Fleshbot: straight, ron jeremy

Learn The Feminine Mystique From "Not The Brady Bunch XXX: Pussy Power"

Ottimo Massimo — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 17:00:00 EST

Sure, this episode was good, but Will Ryder should probably move on before Cousin Oliver shows up.

Not The Bradys XXX: Pussy Power

Studio: LFP Distribution/X-Play
Director: Will Ryder
Cast: Lexi Belle, Dylan Riley, Kacey Jordan, Alana Evans, Lynn Lemay, Ashlyn Rae, Nicole Ray, Tanner Mayes, Mike Horner, Kris Slater, James Deen, Mikey Butders, Ron Jeremy, Eric John, Seth Gamble, Dane Cross

On this episode of "Not The Bradys," young Jan (now played by Dylan Riley) feels neglected by her family, teachers, and—most of all—the boys at her school. Little does Jan know that all she needs to get a little attention (or tickets to a concert, or good grades) is some Pussy Power. And with that skirting-the-edges-of-sexist comment, let the film begin!

Lucky for Jan, bad girl Tanner Mayes shows up at the Brady Compound and wildly masturbates in Jan's bed, which somehow introduces her to the world of mature decisions and sexual favors. Jan realizes that the key to Marcia's success has always been blowjobs, and so her only hope of "being good at something" lies in emulating her big sister.

Meanwhile, everyone else is having sex, looking good in their ‘70s garb, maintaining erections and wholesome imagery, etc. Lexi Belle is the new Marcia, and she fits the role just fine. Her secret romp with the high school quarterback is not only inspirational to the viewer, but to Jan and Cindy as well.

On the male side of things, all is well. James Deen is still adorable as Peter. He somehow manages to look goofy and enthusiastic in the middle of his scene with Tanner, just like good ol' Christopher Knight. Mikey Butders embodies the coy Bobby Brady just as well. His threesome with Ashlyn Rae and Nicole Ray is one of the finest in Brady family history. Except maybe for that one time Alice stumbled into Mr. and Mrs. B's bedroom.

But hey, gang! There are some things more disappointing than Jan's violin playing (insert laugh track here). They still haven't delivered on that real, slow Sam the Butcher/Alice loving, although the characters talk about it non-stop. However, there is a simulated sex scene in which Alice ducks behind the kitchen island and Ron Jeremy pretends to be fellated most comically. Like most of the humor in Will Ryder parodies, this goes until it becomes awkward, keeps going, and then arbitrarily stops.

All in all, it feels like another Will Ryder movie: the sex is very good, the comedy is very bad, and everyone can feel ok about the lack of Brady-on-Brady boinking. The whole Pussy Power thing is something to think about. We always wondered how Carol convinced a man to take her and her three daughters in; "much more than a hunch" indeed.

"Ejacula 2" The Future

Gram Ponante — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 11:30:01 EDT

In 1993 the world met "Ejacula," a vampiress who, probably because she was immortal, missed the memo that Duran Duran fashions had expired several years earlier. But we also met Tonisha Mills. Two years later the whole "Ejacula" gang returned.

"Ejacula 2" is just as inscrutable as the first, but damn did porn have money back then. Shot in Europe with an all-star cast including the young Rocco Siffredi and the even-then-only-allowed-to-work-with-his-shirt-on Ron Jeremy, "Ejacula 2" follows the uneven acting of several careless guests, a couple of vampire hunters, Lynn LeMay, and a coven of vampires on one wild weekend featuring, as the boxcover says, "an outdoor BJ" and "ass eating."

This movie symbolizes porn excess in that no one cared if the acting or story or camera work was good as long as the women became naked. Since the women do (in a 14-person orgy scene, no less), to find fault with what is now a cultural artifact seems like elder abuse.

Tonisha Mills and Lynn LeMay look lovely as always, and Ron Jeremy overacts to perfection.

· Hustler (hustler.com)
· Buy "Ejacula 2" (tlavideo.com)

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Andy San Dimas, Krissy Lynn, And Ron Jeremy Make Fantasy Characters A Reality

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 12:30:01 EDT

At long last, the wait is over—the team behind Fairytale Fights has released three promos starring Andy San Dimas, Krissy Lynn, and Ron Jeremy. Because who better to sell a fantasy game than a team of pornstars?

· Fairytale Fights Ron Jeremy Trailers (more @ teamxbox.com)

Krissy Lynn And Andy San Dimas Get Fairytaletastic

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 12:30:01 EDT

Last month, we heard Andy San Dimas mention that she'd gotten to play Snow White in some promos for videogame "Fairytale Fights." The promos won't be out until next month—but some stills have been leaked to the internets.

At left is Krissy Lynn (as Little Red Riding Hood) next to Ron "Naked Emperor" Jeremy. We've yet to see any stills of Andy in action, but we did come across this very cute picture of her in her costume.

We're not even really sure what "Fairytale Fights" is, or what kind of game play it involves, but these photos have certainly got us intrigued. Marketing: it works!

· Name That Game! And Porn Star! (kotaku.com)
· So About Those Porn Stars And That Trailer… (kotaku.com)

Equal Rights For Pornstars! "Crank 2"'s Porn Strike

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 17:30:01 EDT

A few months ago, we learned that "Crank 2" had a scene featuring a porn actors' strike...starrng real porn actors! By the grace of the good people at Lionsgate, we've managed to get a hold of that very clip.

Take a peek at the hot and heavy strike action above—and if you'd like to see Jenna Haze shaking her tits in higher definition, well, we hear the movie is now available on DVD. (It also has other cool things aside from Jenna Haze & co., btw.)

· Buy "Crank 2" (amazon.com)
· Lionsgate (lionsgate.com)

Exxxotica New York Comes To New Jersey

Gram Ponante — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 13:30:01 EDT

What better way to celebrate an industry that calls childless 23-year-olds MILFs, Hawaiians Asians, and Girls-Only performers lesbians (they're only Girls-Only because they have boyfriends, after all) than to hold the Exxxotica New York consumer show in New Jersey?

All the major studios will be sending contract girls to work the crowds at Edison's New Jersey Expo Center, including Wicked's Mikayla Mendez, Vivid's Savanna Samson, and Adam & Eve's Kayden Kross, as well as dozen of famous names (Sasha Grey, Joanna Angel, Eva Angelina, Kylie Ireland, Amy Fisher) and dozens more of intriguingly unfamiliar ones (such as Cherokee D'Ass—please, someone, take me to the Ass region of France, for I intend to retire there).

And for those feeling nostalgic, the Legends of Exxxotica booth with also be featuring retired-but-not-forgotten stars from the past few decades, including Seka, Christy Canyon, and Heather Hunter (as well as some still working legends like Lisa Ann and Mr. Marcus).

Exxxotica NY takes place the weekend of September 25-27, and tickets range from $50 for a day pass to $125 for all three days. The latter translates to 31 cents per star sighting.

The steam-gathering Exxxotica shows, which began in Miami and which rival the dingy Adultcon for #2 status behind January's Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas, are both well-attended and professionally run.

Seminars include multiple session from Fleshbot Friend Jamye Waxman (including one about blowjobs) as well as Monstar's social networking wrapup and the compelling Swinging for Single Guys by Todd and Elena Crawford. I expect the latter to be especially packed with note takers. I mean, it's a cheap date.

· Exxxotica New York (exxxoticany.com)

Through The Looking Ass: "Malice In Lalaland" Teaser Trailer

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 15:30:01 EDT

Sasha Grey. Keni Styles. Guns. Strippers. Vintage cars. The desert. A rockin' soundtrack. If you had any doubt that "Malice in Lalaland" is going to kick some serious ass, this teaser trailer should set your mind right.

· Malice In Lalaland (maliceinlalaland.com, sound warning!)

Popshots Of The Week! Through The Looking Ass Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 11:30:01 EDT

Belgian pornographers Miss Lucifer.tv is shooting Sasha Grey and a cast of dozens in "Malice in La La Land," in which our favorite fuck junkie befriends rabbits, Ron Jeremy plays a growling deviant, and everyone else takes the blue pill.

The sets, costumes, locations, and general breadth of this porn production are very impressive, and we look forward to the finished product, which is scheduled to be available in September (i.e. in time for AVN nominations).

Keni Styles, (straight) Porn's Only Asian Male Performer^TM, costars.

Most impressive, though, is that McKenzee Pierce and Jesse Capelli were probably the first women in years to actually show nipples at Hollywood's delightfully seedy (and pasties-only) Jumbo's Clown Room.

Sasha Grey, of course, was sanguine about the scope of the production.

"Yes," she said, "it's a rabbit."

a href="http://misslucifer.tv">Miss Lucifer (misslucifer.tv)
a href="http://misslucifer.tv">Miss Lucifer (misslucifer.tv)
a href="http://misslucifer.tv">Miss Lucifer (misslucifer.tv)
a href="http://misslucifer.tv">Miss Lucifer (misslucifer.tv)
a href="http://misslucifer.tv">Miss Lucifer (misslucifer.tv)
a href="http://misslucifer.tv">Miss Lucifer (misslucifer.tv)
Miss Lucifer (misslucifer.tv)

Vintage Porn Parodies: "Super Hornio Brothers"

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 17:00:00 EDT

We'd heard rumors of Ron Jeremy starring in a Super Mario Brothers-themed porn, a long time ago, when Fleshbot was but a twinkle in a young Brit's eye. Turns out it was not a joke.

The goons of Something Awful have dug up bits and pieces of "Super Hornio Brothers," starring good ol' Ron as Squeegie, a computer programmer who gets (get this) sucked into his computer. We'd tell you more...but it's best you just watch it for yourself.

Now if someone could dig us up one of the sex scenes from this gem, well, then we'd really be in business.

· Super Hornio Brothers 1 Recap (youtube.com, via buzzfeed.com)

TM Sleaze: TMZ Gone (Even More) Porno

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 16:00:00 EDT

Been hotly anticipating the TMZ-themed parody porn with Ron Jeremy? No? Well, whatever: we have a preview for you anyway. (And trust us, it's better than it sounds. ~~Girl Scout~~ Brownie's honor.)

Escape The Fate Releases (Sorta) Explicit Music Video

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 15:30:01 EDT

Rockstars and naked girls go together like peanut butter and jelly—at least, that seems to be the going theory behind the new "explicit" video for Escape the Fate's "10 Miles Wide." Just how explicit is it?

Well, there are some boobs, and a little bit of groping, and, hey, Ron Jeremy shows up for about two seconds—but that's about it. Apparently, that's all you need to allow a publicist to declare that "This is easily the most scandalous video released in the last decade." (Which we totally agree with, provided you insert "featuring Escape the Fate" after video, and change "decade" to "day.")

· Video Exclusive: Escape the Fate (playboy.com)

Erica McLean's "Hardcore Circus" Is A True Masterpiece

DCypher — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 16:00:00 EDT

Erica McLean has outdone herself this time, assembling a bizarre and erotic cast of lovely freaks for her recent film "Hardcore Circus," and ensnaring us once more into her lascivious art. Did we mention that we love her?

Aiden Starr, Audrey Hollander, (the recently passed) Blue Iris (RIP), Tere Joyce, Kendra Banx, Starri Knight, Kimberly Kane, Lavish Styles, Lilly Lovely, Madison Scott, Ron Jeremy, Evan Stone, Rob Rotten, Otto Bauer, Tommy Gunn, Sergio Roho, Erica McLean, and a midget in a Mardi Gras mask comprise the bulk of the cast. The movie features eight scenes and loads of wonderful extras, lavish costumes, hijinks, mayhem, ballyhoo, protestors, the sublime, the ghoulish, and the decadent. Pretty much everything but the bearded lady makes its way into this masterpiece.

Erica wanders throughout like the tiny little string that ties the narrative thread of this beautiful and lush chaos together, inspiring or moderating the erotic couplings. She even goes so far as to intimately inspect some of the girls (see also: the lovely Kimberly Kane) after they have been filled with fresh loads of piping hot cum.

In the end, the sex acts are fittingly strange, with Otto and Audrey turning in a comparably tame but smoldering and passionate scene that mesmerizes, and little Madison Scott taking the forty inches of dick Lee Stone has to offer six ways to Sunday up her every tiny luscious little orifices—literally. If this lithe blonde stunner isn't the performer of the year, we can't imagine who is.

"Hardcore Circus" comes out by month's end from Hustler. Look for it. In the meantime, put on your top hat and check out the snaps our ringmaster sent us! Happy Monday!

Pre-order "Hardcore Circus" (hustlerhollywood.com)
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"Christy Canyon: The Lost Footage"

Gram Ponante — Wed, 20 May 2009 11:30:01 EDT

In a sort of "Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio?" kind of way, watching this 80's-era new-to-DVD video of the delightful Christy Canyon makes me yearn for the days when she was in her porn heydey. Because she has Fleshbot Supreme Commandress written all over her.

Christy Canyon: The Lost Footage

Studio: Antigua
Director: Several
Cast: Christy Canyon, Crystal Heart, Sasha Strange, Mandy Wine, Chantel, Tom Byron, Randy West, Joey Silvera, Ron Jeremy

Review by: Gram Ponante

Watching this series of 16 never-before-digitized scenes featuring Christy Canyon, it is easy to think of her existing only in the past. The cheesy 80's porno music, the hazy video, the pubes. But Canyon is just 43 today, the same age or younger than several newly-minted milves or porn performers on comeback tours. Still, these scenes from the late 80's and early 90's are time capsules, and we think: They don't make 'em like Christy Canyon anymore.

One word that describes Canyon throughout this hastily-edited movie is ripe. Curvy and ready to go, Canyon teams up with Tom Byron, Joey Silvera, a transition-period Ron Jeremy when he was halfway between his 70's debut physique and the VH-1 staple he has become, ala Marlon Brando in "Last Tango in Paris," and a sweaty Randy West who has a strenuous romp with Canyon that makes the viewer happy for both of them.

Canyon bounces between a fresh and healthy eagerness and a signature 80's coke-fueled edge in these scenes, but you never have the feeling she's gone or about to go over the edge (now a popular host on Playboy Radio and an author of the first of two volumes of autobiography, Canyon has kicked the skinny powder).

The movies from which these scenes were taken are not named, nor are Canyon's costars, but each interlude is worthwhile, and viewers are treated to Porn Valley vistas as they looked two decades ago (in one scene, Canyon thumbs a ride from a motorcyclist. "Take me to the nearesst big city!" she says, but he balks. Had the camera but panned slightly to the left, we would have seen that we were already in Los Angeles and the biker wouldn't have to drive too far for his imminent seatback blowjob).

"Christy Canyon: The Lost Footage" has a ragtag feel about it, and maybe the scavenged movies were not deemed good enough to transfer to DVD when the technology became available, but each scene clearly shows why Canyon is a beloved star in the porn firmament, and is a great jumpoff point for further Canyon scholarship.

· Antigua Pictures (antiguapictures.com)
· Buy "Reform School Girls 3" (gamelink.com)

Pornstars Round Out Cast Of "Crank 2"

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 11:30:01 EDT

We had no desire to see "Crank 2"—but since it features Jenna Haze, Monique Alexander, Nick Manning, Lexington Steele, Ed Powers, and (of course) Ron Jeremy... well, maybe we'll catch it on DVD.

On the chance that any of you are actually inclined to see the movie while it's still on the big screen, do us a favor and let us know if Nick Manning manages to make use of his catchphrase—that might actually be worth paying to see. Well, maybe.

· "Crank 2" Credits (imdb.com, thanks E!)
· Thumbnail: Jenna Haze, not in "Crank 2" (premiumpass.com, via Ask Jolene)

Hustler Gives Us A Peek At Their "Hardcore Circus"

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 16:30:01 EDT

As children, we always loved going to the circus. But somehow, we don't think that Hustler's "Hardcore Circus" is quite like the three ring that we remember. (Actually, we're pretty sure it's way better.)

Directed by Erica McLean (of "Barely Legal" fame), and starring Audrey Hollander, Kimberly Kane, Lavish Styles, Madison Scott, Kendra Banx, Starri Night, Aiden Starr, Otto Bauer, Evan Stone (pre-haircut), Tommy Gunn, Lee Stone, Rob Rotten, Blue Iris, and Ron Jeremy (as the ringmaster, of course)... well, it sure beats a trip to Barnum & Bailey's. Hell, even Cirque du Soleil is starting to pale in comparison to this take on the big top. We just hope there's only one ring—we'd hate to miss out on any of the action!

· Hardcore Circus is coming! (hustlerworld.com)

Veronica Hart And Ron Jeremy Have A Heart To Heart About Comedy And Porn

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:30:01 EDT

"One Eyed Monster" isn't just a horror/comedy/not porn movie starring Carmen Hart, Ron Jeremy, and Veronica Hart—it's also a DVD packed with bonus videos of Ron and Veronica discussing their craft!

The sexy craft, we mean. The porn craft, if you will. In this clip, Ron and Veronica discuss the relationship between porn and comedy—and whether these two great tastes taste great together... or just leave a strange, awkward taste in the viewer's mouth.

· "One Eyed Monster" (oneeyedmonstermovie.com)

"One Eyed Monster" Has No Time For Subtlety

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 17:30:01 EDT

"One Eyed Monster" (aka the horror-comedy starring Carmen Hart and Ron Jeremy that's not a porn) has a release date... and the wangiest set of (unofficial) movie posters we've seen, um, ever.

· "One Eyed Monster" (oneeyedmonstermovie.com)

“Not Three's Company XXX”: Pure Parody Gold

DCypher — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 14:00:00 EDT

In many ways, it's the sex parody we've been waiting for all along. After all those adolescent hours spent dreaming of nailing Chrissy, seeing Brynn Tyler make our fantasies a reality just feels right.

In fact, we directly credit the time we spent watching this exact sitcom—which made it's debut on ABC March 1st 1977, dead in the heart of our developmental years—as being the reason we ended up choosing this very career path. I am Jack's endless string of sexual innuendo.

Thus, when XBIZ's Director of the Year Will Ryder, creator of "Not the Brady's XXX," came to us and asked what we thought about him making "Not Three's Company XXX," and casting it chock full of cock all-stars like Brynn Tyler, Penny Flame, Nina Hartley, Jenny Hendrix, Madison Scott, Sienna West, Alyssa Hall, and Roxy Jezel pitted against cock masters Van Damage, Tommy Gunn, Dino Bravo, Scott Lyons and last, but not least, the original God of Fuck Ron Jeremy, we thoroughly approved.

Okay, maybe he didn't consult with us "per se," but he did invite us to the set, which is just as good. It was there that we learned that this sexy homage to our favorite trio involves Jack losing his job, Janet taking a night job, and the Ropers assuming she is now a hooker. Of course, unlike the sitcom, we actually get to see everyone screw their hearts out—hooray!

Brynn Tyler takes an amazing fuck session in her tight pink box from Eric Swiss. Pouting beauty and Hello Kitty addict Jenny Hendrix looks incredible getting drilled by skinny Lyons, and sexy Penny Flame takes a crack at Roxy Jezel's dusky crack. Legendary performer Nina Hartley puts her cock sucking skills to the test again, and we love seeing Tommy Gunn go "full Guido" with the hair, gold chain, and machisimo—even if every Italian knows that you never go "full Guido."

Still, in the end it's Van Damage who steals the show, nailing white hot Madison Scott and Alyssa Hall at the same time. We're big enough to admit we're more than a bit jealous: pint sized sexual powerhouse Madison Scott is well on her way to becoming Performer of the Year, and definitely a full fledged Fleshbot Crush Object. We heart her. Big time.

"Not Three's Company XXX" arrives in stores this week, just 32 years and a few days after the original show aired. Enjoy this exclusive extended preview set.

· "Not Three's Company XXX"· Sitcums (sitcums.com)

Confirmed! Crazy Cabbie/Howard Stern Porn Clip Is Genuine

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 12:30:01 EDT

Well, it turns out that that Crazy Cabbie porno clip we ran is indeed the genuine article—and it's also for sale.

Since we leaked the footage, Crazy Cabbie has been shopping the tape around, looking for a buyer (IVD, Red Light District, and Teravision are all rumored to have passed on it). Potential buyers should keep in mind that the tape isn't just a freaky porn starring Ron Jeremy, shot in a famous person's office—it's a freaky porn that comes with its very own built in publicity machine! Rumor has it Howard Stern will be discussing the tape today—buy the distribution rights now, and his comments could be your profit!

· Crazy Cabbie Fielding Offers for Porn Movie Shot in Howard Stern's Studio (xbiz.com)

Is This A Porno Shot At Howard Stern's Studio?

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 15:20:00 EST

We've received word that this clip is from a notorious porn video shot years ago by the Howard Stern Show's Crazy Cabbie... at the actual Howard Stern K-Rock offices.

Is it real? Chaunce Hayden, from Steppin Out magazine, sure thinks so. As for us... well, we'll let you be the judge. If you need us, we'll be washing our eyes out with soap—if we scrub hard enough, we'll get rid of the image of that KISS mask, right?