Big Ass Fixation 5

Studio: Tom Byron Pictures
Director: Tom Byron
Cast: Phoenix Marie, Katja Kassin, Kelly Divine, Lux May, Vannah Sterling, Christian XXX, Tom Byron, Sean Michaels

At what point does an ass become a Big Ass? We're used to seeing asses of considerable size in porn—as far as I know, the pancake butt niche has yet to catch on—so there must be some quality that separates the ass from the Big Ass. For me, what makes a Big Ass can be split up into different ideas.

First, the Big Ass moves independently of the rest of the body. For example, while Kelly Divine is deepthroating Sean Michaels, her rear end is wiggling around with no particular rhythm or reason. Sean grabs the ass, sure thing, but it provides zero stability and control during sex.

Second, the Big Ass dominates your vision. Katja Kassin's butt is so rotund that it eclipses the rest of her body in some shots. That isn't necessarily a bad thing. Don't get me wrong, Katja Kassin is beautiful, but have you ever seen a girl play peek-a-boo using her own ass? Phenomenal.

Vannah Sterling's ass also demonstrates visually exciting properties. Vannah and Tom have worked up a comfortable professional rapport, and so Tom seems to go a little slap happy on the cheeks. Not only is the rough play exciting, but as the bright red handprints show up, you realize that it would take loads of spanking to fully redden the bountiful bottom of this babe.

Last, and most importantly, the Big Ass comes with a Big Ass Attitude. Tom Byron—charming as always—keeps the conversation light and the girls laughing, and they respond with wit and charm. Phoenix Marie talks and jokes throughout her whole scene with Christian, and when he slips his dick into her ass, she lets you know: "Motherfucker! Did he even put lube in there? No. Spit? He fucking just dry-dicked my asshole. Motherfucker."

Lux May also keeps it real with Christian. Not only does she really get into being eaten out, but she brings it up again just before she sucks his cock: "I want you to like this because you, like, ate me out really good." It just feels so genuine and earnest that you can't help but get a boner.

On the downside, that one scene with Phoenix was the only bit of anal in the movie, and that was a bit of a bummer. Yet it would be silly to say that "Big Ass Fixation 5" needs more anal action to be worthwhile. It's not just about having a Big Ass, it's about being a down-ass bitch; these women love it when the sex is good, poke fun when the guys are just fucking around, and generally call it as they see it. As Ja Rule always said, every thug needs a down-ass bitch.

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*****

Previously: Tom Byron Wrestles With His Demons In "Big Ass Fixation 5"

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· Buy "House of Ass 11" (evolutionerotica.com)

Prepare yourselves for the hottest new video to come out of Evil Angel in a while—which is saying a lot.

When celebrated pornstar and thrill seeker extraordinaire Belladonna announced she was putting out a movie called "Hell's Belles" we assumed she had somehow convinced the all girl AC/DC cover band to make a porn spoof of their bizarre stage show. Either that or she was making her own celebrity sex tape with Angus Young. In fact, we were hoping it was the later.

As it turns out, neither was the case. Instead the Evil Angel directrix unveiled an equally compelling movie based on young, morally uninhibited, tattoo-smeared angels having some of the hottest sex of their brief (but challenged) lives. As is usually the case, she immediately won us over. But before you go barking on in our comments section about how this post is just another advertisement (which is both patently false and totally offensive) take a good hard look at the exclusive gallery we compiled and tell us that you're not feeling it.

Not to give away too much, but the threeway that Belladonna pulls off with Brian Streetteam is nothing short of impressive. Having witnessed his entrance into porn at the 2008 LA Erotica Show in Los Angeles—where he received a blowjob on the floor of the LA Convention Center while surrounded by pals James Deen, Joanna Angel, and Burning Angel crew—we can say that we always knew big things were in store for the lad. Still, we're pretty certain that we are in fact "jealous" that he gets to fuck Belladonna and her hawt friend...and we are just reviewing it.

Oh, and watching Sean Michaels fuck anything with his massive, stylish cock is always a good time. That guy is one class act. When Shiva created him (and his extra large cock) we are pretty sure the destructive deity immediately broke the mold.

"Hell's Belles" is now out from Evil Angel. If you were, like, cool, you would already know. If you don't you're either Mormon or over 30 and still trying to figure out how to upload pix to your Facebook and driving your kids nuts—in which case you should totally get back to work. Oh, and yeah, we think Angus Young would be proud.

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Jenna Haze's new company, Jennaration X, releases their first interracial title next week, "Sexual Blacktivity," which means that the pint sized princess of porn is preparing to once again blow our minds (as well as other amazingly large objects).

Never one to preach what she can just as easily practice for your viewing pleasure; performer, director, and company owner Jenna Haze jumps right into the thick of the action—which in this case is considerable—demonstrating how she has managed to remain one of our favorite starlets over the years.

First, she takes a powerful fucking from Prince, hard and deep up in her tiny lubricious hole, all the while attempting to make him cum too fast with some of the filthiest trash talk you've ever heard. (We don't know how he made it through the scene as long as he did. We certainly didn't.) Next, she takes on two huge ebony flavored cocks at once, a first time for the award winning sex machine; and follows that up by dressing up as a "little white slut" and letting Rico plow her rubber cunt as hard and deep as he can. To finish it all off, she invites her girlfriend Andy San Dimas over, and hooks the girl up with Sean Michaels (after tasting his legendary tool for herself, of course).

And if that weren't enough, she throws in hot interracial sex scenes with her friends Gianna Michaels, Tori Black, and a reverse scene with sexy ass Misty Stone that had us drooling from start to finish.

"Sexual Blacktivity" comes out next week from Jenna Haze, Jennaration X Studios, and Jules Jordan Video. We were thinking that if you liked hot interracial sex scenes or seeing Jenna Haze get fucked hard by huge black dicks, you know, stuff like that, that you might want to check out the exclusive gallery we got a hold of below. Otherwise just skip it and go back to Better Homes & Gardens. We love you, Jenna!

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And though the nonstop onslaught of "This Ain't"s and "Not The"s has made us a bit weary, this is one XXX parody we can still get it up for, namely because a) it actually makes sense, and b) the Burning Angel crew probably would have pulled this one together even if Will Ryder had never managed to pen "Not The" anything. Oh, and there's also our longstanding fascination with Joanna Angel and Kat Von D making sweet, sweet love—and while this isn't exactly that, it's probably the closest we'll ever get (outside of our nightly fantasies, anyway).

Need more persuasion? Check out the trailer below...and the head over to the "LA Pink" website for a whole slew of preview galleries.

· "LA Pink" (loads more photos @ lapinkxxx.com)

From what we've pieced together over Twitter, "LA Pink" (yes, a porno "LA Ink") stars Misti Dawn, Draven, Andy San Dimas, Coco Velvet, and Joanna Angel, who gets DPed by James Deen and Sean Michaels.

Can you smell our excitement? It smells like tattoo ink and pussy (and also the slightest hint of chocolate, for some reason).

· On The Set: BurningAngel's 'L.A. Pink' (avn.com)
· Joanna Angel's Twitter (twitter.com)
· James Deen's Twitter (twitter.com)

We know what you're thinking: why would we want to tell you about a movie that we're less than bowled over by on a warm Monday on the cusp of summer? Because dude put Rayveness and Sean Michaels together in a scene, that's why. Rayveness's pale milky skin gleams as Sean Michaels mighty meat pole pries open her pink rimmed crack. One of the most overlooked female performers to ever fuck on film, she won our hearts over from the first time she crammed a throbbing pole up into her sitting on an oversized cock and bouncing until it was far and deep up into her dirty snatch. Since then we've yet to be disappointed by a single performance from her lengthy and oft undocumented career. We love you, Rayveness!

Mike John also has the return of Avy Scott, who, as luck would have it, also gets railed open by a gigantic black cock. Avy's plump booty looks ripe to bursting with her enticing pucker begging for a foot of cock while her slick gash gets plowed open and her doe eyes stare back at us. Welcome back, baby. We missed you.

Together, they are reason enough to watch this title. We're sold—and you will be too, once you check this gallery.

"Boobaholics Anonymous 5" is out now from Jules Jordan Video. Check it out.

· Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)

Okay, maybe we had some idea. (Though we're pretty sure that none of those "Rock of Love" girls could hold a candle to this.

· Un-Charm School (burningangel.com)

And, we might add, Nova has an eye patch. Clearly, this is going to be a difficult decision (though if it were us, we'd just pick both of them. Cause we're cool like that).

· Un-Charm School (burningangel.com)

It can't be easy, weathering the kinds of comments this particular type of attention invites on such a national level. For heaven's sake, our own grandmothers (who only watch Oprah) have asked about her. To her credit, the doe-eyed darling has ridden the pulse quickening swell of a comical, unexpectedly exponential rise as cartoonish as her surgically enhanced breasts with the zen calm of our president elect.

Prior to her casting in "Who's Nailin' Paylin?," Lisa Ann had all but hung up her garters, donning a heavy duty jogging bra and assuming the demanding daily duties of running an adult casting agency. Then, with little to no warning, her name was everywhere all at once, emblazoned on the pages of blog posts and falling out of the mouths of talk show hosts and redfaced political pundits, all while parasitic papparrazi from TMZ stalked her over the newest role. All this from a zesty romp with two guys dressed as Russian soldiers banging on her back door before working her open like an old school manual can opener. It wasn't all that different from any other scene she'd done, barring the fact that the “script” was “leaked” to the mainstream press and the scenes were immediately cut and made available online the day they were shot.

Yes, ubiquity has it's price—which in this particular case means not only being the butt of several jokes (as always, pun intended) but also starring in a lackluster sequel—a vehicle that contains barely more merit than its overall novelty factor (including the fantastic box art nod to Shepard Fairey). From all appearances, "Obama is Nailin' Palin" is little more than a high-powered interracial compilation release, with one very important distinction—a newly shot scene with Guy DiSilva playing Obama, and Lisa Ann reprising her former role on a full foot of fuckstick. The remaining scenes appear to be from Hustler's "Take It Black" series.

That's the bad news. The good news is that the other scenes contain girls like Riley Mason, Charlotte Stokely, and Jenna Haze—all of whom are more than happy to take over twelve glorious inches of hot, throbbing ebony love in their every orifice. And so with this release, we bid 2008 farewell. It really was a year of surprises, wasn't it?

Enjoy the pictures—and see you all next year!

"Obama is Nailin' Palin" releases this week from Hustler Video.

· Buy "Obama is Nailin' Palin" (hustlervideo.com)

. . .

From "Wedding Bell Blues"

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Ashley Gere fucks Sean Michaels (megarotic.com)

From "XOXO Joanna Angel"

· Sean Michaels Celebrates 20 Years In Porn (avn.com)

. . .

· Burning Angel - Vote Obama! (burningangel.com)
· Photos from JoannaAngel.com (joannaangel.com)

Keener minds than ours may choose to watch the film with a more critical eye attunded to its potential antifeminist nuances. Then again, with Kristin's coevals Ann Marie Rios, Nicole Sheridan, and Samantha Sin rounding out the cast and sex this hot—not to mention the sight of Randy Spears in the most ridiculous looking fright wig we have ever seen—we’re not entirely sure anyone will be paying much attention to the finer points of story line anyway.

• "Wedding Bell Blues" (DVD info @ wickedpictures.com)