Isabella's got the squid, the anchovy, the shrimp, and the elephant seal covered. Dinner at Red Lobster will never be the same again.

· Green Porno (sundancechannel.com)

Well, with any luck, there may soon (or at least eventually) be such a place. On Twitter, the irreplaceable Belladonna mentioned the possibility of opening a School of Fuck, where new porn girls could go to learn important things like how to train your ass for a scene. The benefits to porn would be immense!

And, of course, every graduating class could have their debut performances in a DVD series called "Belladonna's School of Fuck"—which could then be used to recruit new students! The possibilities are endless!

We haven't been this excited about an idea since we first heard about masturbation.

· Belladonna Entertainment (enterbelladonna.com)
· School of Fuck Twitter discussion (twitter.com)

However you learned, though, you're bound to have a story—and Beyond the Birds and the Bees wants to hear it. A collection of tales of sex education, BBB is sometimes funny, sometimes sad, and always thought provoking...and its certainly got us thinking about how we want to teach our future offspring about the sexing (you know, after Stoya and Joanna Angel allow their genes to be mixed with ours to create some genetically awesome fleshchild).

· Beyond the Birds and the Bees (beyondbirdsbees.com)
· Thumbnail: The education of Tia Sweets (wannwatch.com)

Yes, it's an eduporn about ladies strapping it on and getting their boys to bend over; and as you might expect, we can't wait to see it. We've got our fingers crossed that this release might inspire some other pegging-themed pornos... but, uh, we're not holding our breath.

· "Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men" (vividvideo.com)

Comedy Central is picking up the show and bringing it to the TV-watching masses. We can only hope it fares better than "The College Humor Show."

· Comedy Central takes 'Sex Show' to TV: It isn't near as filthy as it sounds (popwatch.com)

Over Twitter, Tristan said:

Be a part of my *advanced* anal sex ed film-tell me ?s you want answered, topics covered, what ur dying to know & see.

And remember—she's a professional. So don't be afraid to ask anything (and we do mean anything).

· Tristan's Tweet (twitter.com)

Anal sexpert and Crush Object Extraordinaire Tristan Taormino has just released "The Anal Sex Position Guide," which, well, offers couples advice on different positions to try when you're embracing the backdoor.

But this book is more than just an Ass-a Sutra (if you will): more than just a picture book of butt sex positions, "The Anal Sex Position Guide" is a full on tutorial discussing everything a couple needs to know before venturing into anal play—whether they're exploring his ass or hers, using a penis or a strap-on. Anatomy, safer sex, communication, lubrication, and sex toys are all thoroughly discussed—as are many other tips and pointers we wouldn't even have thought to include (like why Anal-Eze is bad, and what to do, or not do, about butt hair).

Rounding out the volume are a handful of erotic "inspiration" stories from some of our favorite erotica authors, and, of course, many, many hot pictures to illustrate the various positions discussed within the book (we've thoughtfully included a few samples below).

Whether you'd like to dip your toe into the waters of butt play, or are looking to spice up an already active anal sex life, "The Anal Sex Position Guide" is an absolute must buy. And even if you aren't into the ass at all, we still recommend taking a look. This might be the volume that makes you change your mind.

· Buy "The Anal Sex Position Guide" (amazon.com)
· Tristan Taormino (puckerup.com)

The sex ed podcast, which has been educating (and occasionally titillating) the teens for over a year now, has seen its short lifespan beset by a lack of advertising and a surplus of censorship. Why can't we all just let the midwest teens learn about sex in peace?

· ‘Midwest Teen Sex Show' Episodes Removed from Myspace, YouTube, Facebook (tilzy.tv)

· MTV: Except for AIDS, nothing has changed (coloribus.com, also seen @ copyranter.blogspot.com)

But since we've been impressed by the previous installments of the Expert Guide series, we figured we'd give this one a shot. And, true to form, Tristan impressed us with her efforts. Rather than setting itself up as the end all, be all of threesomology, the "Expert Guide to Threesomes" acts more as a general guide to group sex.

In the educational intro, Tristan explains different threesome configurations, lays out some basic rules, and goes over different roadblocks and pitfalls encountered by couples looking to have a threesome. While its no guarantee of a problem-free debut into the world of group sex, the "Expert Guide" is a good way for couples to open up a discussion about going beyond a twosome—and even if end up deciding that the threeway isn't your way, you'll still get to watch some hot group sex porn.

· Vivid-Ed (vivid-ed.com)

And she even has a reasonable solution—give the Church copies of all her porn movies and let her teach priests how to deal with their urges. Ok, it's not exactly the makings of the most sacrilegious XXX flick ever—"Belladonna Loves The Pope"?—but being such a wise and generous benefactor can't hurt when it comes time to file that application for sainthood.

· Porn star offers free sex advice to priests (news.com.au)

Pro: With page after page of beautiful photography by celebrated British erotica/fashion photographer Rankin and a nicely designed layout, this is a sex-related coffee table book that's actually sexy. You might even be tempted to leave it on your coffee table when company comes over—which, given the sad state of sex education in this country, would probably be a good thing.

Con: Those photos might be beautiful and all, but despite some attempt at racial diversity they get pretty homogenous after a while (and not just because everyone is heterosexual): the models are uniformly young and pretty and slender, and we know there are more than just young and pretty and slender people who have sex. It's like overdosing on an endless lowfat Pinkberry sundae: all that trendy, bland sweetness can get pretty cloying. Give us those dumpy, hairy hippies in "The Joy Of Sex" any day.

Pro: It's a fun read. Em and Lo have made their names with friendly and honest advice, so it's no surprise that their signature tone and sense of humor is present in this book. If you somehow thought that sex books always had to be dry, boring, and technical, this is a book to change your mind.

Con: About those pictures again? Playful as they are, they're also pretty darn tepid for a sex manual: there are naked boobs galore, but except for a purely anatomical shot or two you have to look long and hard for a glimpse of a dick—never mind a hard dick or even the barest hint of penetration. We know they're aiming for "tasteful", but a sex book without actual sex in it starts looking sort of like an American Apparel catalog. (Minus the apparel, of course.)

Pro: It's extensive. After so many years in the sex advice business, Em and Lo have amassed a lot of expertise about what makes people tick (and moan and sigh), and they share a tremendous amount of that knowledge here. With nine detailed sections, they leave almost no stone unturned. Hey, a book that devotes an entire section to handjobs and an exhaustive guide to the different kinds of sex toys on the market these days must have something to teach you.

Con: Encyclopaedic as it might be, it's hard to tell just exactly who this book is supposed to be for. If you're already sexually active, it's unlikely you're going to interrupt a session with your (probably white and slender) partner to look up a new position or learn how to put on a condom, and if you're not already having sex with someone ... well, wouldn't a book like this be sort of frustrating and/or besides the point? And as for people on either side of that fence who just want a resource for general sex advice and resources: there's this cool thing called the interweb where you can look up pretty much anything you like (including plenty of Em & Lo's archived material), won't cost you $25, and won't get sticky when you spill lube all over it. (Unless you spill it on your keyboard, in which case you're probably beyond the help of whatever a book like this could tell you anyway.)

So there you have it. Now excuse us while we get back to arguing about who gets to take the book home with them over the weekend. (Hey, at least we agreed that the pictures were pretty.)

· Buy "Sex: How To Do Everything" (amazon.com)
· Em and Lo (dailybedpost.com)
· Photos by Rankin (rankin.co.uk)

· Midwest Teen Sex Show (midwestteensexshow.com)
· The "Midwest Teen Sex Show" (salon.com)

Previously: Getting A Leg Up In Porn, The Lost Nintendo Sex Ed Tape, The Big Coloring Book Of Vaginas

· The Lost Nintendo Sex Ed. Tape (YouTube, via adverblog.com + shakewellbeforeuse.com

* * * * *

Previously: Sticky Joystick: Ten Sexy Japanese Video Games You Might Have Missed, The Wiibrator, Return of the Nerdcore Babes, Nintendo Revolution Sex Toy?