Fleshbot: straight, insertions

Evil Angel's "Anal Beach Buns": Doing It Circus Style

DCypher — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 15:05:11 EDT

Usually the directness of most porn movie titles tells you exactly what you can expect once you crack open that DVD case. And in some ways, Evil Angels' "Anal Beach Bums" does not depart from this tried and true formula: the movie contains more than its fair share of anal exploits, some of which we understand actually took place near a beach. But that title is a little misleading as well, or at least not entirely descriptive as it could have been. For, you see, "Anal Beach Bums" contains some of the most astounding circus-style sex acts we have witnessed in a long time.

Watch Bobbi Starr juggling large black balls while balancing between two giant rods! Thrill to the sight of Emilianna and Carolyn Reese performing death-defying feats of cunnilingus! Marvel as Ricki White and Rucca Page make one man’s meat completely disappear within their fleshy confines—and you won't believe how Velicity Von and her sexy assistant Lexi Love manage to charm Sean Michaels' raging python into submission!

Of course, you won't see Ashley Blue pulling a string of large anal beads from her nether reigons before getting tongue fucked by Melissa Lauren in any big top we know of. After all, this ain't your usual greatest show on earth.

• "Anal Beach Buns" (DVD info @ evilangel.com)

Flesh Flicks: Good Help Is Hard To Find

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 08 May 2008 17:52:47 EDT

Hiring sexy maids to clean up after you isn't just a rich guy thing. Rich women do it too! The only problem is, we can't figure out who is in charge here. The woman stuck doing the chores seems to be better dressed than the one who is just lounging around—and her dusting skills aren't that hot either. So who is in charge? And how come those shelves are still filthy? Honestly, how does anyone—man or woman—ever get their homes clean these days when all the hired hands want to do is make things messier?

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· "horny lesbians" (Megarotic)

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Previously: Flesh Flicks Archives

The Burden Of Proof: Cruel Media's "All Internal 7"

Jonnobot — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:10:20 EDT

As you've already figured out from watching dirty movies, most contemporary porn involves proving to the viewer that complete sexual congress actually took place: hence the popularity of facial money shots, or money shots anywhere outside of a body cavity for that matter. So when we are confronted with a movie which trumpets the fact that said cumshots took place internally, we have to take it on faith that they really did happen.

All of which is an overinvolved way of introducing Cruel Media's "All Internal 7", in which we find everything that is good and wonderful about European porn: namely, hot but relatively anonymous babes with names like Bonny Bon and Beatrix and the exceptionally well-endowed men who attend to them.

But it's those internal popshots—not to mention the occasional sparkling wine enema—that distinguish this title from similar fare. So if the phrase "Hot Shots In Hot Babes!" (you know, as opposed to "Hot Shots On Hot Babes!") means something special to you, you've come to the right place. And considering the fact that all those otherwise internal popshots end up being dribbled into a champagne glass or otherwise expelled anyway ... well, maybe you don't have to rely on faith after all.

· Cruel Media's "All Internal 7" (DVD info + gallery + trailer @ julesjordanvideo.com)

Drunk Beachcombers Find Exciting New Uses For Empties

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 15:36:41 EDT

Do you hate those Corona beer commercials as much as we do? You know, the ones where all those stressed out yuppies totally get away from it all by hanging out on a beach and like, throwing their wallets into the ocean or something. Oh, and drinking watered down psuedo-Mexican beer. Well, apparently we aren't the only ones who have had enough and someone out there in internet-land decided to "re-interpret" the campaign in the only way that makes sense. Hey, with all those drunk people hanging out on the beach this was bound to happen eventually.

· Bottle (YouPorn)

Advertising for the Nintendo Wii may emphasize...

Jonnobot — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 11:58:15 EST

Advertising for the Nintendo Wii may emphasize how it brings people together, but as one avid player demonstrates it totally rocks for solo play too. And isn't having a good time with yourself just as important as beating your friends in Wii Boxing? (postyourgirls.com - thanks B.)

Fireplace Porn: Grab Your Poker!

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 13:45:43 EST

You already know about our fascination with pool sex. A nice body of chlorinated water makes a perfect backdrop for any romantic encounter, but what to do in the cold, dreary days of winter when your backyard fun spot is covered with plastic tarp and dead leaves? You head inside to an even more romantic spot—the fireplace. We don't know if it's the crackling of the wood, the heat from the flames, or the ever-present danger that your house might burn to the ground, but few things can beat fucking in front of a nice warm hearth. As usual, our twisted friends at Pornzio are ahead of the curve on this sexy porn trend, but we added a few contributions of our own after the jump. So curl up with some nice hot cocca and marshmallows and try not to get singed.

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· Masturbation with fire iron (YouPorn)

· Candy Fox (ammlovely.com)

· Teen masturbates with nunchucks in front of fire" (Megarotic)

· I Want to Fuck Near a Fireplace (pornzio.com)
· Top picture: Alectra Blue (askjolene.com)

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Previously: Flesh Flicks: Do The Math, Video Playpen: Pool Party!

Flesh Flicks: Hot! Dog!

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 17:27:07 EST

You've heard of vegansexuals, the folks that are so committed to not harming animals that they won't even fuck a meat eater? This video is like the exact opposite of that. Most health experts advise against eating processed mystery meat and mystery meat by-products, so you can only imagine what they think about sticking them in your hoo-hah. But hey, when you gotta eat, you gotta eat.

· "Messy Lesbians" (RedTube)

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Previously: Flesh Flicks Archives

Flesh Flicks: See Monkey, Do Monkey

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 18:23:16 EST

Imagine coming down the stairs on the morning of a undetermined, non-secular holiday and finding a giant monkey with a oversized, beef jerky-like appendage in your living room. Would you be as excited to find such a present as these two girls are? They don't hesitate for even one second when it comes to getting down to business with their new simian friend—which may technically be an "ape" and not a monkey. It's important that we get this detail right, since anatomical accuracy was obviously so vitally important to the filmmakers.

· "Girl fucking big Monster's dick" (RedTube)

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Previously: Flesh Flicks Archives

Revenge Of The Nerdcore Babes

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 12:04:12 EDT

What's our favorite new trend in video games? It's not the expansive multiplayer online environments or cooperative fantasy adventures. It's not even the cooler graphics and wireless remote controls. It's hot girl gamers who love to drape themselves in the actual consoles and games and send the pictures out over the interwebs. (Besides how can you tie someone up with a wireless controller?) Well, the nerdcore babes are back for more and we have to thank the boys over at Destructoid for sharing an exclusive bonus photo with us that you can see after the jump. We're not exactly Nintendo experts, but we are pretty sure you're not going to find any ducks to hunt in there.

· Nerdcore #8: Sexy half-naked women with videogames (destructoid.com)

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Previously: Return of the Nerdcore Babes, More Nerdcore: Naked Gamers

We wanted to say that this clip was the...

Fleshbot — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 15:21:47 EDT

We wanted to say that this clip was the latest piece of evidence of the Strange Places Where Japanese People Have Group Sex except for the fact that horny cheerleaders are already a pretty common trope, which means this is a purpose-built porn video instead of actual documentary evidence of what goes on in a biology class, hospital, or public bus. Still, you never know. (And either way, you'll never look at one of those human pyramids in the same way again.) (pornhost.com, via Your Dirty Mind)

Video Playpen: Hitting The Bottle

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 15:37:48 EDT

It's Friday, which means as soon as the boss' back is turned it's time to sneak out early and find a bar where you can kick back and raise the old elbow. (Or just crack open that fifth of Cuervo that's hidden in your file cabinet and pass out under your desk until Monday morning. Not that we know anyone who would do that.) The only danger with either strategy is that once you've got a few in you, that wine or beer or liquor bottle might start looking pretty good ... and then we all know what happens next. The following group of tipplers may or may not have had one too many before "recycling their empties". But whatever they're doing, it's better than drinking alone.

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· Slut Fucks Herself With Bottle (Shufuni)

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· Delicious Belicia (Haporn)

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· chateau (PornoTube)

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· Maryam Fucks With Banana And Wine (Shufuni)

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· Bambi and Lora Craft in New Year's Night Special (Haporn)

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· Wine Bottle (PornoTube)

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· Bottle Sex (Shufuni)

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· Water Bottle - VERY EXTREME (Megarotic)

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· Woman Inserts Bottle In To Pussy (Shufuni)

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· Bottle fuck (Megarotic)

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Previously: Video Playpen Archive

Mondo Porn: The Wacky Side Of Smut

Fleshbot — Tue, 15 May 2007 13:07:02 EDT

Imagine if you will a Venn diagram (go ahead, we'll wait while you go look for your ninth grade algebra textbook) where one circle represents "Porn You Jerk Off To" and the other one stands for "Porn You Giggle At Before Sending The Link To Your Friends With The Subject Line 'OMGWTF???!!!?!?!!!11!'". That space where they overlap is the realm of Mondo Porn, yet another sexy pic blog that seeks to collect "Weird Sex Videos and Pics" from all over teh internets (or at least from the couple of dozen or so paysites that specialize in these sorts of things). Of course, "weird" is in the eye of the beholder, and it's a sad testament to our wizened sensiblities that things like cum snorting, milk bottle insertions, midget sex, and naked babes covered in peanut butter aren't really as strange to us anymore as they are just another day on the job. Still, if you're looking to expand your sexual horizons and want to supplement browsing our own archives with a little extra research, it's as fine a place to start as any.

· Mondo Porn (mondoporn.net)

Previously: Bar Da Rodoviaria: Weird Porn Shit, Random Deviant Sex Act Generator, Porn (Non)Excellence: What Not To See, Porn Review Haikus: The Return, CaledoShow, Erotica Curiosa, The Bacon Strip, The Porn Cynic, Strange Porn, Awful Porn Reviews, Bad XXX Album Covers, Porn Bloopers, Adventures in Bad Porn

Porn of the Moment: "Extreme Holly Goes Solo"

Gram Ponante — Mon, 07 May 2007 17:36:31 EDT

Creature of the interweb Extreme Holly, when she finds something appealing, pretty much absorbs it. Here she is with a baseball bat and a Yankees shirt (sadly, she defies logic by not sticking the Yankees jersey where such things belong). The Arizona resident gamely fits all manner of things inside herself, including tools, felt-tip markers, flashlights, cucumbers, popsicles, and now and then a traditional sex toy. The video is refreshingly free of porn-star posturing from the buff and genial Holly, who could probably beat you to death with the bat once she's finished with it. - GP

· Extreme Holly (extremeholly.com)
· "Extreme Holly Goes Solo" (Adult DVD Empire)
· Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)

Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch Archive

Hot Hexadecimal Dildo Porn: Digg This!

Fleshbot — Wed, 02 May 2007 16:45:02 EDT

We haven't really been keeping up with the whole conflamma today regarding Digg's alleged censorship of a certain hexadecimal code that can be used to break the copy protection on HD-DVD disks, mostly because (1) we tend to pretty much ignore sites that won't let its users link to our content and (2) when we first saw headlines about it, we read "AACS key" as "ASS key" and were really disappointed when the story ended up being about a bunch of numbers instead of, you know, ass. Still, we're as committed to free expression as anyone on teh interwebs, so below you'll find a mini-gallery featuring our own contributions to the cause. (Got any more? Feel free to send 'em our way.) We still have no idea what you're supposed to actually do with all those numbers and letters, but hey ... everyone can use a couple of hot dildo porn pics, right?

· Hot Hexadecimal Dildo Action! (Fleshbot Gallery)

When Dildos Attack!

Fleshbot — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 13:45:09 EDT

Lest you think that most of the sex toys we post about around here are cute nubbin-covered thingies that whisper sweet nothings in your various orifices or outsize conversation pieces designed to collect dust on your coffee table, we should remind you that there exists a troupe of intrepid porn queens for whom too much is never enough when it comes to dildos that look more like heavy-duty ballistic devices than relationship-enhancing marital aids. In addition to featuring many of these gapetastic geniuses in action, BrutalDildos.com is at least equally notable for providing us with some of the best alliterative paysite copy we've come across lately: "Supernatural sex toys shredding our sluts!" "Titanic toys terrorizing these tight twats!!" "Young Virgin Vaginas Get Visciously Violated!" We'll leave it up to you to decide which is more painful: getting fucked by a dildo the size of a fire hydrant, or coming across the phrase "enormous elephant dong" on a hardcore porn site.

· Brutal Dildos (paysite previews @ brutaldildos.com, via Pornzio)
"Woman Gets Fucked by Monster Made of Dildos WTF?!" (TGP/preview gallery @ lesbopimp.com)

Previously: Marital Aid Test Kitchen: King Kong Dildo, Flesh Flicks: Let An Ass Be Your Umbrella, Flesh Flicks: High Gear Insertion, Flesh Flicks: Pussy Foot(ball), Vagetarian Porn, Catching Up With The Galactic Girls, Flesh Flicks: Invasion Of The Monster Dick, Flesh Flicks: The Return of the Dino-Fuckers, Alien Dildos

Morning Wood: Gemma Atkinson's Magic Breasts

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 11:45:05 EDT

· Jenna Jameson confesses that she had cancer and a miscarriage over two years ago. Wow, that pretty much covers the only two things you can't make a joke about. (usmagazine.com)

· What exactly is holding Gemma Atkinson's bikini up? Those jugs she's carrying aren't filled with helium, are they? (drunkenstepfather.com)

· Here's a new one: the Top 10 most famous insertions throughout history, also known as the "it seemed like a good idea at the time" collection. (yesbutnobutyes.com)

· A Dublin madam is the first woman in the history of Ireland to be jailed for organizing prostitution. You've come a long way, baby. (rte.ie)

· A new study says that 25% of all workplace computers have porn on them. Or 100% depending on where you work. (xbiz.com)

· A magazine for teen girls get pulled from shelves after a picture "accidentally" reveals the private parts of a model. Maybe it would be easier to just turn into a magazine for teen boys? (news.com.au)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Wet Spots: We're Sure Amanda Swisten Has A Great Personality Too

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 19:15:08 EDT

· Rose McGowan makes a great advertisement for whatever movie she happens to be in this week. We'll worry about what that movie is some other time. (publicnipslips.blogspot.com)

· Amanda Swisten is, well ... she's Amanda Swisten. OK, we didn't look her up, but we're obviously having a hard time focusing on pesky details right now. (latenightpictures.com)

· How would you like to be the guy who has to watch porn movies to "calculate precisely the time a police baton was used on a woman in one scene by 'a police officer' ... for vaginal and anal penetration"? And we though our job was cool. (It was one minute and 13 seconds, by the way.) (scoop.co.nz)

· Does the opening day of baseball season make you miss football season? It's true that today would be much more exciting with cheerleaders. (cbs4denver.com, via Fark)

· Would inviting Ron Jeremy to your campus be a "dreadful mistake"? Wouldn't it be a mistake not to? (bostonherald.com)

· The "Sex Lady" teaches kids about sex by ripping the hair off their arms with tape? That's sounds like an excellent way to create a generation of BDSM kinksters. (wfaa.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Wet Spots: Say Hi To Your Mom For Us

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 22:30:01 EST

· Mrs. America is now Mrs. World. Finally, incontrovertible proof that no one outshines the U.S. in the production of MILFs. (news.com.au)

· Young ladies of the pop tart set—yes, you girls—should really watch this tutorial on how to remove yourself from a car without showing the world your business. Do it for the children. Please. (Jalopnik)

· Speaking of Jalopnik, we know those guys love their cars, but they would never resort to, you know ... loving cars, would they? Maybe that's a question we don't want answered. (thesun.co.uk, via who else?)

· San Francisco finally signs off on Kink.com's move into the city's old Armory Building, which means the city will no longer be a haven for clean-cut, straight-laced individuals who would never think of doing anything outrageous like work at an adult video company. (examiner.com, more @ sfist.com)

· Meanwhile, we hear from the good folks at Comstock Films that their "Marie and Jack" is received an NC-17 rating from the MPAA (one of only 48 films to do so since the rating was introduced in 1984)—and that it's now available (along with three other titles) on Amazon.com. It's one small step for the contiuing acceptance of explicit adult material in mainstream media, one giant leap for anyone who wants to sneak in some hot hardcore sex the next time they order the latest Steven King book online! (comstockfilms.com)

· A prisoner in El Salvador has his brilliant escape plan foiled when guards discovered he was hiding a hand grenade ... in his ass. We'd hate to be in the stall next to that guy, when it comes time to make his next "deposit." (reuters.com)

· What does the house of centerfold-turned-high priced call girl look like on the inside? It looks a lot like a regular house, actually. Sorry to disappoint you. (ajc.com, reprint @ adultfyi.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives