Birthday party via Teenage Group Sex

Queeny Love, November 8 (iafd.com)
QueenyLove.com (porneskimo.com)

Roxy DeVille, November 8 (iafd.com)
She's (apparently) retired, and we miss her terribly!
Penthouse (penthouse.com)

Madison Mason, November 14 (iafd.com)
Pure Sybian (puresybian.com)

Cali Lee, November 15 (iafd.com)
New Sensations (nsgalleries.com)

Carli Banks, November 16 (iafd.com)
Stunners (promo.stunners.com)

Shay Jordan, November 17 (iafd.com)
Digital Playground (digitalplaygroundpornstars.com)

Angelina Armani, November 18 (iafd.com)
Naughty America (naughtyamerica.com)

Aneta Keys, November 18 (iafd.com)
Glossy Angels (galleries.payserve.com)

Stacy Adams, November 19 (iafd.com)
Black Ice (blackicepass.com)

"Shay Jordan Leather & Lace," which releases next week, features the curvy starlet taking a variety of beautiful cock in her tight and tiny wonder holes with a zesty relish for sex that belies a deep seated passion for life and insatiable hunger for its nectar. As the title of this Celeste trick suggests, the release showcases both the mild and the wild sides of the girl next door turned ravenous cock devourer, capturing the dizzying arc of a career that burned bright before fading into that good night. (That's Dylan Thomas, for all you illiterates out there.)

Young stunners Zeina Heart and Heather Vahn join in this siren's chorus, luring us into their sexy trap with their incomparable feminine charms as well as their distinctive, and compelling, taste for haberdashery. Lithe beauty Zeina looks amazing with all of Scott Nail's turgid pink tool crammed up into her svelte frame, her mouth a parted O of pure pleasure, a shimmer of lusty satisfaction gleaming off her perfect young skin. Watching Miss Vahn take a solid drilling is pure magic.

"Shay Jordan Leather and Lace" release next week from Digital Playground. All rights to these snaps are reserved so don't be a douche. Seriously. Have an amazing weekend!

· Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground.

And with Zeina Hart and Heather Vahn rounding out the cast, well, this is one release we won't be missing out on. (Which, come to think of it, makes it a lot like just about every other Digital Playground release.)

· "Shay Jordan: Leather and Lace" trailer (digitalplayground.com)
· Image of Shay Jordan is courtesy of DigitalPlayground.com (digitalplayground.com)

That's where this delightful Digital Playground series comes in, exploring the comic (and sometimes tragic) pitfalls of commercial pornography. From the flaking girls to those that don't know the limitations of their own bodies, award winning Director Robby D. spins pure gold from the average situational conflicts that arise daily in the process of transforming a consumer into a director, and a horny slut (by which we mean "girl with no moral hang ups") into a pornographic superstar. They don't all start out like Sasha Grey or Fleshbot Supreme Commandress Stoya, you know! Many (if not most) of the ladies of porn need serious training up to go from amateur to Jenna Haze.

While some critics have already dubbed this installment of "My First Porn" as the "former contract performer" edition—due to hotties Sophia Santi, Adrianna Lynn, and Shay Jordan all starring as leads—we'd like to think of it more as the "fucking hot as motherfucking hell" edition—for pretty much the same reasons.

We don't ask for much, really, and yet somehow the good people over at Digital Playground seem to surprise and amaze us nearly every time. If we have one tiny little grouse, it might be that aside from red delight Kiki (don't even get us started on how incendiary we think she is), most of these girls, including Fleshbot Crush Object Shawna Lenee, aren't really all that "new" to this. Still, all anomalies, anachronisms, and alliteration aside, that knowledge does little to distract from the overall prurient quality of the release. We remained rigidly spellbound throughout... and our guess is that you will too.

"My First Porn 11" releases today from Digital Playground. They own these pix so watch yourself—all rights are reserved, home slice!

· Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)

The website for Gold Star Modeling features a newly added model, Jasmine Jinn, who bears a strong resemblance to the lovely Shay. Why the name change? Well, she's not Shay Jordan^TM for nothing: Digital Playground holds the trademark on the name Shay Jordan, so any work that Shay Jasmine wants to do with another company must be done under another name (just like with Chyna and the WWE!).

In any case, we're glad to see that Shay/Jasmine/Whatever is still working... a Shay by any other name still fucks as sweet, right?

· Gold Star Modeling: Jasmine Jinn (goldstarmodeling.com, via pornstarbabylon.wordpress.com)
· Image courtesy of Digital Playground (digitialplayground.com)

It’s been a rough ride through hard fuck town for the stunning beauty—though, ironically enough, it's been due to legal issues rather than prurient ones. After an expensive legal process unfairly wrested her first nom de guerre from her (and burdened her with a consequent fine), the lascivious doll morphed consonants and continued her rampage across the face of the industry, mesmerizing fans and enemies alike with her white hot libido and unforgettable sexual performances.

This week Digital Playground directress Celeste returns with the latest incarnation of Katsuni’s ever expanding sexual empire—"Katsuni: Sexual Freak 10." In addition to Digital Playground stars Katsuni, Shay Jordan, and Lacie Heart; the title rounds out with Renee Sky and Micah Moore. These dirty angels' willfully deviant performances add to the growing list of peccadilloes that keep us warm through the long, cold winter nights—mea culpa! Once again, other studios could learn a thing or two from Celeste (and Robby D—whose touch is all over this volume as well) about lighting, camera work, art department, casting, and, last but not least, style.

"Katsuni: Sexual Freak 10" releases this week. All images are courtesy (and property) of Digital Playground. Behave yourself.

· Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)

We hope Katsuni knows that deep down, she is not the only Sexual Freak. Seriously, look around—Teagan is a Sexual Freak. Shay Jordan is a Sexual Freak, Sophia Santi is a Sexual Freak. Stoya, Audrey Bitoni, Lacie Heart—all Sexual Freaks. Wouldn’t it be nice if they could all get together and just feel normal? Can’t you imagine Digital Playground’s new line of films, starting with "Jesse Jane(TM): Well-Adjusted Secure Girl" (a celeste punt)?

· Digital Playground (www.DigitalPlayground.com)
· Buy "Sexual Freak 10 - Katsuni" (gamelink.com)

Read our review of "Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge" after the gap.

Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge

Here's how much money went into "Pirates 2." When I opened the 4-disc box, three crisp hundred-dollar bills slid out. There was a code on Disc 1 that allowed me half off a 2008 Saturn Vue at the Porn Valley Galpins. There were free helicopter rides to the Van Nuys airport, and either Stoya or Riley Steele is contractually obligated to deliver your "Pirates 2" personally, wearing nothing but your family coat of arms or company logo bodypainted across her eager frame.

But I only speak from personal experience. Your mileage may vary.

A movie of excesses, "Pirates 2" is also an earnest attempt to be a family comedy – much like the "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies were, except with rimjobs in it. There are portions of the script devoted to loyalty, believing in oneself, and sticking up for friends that would not be out of place on "Hannah Montana." That these elements appear discretely between scenes of guys coming on each other (just from a porn angle, "Pirates 2" is dirtier and riskier than your average mainstream adult movie) was an uncomfortable marriage of childish themes with very adult ones, as if Digital Playground were trying to let the Sarah Palin demographic know that fisting was "super."

The first joke told by anyone who writes about porn (and a joke he is under the mistaken impression of thinking he has invented) is the one about the sequels. It goes like this: "Whoriental Sex Academy 4 addresses the vital questions left unanswered by Whoriental Sex Academies 1 through 3."

"Pirates 2," on the other hand, really does pick up where its predecessor left off, cannily depending on familiarity with (and perhaps ownership of) 2005's "Pirates" to figure out who "Serena" was and why Captain Evan Stone and First Mate Jesse Jane are searching the Caribbean for her. (Just so you know, Serena is Janine Lindemulder's character from the original. She doesn't appear, Jo-rel or Ben Kenobi-like, in "Pirates 2," however).

An adventure that leads from Jamaica to the (Armenian owned and operated) slave markets to the high seas to the netherworld, where Katsuni's magical Blue Pearl reanimates Tommy Gunn's Stagnetti, "Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge" really is all over the place, and anyone who expects the story to make sense is, I guess, expecting too much. Ditto for the CGI. The pirate hunters' animated ship moves through animated water, leaving no shadow and displacing none of it. The massive worm slain by Belladonna is about as realistic as Jesse Jane's boobs.

But if the big effects are not even to the standards of late-night Sci Fi Channel fare, the sex and the scope of "Pirates 2" are far beyond what you expect and deserve as average porn consumers. You expect an awful porn script? Here you get one that actually expected something of the actors. You expect scenery chewing from the men? Evan Stone and Steven St. Croix ably comply. You want Jesse Jane and Belladonna to fuck the living daylights out of each other? Check.

Not only that, but the strenuous sex scenes we saw in the theatrical (yes, "Pirates 2," like its predecessor, debuted in a theatre) release are extended in the DVD set. So the thrill you got to see added footage of Minas Tirith when the "Return of the King" Extended Edition came out you can now feel when you see even more of Belladonna's colon.

But in other areas the sheer quantifiables of the movie are distractions. The Stagnetti of the title is, despite Tommy Gunn's performance, useless. He appears toward the end and, as it turns out, anticlimactically. Katsuni's incoherent black widow character was both evil and had boobs. Stagnetti wasn't necessary. The same goes for Sasha Grey. Sure it makes sense for Sasha Grey to be in the biggest porn movie of the year, but her presence and character are as tacked on as when everybody in class has to be in the school play, so suddenly Snow White has 40 dwarves.

And why was Shay Jordan not listed on the box? Her performance was wonderful. And why was Stoya only in a group scene? Both are criminal acts. Further inexplicability is achieved in non-speaking, non-fucking roles for Ange Venus and Adrianna Nicole ("I fell asleep on set," Nicole said.)

Regardless, we persevere. We remember that "Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge" is a porn movie – and an excellent porn movie - with all the usual limitations even if, as shouted from the boxcover, it is "The Biggest Adult Production in History." We still have four DVDs worth of delightful, turgid nudity.

Studio: Digital Playground
Director: Ali Joone
Cast: Jesse Jane, Shay Jordan, Evan Stone, Jenna Haze, Katsuni, Steven St.Croix, Tommy Gunn, Belladonna, Stoya, Riley Steele, Ben English, James Deen, Sasha Grey, Gabriella Fox, David Aaron Clark, your mom, Shyla Stylez, Shawna Lenee, Abbey Brooks, Brianna Love, Brea Lynn, Rhylee Richards, Charles Dera, Mick Blue, Manuel Ferrara, Marco Banderas

Review by: Gram Ponante

· Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
· Buy "Pirates 2" (gamelink.com)

Digital Playground contract star Lacie Heart, on the other hand, seems to have the porno version of the right stuff (although we’re sure some of her history has been as cautiously reconstructed as a Maoist history book, with an eye towards justifying her ascension to pornographic stardom). The accidental stripper turned Vivid contract star has a backstory that's just itching to be made into a movie: after meeting fellow performer Scott Nails at an industry party, she fell in love, refusing to screw any other man and ultimately leaving her lucrative Vivid contract for him. But that's not the end of the story: Nails brought lovely Lacie over to Digital Playground, who signed her to an exclusive contract resulting in this week's release, "Lacie: Sexual Freak" (also starring fellow contract star Shay Jordan along with Carmel Moore and Sammie Cruz).

Who says there aren't happy endings in porn? Wait, we just realized what we said right there. This is porn! Every ending is a happy one.

· Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)

* * * * *

• Order: "Pirates Ii: Stagnett's Revenge" (Adult DVD Empire)

. . .

· 'Pirates II' Trailer Premieres Online (avn.com)
· Pirates II: X-Rated Trailer (piratesxxx.com)
· Pirates II: R-Rated Trailer (youtube.com)
• Order: "Pirates Ii: Stagnett's Revenge" (Adult DVD Empire)

· Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
· Shot by Nick McGlynn/Edited by Richard Blakeley

Let's join (you) for (your) virtual endeavors with Shay J., in front of a green screen or on a table, after the gap.

- - -

"Hey Sexy. Do you like what you see here? This pretty little body? This thin, young little body?" (What are you saying?)

Shay J. was rolled out by Digital Playground last year. Sort of a shorter Sophia Santi who does guys. (In this case, [you] are played by Scott Nails). Shay J. was born in the Phillippines and has been very friendly each time (we've) met her.

"I'm a Scorpio. Scorpios are ruled by their genitals."

"I've never had a one-night stand, but if I did, it would have to be in some other place. Talk to a guy, fall in love with his words, even if they're all game, and then have wild passionate monkey sex."

One of the possible outcomes of (your) tryst with Shay J. is the traditional coming on the feet.

Jordan has a very appealing but slight Spanish accent, which makes her pronunciation of "dick" seem especially nasty.

"When you're watching my movies, get off hard. Because I'm thinking of you when I'm doing it."

· Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
· Buy "Virtual Sex with Shay Jordan" (gamelink.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Photoplay Archive

While we have never had occasion in the past to doubt Digital Playground's integrity or committment to truth in advertising, we needs must take issue with the title of their latest showcase for contract überstar Jesse Jane: save for a pair of color coordinated scanties in one or two of the scenes, Jesse is not depicted actually wearing much pink—or indeed, much of anything else—during the entire production. While certain synethesia fetishists will find themselves disappointed in the result, the rest of us can enjoy the fact that Jesse and cohorts Jana Cova and Shay Jordan turn in performances which we have no choice but to call "red hot" as per the terms of our porn reviewers license training. And it's all filmed in "Real Time Audio", whatever that means; we think it has something to do with Jane foregoing her usual practice of having low-overhead South Asian labor overdub her moans and squeals during the editing process.

Put on your rose-tinted glasses and check out our exclusive preview gallery below, though you'll have to use your imagination to figure out what it all sounds like.

· "Jesse In Pink" Gallery
· "Jesse In Pink" (DVD info and trailer @ digitalplayground.com)

Previously: Jesse Jane Is A Big Dork (And Proud Of It), DVD Review: "Jesse Jane: Image"