. . .

Kristina Fey (blessedporn.com)

Braewaste (deviantnation.com)

Courtney James (gallery.ibangpornstars.com)

Shay Laren (galleries.penthouse.com)

Andie Valentino (sexytwistys.com)

Olivia (galleries.payserve.com)

Loora (galleries.tease-pics.com)

Heather VanDeven (europornstarpics.com)

Aja (mobilepornstars.net)

Ashley (galleries.sterlingcash.com)

*****

Previously: Fleshbot Requests Archive

Friendly reminder: placing your request in the comments section of the original requests post greatly increases your chances of having said request filled!

This item is not to be confused with this less full-service item. Indeed, today's model can be mounted on the couch ... just like a real lady!

"Heather was molded just for you," says the box containing the surprisingly heavy Cyberskin creation. Indeed, there is a picture of an engooped Heather Vandeven getting a mold struck of her parts. Because she cares for me, she is wearing full makeup as she peeks at me from a table in a room that is probably the accounting office.

Don't get the wrong idea, but I have personal experience with the ass of the woman who was Penthouse's 2007 Pet of the Year. I have touched it. But divorcing the ass from the person is difficult, so I placed the ass on a leather couch, which is about as yielding and firm as a person (or at least more similar than the fake plant in our office, or the desks).

While the Cyberskin smelled like Cyberskin and not melon body spray or coconut rum, the ass was submitted to a stripper-grade slap test and it was lifelike and satisfying, emitting a resounding *smack!* and resulting satisfying jiggle. But I did not fuck it, alas; I don't want to sully my relationship with the real person, and sopmehow I can't imagine that the real person would allow that sort of interaction.

But if you have never met Heather Vandeven, fuck away!

We want to buy a desk with a top drawer we can open at opportune moments to reveal a bottle of Scotch and Heather Vandeven's Vibrating Cyberskin Doggy Style Pussy & Ass: Good for what ails ya.

· Heather Vandeven's Doggy Style Pet Pussy & Ass (topcosales.us)

There's kind of an assumed Mexican standoff going on here on the set of "Charlie Laine's Cum Control", a CDGirls movie that will be released on Blu-Ray: While Charlie controls the hammering of the device currently throbbin' in Faith Leon, she looks at me. Faith looks at Charlie. Because life is short, I look at Faith (because Charlie still has her shirt on).

See more of your favorite porn stars at their ease after the gap. - GP

- - -

The Babes And Aces Poker Tournament was held last night at the Hollywood Park Casino. I thought Hollywood Park would be somewhere in Hollywood, but it was in Inglewood, where "Pulp Fiction"'s Jules is from. What I'm saying is I got there late.

Here is Carmen Hart presiding over a table that includes Dino Bravo, the David Straithairn to Joe Gallant's John Sayles. I think the other guy is Ricky Gervais, but I can't be certain. Either that or he's Corey Hart, because he's wearing sunglasses at night.

Taylor Wane told me delightful stories about her native Newcastle in the north of England, pretending to not hear my proposals of marriage. I guess it must have been awkward.

Finally, Heather Vandeven, who I wished lived next door so we could take up some hobby together, like parasailing, finally told me how to pronounce her name. It is Van'-d(schwa)-vin. Thank G(schwa)d we got that out of the way.

· B.A.B.E. (babe-a-rella.org)

Previously: Popshots Archive

"Wonder Woman has the biggest clitoris I've ever seen"

... is how you might respond to the invisible cock-squeezing technology employed by this week's marital aid. Unlike many devices reviewed in this institution's virtual pages, there is almost no way for the Crystal Stroker (with Vibrating Love Bullet) to be used by a lady, unless she were to put it to work as a funnel that would further agitate and blend margaritas as she poured them into a glass.

Read our review of this For Men Only product after the gap. - GP

***

While "Stroker" is a relatively recent term, male masturbation aids have been around for millennia, first in lamb form and, before that, a duck. So the prospect of sticking one's part into a disembodied vagina simulacrum, whether it be this device or my ex-wife, is not new. What is novel is its transparency in an age when we really need more of it, in our financial institutions, our government, and our sex toys.

The Crystal Stroker is clear, like Crystal Pepsi. Unlike Crystal Pepsi, however (because the pull-tab hole was way too painful), one can insert oneself into it. This is accomplished, we recommend, with the aid of water-based lube. While the lube might cloud the view, one will avoid the unpleasant similarity to humping the underside of the Rubbermaid mat most office chairs roll on.

This product pays only minimal, er, lip service to an actual vagina. Labia are definitely suggested by the item. It improves on the lady (and other stroking devices) by being open-ended; no more is the result of one's exertions left to collect in the hard-to-reach recesses. Like Onan's issue, however, there is a danger of one's seed being caught on the nubbly interior.

This is a doodad that makes no pretense of being Memphis Monroe or Heather Vandeven. It is not shaped and rouged. It rids one of romantic attachments, unless there is a deep-seated fantasy about fucking Wonder Woman in the wreckage of her jet.

It further disregards traditional notions of up and down; one can either head in with the vibrating bullet on the bottom or on the top, depending on where such vibrations are most needed.

· A & E Crystal Stroker with Bullet (adameve.com)
· Topco (topcosales.us)

Previously: Marital Aid Test Kitchen Archive

I guess the only important words in this product other than "Heather Vandeven" are "Pussy" and "Ass". And I will have you know that, if these dimensions are correct, you will be entering a world unexplored by male porn talent. Why? Because Heather Vandeven doesn't do guys (on film) (yet). Neither does her alter ego Heather Vuur. So, unlike last month's Memphis Monroe Vibrating P & A, which you might imagine have stretched to conform to the dimensions of everyone she has worked with, Heather Vandeven's could very well be less, er, roomy.

Read our review of Topco/Penthouse's Heather Vandeven's Vibrating Cyberskin Pet Pussy And Ass after the gap. - GP

- - -

Maybe a substantial portion of our readers (and definitely our editor) enjoy anonymous sex in alleyways, prisons, and biospheres, but the whole idea of molding a celebrity's fantastiparts^TM indicates that many consumers care about identity. So who are we making sweet love to when we grip, release, and grip again this piece of Cyberskin material?

Is it Penthouse Pet of the Year Heather Vandeven who can't love a man because of her Penthouse contract, or is it Ninnworx star Heather Vuur, who can't love a man because of her Penthouse contract?

It is both, and none. As Ninnworx and Vandeven have been refreshingly candid about the dual roles Heather plays in outright porn (Vuur) and the gauzy high-end gentlemen's magazine (Vandeven), the fan will truly be making a penile journey into the theoretical by sampling this product.

Because we have great fondness for Heather Vandeven, we would find it rude to act on the box' direction to "Try Me/Buy Me". It would involve sticking one's finger into a mini-version of the P&A set like the cover of "Flowers in the Attic". As this model was made by the same company, Topco, as the Memphis Monroe version for Hustler, all the auxiliary parts, such as the controller and bullet, work the same.

The big difference, as you can see by this comparison photo, is that Heather's are smaller than Memphis'.

· Topco/Penthouse Heather Vandeven's Vibrating Cyberskin Pet Pussy And Ass (discreet-romance.com)
· Topco (topcosales.us)
· Penthouse (penthouse.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Marital Aid Test Kitchen Archive

In a delightfully silly new promo site that harkens back to the 2005 glory days of post-Subservient Chicken interactive babery, Penthouse shrinks down the larger-than-life Pet of the Year Heather Vandeven to fit on your computer screen as a sort of interactive boob-enhanced Tamagotchi and lets you attempt your skills of seduction (or at least your skills in clicking on the right buttons.) To get Heather to show you the goods, you'll have to play her music, ply her with drinks, take her shopping, impress her with the right wheels, ply her with more drinks, and invite her girlfriends over to play spin the bottle ... just like in real life! (Though if we can't even get her to show us her tits on the first try, it's unlikely we'd be able to get two more hot babes to show up on our doorstep in see-through negligees. But we digress.) As far as these things go, it's actually pretty amusing. Besides, what else do you have to do this morning besides, you know, actual work?

· My Pleasure Pet (mypleasurepet.com - thanks Sean)

Previously: The New Penthouse Magazine, Heather Vandeven, 2007 Penthouse Pet Of The Year (We Think), Virtual Stripper, Virtual Bartender 2, Meet Tammy Plante, "3D Striptease" Game, Build Your Own Lapdance