You Filthy, Filthy Girl

There are many things that can help push an ordinary blowjob into the realm of extraordinary blowjobs. One of our favorites? Dirty talk (and lots of it). Happily, this is one couple that grasps that concept (and how!). More »

The Tasty Treat That's Fun To Eat

You'll have to excuse us if we seem a little cranky today—with all the hustle and bustle, we just haven't had the time to eat lunch (and breakfast was more like an apple). More »

Fuck Me Like You Mean It

You know what you need? A good, hard shag. No, we're not psychic: that's just the answer to all of life's little (and most of its big) problems. Take a gander at this video, and we think you'll agree. More »

Hailing The Taxi Driver

Everyone knows that plumbers and pizza delivery guys are the kings of low-paid, but well-rewarded laborers, but cab drivers are typically not included in the ranks of those lucky few who get laid every time they show up to work. Of course, it's not often that you get a fare like Janine Lindemulder, either. If every passenger was as friendly as her, we'd never be able to find a open taxi in this town. More »

The Simple Sex Life

Being Amish means giving up a lot of things—cellphones, automobiles, microwave pizza rolls—that are too modern and flashy for an austere country life. But no one ever said that meant giving up lingerie tease shows and blowjobs did it? Lingerie is practically like being naked and you can't really get less flashy than that. Plus, if your goal is to learn how to appreciate all that is simple and good in this word, sex with a hot babe would certainly do the trick. More »

Mmm, Melon Ballers

Adding food to your lovemaking session is a pretty standard way to spice up your bedroom activities, but some foods work better than others. Honey, chocolate sauce, strawberries, and even ice cubes are all classic sexy treats. Watermelon, however, generally isn't. We're not saying they can't work, just that they're very heavy to carry aroun—and spitting all those seeds everywhere isn't our idea of hot (though we're sure it's someone else's). On the other hand, stopping mid-coitus to answer interview questions from a goofy-hatted reporter doesn't excite us eithe. But there's no accounting for taste. More »

Contempt Of Porn Court

We're not lawyers—or doctors, for that matter—but we're pretty sure the "expert" testimony is this fake vagina trial would not be admissible in any court. Sure, watching some anal sex under sterile lab conditions is an excellent way of gathering scientific data, but we don't see what any of it has to do with a bunch of lame jokes about pussy. Just stick to the facts and the fucking or we'll declare this whole damn system out of order. More »

The Difference That 'Hos (And A Hat) Make

You know what the key to being a true player is? It's the one secret that all pimps—real and metaphorical—use to their advantage when it comes to wooing the ladies: You need a good hat. And not just any old ratty baseball cap; you need the kind of hat that says, "I don't care how ridiculous I look, I still have the confidence to try and fuck you." Of course, like Indiana Jones or John Wayne, a good hero also never loses his trademark piece of apparel ... even when he take of his clothes to get busy It's all about commitment to one's role, you know. More »

The 19th Hole

As the summer draws to a close this weekend, we really only have one regret—we didn't play enough golf this year. Taking a nice stroll on beautiful grass fields and then whacking the shit out of them with a four iron is easily the best way to spend a Sunday afternoon, but what makes it even better is when you have great playing partners to putt around with. Obviously, we're no Tiger Woods or anything, but as long as he's on the sidelines with a bum knee, there's really no limit to how low we can score. We just know we'll get that hole-in-one someday! More »

Soft On The Inside: "All Internal #8"

As we've had occasion to mention before, the internal pop shot is one of the conundums of pornography—depending, as it does, upon its subject forcing said pop shot outside of her person in order to prove that it was, in fact, deposited inside to begin with. Keep that in mind as we discuss today's gonzo feature, director Chris Rolie's "All Internal #8". (But don't think about it too hard, else your head may explode.) More »

"No Cum Dodging Allowed": They Are Not Afraid

Believe it or not, gentle readers, there once was a time when ducking pop shots was the norm. Contract girls were thought to be almost too pretty for porn and only fucked for the money, not for the love of the game, and many of them didn’t want to mess up their fancy makeup with a healthy basting of baby batter at the end of a scene. Imagine what it was like to watch gals working their way to the money shot in a veritable frenzy ... and then miraculously dodging it Matrix bullet time-style at the last possible second! So fans of the facial had to look for ever more niche-oriented titles in order to satisfy their pornic desires, turning to Japanese bukkake imports where previously a simple old couples-friendly Vivid movie would have sufficed. More »

Three Is Still The Magic Number

Despite all the evidence we've collected on the topic, we're not going to pretend that we're experts on how to throw the perfect threeway. But we're pretty certain that things will turn out demonstrably better for everyone if the third person involved is, you know ... awake. And when you switch partners, we also don't think it's necessary for the original member of the band to leave the room. Doesn't that sort of go against the spirit of the whole enterprise? It is a numbers game after all, and if you can't balance the equation properly, maybe you should avoid those higher-level math classes. More »

Flesh Flicks: A Roll In The Hay

It takes a lot of ingenuity and more than a little bit of guts to take two much-beloved porn tropes and mash them together like so many potatoes (that have also been mashed). But that's exactly what happened it today's Very Special Episode of Flesh Flicks, which will delight fans of both the naughty schoolgirl and the rogue stable boy! We always kind of hoped those two kids would get together ... they just seem so right for each other. See if it was worth the wait after the jump. More »

Flesh Flicks: Stairway To Heaven?

We've never had a home with a staircase in it. Well, we have lived in walk-up apartment buildings with more stairs than we ever cared to count, but never a place with a second level requiring us to have a bonus flight inside our actual domicile. That means that, sadly, we've never been able to get busy on our very own bannistered steps—which is just awful because it looks so ... well, actually it looks kind of uncomfortable. (But kinky, right?) Maybe next time we'll ask our Realtor© to only show us places that have an elevator in the living room. More »

Along with Megan Reece here, four out of five former dental hygienists who became pornstars agree: semen is better for your teeth than toothpaste. So from now on, remember to rinse before you swallow. (thenaughtyamerican.com)

Flesh Flicks: Pitch Perfect

We had not yet seen this video before posting our Euro 2008 soccer babe roundup earlier, but almost as if on cue, it appeared in our sights to prove once again that organized team sports never fail to make people horny. It's hard to tell exactly which team this girl roots for, but all that really matters is that she is an enthusiastic athletic supporter. (Also, that joke never gets old.) Or maybe she has no allegiance at all and will lend her services to any squad, simply for the love of the game. Isn't it marvelous to see the power that sport has to unite us all? More »

Antifacial: Anywhere But There

Sure, few sexual activities can match the facial when it comes to showing how much you care (or at least how much you're willing to give or receive a faceful of splooge). But what about all those other poor cumshots directed at other parts of the body that don't have their own catchy and easily indexed name? The author behind this fledgling anonymous cumshot blog hopes to redress the pornic imbalance by presenting photos only of "HUGE CUMSHOTS ON THE BODY BUT NOT ON THE FACE (EXCEPTED THE CASES OF UNEXPECTED EXTRA HUGE SHOTS!)" Maybe someday we'll look on the shelves of our local porn shoppe and see whole sections devoted to Backals, Bellyals, and Titsciles where once a vast expanse of nothing but facial fetish DVDs held sway. (Until then, feel free to use the expressions we just came up with ... unless you can come up with better ones of your own?) More »

Flesh Flicks: Up (Against) A Tree

Gee, the warm weather brings out all kinds of horny people, doesn't it? This woodland romp probably wasn't shot and uploaded over the holiday weekend, but we like to imagine that it was inspired by the sunny weather of the past few days and the sort of official start to summer (and maybe our pre-Memorial Day tribute to the joys of al fresco fucking, as well.) On the other hand, maybe they just really, really love bark. More »

Flesh Flicks: Net Gain

We've been sitting here for awhile, trying to think of how many different puns, double entendres, and outright clichés we can fit into this one post, but for some reason we keep getting stuck on one variation or another of "balls in her court." That's the problem with tennis—it's just the same old back and forth, back and forth, until one of the competitors simply can't get it in anymore. Then they switch ends and do it all over again. Oh, and at some point a lot of ball boys get involved. Do you see how hard it is to come up with something dirty to say about that? More »

Flesh Flicks: What's Under (Or On) The Hood?

Look, we're all for fuel-efficiency and designing small, wimpy cars that get 500 miles to the gallon and shoot rainbows out their exhaust pipes. We like Planet Earth too, and want to keep all it green and livable and all that stuff. But we're also red-blooded Americans who appreciate a nice 427 big block V8 that's too loud, too costly, and way too big to be any sort of practical solution to transportation. After all, have you ever tried to fuck in the back seat of a Prius? Not that you could ever pick up a chick in a car that is completely silent when sitting at a traffic light. You can't even peel out properly! If you want to romance the ladies, you need a car with noise and power and a really big hood. Sure, it's bad for the planet, but so is a population that never gets laid. More »

Flesh Flicks: Blame It On The Rain

Ugh, this is such a cliché. Why does every romantic comedy have to feature a scene where the two loverbirds fuck in a raging downpour? There's always a fight, then they run out into the storm, and the director somehow thinks that it heightens the emotion to have his actors shouting their lines while soaking wet. Then, of course, they just start humping right then and there without an umbrella—as if that would ever happen in real life. Maybe when Gene Kelly did it (or was it Jill Kelly?) it might have been original, but it's time to come up with something new. OK guys? More »

The Burden Of Proof: Cruel Media's "All Internal 7"

As you've already figured out from watching dirty movies, most contemporary porn involves proving to the viewer that complete sexual congress actually took place: hence the popularity of facial money shots, or money shots anywhere outside of a body cavity for that matter. So when we are confronted with a movie which trumpets the fact that said cumshots took place internally, we have to take it on faith that they really did happen. More »

The Facial Money Shot: Yes or No?

The facial cumshot is pretty much standard operating procedure in any porn movie, but what about in your real life? After all, you probably don't have a hired towel boy on standby and do you really want to wash those curtains again? Or ... maybe you just don't think that having a hot load of jizz splattered on your face is all that sexy. It's never quite the same as it is in the movies, but that doesn't mean that folks don't eat it up ... so to speak. Well, sex writing superduo Em and Lo wanted to find out the truth, so they asked people on the street to offer their opinion on the ultimate in your face moment. Watch the video and then tell us what you think. And because we suspect our female readers—we do have those right?—might poll slightly differently than the dudes, we're breaking the answers down along gender lines. So what's it gonna be? Spread the love or keep it to yourself? More »

Flesh Flicks: Uneasy Riders

The state you live in may or may not have helmet laws for motorcyle riders, but we're pretty sure they have laws against whatever this couple is attempting. (Some southern states probably even have laws on the books outlawing a few of their other stunts too, with or without the bike.) The point is, unless your last name is Knievel, leave the daredevil stuff to the people who are most qualified to do it: semi-amateur online pornstars, of course. More »

Just when we think there's everything to know about Melissa Midwest, she trots along and shows us a brand new talent. Is there anything that gal can't do? (preview galleries @ yourdirtymind.com)

Flesh Flicks: Mary Carey Polling The Electorate

All talk in the news this week about pornstar-politician Milly D'Abbraccio got us thinking about our own American-made representative, Mary Carey. OK, so she never really came close to getting elected to anything, and we shudder at the thought and what might have happened to California if she had—the first ex-governor on a celebrity rehab show, we imagine—but she is still everyone's favorite big-boobed "candidate." Also, it turns out she actually made hardcore movies once in awhile. Imagine that! More »

Amen

We knew that the Bible was filled with all kinds of naughtiness—rape, murder, incest, laying down with strange beasts—but we inadvertently just discovered what might be the filthiest verse of all. Ezekiel 23:8 (King James Version): "Neither left she her whoredoms brought from Egypt: for in her youth they lay with her, and they bruised the breasts of her virginity, and poured their whoredom upon her." Translation: "When she was young, she had sex with a lot of dudes who grabbed her boobies and came on her chest." Of course, they say that like it's a bad thing. (bible.cc + cottonandsand.com; thumb via the observant Cum On Jugs)

Flesh Flicks: What A Bunch Of Amateurs?

Some people took exception to our characterization of a recent video pick as "amateur." Apparently, amateurs can't hire still photographers to capture their homemade sex adventures in online gallery form. (Whatever!) But in an internet age when anyone can turn their YouTube adventures into an autobiographical audiobook podcast vlog and actual studio-based porn movies are shot on $300 digital video cameras, you have to wonder: What is an amateur, really? This POV bedroom clip may or may not be staged and who knows if anyone made any money off it, but it's really just a matter of media aesthetics. Or maybe we just made a mistake and don't want to admit it? Maybe some mysteries aren't meant to be solved. More »

Eva Angelina In "Down The Hatch": The 23rd Time's The Charm

Scientists bored with studying global warming statistics and frustrated with their failure to create a viable HIV vaccine have turned their attention this week to calculating what part of the general female population is as eager to ingest genetic material as the ones in the 23rd installment of Diabolic's "Down The Hatch" series. Unfortunately, they found out that a startling proportion of them happen to be in this movie already, so the average heterosexual male in the general population stands that much less of a chance of meeting any of them. (Sorry. it's a scientific fact. They used pie charts and everything.) More »