Pink Visual's Porn Stimulus Package

For those who pay for porn (we're traveling in purely theoretical realms here), Pink Visual's version of "Cash for Clunkers" is pretty funny: Simply give up your old porn website membership and get a huge discount on a new one. More »

Great Moments In Strip Club Marketing

Say you're a classy strip joint gentleman's club looking to upgrade your marketing for the new millenium. What do you do? How about making one of those podcasts? That's what the kids are into, right? More »

If brands like Converse were smart, they'd start paying for product placement in altporn movies like "Debbie Loves Dallas" and "Circa '82" to reach their target demographic of hip young adult consumers. Then again, thanks to movies like "Debbie Loves Dallas" and "Circa '82", maybe they don't have to pay for product placement after all. (adage.com)

The sexy coffee craze in the Pacific Northwest has apparently gotten out of hand as "Espresso Gone Wild" is being told to cover up or shut down. (Personally, we think they should be fined for the name.) Won't someone please think of the children health code violations? (azcentral.com)

Rubber 55: Latex Goes Viral

Say you're a latex clothing company that specializes in unusual, hard-to-find and even harder-to-slip-into fetish wear—you know, the kind of stuff that most people need and don't even realize it. How do you get your message out to the non latex-wearing masses? Viral marketing to the rescue! Just shoot a video parody of "MTV Cribs" that shows off your sense of humor and your wardrobe collection at the same time, get it up on YouTube, and you'll be an overnight viral sensation. (OK, so it took a little over a year for this video to reach us—which means maybe the overnight part didn't work out that great. But then no one moves fast when they're wearing a rubber catsuit.) More »

American Apparel: For All Your Masturbatory Needs

Showing true dedication to filling your life with as much sexy as possible, American Apparel has moved beyond its softcore ads into the realm of sex toy peddling by stocking the storied Hitachi Magic Wand on its shelves somewhere between the unitards and the leggings. As you can probably imagine, we're pretty stoked about this development—though we'll be even more stoked when they decide to expand their offerings a bit. Confidential to Dov Charney: if you need need any suggestions for your sex toy inventory, all you have to do is ask. (store.americanapparel.net, via streetbonersandtvcarnage.com)

And speaking of sex toys (purple or otherwise): do you ever find yourself paging longingly through our Marital Aid Test Kitchen archives wishing that you too could be a professional dildo reviewer? Here's your chance: sex toy retailer LoveHoney is now recruiting judges for the UK Sex Toy Awards, and twenty lucky Brits will have the chance to test out ten sex toys each as part of the process. (Yeah, you have to be a UK resident to participate—but if there's a better reason to emigrate we'd like to know what it is.) Apply today! (lovehoney.co.uk)

We've long wondered why so many sex toys are purple—and finally, someone has taken the time to try and find out. Even if this poll of several sex toy luminaries still doesn't explain our peculiar fascination with a certain large and fuzzy fast food promotional character. (nakedcity.com)

The Bunny Ranch in Nevada is fighting back against (Anti-)American Airlines' silly policies, by reimbursing weary travelers for the $15 bag checking fee. So now you can splurge and get that extra reach around! (bunnyranch.com, via jaunted.com)

This Week In Book Promos: The Art Of The Blowjob

Think Chuck Palahniuk's the only one who can make a viral video to promo his book? Think again: Chuck's faux porn has nothing on the sexy stylings of this promo for "Licking After You," an e-book that aims to educate couples about the finer points of giving head. The advantage of course, is that the book and the promo contain actual sex. Animated sex, but with special effects what they are these days, you can hardly tell the difference. More »

Earlier this week, London's Hyde Park was filled with topless ladies riding horses as part of a promo for the DVD release of "Lady Godiva." Man, why do we always seem to miss all the British fun? (prphotos.com, via Sexoteric)

Strange as it may seem, there are actually some women out there who want to avoid nip slips. For these spoilsports more modest types, we present the Winkee, a thong-like bra attachment that does away with any chance of untoward exposure (and, we might add, cleavage). We're hoping this thing doesn't catch on—it could totally put us out of business. (thewinkee.com, via dailybedpost.com)

Breaking: Naughty Ad Collection Shows That Sex Sells

You probably haven't noticed this before because advertising is such a subtle and sophisticated art form, but companies that sell things will occasionally use sexual imagery in their sales pitches in an effort to entice you buy their products. It's true! By showcasing their wares alongside something else that the public finds appealing—a beautiful woman, an romantic story, vaginas—the consumer will subconsciously associate that product with their sexual urges ... and then act on that urge by buying lite beer or awful-smelling body sprays. Again, you probably weren't even aware this was happening because marketing executives are like trickster gods that can convince you to do their bidding and pay for the privilege of doing so. You should study advertising blog TrendHunter's list of the top sexual ads of recent memory (or our "advertising" tag page, where you've seen many of these pitches before) so that you will be better prepared to handle them in real life. Now if you'll excuse us, we just remembered that we have to go buy a sandwich or a car or something. More »

Another week, another porn award marketing scheme extravaganza: this time around, the Adult DVD Empire Awards show off the adult industry's best and brightest according to ... uh, whoever voted for them. Guess maybe "Operation: Desert Stormy" really is as good as everyone says it is! (empireawards.com)

Why American Advertising Sucks, Part 489 (Hint: Not Enough Boobs)

Americans have known for years that Europeans can get away with a lot more on their television airwaves then we ever could here. Commercials in particular seem to contain a lot more sexual imagery, sexual innuendo ... and sometimes just straight up sex. If you don't believe us, check out this French commercial that is the second most popular spot on video ad site Firebrand and one of filthiest ads we've ever seen that wasn't advertising actual porn. You may be asking yourself, "What product could possibly require such a salacious come on in order to convince people to purchase it?" The answer: Fruit. Yes, fruit commercials in France are naughtier than anything you'll see on basic cable in the states. We can only imagine what their primetime line up is like. More »

We all had fun with those mid-air hijinks yesterday, but the real antics happen on the planes of Ryanair—when their advertising isn't getting banned and their flight attendants aren't posting for saucy calendar photos that is. (cmmnews.blogspot.com, via copyranter.blogspot.com)

"Jessica Sierra Superstar": Because Rehab Is So Hot Right Now

In a new high (or low) in the annals of D-list celebrity sex tape marketing, Vivid is using the fact that beleagured "American Idol" contestant Jessica Sierra is currently serving out a stint in rehab as a selling point for the release of "Jessica Sierra Superstar" this coming Wednesday. Hey, when your sex tape costars a guy you met at Hooter's, you probably need all the additional marketing help you can get. More »

What's more awesome than an old fashioned photo strip booth? How about a booth that dispenses condoms along with your photos? Dubbed the "Makeout Booth," this fancy new contraption debuts soon and is perfect for those who like to get a little frisky in there. The real challenge is finding a way to make use of the condom while getting your picture taken. (nydailynews.com)

AVN Tips & Tricks: How To Peddle Your Fleshy Wares

The AVN Expo is not just a family reunion for pornstars and their adoring fans. It's also a place for exhibitors of adult products and novelties to show off their new items to distributors and customers. (In theory, that's actually the main purpose of the expo, but what are you going to do?) One of the biggest booths of this ilk belongs to everyone's favorite handheld male jerk off tube, the Fleshlight. Pay attention as one of the marketers of this fine masturbatory aid demonstrates the most important element of trade show work—the pitch. Know your product, know your audience ... and talk as fast you can because people won't listen for long with that much cleavage in the room. More »

Truth In Advertising: Nailing For Dollars

The last week of December is generally the time of year when networks break out their "funny commericals from around the world that you could never get away with in America" specials, because they make great filler material during otherwise dull holiday breaks. Much like this post you are currently reading. Why can't all advertisers be as honest as this one? More »

A Wonderbra ad without any boobs? Well, it's an unusual strategy, but we think they get they point across. (Think about it. You'll figure it out.) (Copyranter)

Tropical exuberance with a delicate, yet penetrating blend? Sultry mangos? Argentina's best waiting to burst from its shell? Soft, luscious and sweet pulp, alongside a solid piece of dark chocolate? Is this a candy catalog or the back cover of "South American Jungle Sluts 4"? (Boy, we are really hungry right now.) (romanicoschocolate.com, see "Flavors Chart")

Michael Caine's "Too Late For Boobs": The Director's Cut

Our ongoing quest to see each of the 700 movies that Michael Caine appears in is going well, but we haven't yet watched "Too Late The Hero," a 1970 "war is hell" film starring Mike, Cliff Robertson and Denholm Elliott. Obviously that was a mistake, because even though this picture has always been billed as a gritty World War II drama, according these long lost publicity stills it's actually a madcap jungle sex romp filled with dozens of topless native girls and lots of barracks hijinks. Sure, those who have actually seen the flick attest that there are zero actual women in the cast, but clearly these promo images tell a different, much more interesting story. You don't think that someone involved in movie marketing would ever be dishonest just to drum up interest in a product, do you? More »

Job Opportunity: Condom Testers Wanted

Unlike tobacco company Brown & Williamson's "Oh, were we trying to sell you cigarettes?" ads, condom concern Durex's clever marketing over the years doesn't cause us to vurp; in fact, it actually makes wearing condoms sound fun, rather than what we have personally experienced it to be. Hence its latest "Condom Tester" contest, in which residents of the United States and Canada can vie for 2,000 spots and $1,000 cash to give their opinions on a variety of Durex products, including vibrating condoms. As long as there are no hammer or vagina dentata tests, we approve. More »

Breaking: Man Covers Torso With Alt Porn Company Logo!

Publicists love to tout their client's latest accomplishments, no matter how mundane or trivial: whether their name appears on a shiny gold trophy at an award ceremony or magically inscribed on a tortilla in southern Texas, it's important to let others know that people are talking about you so that those others can talk about the people who are talking about you and soon everyone is talking about how everyone else is talking about you. But when it comes to obscure media mentions, our friends at BlueBlood.com may be stretching it a bit with this PR missive urgently informing recipients that some dude we've never heard of was—wait for it—wearing a t-shirt. If you happen to know who this person is then you are much nerdier than we are, but perhaps his t-shirt wearing abilities went far beyond that of mortal men and that's reason enough to take notice. Or maybe it's some sort of inside joke that not everyone on their press list was supposed to get. Or maybe they're just having a slow news week too? (Still, it got us to mention them, so we guess it worked ... ) More »

Flirt4Free: The Serial Killer's Choice!

Business today is all about brand recognition and product placement is one of the most powerful tools available to marketers looking to get their client's name on the public radar. Pretty much any scenario will do, but it takes real creativity to reach a mass entertainment audience and at the same time showcase what your product is truly all about. Take Flirt4Free.com, which seamless worked its way into the plot of Showtime's hit dramedy "Dexter," as the title character gets caught perusing the webcam giant during a "pivotal" moment of the season premiere. More »

In case you hadn't heard, the hunt for the naked girl who lost her camera was actually a viral marketing stunt—but not a very good one apparently, because we still don't know her real name or the site she works for. Oh, well ... we'll always have Facebook. (dailymail.co.uk)

Christi Naked: Drunken Nude Art Challenge

Have you ever wanted to see you face on a billboard? What about your bare ass or a creatively placed nipple? Such is the award awaiting the winner of Christiania Vodka's "The New Nude" challenge, a marketing stunt art competition, that asks the public to create the "most compelling modern vision of the human form." What that has to do with Norwegian vodka, we have no idea, but they've set up a website (lurkers welcome!) to accept and display submissions of paintings, photos, and other representations of the nude body. There are still two days left if you want to submit your own and the winning entry will be displayed on a billboard rising above the corner of Grand St. and West Broadway in Manhattan, which means millions of jaded New Yorkers will walk under your image everyday and refuse to look up at it. So get to work ... those nude bodies won't paint themselves. More »

Porno Pizza Wants To Slice Your Pie

Remember Porno Pizza, the Winnipeg pizzeria famed for providing its customers with a little something extra (by which we mean porn served under your freshly delivered pie)? They recently announced a plan to spice things up even further. Rather than relying on content providers to supply their pizza porn, the company is moving towards producing their own original content, recruiting local models (both men and women) to take it off and get it on beneath the crust. More »

A Canadian pizza joint has started delivering pizzas with porn pictures tucked into the box, so if someone sees all those stains covering a photo of Miss December in your bedroom at least you'll have a legitimate excuse for how those stains got there. (cnews.canoe.ca - thanks Allan)

Breaking: Skin Shamelessly Used To Sell Skin Care Products

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Morning Wood: The Second Coming of Pamela Anderson

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Beneath The Planet Of Sexy Music Videos: Original Cast

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Morning Wood: Return Of The Argentine Superbabes

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