Riding The Zephyr To Unexpected Pleasure

The Vergenza Zephyr arrived on my doorstep in an unmarked box, completely unaccompanied by any sort of instruction or explanatory material. Clearly it was a sex toy—why else would someone send it to me?—but what kind of sex toy was it, exactly? More »

Ella: The Dildo For The Discerning Self Love Enthusiast

LELO products have always earned high praise from my parts—but it's mostly been due to their well-designed controls (and, ok, the awesome orgasms they've inspired). But is the LELO ingenuity limited to their electronic toys? Or does the genius extend to their motorless creations as well? When the lovely LELO dildo, Ella, fell into my lap (so it speak) it was the perfect opportunity to find out. More »

The Barack Obama Dildo: Change You Can... Oh, Forget It

The incredible thing about this sexual implement made in the likeness of the Democratic nominee for president is not that it exists—it's what took so long? After all we've already seen two different butt plugs devoted to our existing president (plus numerous other celebrity sex toys and Obama has been running for like six years now, so what was the hold up? (Maybe it was all the time spent on the super keen website.) If you're having trouble finding the right hope and inspiration for that Os for Obama thing, perhaps this will solve your problem. More »

Flesh Flicks: Good Help Is Hard To Find

Hiring sexy maids to clean up after you isn't just a rich guy thing. Rich women do it too! The only problem is, we can't figure out who is in charge here. The woman stuck doing the chores seems to be better dressed than the one who is just lounging around—and her dusting skills aren't that hot either. So who is in charge? And how come those shelves are still filthy? Honestly, how does anyone—man or woman—ever get their homes clean these days when all the hired hands want to do is make things messier? More »

Flesh Flicks: Numerical Advantage

Yes, every man's fantasy is to be satisfied by not one, not two, but three women, however ... have you ever considered the logistics of the thing? That is a lot of boobs to keep track of. Even with a cock, a mouth and two hands, something is going to get missed, which is probably why one of the ladies involved in this romp is forced to keep her bra on. That's just a few two many variables. Fortunately, she finds other ways to get involved and everyone goes home happy. Just remember that if you ever try to pull off this maneuver, proper planning is a must. More »

Flesh Flicks: Girls And Their Toys

We could give you a lengthy disquisition about the appeal of sapphic attractions or the role of female pornstars in the adult industry or even a gushing tribute about how much Janine Lindemulder meant to certain developing youngsters (Hint: A lot!), but we think that maybe just providing the title card would make the whole thing self-explanatory. "Three Lesbians and Two Double-Headed Dildos" kinda says it all, don'tcha think? More »

Here's the first of what will likely be many Halloween-themed posts today—because not only should you dress up yourself, it's also important that your dildoes have cool costumes as well. (Don't ask why, just play along.) (sextoysillustrated.com)

Prixxx Arse Sex Machine Challenge

When porn and tech conference Arse Elektronika had its virtual cherry popped at Kink.com last month (and at least one model christened the stage with a squirt of robot-fucking glee with Fuckzilla), some of us were there to watch the fluids—and ideas about the future of sex, tech and the internets—fly. Those crazy machine fuckers lovers at Monochrom are already gearing up (ahem) for next year's conference with an open call for sex machine makers to compete for the prize of "Prixxx Arse," an "unobjectionable award for sex machines, orgasmotrons and teledildonics." More »

Flesh Flicks: Giving Alexis Amore Some Props

Now when the establishing shot of a scene is a close up on a giant purple dildo/vibrator, isn't it pretty much a given that the device in question will figure prominently in the action? (That's called "foreshadowing.") And when there are other phallic objects in the room that usually means the director is trying to establish a particular visual motif, in this case to get the viewer thinking about the insertion of large objects. (That's called "mise-en-scène.") So how does Alexis Amore completely ignore the purple elephant in the room and only think to put it inside her after the considerable deed is already over? (That's called "missing the point.") We will never understand abstract cinema. More »