Birthday party via Teenage Group Sex

Queeny Love, November 8 (iafd.com)
QueenyLove.com (porneskimo.com)

Roxy DeVille, November 8 (iafd.com)
She's (apparently) retired, and we miss her terribly!
Penthouse (penthouse.com)

Madison Mason, November 14 (iafd.com)
Pure Sybian (puresybian.com)

Cali Lee, November 15 (iafd.com)
New Sensations (nsgalleries.com)

Carli Banks, November 16 (iafd.com)
Stunners (promo.stunners.com)

Shay Jordan, November 17 (iafd.com)
Digital Playground (digitalplaygroundpornstars.com)

Angelina Armani, November 18 (iafd.com)
Naughty America (naughtyamerica.com)

Aneta Keys, November 18 (iafd.com)
Glossy Angels (galleries.payserve.com)

Stacy Adams, November 19 (iafd.com)
Black Ice (blackicepass.com)

Birthday cover babes via Fuck Team Five (bangbros.com)

Aria Giovanni, November 3
Aria Giovanni - Salt Flats! (hollyrandall.com)

Nicole Ray, November 4
Hot Bush (realitykings.com)

Jackie Daniels, November 4Throated (throated.com)
Incidentally, Jackie Daniels recently quit! (pinktender.com)

Chavon Taylor, November 5
Scoreland Presents: Chavon's got some big ole fun bags (scoreland.com)

Annie Cruz, November 6
Stuffed Petite (stuffedpetite.com)

Yurizan Beltran, November 7
SweetYurizan.com (incrediblecontent.com)

Birthday cover babe via Melissa Midwest (melissamidwest.com)

Black Angelika, October 25
Pix and Video (pixandvideo.com)

Kyanna Lee, October 26
Heels and Hoes (wannawatch.com)

Savannah Gold, October 29
Ass Titans (sexandcash.com)

Nikki Grind, October 30
Naughty America (naughtyamerica.com)

Liz Vicious, October 31
LizVicious.com (lizvicious.ourfreegalleries.com)

Hanna Hilton, October 31
Twistys (twistys.com)

Asia Carrera was a porn mainstay throughout most of the 90s and early oughts. She was (and is) elegant and sleek yet accessible and engaging, and was recognized as one of the industry's smarties. She was known as a feature performer but was not above some classier gonzos throughout that late VHS/early DVD period.

Carrera is in Hawaii this week with her two tots, and still blogs away on her 90's-era HTML website. She is 36, just a year younger than Lisa Ann, but we get the feeling that the softer, self-admitted "socially phobic" Carrera won't be roaring back to Porn Valley for any MILF movies; she'll just stay on the periphery and acknowledge that we still think of her fondly.

· Asia Carrera's Buttkicking Homepage (asiacarrera.com)
· Asia Carrera on IAFD (IAFD.com)
· Buy Asia Carrera's movies (gamelink.com)

This occurred to us when Britney Spears named her firstborn after the sexual avocado Jayden Jaymes.

Anyway, when Mayes was interviewed for "She Is Half My Age 9," she was asked what her best feature was.

"My personality," she said.

And this was not only unexpected (porn girls are supposed to say "my hot ass," "my tight, tight pussy," or "my mammoth jugs" when asked that question) but probably true of the delightful sprite.

Then, to clarify things, she was asked what her best physical feature was.

"My smile," she said.

And we hope both those things are on display for your birthday weekend, Tanner.

· Tanner Mayes at IAFD.com (iafd.com)
· Buy "She Is Half My Age 9" (gamelink.com)
· Buy Tanner Mayes' movies (gamelink.com)

The former Michelle Sinclair started her porn career when she was 19. Raised a Mormon in St. George, Utah, Belladonna went from Latter Day Saint to Evil Angel (with a stop at Nacho Vidal) in a career that has made her one of the adult world's three or four most recognized women.

Now the head of Belladonna Entertainment (with her husband, Aiden), Belladonna is going eclectic with her onscreen partners, essentially fucking who she wants when she wants (which is what we heard about Brigham Young).

Happy 28th birthday, Bella.

· Belladonna (enterbelladonna.com)
· Belladonna at IAFD.com (iafd.com)
· Mother's Day with Belladonna (gramponante.com)
· Buy Belladonna's movies (gamelink.com)

Kassidy, who took her first name from Kirtsen Dunst's character in "The Virgin Suicides" and her last from a character in "Nash Bridges" (I nodded when she told me that, never having watched "Nash Bridges," but believing everything she said), is a beautiful Southern California native who just made a handful of high-gloss porn movies but thrives in the realm of low-impact blonde Playboy glamor, where it is easier to keep her striking angles intact.

I met her on the set of her debut Vivid movie, "Lux's Life," in 2006. She stared with wonder at the things Missy Monroe was getting up to, being stretched every which way. Later, Monroe took me aside and predicted Kasssidy would be doing anal by the following summer. It never happened. Kassidy remained porn-wholesome, and we hope she is having a wholesome birthday.

· Lux Kassidy at IAFD.com (iafd.com)
· Fiat Lux Kassidy (gramponante.com)
· Buy Lux Kassidy's movies (gamelink.com)

Westgate has but a handful of adult titles, and about a handful of boobs. Mostly she exists in Playboy and on the Internet, a realm that is foreign to me. And lately she's a brunette. Already so inaccessible, now she takes another baby step away.

Come back to us, Sandee! Give us a present on your birthday!

Bio data courtesy of the Internet Adult Film Database

· Sandee Westgate at IAFD.com (iafd.com)
· Thrusting in the smoke with Sandee (gramponante.com)
· Buy Sandee Westgate's movies (gamelink.com)

Apparently the rules about these things in Germany are different than they are here, but I think the German rules are better. I don't even know where the pricing schedule would begin for an Annette Schwarz, but I can tell you I would be willing to go quite a way up it to purchase the Annette Schwarz that I have seen in movies and on the web.

I admit that I am not all that familiar with the market for 25-year old girls who can do absolutely anything and still look like someone you would introduce to your mom once you toweled her off, but I am going to do some research right now and see what kind of green this is going to set me back.

I just hope someone hasn't purchased her already…

Bio data courtesy of the Internet Adult Film Database

· Annette Schwarz (annetteschwarz.com)
· Annette's blog (blog.totallyannette.com)
· Annette Schwarz thinks I am oblivious (gramponante.com)
· Annette Schwarz at IAFD.com (iafd.com)
· Buy Annette Schwarz's movies (gamelink.com)

Lee enters the year of her Saturn Return today, and not a moment too soon. While fans can still see her in Madison Young videos and on Kink.com, she hasn't been back to Porn Valley (and my zip code) in a long time, preferring to remain a dyke pinup and willing pee surface in the Bay Area than brave the treacherous 405 through Los Angeles.

"I'm ambivalent about the San Fernando Valley," she said, which hurts me personally. But she is also a writer and performance artist, so I suppose she won't be coming down for "The Whore Within Me II."

Lee, who took her nom de porn from a role Marilyn Monroe made famous, should realize that she is shortchanging the world by appearing only in lesbian and urinary fare, because everyone knows that gentlemen prefer blondes.

Bio data courtesy of the Internet Adult Film Database

· Lorelei Lee at IAFD.com (iafd.com)
· Breaking the fourth wall with Lorelei Lee (gramponante.com)
· Buy Lorelei Lee's movies (gamelink.com)

I think the result of such an effort would be very much like Adam & Eve's "Carolina Jones and the Broken Covenant," except with a plot. Lana Croft, who turns 24 today, would do almost the same thing she does now, except she would be animated.

Think of the opportunities for Lana Croft to couple with gods, demigods, exotic beast-men, skeletons with huge bones, sexy lady spies and just regular thugs. I'd totally play that game.

Bio data courtesy of the Internet Adult Film Database

· Lana Croft at IAFD.com (iafd.com)
· No Man's Land: White Man's Burden (gramponante.com)
· Buy Lana Croft's movies (gamelink.com)

I can recognize them both – they're really cute and you should definitely check them out – but I can't remember which one's Whitney and which one's Britney. It's like trying to remember who's Statler and who's Waldorf.

Britney, it turns out, is the older one, the one with more tattoos, the one with real breasts, the one with the adorable lateral lisp, the one who turns 24 today. There must be some kind of mnemonic I could devise to help me remember this.

It would be so embarrassing if I ended up shouting the wrong name.

Bio data courtesy of the Internet Adult Film Database

· Internet Adult Film Database (iafd.com)
· Britney Stevens at IAFD.com (iafd.com)
· Buy Britney Stevens's movies (gamelink.com)

She is just Katy (or Cathy or Katia or Kathy or Kathia) Cambel (or Combell or Cambell or Campbell or Nobili), and that is really all she needs to be.

See how simple and yet complex she is? She is only 25 years old, but she is all those different people. And probably more.

Bio data courtesy of the Internet Adult Film Database

· Internet Adult Film Database (www.iafd.com)
· Caty Cambel at IAFD.com (iafd.com)
· Buy Caty Cambel’s movies (gamelink.com)

Coincidence? Probably. But isn’t it nice to imagine that Marquetta, who turns 23 today, is so awesome that her departure sparked the decline of an entire city?

Marquetta should come live in our town, and we will start tracking the quality of living here. It’s pure science.

Bio data courtesy of the Internet Adult Film Database

· Internet Adult Film Database (www.iafd.com)
· Marquetta Jewel at IAFD.com (iafd.com)
· Buy Marquetta Jewel’s movies (gamelink.com)

On January 28, 1754, Horace Walpole coined the term serendipity, which means finding something you’re not looking for but which you nonetheless need. Whenever you go looking for Alexis Texas, though, you get exactly what you were looking for.

Also, the first locomotive ran from the Atlantic to the Pacific on the Panama Railway on this day in 1855. But its caboose was nowhere near as impressive.

Bio data courtesy of the Internet Adult Film Database

· Internet Adult Film Database (www.iafd.com)
· Alexis Texas at IAFD.com (iafd.com)
· Buy Alexis Texas’ movies (gamelink.com)

Nikki, who turns 27 today, plays it cool in the second shot, hiding her celestially beleaguered pudenda from view, but she seems to be worried, because after that she has gone to the doctor to get it checked out.

Don’t fret, Nikki==it’s only when fiery debris starts shooting out of your junk that you really need to take steps.

Bio data courtesy of the Internet Adult Film Database

· Internet Adult Film Database (www.iafd.com)
· Nikki Rhodes at IAFD.com (iafd.com)
· Buy Nikki Rhodes’ movies (gamelink.com)

It is an unfortunate side effect of teen years spent in the eighties that you could pretty much put Chewbacca in a mesh top and torn stockings and fix his hair like that, and we’d be ready to be his Lucky Star.

Fortunately Yvette looks pretty good dressed up as a fake punk. Happy 22nd birthday, Yvette. We are not at all ashamed to be thinking of you in this way, even if you could be our daughter.

Bio data courtesy of the Internet Adult Film Database

· Internet Adult Film Database (www.iafd.com)
· Yvette Balcano at IAFD.com (iafd.com)
· Buy Yvette Balcano’s movies (gamelink.com)

If we had, we’d be over at her house right now, enthusiastically wishing her a happy, hearty and vigorous 42nd birthday, secure in the knowledge that her children would be back at school and not likely to walk in on us. Although the chances are good that if she had a barely legal daughter we wouldn’t mind that either.

Happy birthday, Payton.

Bio data courtesy of the Internet Adult Film Database

· Internet Adult Film Database (www.iafd.com)
· Payton Leigh at IAFD.com (iafd.com)
· Buy Payton Leigh’s movies (gamelink.com)

Pride of Bergen County Joanna Angel was born today 28 years ago. Fleshbot's Supreme Commandress-for-Life (it was a bloodless, though not altogether fluidless, coup) launched BurningAngel.com in 2002 and has made her mark on an adoring world with humor, boobs, and chutzpah as an entrepreneur, model, and mensch.

Was it "Fucked in the Bathroom" that won our hearts? No, it was long before that. "Cum on My Tattoo"? "Porny Monster"? Before that. Was it her series of horror porns like "Re-Penetrator" and "The XXXorcist"? Nope. Was it her AVN Award for "Most Outrageous Sex Scene" (which, when you consider that there are more than 200 AVN awards doled out each year, many in overlapping categories, something like that actually means something)? No, not even.

It was when I asked what award she really wanted, and she replied "Best Jew."

· Burning Angel (burningangel.com)
· Joanna at IAFD.com (iafd.com)
· Buy Joanna Angel's movies (gamelink.com)

We often wonder why people search so hard for nipple-slip and upskirt pictures of celebrities who are, in most cases, less attractive than the porn stars who give it all up all the time in every movie.

And then we remember our basic economics, and the principle of supply and demand. Lexi Love is plenty good enough for us, though. Happy 28th birthday, Lexi!

Bio data courtesy of the Internet Adult Film Database

· Internet Adult Film Database (www.iafd.com)
· Lexi Love at IAFD.com (iafd.com)
· Buy Lexi Love’s movies (gamelink.com)