Fleshbot: straight, review

Learn The Feminine Mystique From "Not The Brady Bunch XXX: Pussy Power"

Ottimo Massimo — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 17:00:00 EST

Sure, this episode was good, but Will Ryder should probably move on before Cousin Oliver shows up.

Not The Bradys XXX: Pussy Power

Studio: LFP Distribution/X-Play
Director: Will Ryder
Cast: Lexi Belle, Dylan Riley, Kacey Jordan, Alana Evans, Lynn Lemay, Ashlyn Rae, Nicole Ray, Tanner Mayes, Mike Horner, Kris Slater, James Deen, Mikey Butders, Ron Jeremy, Eric John, Seth Gamble, Dane Cross

On this episode of "Not The Bradys," young Jan (now played by Dylan Riley) feels neglected by her family, teachers, and—most of all—the boys at her school. Little does Jan know that all she needs to get a little attention (or tickets to a concert, or good grades) is some Pussy Power. And with that skirting-the-edges-of-sexist comment, let the film begin!

Lucky for Jan, bad girl Tanner Mayes shows up at the Brady Compound and wildly masturbates in Jan's bed, which somehow introduces her to the world of mature decisions and sexual favors. Jan realizes that the key to Marcia's success has always been blowjobs, and so her only hope of "being good at something" lies in emulating her big sister.

Meanwhile, everyone else is having sex, looking good in their ‘70s garb, maintaining erections and wholesome imagery, etc. Lexi Belle is the new Marcia, and she fits the role just fine. Her secret romp with the high school quarterback is not only inspirational to the viewer, but to Jan and Cindy as well.

On the male side of things, all is well. James Deen is still adorable as Peter. He somehow manages to look goofy and enthusiastic in the middle of his scene with Tanner, just like good ol' Christopher Knight. Mikey Butders embodies the coy Bobby Brady just as well. His threesome with Ashlyn Rae and Nicole Ray is one of the finest in Brady family history. Except maybe for that one time Alice stumbled into Mr. and Mrs. B's bedroom.

But hey, gang! There are some things more disappointing than Jan's violin playing (insert laugh track here). They still haven't delivered on that real, slow Sam the Butcher/Alice loving, although the characters talk about it non-stop. However, there is a simulated sex scene in which Alice ducks behind the kitchen island and Ron Jeremy pretends to be fellated most comically. Like most of the humor in Will Ryder parodies, this goes until it becomes awkward, keeps going, and then arbitrarily stops.

All in all, it feels like another Will Ryder movie: the sex is very good, the comedy is very bad, and everyone can feel ok about the lack of Brady-on-Brady boinking. The whole Pussy Power thing is something to think about. We always wondered how Carol convinced a man to take her and her three daughters in; "much more than a hunch" indeed.

Not So Classics: "Connie & Floyd"

Gram Ponante — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 17:30:01 EST

Aside from the jiggly charms of the poorly-lit 70's exploitation staple Sandy Dempsey, "Connie & Floyd" reminds us that the good old days (of porn) weren't always good.

There is a reason that porn earned its reputation for horrible production values and lackluster directing. The 1973 film "Connie & Floyd," shot at the height of porno chic when production budgets were delivered via bags of cash in dark alleyways, is evidence that, even then, producers believed that people like you would buy anything as long as there was a cumshot in it.

And the fact that this 36-year-old parody of "Bonnie & Clyde" (released six years earlier) has been re-issued with a brand-new box featuring a different car and different costumes than were in the movie, suggests that there are still subscribers to that belief.

All righteous porn consumer anger aside, Sandy Dempsey, the toothy and wholesome star of several porns and sexploitation flicks in the early 70's, looks as good in this movie as anyone can hope to in a ridiculously poorly shot, oversaturated, almost unedited, unprofessionally recorded, trainwreck of a movie that seemed to end only when the cash ran out and not, as you would expect, in a hail of bullets.

There is a pasty orgy, some business with hillbillies, sex on a dirty mattress, and the one great line "Hey let's jig! Let's ball!" delivered several times by an uncredited actor who thought, correctly, that no one would remember it otherwise.

· Buy "Connie & Floyd" (vcx.com)

Buy "Connie & Floyd" (vcx.com)
Buy "Connie & Floyd" (vcx.com)

Buy "Connie & Floyd" (vcx.com)

JuicyPinkBox Offers An Arty Take On Lesbian Pornography

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 16:00:00 EST

This past July, lawyer-cum-lesbian pornographer Jincey Lumpkin gathered together some of the hottest queer pornstars around, brought them to New York City, and had them fuck in the backseat of a taxi. The results are now available at JuicyPinkBox.com.

Yes, porn veterans like Justine Joli, Madison Young, Syd Blakovich, Jiz Lee, Dallas Fivestar, and Dylan Ryan can be found alongside a cast of newcomers (or at least Justine, Madison, Syd, and Jiz can—at the time of review, only two videos were posted to the site). A stunning cast indeed; but what makes JuicyPinkBox different from other queer porn mainstays like, say, the Crash Pad Series or Reel Queer Productions?

Jincey's said in interviews that she wants to fill a perceived void in lesbian pornography, creating "lesbian pornography that is real but glamorous and cinematic." From what we've seen, she's certainly succeeded in creating something different.

JuicyPinkBox is perhaps best compared to someone like Andrew Blake. There's a very heavy emphasis on art here, with lushly made up models in exquisite outfits rendered in the raw, grainy look of film. Extreme close ups of genitals and penetration are replaced with quick cuts of faces mid-moan and abstract shots hinting at the action. In Jiz and Madison's scene, not a single shot of penetration, or even pussy, is shown—though judging by the fevered look on Jiz's face, a good time was had by all.

Another thing that sets JPB apart from a sea of porno competitors is their apparent belief that brevity is sexy: in an environment where the twenty minute sex scene is seen as standard, JPB offers up bite size boinking in segments under ten minutes. Episode One of Taxi clocks in at 6:44, Episode Two is a slightly beefier 8:23 (though if we're being honest here, we should subtract a full minute from those counts for the extended end credits. No, we don't understand it either).

The staff of JPB has promised weekly video updates, alternating between episodes of "Taxi, "Confessions" (a series of, uh, pornstars confessing), and behind the scenes clips—all of which will contain pornographic content (hopefully some more hardcore than what we've already seen). Additionally, the site promises a new erotic story every week. However, a mere one video and story per week, with not much backlog, makes it seem hard to justify the $25/month membership fee. For now, the Crash Pad seems like a safer bet—especially if you're of the opinion that porn is best with a little (or a lot) of visible penetration.

(While you're making your decision, here's the trailer for "Taxi.")

· Juicy Pink Box (juicypinkbox.com)

Gina Lynn Whips It Out For "Strap On Sally 25"

Ottimo Massimo — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 11:30:01 EST

Sometimes you want penis, but you don't want to deal with all the man attached to it. They just get in the way.

Strap On Sally 25

Studio: Pleasure Productions
Director: Jim Gunn
Cast: Gina Lynn, Capri Anderson, Cheyenne Cooper, Kitty Bella, Kara Novak, Marky Marxx, Katey Grind, Lynn Love, Megan Jones

"Strap On Sally 25" isn't just a hot, girl-on-girl fuckfest, it's also a slow-paced montage of women mastering the ancient art of strap-on sex. The girls have to learn to work with their new penises, and slowly but surely, they develop a rhythm for ramming that could rival the most cocksure stud on the scene.

In fact, some might say that the strap-on dildo is better than the real thing: it's always hard, there's no risk of premature ejaculation, it can perform while bent at horrible angles, and—best of all—it's attached to a beautiful, domineering vixen. Which vixen? We're glad you asked.

For her eighth time in the series, Gina Lynn commands a cocky crew of females probing through new, sexy territory. She introduces Capri Anderson to the wonders of the strap-on, who returns the favor to Kara Novak, and so on until the knowledge is disseminated throughout Miami. This results in a six-way strap-on orgy at Gina's house, proving once and for all the efficiency of trickle-down fuckonomics.

Gina is, as always, brash and bossy with her cock and a stern disciplinarian in all aspects. She demands that her partners suck her cock before she lays even a tip of plastic pipe. While it's practically pointless to have Capri and Cheyenne Cooper slob on a false knob (since they show the application of lube), it's still pretty fun to watch. More importantly, it gives them a sense of reverence for the strap-on.

At times, Gina goes a bit overboard with her power trip. While warming up Cheyenne, she tells her young apprentice to "suck that nipple like it's a cock." That's pretty cool. We guess.

Luckily, there are few truly awkward moments in the film, and everyone gives 110% for the final orgy. Lynn Love, Katey Grind, and Megan Jones join Gina, Capri, and Kara for one last hurrah of harnessed humping that leaves the strapping young lasses writhing and giggling. And there's not one bit of penis envy to be found.

· Buy "Strap On Sally 25" (gamelink.com)

Did Marilyn Jess Make "The Arrangement" For Incest?

Ottimo Massimo — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 18:00:00 EST

Sex with apples, vacuum cleaners, and magnifying glasses: cool. Possible incest with dad: not cool.

The Arrangement

Studio: Cal Vista Classic
Director: Gene Knowland
Cast: Marilyn Jess, Jean-Pierre, Ann Hoover, Jane Baker, Sophie Duflot, Chris Kennedy, Randy Damon

As freaky as we are at Fleshbot, there are some things we're just not down with, and this 1981 French flick definitely approaches some uncomfortable areas. In a vein similar to the "Taboo" series, "The Arrangement" deals with the revenge-cum-Electra complex of Elisa (Marilyn Jess), a young spoiled model who resents her father's girlfriend/maid. She concocts a scheme to prevent her father from marrying the girl, but first she needs help.

With the assistance of Colette, her best friend and look-alike, Elisa sleeps with photographers and bodybuilders, and plans a swinger's party at some fancy pad. The father, the girlfriend, and the secretary (who is also banging dad) all show up to the party and fool around with each other, until a mysterious woman in an afro and sunglasses appears and fucks everyone. The photographer blows her cover saying "No, Elisa! Don't do that to your father!" and the girl runs away. Later, we see Elisa talking to Colette about how everything was ruined, but it's still unclear who seduced daddy.

So how is incest supposed to derail a relationship? Besides the obvious taboo, we can't really tell. Dad's girlfriend doesn't seem to know, as she was missing from the crucial scene of enlightenment. Maybe Elisa was using the situation at home to justify her unnatural lust, or maybe she's an ineffective prankster.

If potential/suggested incest isn't your thing, don't worry, there's plenty of legit vanilla sex in "The Arrangement." It's just as raunchy, dubbed, and full of pubes as you'd expect from VHS porn. My personal favorite scene involves the maid and the dad and a vacuum cleaner. They probably shouldn't use a vortex of plastic to imitate oral sex, but they do anyway. A magnifying glass, apple core, and pool raft also make guest appearances in the list of impromptu sex toys.

This movie offers much, but doesn't fully deliver. If you're looking for a straightforward fuck, you'll find your arousal mired in complicated plot. If you're looking for something to generate incest fantasies (because we're not here to judge), you'll probably be disappointed. Watch "The Arrangement" if you have a thing for Marilyn Jess and bizarre retrofap.

Raven Alexis Gets "Stripped" And Fucked For Emotional Health

Ottimo Massimo — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 17:00:00 EST

Husbands, wives, and even a sex slave confess their fantasies and fears.

Stripped - A Confessional

Studio: VCX Pictures
Director: Hugh Richards
Cast: Raven Alexis, Dia Zerva, Ashley Roberts, Jennifer Dark, Kiara Diane, Joey Brass, Mr. Pete, Allen W., Justin R.

The overarching structure of "Stripped" makes it look like videos from naughty couples' therapy sessions. Each participant feels unfulfilled by his/her relationship, and sex is the only medium for righting those wrongs. That's a sentiment we can agree with.

Every scene starts out with a girl pouring her heart out, confessing disappointment, terror, neglect, or abuse, and as you empathize with the girl, the sex that follows feels incredibly intimate and draws you in. This isn't always a happy experience, but it's definitely unique and exciting.

Without a doubt, Raven Alexis is the main attraction. Her highschool sweetheart-turned-husband doesn't validate her sexually, barely touches her, and never brings her to orgasm. Raven is a decent actor (as are all the players in "Stripped") so her frustration and fear jump out from the very beginning. As they melt into lust, she strips and masturbates until someone—not the husband—comes into frame and treats her right. The whole experience is tender, sensual, yet not without vigor. There's even something intimate about the cumshot: rather than standing above her as he beats off, he lies on his back and she places her head on his stomach. They even kiss after she swallows.

Later in the film, Raven comes back—looking healthier and happier—to discuss her fantasy about sex with another woman. Dia Zerva ties her to the bed and takes her through the motions sooooooo sloooooowly, from tongue to dildo to strap-on to screaming orgasm. It's one of the most delayed, delicious lesbian scenes ever, and it's probably the most sex-positive communion in the film.

Kiara Diane and Mr. Pete finish the film with a straightforward couplet: she questions whether it's ok to have one-night stands, and he shows up for a quick fuck. But it isn't night, so that's good. Plus, she makes him come twice, so they must really like each other.

The two most interesting scenes, in my opinion, are the most disturbing ones. First, Ashley Roberts and her husband come in to discuss their lackluster sex life. She wants their relationship to be like it used to be, he wants more quickies and blowjobs, and neither of them get anything because they're too busy and have a child. They try just what Raven did, and things are going well, and then during the blowjob it all ends. He can't get hard, she gets pissed, and they get a divorce the following week. HA!

The other scene is much more challenging. Jennifer Dark plays a young woman from the Czech Republic (she is a young woman from the Czech Republic, by the way) with some marital issues. She met her American husband back home, and at first he was a wonderful, generous, and considerate man. After he brought her to the States, he locked her up inside his home. It isn't clear if she ends up stripping or prostituting, but she has to use her body to promote his gambling addiction. Of course, he punishes her when she doesn't earn enough money. The sex, it seems, is the worst part; he abuses her body, takes advantage of her, and "makes [her] feel sick."

In less than five minutes, you're flooded with the confessions of a broken woman. No one comes out and says the words, "sex slave," but the conditions are all there. She even delivers part of her interview in Czech, adding another level of realism and displacement to the tone. She doesn't know what she's going to do, but she mentions suicide. And then her husband shows up and they have sex.

If it weren't for a few lines from Joey Brass, this would look just like any other fuck session. Even then, what he says only seems possessive and dominating in the normal porno sense. "Who owns this pussy?" is not an unusual phrase.

I really don't know what to think about this. Are we encouraged to or allowed to enjoy this scene? Should we even be able to? Maybe the filmmaker is willing to talk about marital rape and sexual abuse, but not willing to show it. Whether that's cowardice or restraint is up for questioning. Alternately, porn is the perfect medium for allowing people to project their fantasies—however brutal or ridiculous—into a safe, controlled environment. Maybe the whole point is to allow viewers to take on this misogynist fantasy and enjoy it for its taboo. Or maybe it's a comment on the degrading and selfish depiction of sex in all pornography. I have no idea. Nonetheless, it's fantastic that "Stripped" presents these issues and ambiguities. There should be more porn like this.

· STRIPPED - A CONFESSIONAL (strippeddvd.com)
· Buy "Stripped - A Confessional" (vcx.com)

Bree Olson: Headlights For The Blind

Gram Ponante — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 11:30:01 EST

Bubba the Love Sponge seems reprehensible on his "Bubba Raw 4," in which the Howard/Opie-esque radio host tries to convince Bree Olson that one of his lackies is blind. He appears scandalized when she doesn't believe him.

Mr. Sponge escorted fellow Southerner Stormy Daniels to the AVN Awards a few years back, so we knew he was of the populist "Jackass" variety of radio hosts, and he has since released several editions of his uncut studio exploits with porn stars and hapless employees.

"But this Bree bitch wasn't believing that Steve was blind," huffs Bubba.

Probably because he wasn't.

The idea was that Olson would be introduced to employee Steve, decked out in sunglasses and walking stick, and perhaps feel sympathetic enough to his condition that she would give him a handjob.

But she wasn't buying it.

"I think you guys are messing with me," she says. "I don't think he's really blind."

Radio interviews with mass market DJs are still among the gold rings of porn publicity, so Olson puts up with the ruse for a while, and then, in a clear gesture of "Whatever," she begins texting. Moments later, she exits the Florida studio and walks at a clip down the road, pursued by a cameraman and another Sponge minion.

"Then she had a total meltdown!" Bubba drawls.

Olson grabs the camera and won't let go, demanding to get the tape. Sponge underlings give her a blank tape and make their getaway.

"Bubba Raw 4" features various segments of nudity a la "Girls Gone Wild" and cruelty to employees a la Howard Stern, but it's not as entertaining or as original, and that's saying a little. Sorry you had to deal with that, Bree.

· Evolution Distribution (evolutiondist.com)
· Buy "Bubba Raw 4" (gamelink.com)

Evolution Distribution (evolutiondist.com)
Buy "Bubba Raw 4" (gamelink.com)
Evolution Distribution (evolutiondist.com)
Buy "Bubba Raw 4" (gamelink.com)
Evolution Distribution (evolutiondist.com)
Buy "Bubba Raw 4" (gamelink.com)
Evolution Distribution (evolutiondist.com)
Buy "Bubba Raw 4" (gamelink.com)
Evolution Distribution (evolutiondist.com)
Buy "Bubba Raw 4" (gamelink.com)
Evolution Distribution (evolutiondist.com)
Buy "Bubba Raw 4" (gamelink.com)
Evolution Distribution (evolutiondist.com)
Buy "Bubba Raw 4" (gamelink.com)

Ancient Swedish And French Porn From The Empire State

Gram Ponante — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 11:30:01 EST

Just as the world is fascinated with America, what with our Arby's, Don Cheadle, and Totoro, so are we enraptured by the rest of the world. Today we look at the classic pornos "French Schoolgirls" and "Swedish Sorority Girls."

You should know that no Swedes or French were fucked in the making of these films.

Since it is illegal to film most actual schoolgirls (unless they're on the five-year plan), we already know that Porn provides an extended adolescence for 24-year-olds to jump into pigtails and schoolgirl drag. Sadly, that prospect is moot in "French Schoolgirls," a badly shot and poorly edited compilation from long before its 1980 release credit, in which no French is spoken and no schoolgirl is deflowered.

But it's especially interesting to watch classic porn; perhaps because not only are these women currently older than us, but they also just look older on film.

It's also fun to watch classic porn because of the widely varying standards. While we have plenty of filmmakers today who consider their work Art, the condition was rampant in the so-called Golden Age. Hence why two Brooklyn-accented women discussing their sexual fantasies on a waterbed whilst smoking cigarettes and generally appearing to be in their late 20's are somehow the basis for calling this film "French Schoolgirls."

To reiterate: aside from the scratchy pop music in the background, nothing about this film (shot in New York City) is French.

It's a pretty bad film by any standard, but shots of the New York subway and John Holmes in his prime (the film credits him as John "Wadd" Holmes - can you imagine watching "Black Snake Moan" with Christina "The Ice Storm" Ricci?) are compelling. Oh, and one of the women appears to be fucking Freddie Mercury.

"Swedish Sorority Girls," on the other hand (starring Colleen Anderson, Karen Havens, Roger Caine, Paula Morton, David Christopher, Samantha Fox [yes, that Samantha Fox], Vee Summers, Clea Carson, and Joey Silvera [as Joey Civera, for some reason]) at least makes an effort, even if it is a laughable one.

For one thing, it has snow. For another, all the Americans say "ja" a lot and call each other by Ingrid or Sven. When Ingrid's American cousin flies into what appears to be a snow-covered Albany airport, the Ikeaporn begins.

Like "French Schoolgirls," however, no pretense is made in this film to justify the sorority of the title.

Though both films were released in 1980 ("French Schoolgirls" appears much older), it is clear that, even then, producers were aware that they could pretty much get away with anything as long as nudity was involved.

And that is true even to this day. Sometimes I show a little nipple when I don't have enough cash for the tip at TGI Friday's.

But at least "Swedish Sorority Girls," with its snowball fights, gratuitous "Ja"s, and a blonde, tries.

· VCX (vcx.com)

VCX (vcx.com)
VCX (vcx.com)
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"Frisk Me" Before The Government Finds Out!

Ottimo Massimo — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 17:00:00 EST

Here's something the anarchists don't realize: in order to fuck the cops, the cops must first fuck you.

Frisk Me

Studio: Heartcore Films
Director: Madison Young
Cast: Madison Young, Satine Phoenix, Syd Blakovich, Malia Mojado, Raina DeGrey, Mickey Mod, Maestro, Tyler Knight, James Mogul

If "1984" were a million times sexier and set in San Francisco, it would look something like "Frisk Me." In this movie, Madison Young invokes security guards, criminals, the police, the TSA, and Big Brother surveillance in an effort to show the undercurrent of sexual control and voyeurism present in institutions designed to protect us. These may be lofty goals for a porno, but what's wrong with that? Also, there is sex.

The first vignette involves Syd Blakovich and Satine Phoenix getting ready for a heist, dolled-up like Bonnie and Clyde. Then, because getting dressed makes them horny, they have sex. If this seems like a tangent breaking-off from the exploration of Orwellian sexuality, it is, but it's the only one in the film. Furthermore, Syd Blakovich gets eaten out on a piano, and you discover that the female orgasm produces the same dark notes as a Rachmaninoff piece.

Save for that one private romp, every sexual act is designed to blur the lines between dominance and submission, or voyeur and exhibitionist. In the following scene, Syd and Satine tie a bank guard, Mickey Mod, to a chair and try to extract the vault's combination from him. While it looks like Syd has total control—punching and slapping the guard as she pleases—it's unclear who really has the upper hand. After all, Mickey has knowledge the girls need, and for every number he gives out, he's treated to a blowjob, anal sex, and/or Satine fucking herself with his nightstick (which is just a fancy word for a dildo).

Next, newcomer Malia Mojado stirs cake batter with an enormous, pink vibrator. Naturally, Big Brother (played by James Mogul) is watching from an undisclosed location, so Malia says, "If you're always watching me, I'm going to give you a show." As she ravages herself with her 2-in-1 cookware, Big Brother becomes noticeably uncomfortable, and yet he continues to watch. Does he do it because he has to, or because he wants to? More importantly, which of those scenarios is hotter?

The most intense scene has Raina DeGrey, an anxious traveler late for her flight, in the clutches of Maestro, the TSA agent with a no-nonsense attitude. In the course of normal security procedures, Maestro discovers that Raina is wearing nothing but revealing underwear and fishnet stockings under her trench coat. In addition, her carry-on bag contains the following: dildos, dildos in plastic bags, vibrators, black latex gloves, a couple pieces of clothing, and lube. Unfortunately, she has more than 3 ounces of lubricant, so Maestro has to fuck her brains out. Those are the rules.

As harsh as it may sound, it's not surprising to hear a TSA employee addressed in the same manner a submissive would respond to his or her dominator. It's practically the same lexicon of quiet respect and obedience you see at use in airports. It's barely noticeable as Maestro narrates his reason for mouthfucking Raina, stating, "this is my main searching device, this is how I find things."

Finally, in what could've been a much darker scene, Madison Young seduces a cop on the beat with her free spirit, love of art, and penchant for penis. Tyler Knight is undoubtedly the nicest cop I've ever seen; he even bothers to 69 with a girl he was seconds away from fining. If it weren't for the uniform, this scene would be devoid of questions of power, as both Madison and Tyler just seem excited to be fucking. They have chemistry that completely equalizes them as sexual partners, and that alone is worth watching.

On the other hand, maybe you're not into "feminist porn" that undermines the ideals of both Larry Flynt and Andrea Dworkin. Maybe you're not a paranoid liberal who thinks the government is out to—literally—fuck us. That's ok! You'll still enjoy "Frisk Me." The actors are hot, they practice safe sex (with real condoms and everything!), and everybody has a good time. Just watch it (or they'll watch you).

· Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
· Buy "Frisk Me" (gamelink.com)

Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
Buy "Frisk Me" (gamelink.com)
Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
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Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
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Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
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Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
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Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
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Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
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Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
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Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
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Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
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Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
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Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
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Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
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Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
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Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
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Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
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Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
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What Lies "Behind The Red Door"? A Whole Lot Of Sexy

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 17:00:00 EST

There are many reasons to see Carlos Batts's "Behind the Red Door." The first, and most obvious, is that it stars April Flores. But you should also see it to witness the glory of Syd Blakovich as a femme.

Yes, beautiful butch Syd Blakovich dons a bright red wig (the better to match April Flores, of course) and lingerie, and looks fabulous. But we're getting ahead of ourselves here.

"Behind the Red Door" envisions a dreamy dollhouse in which Doll #12 (April Flores) moves from room to room, inspiring erotic encounters with every opened door. The dolls play show and tell, dress up (and undress) for each other, and, of course, fuck: with fingers, toys, and any available body parts (including feet!)...and the result is a delicious, wonderful experience.

Because we have a serious crush on Syd Blakovich, we found ourselves most enraptured with her scene (for those who love her best as a butch—she loses the wig fairly quickly). Syd and April are, in a word, electric—their passion for each other is obvious...and we, frankly, are just grateful they allowed a camera to be in the room when they consummated their lust.

But don't think that Syd and April's scene is the only one worth watching: Kelly Shibari and Ashley Blue offer equally enticing experiences, both on their own and with April—and the mysterious Matador takes April to the limit.

Through it all, the film is carried along by a rocking soundtrack, which—combined with the arty, accomplished camera work—gives the film the feel of a very erotic music video. If MTV screened stuff like this, well...we might actually have a reason to watch MTV. (Of course, if MTV actually showed music videos, period...oh, nevermind.)

· Buy "Behind the Red Door" (gamelink.com)
· "Behind the Red Door" (goodreleasing.com)

Syd Blakovich and April Flores
Buy "Behind the Red Door" (gamelink.com)
"Behind the Red Door" (goodreleasing.com)
Syd Blakovich
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"Behind the Red Door" (goodreleasing.com)
Syd Blakovich
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April Flores
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Kelly Shibari and April Flores
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Kelly Shibari and April Flores
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Kelly Shibari and April Flores
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Kelly Shibari and April Flores
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Kelly Shibari and April Flores
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Kelly Shibari and April Flores
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Kelly Shibari and April Flores
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Ashley Blue
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April Flores and Ashley Blue
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April Flores and Ashley Blue
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April Flores and the Matador
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Rice, Toast, and "Unseasoned Players" Are Good For Digestion

Ottimo Massimo — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 17:00:00 EST

Kagney Linn Karter isn't bland. Not by a longshot.

Unseasoned Players

Studio: Tom Byron Pictures
Director: Tom Byron
Cast: Kagney Linn Karter, Brooke Lee Adams, Giselle Ibiza, Gracie Glam, Sammy Grand, Tom Byron, Mark Zane, Mikey Budters, Sascha

So, Tom Byron sits there, interviewing the girls, looking a bit like John Tesh, and you just get the feeling that everything is going to be ok. This movie is a spin-off of his "Seasoned Players" series, but instead of veteran actresses and MILFs, he's showcasing rising stars who he believes have great potential. There are five scenes; what you see is what you get.

Yet there is something notably different between the way one enjoys "Seasoned Players" and the way one watches "Unseasoned Players." With the former, you get Tom Byron (or Sean Michaels on that one occasion) interviewing someone with hundreds of films under her belt, chatting and laughing, and then fucking with equal comfort and vigor, like old friends reuniting.

If "Seasoned Players" is a high school's 20-year reunion, "Unseasoned Players" is like the prom: everyone is slightly awkward but determined to have a good time. The interviews are stilted, as Tom reads off a questionnaire and the girls respond timidly (save for Brooke Lee Adams and Kagney Linn Karter, who are both excellent conversationalists). The sex itself is good, but there are many instances where angles and postures have to be corrected, and the editing gets jumpier than a Godard film.

Gisele Ibiza is the least experienced of the bunch, as her scene with Sascha was her second scene ever. Watching her makes me realize that I watch too much porn. Little things stand out: she moans when there's nothing to moan about, she enunciates her sexual advances, she chews gum through a blowjob, and she says "that's hot" rather often. But you know what? The minute Sascha moves her hair out of the way, you discover that she sucks his dick like she's storing up for the winter. You can't find enthusiasm like that just anywhere.

Brooke Lee Adams is slightly less enthusiastic than the others. Her interview is amazing, and genuinely interesting. For example, she's got a great story about doing a foot fetish shoot in which the director made her smoosh cheese with her toes and then eat it. Sadly, she is largely stoic throughout her scene with Mikey Budters. The only time she becomes vocal is towards the end when Mikey finds the sweet spot spooning on the couch.

Gracie Glam and Sammy Grand also deal with some minor awkward moments, but are both enthusiastic and fun to watch. The more girls you see, the more it becomes clear that the lexicon for the inexperienced is subtly different than others. The new girls ask "You like that?" while the veteran stars assert "You like that." I like it both ways just fine, frankly.

By the time you get through all the girls, Kagney Linn Karter looks like a master fuck-artist. Sure, she hasn't yet been in 100 movies, but she exudes as much confidence as any professional. Watching Tom fuck her on his gaudy, gold bed is just like watching him fuck…anyone really. I actually didn't find her scene that remarkable. I will say that Kagney is more comfortable having her face seasoned than the other girls are.

To my knowledge, there's no boot camp for pornstars, so it's fascinating that Tom Byron would create a series that calls itself neither amateur nor superstar. Each of the girls has something unique to offer, and if you could combine them, it would create the ultimate porn actress. Since you can't, consider "Unseasoned Players" a long montage that will lead each girl to glory.

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Not A Parody: "Gimme A Fucking Spring Break"

Gram Ponante — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 11:30:01 EST

Did we for a moment wonder if Pink Visual had jumped into the parody market and signed Jada Fire to play Nell Carter a la Charlize Theron playing Aileen Wuornos? No, we're not dumb. But these Spring Breakers are!

One of Pink Visual's superpowers is making viewers suspend their disbelief just enough to accept that any of these Florida beach resort pickups actually happened.

There's the creepy date-rapey dialogue, the spectre of alcohol-related decision-making, and the casting of people who probably drew on a wealth of personal experience. But we assure you that all these folks knew they were making a porn movie, signed off beforehand, and were paid. Probably not enough to ever compensate for that white dude with the cornrows, but they were paid.

This is a guilty pleasure of a movie with just enough talking to make you think, "For the love of God, shut up and fuck."

· Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
· Buy "Gimme A Fucking Spring Break" (gamelink.com)

We've Got A Big-Ass Fixation With "Big Ass Fixation 5"

Ottimo Massimo — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 17:00:00 EST

Talk about mudflaps, my girl's got 'em.

Big Ass Fixation 5

Studio: Tom Byron Pictures
Director: Tom Byron
Cast: Phoenix Marie, Katja Kassin, Kelly Divine, Lux May, Vannah Sterling, Christian XXX, Tom Byron, Sean Michaels

At what point does an ass become a Big Ass? We're used to seeing asses of considerable size in porn—as far as I know, the pancake butt niche has yet to catch on—so there must be some quality that separates the ass from the Big Ass. For me, what makes a Big Ass can be split up into different ideas.

First, the Big Ass moves independently of the rest of the body. For example, while Kelly Divine is deepthroating Sean Michaels, her rear end is wiggling around with no particular rhythm or reason. Sean grabs the ass, sure thing, but it provides zero stability and control during sex.

Second, the Big Ass dominates your vision. Katja Kassin's butt is so rotund that it eclipses the rest of her body in some shots. That isn't necessarily a bad thing. Don't get me wrong, Katja Kassin is beautiful, but have you ever seen a girl play peek-a-boo using her own ass? Phenomenal.

Vannah Sterling's ass also demonstrates visually exciting properties. Vannah and Tom have worked up a comfortable professional rapport, and so Tom seems to go a little slap happy on the cheeks. Not only is the rough play exciting, but as the bright red handprints show up, you realize that it would take loads of spanking to fully redden the bountiful bottom of this babe.

Last, and most importantly, the Big Ass comes with a Big Ass Attitude. Tom Byron—charming as always—keeps the conversation light and the girls laughing, and they respond with wit and charm. Phoenix Marie talks and jokes throughout her whole scene with Christian, and when he slips his dick into her ass, she lets you know: "Motherfucker! Did he even put lube in there? No. Spit? He fucking just dry-dicked my asshole. Motherfucker."

Lux May also keeps it real with Christian. Not only does she really get into being eaten out, but she brings it up again just before she sucks his cock: "I want you to like this because you, like, ate me out really good." It just feels so genuine and earnest that you can't help but get a boner.

On the downside, that one scene with Phoenix was the only bit of anal in the movie, and that was a bit of a bummer. Yet it would be silly to say that "Big Ass Fixation 5" needs more anal action to be worthwhile. It's not just about having a Big Ass, it's about being a down-ass bitch; these women love it when the sex is good, poke fun when the guys are just fucking around, and generally call it as they see it. As Ja Rule always said, every thug needs a down-ass bitch.

· Buy "Big Ass Fixation 5" (evolutionerotica.com)

*****

Previously: Tom Byron Wrestles With His Demons In "Big Ass Fixation 5"

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Sticky, Sweet, Serious Work In "Popsicle Play"

Ottimo Massimo — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 17:00:00 EDT

Because when you think about it, snowballing makes more sense if you do it with ice cream.

Popsicle Play

Studio: Abigail Williams Productions
Director: O. Cohen
Cast: Samantha Ryan, Nika Noir, Ava Rose, Nikki Rhodes, Jayden James, Ann Marie Rios

This movie is wet in the best possible way. The first scene has Nika Noir and Samantha Ryan work each other to a slow, screaming lather. They get wet, I get wet (which really isn't supposed to happen, I'm a guy), and it's literally raining on them the entire time. Sadly, a popsicle is missing from this scene, but there was a delightful, popsicle-colored vibrator in use.

Actually, the absence of popsicles was a bit concerning at times. Certain scenes—like Nika and Samantha's—could've used one, especially when the cover shows an intimate moment between the girls involving a Cherry Pineapple Big Stick. Ann Marie Rios has the only solo work in the film, and she is also missing a frozen treat. Then again, what she lacks in sugar, she more than makes up with seething. She masturbates like a schizophrenic, half-laughing/half-crying to the point of blazing orgasm.

On the other hand, I'm happy the popsicles were few. It makes them exciting! Jayden James and Nikki Rhodes start off their scene with some intense snack time: holding a Firecracker in her teeth, Jayden colors Nikki's nipples red. Then the girls double-team-deepthroat the ice lolly down to the stick. Have you ever wished your penis were a popsicle? You will.

But it's important to remember that the popsicle isn't a surrogate penis, and you shouldn't be projecting yourself onto unhealthy snacks. For one, you could never have intercourse because sugar is bad for the vagina and is prone to cause yeast infections (The More You Know!). Besides, remember what Belladonna taught us?

Second, it's ok to identify with girls in porn, even lesbian porn; accept your desire for both the active and passive roles! Really, when you're watching Darryl Hannah mouthfuck Ava Rose with a popsicle, and the camera is so close that you can read the joke off the stick, you'd be silly if you didn't want to be one of the girls.

Naked Trainwrecks: "Porn's Most Outrageous Outtakes 4"

Gram Ponante — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 17:00:00 EDT

It's not always a trainwreck on a porn set, but when it is, Jim Powers knows he can recoup some of his expenses with another fascinating edition of "Porn's Most Outrageous Outtakes." Enter Tanner Mayes.

Porn's Most Outrageous Outtakes 4

Studio: JM Productions
Director: Jim Powers
Cast: Tanner Mayes, Johnny Thrust, Porno Dan, Lacey Lane, Dana DeArmond, Brooke Scott, Ashley Blue, Sophie Dee

Review by: Gram Ponante

Tanner Mayes takes up the entirety of "Porn's Most Outrageous Outtakes 4" in a daylong meltdown on the set of "Lesbian Bukkake 15." To tell you the truth, I didn't even watch the bukkake, as outtakes on Jim Powers movies are infinitely more compelling and disturbing.

But is it sexy? What's amazing is that the pixieish Mayes is naked throughout the movie, running this way and that, sprawling, crying, trashing offices, topless, spreading her labia (to exhibit some chafing for the camera), and cussing out production staff and other performers. It's like "Let It Be" if the Beatles were a talented but doomed bukkake band from Chatsworth.

And, while I'm sure there are people who can jerk off to anything (and God Bless You, Fleshbot readers), this is more of a companion piece to "Naked States" in its surprising non-sexuality.

While there are incidental shots of sex, the movie is a documentary better than anything a basic cable sweeps week porn expose could contrive, or any "Family Business" or "Real Sex" put together.

The beautiful Mayes had been out partying the night before until at least 2 a.m. She was three hours late for today's shoot. She reveals that last night she skipped out on a cab fare, passed out in her apartment, naked, and was revived by police, whom she scratched. That is what the crew would be dealing with.

A BTS cameraperson follows her throughout the day, and at one point tells her that "you are my only job." Mayes squats over the performer Lacey Lane in order to come in the latter's face, but Lane notices red marks on Mayes' thighs. Mayes storms out of the room, the first of several threats to quit.

What Lane can be forgiven to have assumed was a staph infection Mayes says is chafing from short underwear. "Like when you're on a water ride." Mayes escalates the more anyone tries to calm her down, and the viewer is left with the feeling that if Mayes isn't heavily medicated, she should be.

And we watch this because it is as titillating and empty as porn is.

By and large, there isn't too big of a pay gap for women in porn. Sasha Grey might pick up a hefty check, but even that is not an order of magnitude greater than what an unknown newcomer might get in a bukkake. What I'm saying is that money doesn't seem to be the reason why Jim Powers has such a huge archive of meltdowns documented in this series and on the Behind the Scenes segments of his other movies.

Instead, it seems to be the nature of his sets and the volatility of the cast. There is also something about the fact that everything that is documented can and will be sold, so that people who are unburdened with a sense of shame have no motivation to not control themselves when they sense a freakout coming.

In bonus scenes there are less spectacular but just as grim encounters with Sophie Dee and the zaftig, cum-drunk Brooke Scott.

The only things missing from this movie are physical violence, a drug overdose, and police intervention. Otherwise "Porn's Most Outrageous Outtakes 4" is a perfect accounting of why you should leave porn to the professionals.

Pornstars In Polyester: "'70s Show: A XXX Parody"

Ottimo Massimo — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 17:00:00 EDT

Quick word of advice: jizz will not wash out of polyester. Trust us.

'70s Show: A XXX Parody

Studio: New Sensations
Director: Lee Roy Myers
Cast: Brooke Banner, Ashlynn Brooke, Missy Stone, Rachel Love, Kaci Starr, Patrick J. Knight, Anthony Rosano, Ralph Long, Justin Magnum, Bo Banner, Ethan Cage, Steve Smith, Pike Nelson

When we first announced "'70s Show" on this site, there was quite a hubbub about casting choices, hair color, and overall attention to the original. In response to the commotion:
Yes, Brooke Banner makes an excellent Donna. And Rachel Love does an outstanding Kitty Foreman.
No, the wigs aren't perfect, but the hair color is pretty accurate.
Yes, Bob and Midge really should've been in this.

Honestly, the one thing that tweaked my obsessive side was the pubic hair. It was (a FOX network tribute to) the '70s! As a young lad, I totally had a crush on Donna, but would've gladly gone out with Jackie, and was down to fool around with Laurie. Naturally, a critical part of the whole four-way fantasy was pubic hair: big, scruffy, retro bushes. Do you think I got retro bushes? Of course not. Next thing I know, someone will tell me Charlie's Angels were all shaved, too.

Gripes aside, "'70s Show" offers genuine giggles. The story revolves around a Led Zeppelin concert the whole gang attends. Eric (Patrick J. Knight) and Donna try to go backstage to see the band, but only Donna is allowed in. Sadly, it's all a trick. Donna thinks she's blowing three security guards so she can meet Robert Plant, but really she's just slobbing on the cleaning crew. Meanwhile, Fez (Pike Nelson) and Kelso (Anthony Rosano) dress up like rock stars in order to trick groupies into sleeping with them. For no reason, Eric's sister Laurie (Ashlynn Brooke) shows up to do laundry and fuck Kelso.

Although Missy Stone may not look exactly like Mila Kunis, she has the voice down perfectly. Better yet, she throws out brilliant one-liners during her scene with Ralph Long (as the sideburned Hyde): "I can't believe I'm messing up my hair for you!" Best of all, she's Missy Stone, and she's unbelievably hot. No surprises there.

Being attracted to Rachel Love as Kitty? That was a surprise. There's something magical about watching Red's Korean War veteran angst come bubbling to the surface as he fucks his wife with a grimace. Like any man would, he comes early and walks off to grab a sandwich. While he's gone, Hyde comes in, shrugs, and helps Kitty finish.

When the funny is on, it's really on, and it blurs the line between accuracy and arousal. Hyde is a notorious mooch, so it seems natural for him to swoop up the sloppy seconds that Red leaves lying on the couch. When the gang is smoking pot in the basement, the camera pans from stoned face to gaping jaw. There's even a theme song that bears a striking resemblance to the original! Lee Roy Myers nailed it. The attention to detail warms the heart of the most nitpicky fan. Even I'm willing to forgive their trespasses against pubic hair.

Really? "You’re Nailin' Palin"? You Betcha!

Ottimo Massimo — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 15:00:00 EDT

This just proves that we always love to fuck the ones we love to hate to fuck to love to hate.

You're Nailin Palin: Interactive Adventures of a Hockey MILF

Studio: Hustler Video
Director: Axel Braun
Cast: Lisa Ann, Alexis Texas, Jay Lassiter, Chris Charming

In the Venn diagram of life, this movie represents the overlapping glory of Lisa Ann's strengths: she's done Sarah Palin, and she's done interactive porn. Have you done either of these things? If not, this will be a learning process. To begin with, thank your stunt-penises, Jay Lassiter and Chris Charming, for representing you so aptly.

You materialize in Governor Palin's office, where she promptly asks if you would like her to take her clothes off. If you say yes, she will. If you say no, angry red and black letters will inform you: YOU ARE NOT A MAVERICK!!! It's not as if you have total control. Try as I might, I couldn't get Sarah to put her clothing back on. I couldn't un-fuck her. Interactive porn is less like playing God and more like playing Cyrano de Bergerac: you forever strive to get laid.

And laid you get. You progress through the event tiers-teasing, masturbation, foreplay, oral, vaginal, anal-picking and choosing your favorite positions, until you finally give your stunt-penis license to cum. Once you're done with Sarah, Miss California (played by Alexis Texas) pays a visit to conduct an experiment "on the evils of homosexuality." Oh, satire! Thy name is lesbian scene.

In the Behind the Scenes footage, Alexis admits she doesn't know why she's playing Carrie Prejean, but that does not detract from her performance. Research be damned, Alexis fits in perfectly into the symphony your penis is conducting, joke and stroke. And just in case you forget which state representative you're pounding, she keeps the sash on.

Somehow, I feel that the interactivity helps the parody. Acting is reacting, and when it's just you and the jokes (and the sex), you can guffaw or groan or masturbate however you like. Overall, the humor suits Sarah. It's not that difficult to imagine the almost-VP launching dirty commands between pun-heavy innuendos. Personal favorite: when you're about to do her doggie-style, she says, "Why don't you fuck me like a sled dog so I can say I-did-your-rod?"

Of course, we can't forget to thank Lisa Ann. Her comfort in this role is apparent, and her embellishments are magical. After you share some particularly raucous cowgirl anal, Lisa Ann will smile and adjust her glasses ever so slightly. You will filibust a nut.

Why am I so into this? I don't know, but I'm positive I'm not the only one. It's been nearly a year since the election, and everyone is still just as excited by the idea of boning Sarah Palin. She's America's MILF. Years from now, future civilizations will unearth this ancient porno and realize they've discovered one of the sacred texts that make up the Cult of Palin.

Jada Fire Gets On Marco's "Dark Side"

Gram Ponante — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 11:30:01 EDT

No, "The Dark Side of Marco Banderas" is not an interracial title. It is post-racial. And neither is it a somber and moody piece of porn. In fact, the viewer is left happy for everyone involved. Then there's Jada Fire...

The Dark Side of Marco Banderas 3

Studio: Mercenary
Director: Marco Banderas
Cast: Marco Banderas, Lexington Steele, Annette Schwarz, Jada Fire, Pinky, Sienna West, Mya Luanna, Alanah Rae, Diana Doll, Rebeca Linares

Not only is Marco Banderas one of the nicest guys in porn, but he also has great teeth. So his "Dark Side" movies give the false impression that, because the sex is nasty, its perpetrators are, too.

But Banderas, like cohort Lexington Steele and a few others (Steve Holmes comes to mind) really comes across Annette Schwarz's face as grateful rather than "dark" in this series of vignettes featuring things like a dream sequence with Rebeca Linares and Alanah Rae (you see, they're selling cookies) and a glorious romp with Annette Schwarz in which the German uberfrau seems to inhale Banderas.

Then there are scenes with the unabashedly bootylicious Pinky and the exquisite Jada Fire as well as zaftig landmadel Katja Kassin and Mya Luanna, who answer the door to find Banderas in a towel speaking Spanish. It almost seems like a couples' movie if there weren't so much assfucking.

(NB: Plenty of couples I know assfuck on a regular basis, but they don't watch porn.)

Banderas seems genuinely happy to be amongst this bevy of hippy hotties, and there is no dark side evident whatsoever. So you'll have to oblige the title even if there's never a dark moment.

· Mercenary Pictures (lexingtonsteele.com)
· Buy "The Dark Side of Marco Banderas 3" (gamelink.com)

Reapplying Sunscreen Will Not Protect You From “Bree Exposed”

Ottimo Massimo — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 17:00:00 EDT

The back cover says "Bree Olson gives her tribute to sex." We should all give tribute to the sun-goddess known as Bree.

Bree Exposed

Studio: Adam & Eve
Director: Andre Madness
Cast: Bree Olson, Ava Rose, Jenny Hendrix, Missy Stone, Charlie Laine, Danny Mountain, Anthony Rosano, Tommy Gunn, Mick Blue

Bree Olson only appears in two scenes! I know I'm being greedy, but I was hoping for more. Naturally, the quality of her scenes more than makes up for the quantity, as Bree is a powerful force in her respective segments with Anthony Rosano and Tommy Gunn.

Since Anthony has the first scene, you'd expect him to set the pace for the rest of the actors. While his unchained fucking certainly typifies the wild tone of the film, I wouldn't designate him the golden standard of "Bree Exposed." Mr. Rosano gets very, very sweaty. Like, just-got-caught-in-a-monsoon sweaty. Also, he finishes by jacking off on Bree's feet and I wasn't prepared for it. Maybe that's a good thing?

The following four scenes are also wet and surprising, but in different ways. Mick Blue brings Missy Stone to squirt before embarking on a long anal engagement. Then there's a lesbian intermission with Ava Rose and Charlie Laine involving a rather ornate but uncomfortable-looking chair. Next, Bree seduces Tommy with an oh-so sensuous booty dance. Finally, Jenny Hendrix and Danny Mountain use the only bed in the movie for some very intense reverse cowgirl action.

As hot as all of the performers are, I felt the sound was the sexiest part of the movie. One moment you're listening to Bree describe the prodigious veins of Tommy's cock (prodigious, by the way), and the next, you're eavesdropping on the whispers between Jenny and Danny. It really says something when you can enjoy a porno with your eyes closed.

The only thing that soured my audio love affair was the ambient music. Before every scene you're treated to either an Enya techno remix or Gregorian chant-break beats. A minor concern, but it causes me to wonder what overall feel Andre Madness wanted to impart.

The straight story is this: there are five hot scenes that stand out strong against any environmental oddities that may exist. With every new scene, you can feel yourself getting excited, impatient, and just generally happy to see the performers. It's that Christmas-morning feeling that can't be faked, and it comes from the talent and enthusiasm of the actors.

And that's why I want to see more of Bree Olson: you can stare at her for hours and it won't damage your retinas.

Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
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Wear Your Raincoat: "Cummin' At You 3D"

Gram Ponante — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 11:30:01 EDT

Porn can be so basic that when someone gets it wrong it can be shocking: How can you fuck up fucking? But "Cummin' At You 3D" gets it gloriously right - in your face!

Cummin' At You 3D

Studio: Tommy Gunn Entertainment
Director: Tommy Gunn
Cast: Tommy Gunn, Sindee Jennings, Riley Evans, Tony DeSergio

Review by: Gram Ponante

Were this movie not 3D, it would still be an excellent interactive couples' title. The story is simple: Sindee Jennings wants to audition for producer Tommy Gunn's porn movie and, of course, she needs to be put through her paces. Along the way she is also tried out by Tony DeSergio and Riley Evans. (Almost) needless to say, she is rode hard and put away wet, as Ms. Jennings is a copious squirter.

But with 50 percent of the cast being Playgirl-friendly dudes, the interactive elements of "Cummin At You" leave plenty of room to see the guys from the females' point of view. To his credit, ladies, Tommy Gunn looks soulfully into your/Sindee Jennings's eyes as he eats you/Sindee Jennings out.

But what is truly revolutionary about this movie (which producers Gunn and Marcus London call a "preview of something even bigger") is that, either with the new breed of 3D-ready HDTVs or with the attached red/blue 3D glasses ("Or you can use the same glasses from the matinee of 'Up,'" Gunn said), you can experience the performers cumming—with whatever substance they have at their arousal—at you.

It's like "A Bug's Life 3D" at California Adventure except with the long-raging argument about whether female ejaculation is real or just urine.

I have had the opportunity ("pleasure" just isn't the most appropriate word) of Sindee Jennings squirting in my face in real life. But the virtual version is really cool. Not only that, but viewers get the illusion of the performers' ankles resting on their shoulders.

3D in mainstream movies is like parodies are to porn; some seem gimmicky and some exploit the genre in a suitable way. But 3D in porn just seems like the right way to go.

And it's worth mentioning that Gunn and company could have gotten this wrong in so many simple, porny ways, but they didn't.

"We knew we had to get Sindee," Gunn said.

Exactly. Because 3D is not about subtlety.

Pure Play (pureplaymedia.com)
Buy "Cummin' At You" (tlavideo.com)
Pure Play (pureplaymedia.com)
Buy "Cummin' At You" (tlavideo.com)
Pure Play (pureplaymedia.com)
Buy "Cummin' At You" (tlavideo.com)
Pure Play (pureplaymedia.com)
Buy "Cummin' At You" (tlavideo.com)
Pure Play (pureplaymedia.com)
Buy "Cummin' At You" (tlavideo.com)
Pure Play (pureplaymedia.com)
Buy "Cummin' At You" (tlavideo.com)
Pure Play (pureplaymedia.com)
Buy "Cummin' At You" (tlavideo.com)
Pure Play (pureplaymedia.com)
Buy "Cummin' At You" (tlavideo.com)