couple hours of footage for just a few amateur sex scenes, but these two chatterboxes are oddly compelling. Hypnotic, even. (Or maybe we're just entranced by Crystal's frequently exposed breasts, which you don't even have to turn up the volume for to appreciate.)

. . .

(Note: The full saga is below, with highlights of actual sex helpfully annotated by Intern Eve. Even we couldn't sit through the whole thing.)

See: minute 2:30-5:20

See: minute 7:30-8:20

See: minute 6:45-8:20

See: minute 7:30-8:30

See: minute 0:00-1:50

See: minute 5:00-6:00

. . .

All videos @ Megarotic

If Hollywood Sex Scenes Were Real

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 10:01:18 EDT

Have you ever found yourself watching two of your favorite on-screen characters locked in a passionate embrace and wished that your own love life could be that perfect and beautiful? And then you remembered that sex is a dirty, complicated, and occasionally frightening experience and that even the smoothest, most romantic sexual romp you've ever had didn't turn out that good. Maybe it's time for a little honesty in our movie lovemaking? Or maybe not.

· Realistic Hollywood Sex Scene (collegehumor.com)

July Appreciation Month: Celebrate The Summer With Porn!

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 16:20:42 EDT

Did you know that July is National Bikini Month? (We actually thought that was every month, but we promise to make our two-piece swimwear posts extra special for the next 30 days or so.) As we learned back in May, pretty much every day is a reason to celebrate something—whether it's National Ice Cream Day (July 18), National Lollipop Day (July 20), or National Chocolate Day (July 7). Some days even give you more than one reason to set off fireworks, like July 4th, which is both U.S. Independence Day and Independence From Meat Day. ("Where The Boys Aren't, Volume 232"). That doesn't even cover Canadian Independence Day, Restless Leg Syndrome Education and Awareness Week (July 18-25), Be Nice To New Jersey Week (aka "Give A Guido A Blowjob Before July 7" Week), something called Wood Wagon Day (July 21; don't ask), and Freedom From Fear of Public Speaking Day. You know, the day when you picture everyone you know naked. (It's July 2.)

There's even more where that came from below, but whatever day it is be sure to visit Fleshbot, where it's always July 23. (aka "Too Hot To Handle" Day!)

. . .

Canada Day (July 1)

· Canadian porn stars (Wikipedia)

Cell Phone Courtesy Month

· iPhone Porn 2.0: Here We Go Again

· Flesh Flicks: Call Waiting

International Blondie and Deborah Harry Month

(Sorry we, thought that was International Blonde Month!)

· Blondes on Fleshbot

National Bikini Month

· Bikinis on Fleshbot

· Mariah Carey Is Always Tops On Our Charts

National Hot Dog Month

· Flesh Flicks: Hot! Dog!

· Olivia Munn's Hot Beef Injection

Smart Irrigation Month

· Squirt Machines (And Other Urban Legends)

Nude Recreation Weekend (July 9th-15th)

· "America Swings": We Like To Share

· "The Sunshine Club": Vintage Nudist Video

Rabbit Week (July 15th-21st)

· Marital Aid Test Kitchen: The Rosebud Vibrator: Does A Rabbit By Any Other Name Smell As Sweet?

Single Working Woman's Week (July 29th-August 4th)

· Lost In Lust: Cherise Isis' "American Stripper"

Be a Geek Day (July 14)

· Geek Girls Online: Where The L33t Meet

Women's Motorcycle Month

· Flesh Flicks: Easy Riding

· Flesh Flicks: Uneasy Riders

Parents Day (July 22)

· "MILFStravaganza 4": You Can MILF If You Want To

· Other Mommies

Gorgeous Grandma's Day (July 23)

· Horny Grandmothers

· Omasex: Hot Grannies

· Calendar of Strange Holidays and Other Events to Scrapbook In July (families.com)

Does this bunk bed look familiar? It could...

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 11:55:53 EDT

Does this bunk bed look familiar? It could be one of the eight places where you were most likely to lose your virginity. And no "in the butt" is not one of the options. (holytaco.com)

Vegan Strip Clubs Are Serious Business

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 15:29:26 EST

The strip club steak dinner special is such a time-honored "manly man" tradition, that it never really seemed necessary to create something like a vegan strip club. Plus, no one really goes to those places to eat. But one hardcore vegan business owner has made that dream a reality at the Casa Diablo in Oregon, the world's animal-free strip joint. ("The only meat is on the pole!") The local news media could not be more thrilled, since it gives bored beat reporters the perfect opportunity to create an audition tape to be the next "Daily Show" correspondent. We just can't decide what's funnier: The stone-faced anchorman warning viewers to stay away from the upcoming objectionable content or his co-workers milking that salacious content for cheap ratings and cheaper jokes? We're going to head over to Burger King and chew on it some more.

· Customers Find All Skin, No Meat At Vegan Strip Club - KPTV Portland (kptv.com)
· "Boobs With a Side of Soy" (wweek.com)

Shay Laren, Nude Bowler

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 13:41:55 EST

Former ~~Playmate~~ Pet and current babelog diehard Shay Laren has many talents, one of which is apparently bowling—both real and virtual. Anyone can throw a strike in Wii sports, but how many have the guts to take on the gutters of a live bowling alley? The only problem with actual alleys is that they have those silly "no shirt, no service" policies, which really messes up her game. Ours too, but this glimpse insider her locker room helps ease the pain.

. . .

· Wii Shay Laren (dailymotion.com, via attuworld.com)

Previously: Meet Shay Laren

We didn't think people mooned truckers while...

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 10:24:47 EST

We didn't think people mooned truckers while riding on the highway anymore, but apparently it's still a popular way to fight road boredom. We can't wait to talk about this on our CB radio! (youporn.com — obey all traffic laws, kids!)

RubMyClit: The iPhone Finds Its True Purpose

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 13:09:55 EST

Ever since the iPhone was born, pornographers have tried to pitch their wares to the mobile pervert and capitalize on the buzz of this year's must-have gadget. But so far, no one's really taken advantage of the device's super slick touch screen to put you in the action. Well, some enterprising do-gooder has finally figured out how to make iPorn work (sorta) with this little interactive clitoris s(t)imulator game. Since most of you aren't cool enough to have your own (hey, we had to borrow one just to do this post) we figured a demonstration was in order. What to know what ~~$600~~ $400 worth of Steve Jobs' mind grapes gets you? One satisfied cartoon ... and a lot of smudgy fingerprints.

· rubMyClit (rubmyclit.ratethatthing.com)
· Video (and phone) supplied by Nick McGlynn

How you feel about this "back door" pencil...

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 10:27:46 EST

How you feel about this "back door" pencil sharpener probably depends on which side of the Gawker Media universe your cubicle happens to sit. Girl power indignation or geeky gadget lust? Fortunately, we're in neutral territory. (It's near the coffee machine.) (livejournal.com, via Jezebel, via Gizmodo)