The last video from Jacques had us hurting for some summer sun and ice cream; those are pretty standard desires. Now all we want to do is lock ourselves up in a quiet hotel with this girl, only leaving to hit the hotel bar or buy more leopard print items. Oh, Jacques... The things you do to us.

· JAMIE, by Jacques (jacquesmag.blogspot.com)

When we first discovered Diamond's website, we fell in love with the upbeat attitude the founder/editor-in-chief, Matt Di Pasquale, takes towards sex and sexual expression. He writes, "To repress or limit your sexual desires, keeping them to yourself, is to hold back a natural part of your being... So, by restricting the flow of one type of emotion, you naturally condition yourself to prevent the flow of other kinds of emotions like happiness, love, sadness, and joy."

But when Diamond's pilot issue came out, it was less about sex than it was about sneakers. The only skin to be seen belonged to the founder, and he wasn't exactly working it. In his ten-page spread, he flaunted both his penis and his high school AP scores (guess which impressed us most).

But with their first official issue, Diamond's managed to release official naked pictures of students from around the country. The articles—penned by students at Harvard, Barnard, Princeton, Yale, and other prestigious locations—are more sex-centric than before, and feel earnest and straightforward. So is it better? No.

Boston University, Cambridge, Columbia, and even Harvard have already jumped on this bandwagon, sometimes even giving the goods up for free. Now, we're not saying we're tired of college sex magazines (it's real, legal nudity and naughty talk), and we are happy to the models get paid a decent amount for their time, and we do respect Diamond's to branch out to other universities. But asking us to pay $9.99 for a digital issue (or $29.99 for a print copy) is just silly. Trust us: we downloaded the free sample version. The sample should be enticing, and it wasn't.

At the end of the day, Diamond's just another college sex magazine in a sea of college sex magazines—more a piece of a hay in a haystack than a, ahem, diamond in the rough. Publications like Boink and H-Bomb understand that when readers approach an Ivy League-generated nudie mag, they expect a certain bit of self-conscious tomfoolery. Dormitory antics, suggestive sororities, TAs with T&A, and nerdy babes wearing nothing but mortarboard caps are all things we hoped to find in Diamond, and we were disappointed by their absence. We genuinely like the kids and what they're trying to do. Here's hoping the next issue has a little more sparkle.

· Grab the free sample issue at Diamond Magazine (diamond-mag.com)
· Harvard Alum Launches Ivy League Porn Mag (business.avn.com)

When we last the discussed the birth of Jacques, we knew exciting things were going to come from America's newest luxury erotic mag, but we had no idea it'd be like this. We don't know which we want more: the girl, the ice cream, or the ability to be half-naked outdoors.

· JACQUES MAGAZINE BLOG (jacquesmagazine.blogspot.com)

As the Times sees it, plots were big in the '70s, resurged in the '90s, and have completely fallen by the wayside in the modern era, as studios focus far more on all-sex releases that can be easily chopped up into scenes for online and VOD distribution.

They're sorta right, but they're also missing a very big part of the picture.

Let's get one thing out of the way: plot-driven porn movies (or features, as they're called in the industry) aren't going anywhere. For one thing, there are enough people who like them to make them worthwhile; for another, they're incredibly important PR and marketing tools. Digital Playground can screen "Pirates 2" at UCLA, but we'd wager that the administration would be far less friendly to a screening of "Filth Cums First 4." Or, better yet: New Sensations may primarily produce all sex fare like "Girls 'n Glasses" (cited by the NY Times), but "Scrubs - A XXX Parody" is what got them on "Jimmy Kimmel Live."

There's also the fact that—for the time being, at least—features are still worth buying on DVD; and as long as studios can still make a profit off DVDs, they'll be more than happy to sell them.

At the same time, however, there are many people who are buying their porn primarily for the sex (and let's face it: even those of us who like features are still in it primarily for the sex). And for those people, the DVD model isn't the most economical way of getting what they need: why pay for four hours of sex, when all you really want is that two minutes of Gianna Michaels humping her way to heaven? And it's these people who are driving the trend towards content that is, well, primarily sex—and, more importantly, can be cut up and repackaged without losing that certain something.

What we predict is that we'll end up seeing a split system: a smaller number of high budget, easily marketable features available on DVD for one section of the porn viewing public; and a larger number of sex-focused scenes, perhaps on DVD, but primarily online, for the rest.

And frankly, we think that could be for the best. Imagine if studios took their features really seriously, casting performers who could act as well as they fuck, crafting a movie with a plot that's actually worth watching, while allowing performers whose talents lie in a more prurient direction to simply focus on their fuck craft? You may say we're dreamers...but we think it could be a beautiful thing.

· Lights, Camera, Lots of Action. Forget the Script. (nytimes.com)
· Thumbnail: Gianna Michaels and Faye Reagan ponder the future of porn (nsgalleries.com)

The first issue—which arrives on a newswtand near you July 7, 2009—will have Joanna Angel on the cover, and Jessie Lee, MistiDawn, and Draven. Will this hot, hardcore, punk rock porn mag be enough to save print media? We can only hope. (It's certainly the best strategy we've seen so far.)

· Burning Angel (burningangel.com)

Some might consider it foolish to launch a magazine in this economy, when print media seems to be in its dying days; but the staff of Jacques is undeterred by such petty concerns. They've got a higher purpose, after all (they even have a mission statement!). What little we've seen of their work—which we're told is shot on film, and never airbrushed or retouched—seems promising. We can only hope they manage to buck current trends and come out on top.

· Jacques Magazine (jacquesmag.com, more pictures @ animalnewyork.com)

For one thing, Maria's gotten a tattoo on her back. And for another, she's somehow wound up in Taiwan (or at least the cover of FHM Taiwan). And, and—well, we're sure there's a lot of other things that have happened to her, but since we don't read Chinese (that is Chinese, right?), we're at a bit of a loss to understand it all.

But the important thing is, we're looking at hot picture of Maria right now. (And really, isn't this moment all that matters?)

· Maria Ozawa - FHM Taiwan 05/09 (cameltap.com)

They're keeping mum on most of it, but we do know that Trina The Three-Breasted Wonder and the Scratch ‘n' Sniff centerfold both make an appearance. Also, Alexis Texas is on the cover... and really, isn't that in itself reason to celebrate?

· HUSTLER Magazine Celebrates 35 Years Of Publication (hustlerworld.com)

Alas, you'll have to buy the magazine if you actually want to read the piece; though a gallery of exclusive photos from Rolling Stone's shoot with Sasha is available online.

· Sasha Grey: The Dirtiest Girl in the World Poses for Rolling Stone (rollingstone.com)
· Sasha Grey, The Dirtiest Girl in the World: The Story Behind the Story (rollingstone.com)

As an added bonus, the piece includes a photo gallery of each model holding a few poses, both while clothed and nude. Because in order to really understand these girls, we need to see them at work, right?

· NYC art-school models (newyork.timeout.com)

As with every year, the shots are more tease than T&A—but we'd still like to thank Allure for doing their part to fill the world with nude photos of these gorgeous women. Every little bit helps, you know (and they've certainly given us more than a little bit of sideboob).

· The Naked Truth (allure.com)

So what has dear Abi been doing in the years since we last saw her? Acting, of course, and—perhaps more surprisingly—playing poker (specifically at the World Series of Poker, where she met the likes of Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, and Don Cheadle). But what really matters is that she's back where she belongs, getting her kit off in the pages of Nuts. At last, we can breathe easy again.

Abi Titmuss (dailypoa.com)
Abi Titmuss (dailypoa.com)
Abi Titmuss (dailypoa.com)
Abi Titmuss (dailypoa.com)
Abi Titmuss (dailypoa.com)

There are—of course—a few downsides to the official archive. For one, it's hardly comprehensive, containing a mere 53 issues, seemingly randomly selected from Playboy's vast archives. For another, you'll have to install Silverlight (a Microsoft program that's kinda, but not exactly, like Flash) in order to enjoy any of the vintage porny goodness. But hey, that's a small price to pay for knowing that Miss April 1969 will be there for you whenever you need her, right?

· Playboy Archive (playboyarchive.com, via Buzzfeed)

If we'd known that wishing worked out this well, well, we would have started wishing for a million dollars a whole lot sooner.

· Daisy Lowe in i-D March 2009 (thefashiontime.com, via Violet Blue (tinynibbles.com)

Well, lucky for all of us pervs, Randy Cohen—aka the man behind the New York Times Magazine's "Ethicist" column—has the answer. It seems you should call up the amateur pornstar in question, and (kindly, gently) alert him or her to your discovery... just be prepared for the possibility that your friend might actually be both the star and the distributor of the clip.

We can't tell you how great to feels to have that ethical dilemma resolved... now if we could just figure out what to do about that snafu where we "accidentally" cheated on our taxes.

· The Porn Identity (nytimes.com)
· Amateur pornstar via Porn's Greatest (pornsgreatest.com, via Ask Jolene)

Clearly, some kind of action needs to be taken before things escalate any further. Perhaps the two Lucies could battle it out in some sort of topless boob off? And then, after the victor was determined, they could patch things up with a topless make out session... all recorded for posterity, of course.

· Lucy Briggs (dailypoa.com)

We're pleased to announce that our very own Supreme Commandress appears on the cover of the April 2009 issue of Club Confidential (out now), which also includes a very steamy look inside Burning Angel, and some on the scene reporting from the set of the latest "Cum on my Tattoo" release (at least, that's what we're assuming "Splat My Tats!" refers to). Congratulations, Joanna—we can't believe they waited this long to feature you!

· Joanna Angel (joannaangel.com)
· Club International (clubinternational.com)

Now, of course, the Swimsuit Issue just magically appears on the internet, transporting dozens of swimsuit-clad model, NBA dancers, and tennis stars into our homes or offices at the touch of a button; a plethora of photos and video (video!) all there to sooth away our winter blues.

Kids today don't know how easy they have it.

We had heard that the beautiful Bar Refaeli had been selected to grace the cover of the print version of the issue (which, yes, still exists)—though, immersed as we are in the digital edition, that's an all but meaningless honor. The "cover" of the digital edition (we call it a splash page in internet land) features a rotating cast of beauties, a different girl greeting you depending on the time of day.

But really—at the end of the day, does any of that matter? What we're all longing for is the sweet, sweet glimpse of beautiful girls in teeny bikinis: and no matter what format the Swimsuit Issue comes in, you can guarantee that yes, they will provide.

· 2009 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)