Kid Rock: We're pretty sure there was only one reason why the Kid Rock/Scott Stapp sex tape was ever released: to prove (to someone, we don't know who) that these two a) have (or at least had) groupies and b) have received oral sex. We're pretty sure we didn't need to know either of those things — but hey, that's the world of celeb sex tapes for you.

Joanie "Chyna" Laurer: Female pro-wrestlers don't get nearly enough attention in the press—though we're not really sure that the kind of attention that Chyna's sex tape generated was really appreciated by her fellow female wrestlers (can you say "inch-long and thick-as-a-pinkie clitoris with a corona resembling the head of a penis"?).

Amy Fisher: Given that Amy Fisher's biggest claim to fame was shooting someone in the face, it is, perhaps, a little odd that she followed that up with her very own sex tape. Then again, Amy's criminal career was spawned by an affair she had with the much older Buttafuoco. When she was a teenager. And seriously, how hot does "Long Island Lolita: Caught On Tape" sound? (Related, but vastly less hot: the Joey Buttafuoco sex tape.)

Verne Troyer: Next up in our list of unlikely pornstars is Verne Troyer (better known as "Mini-Me."). Though Troyer didn't take too kindly to his time in the spotlight, we feel the release of his sex tape was actually a bit of a public service. Firstly, it taught us all that, no matter how different you may look, there's always someone out there who'll be willing to love you (and commit it to tape!). Secondly, it gave us all a very, very detailed lesson in how not to kiss.

Gene Simmons: And speaking of KISSing (ha!): you can't spell sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll without sex. And no one knows that better than KISS front man Gene Simmons, whose all too brief career in adult entertainment we were more than happy to analyze.

Dustin Diamond: If you'd told us, as kids, that Screech of "Saved by the Bell" fame would one day be the star of his very own sex tape, we probably would have run screaming from the room (well, after having you explain what, exactly, a "sex tape" was). That reaction wouldn't have been so far off: Dustin Diamond's last ditch effort to reclaim the spotlight was pathetic at best—but at the same time, isn't the whole pathetic grasp at fame thing the whole point of a self-released sex tape? (Oh, and also: Dirty Sanchez.)

Jenna Lewis: Screech wasn't the first "celebrity" to cash in on a "stolen" sex tape: that honor goes to Jenna Lewis, better known as Jenna from "Survivor," who raked in over $70,000 (and extended her fifteen minutes of fame) with her very own sex tape.

Kim Kardashian: And then, of course, there was Kim Kardashian's romp with R&B star Ray J. We never really figured out why Kim was supposed to be a celebrity, but at least she managed to make it with someone with at least a little bit of cred. And, for that matter, Kardashian managed to rake in a decent amount of money, too (much as she denied that she had had any part in the tape's public launch).

Colin Farrell and Nicole Narain: Given that Colin Farrell and former Playboy Playmate are two people we'd actually want to see get it on (as opposed to, well, many of the people who made this list), we were largely convinced that their rumored sex tape had to be a hoax. Yet somehow, it wasn't! See, sometimes the powers that be really do listen to our prayers.

Paris Hilton: Paris's tape hits the top of our list not so much for its quality (it's shot in night vision, for one thing, and Paris was never much of performer) but instead for its cultural significance. Before her flirtation with amateur porn, Paris was just a D-list party girl and hotel chain heiress; post-"One Night in Paris," she was a full-fledged C-list celebutante with her very own reality show. Using a sex tape to eke out a modicum of fame and launch oneself into the spotlight? Brilliant. (Oh, and there's also the matter of Paris's sexploits hitting the newswires the same day that Fleshbot launched—five years ago today! So maybe we're a little sentimental? It happens.)

Bonus Scandal! Dita Von Teese: Lovely Dita didn't so much make a "sex tape" as star in some arty lesbian fetish porn—but hey, the video was hot enough (and the scandal hyped up enough), that we had to include it somewhere. It also wins points for generating one of the best headlines ever seen: "Dita Von Teese had sex with a shoe." She sure did.

We begin with a return to last weekend's San Francisco Fetish Ball, where we couldn't tell what hurt more — those restraints or that electrical tape. See more snaps after the gap.

Author and firebrand Susie Bright is even more attractive when she's being coy. Here she is at a recent reading of her "The Best of Best American Erotica 2008" in Los Angeles.

The Battle of the Plus-sized Temptresses broke out in Burbank as Bettie Rage confronted Cleopatra of the Nile with stealing her mans.

"No one tries to steal my mans," Rage did not say.

Joey and Evanka Buttafuoco smile for the camera in Hollywood following the release of their sex tape. "We only found out that room had a camera in it later," Joey told me with a straight face.

And here's the lovely Amy Fisher, who mailed this picture from the set of a Howard Stern Show appearance that she would end up leaving prematurely. "Let's talk about 2008," she said.

Pursuant to your 'load dropping'...Blue-eyed and silver-tongued devil (he's a lawyer as well as a porn dude) Don Hollywood shares some pointers with whippersnapper Nick Manning.

Finally, the delightful Rose girls, Ava and Mia, get in some family reading time at Ava's place. Mia has returned to performing after a brief hiatus and Ava looks even sweeter without makeup.

* * * * *

Previously: Popshots Archive

While the story behind the release of the second sex tape in three months from two thirds of the players in 1992's "Long Island Lolita" scandal is hard to believe, history (at least theirs) teaches that truth is often stranger than fiction.

. . .

"Joey Buttafuoco Caught on Tape"
Studio: Red Light District
Director: Joey Buttafuoco and Evanka Buttafuoco
Cast: Joey Buttafuoco and Evanka Buttafuoco

Review by Gram Ponante

A room, a bed, the sounds of sirens and a barking dog. Maybe "Joey Buttafuoco Caught On Tape" was staged, but at least it draws you in to the point that you want to kill the goddamn dog, too.

The marketing for this movie, following by three months the release of "Amy Fisher Caught on Tape" goes something like "What happens when Joey Buttafuoco and his wife steal away from a party at a friend's house to catch a raw and steamy hour alone?"

This setup is a distraction, and indeed the first few minutes of the movie are littered with references to not opening the door, "Isn't this better than a barbecue?", and other needless establishing dialogue that convinces viewers that no one was "caught" doing anything, that instead this was a calculated move.

"I didn't know the room had cameras in it," Evanka Buttafuoco told me. "I just chose a room."

"So I'm innocent," Joey Buttafuoco said.

The story is that the pair were attending a party at the home of porn producer Rob Spallone. Spallone was shooting a movie at his party downstairs, and the Buttafuocos slipped away.

So what about releases?

"We signed releases just to be there," Evanka said. "Then they used them as consent when Rob discovered the footage."

Let's just say unlikelier things have happened.

But this should not capsize your interest in what becomes, like its predecessor, a document of older married people behaving like porn stars for the camera, not nailing the letter, but more than compensating in the spirit.

To fill out the hour, the toned and amicable Evanka puts in a lot of time in bra, panties, high heels, and jewelry blowing her husband. This outfit eventually comes off (as does her husband), but it is she who is running the show for most of the movie, providing quotable qupis like, "Joseph, I'm a biter."

Joey, in fact, looks like the least practiced of the two, at least in terms of standard porn techniques. At one early point, it looks as if Joey has come in her mouth - he heaves, he groans, his head tuns to the side. Did he just fake an orgasm? Maybe he had a stroke? In any case, Evanka keeps going.

The first image in the movie, taken from the foot of the bed, is of Joey's face obscured by a book. He seems reluctant. Evanka walks in and immediately takes charge. Mr. Buttafuoco seems grateful.

And grateful is a word that can be applied to both Buttafuoco and Lou Bellera. Both are in their 50s and paired with women who look significantly younger (although the Bellera/Fisher age difference is greater). But though the Amy Fisher tape is technically superior — actually, a 7-11 security camera would be technically superior — to the Joey and Evanka tape, the latter has more instances of the words "I love you." When do you hear that in a porn movie? Not enough outside of a porn movie, either.

As staged as it was, the "I love you"s were real, and "Joey Buttafuoco Caught on Tape" was better than a barbecue. (Not to mention better than watching Gene Simmons).

· Red Light District (rlddistribution.com)
· Buy "Joey Buttafuoco Caught on Tape" (gamelink.com)

· (joeycaughtontape.com)

Previously: DVD Review: "Amy Fisher Caught on Tape"