Sure, it's okay to tie people up and beat them with hard rubbery things (and have them pay you for it!), but try to have sex with an undercover cop at your S&M club and suddenly it's like a crime or something. Is nothing sacred anymore? (nypost.com)

The founder of the company that makes the fake penis enlargement pill Enzyte has been sentenced to 25 years in prison for fraud (!). That's what you get for making people feel bad about their small penises ... and defrauding the public of about $400 million. Now will people stop buying that crap? (ap.google.com)

If you're a police officer working undercover on a prostitution sting, it's probably best if you don't have sex with a suspect multiple times before busting her. It just confuses everyone and makes your next massage really awkward. (beaumontenterprise.com; thumb via femdom-orgasm.com, via)

A judge has ordered the maker of Enzyte to pay a $500 million fine for defrauding people with their fake penis pills, which would pretty much put the company out of business. Maybe then they'll finally stop running those idiotic commercials on TV. (xbiz.com)

Nine women and twelve men have been arrested in Greece for participating in an unsanctioned blowjob competition on a beach in Greece. That's why these things should always happen in Madison Square Garden like every other important sporting event. (livenews.com.au)

We've got to admit that operating a mobile brothel out of a rented limousine bus is a pretty brilliant idea. (Even if it is a little derivative.) Parking the bus a block from the Miami Beach Police Department? Not quite as brilliant. (local10.com - thanks, Rick)

A man in Singapore who was unable to control his armpit fetish was sentenced to 14 years in prison for attacking women to get his sniff on; he was also caned 18 times just to make sure he got the message. Moral: if you want to get up in someone's armpit, it probably doesn't hurt to ask first. (smh.com.au; thumbnail via Ask Jolene)

What happens in Thailand really stays in Thailand—because if you try to film it for a porn movie, you are definitely going to jail (and you might be considered a "gang member" too.) See, the best thing about filming in the Valley is that your odds of ending up in a Southeast Asian prison are remarkably low. (pattayadailynews.com, via avn.com)

Two genius gas station holdup men pulled off the perfect crime by disguising their faces with thong underwear. (Although maybe they should have put tighty whities on their arms to cover up those distinctive tattoos.) These kids today just show way too much skin, don't they? (yahoo.com; also spotted @ sex-and-blogs.com)

A group of male strippers from Australia have had to cancel their US tour because all their clothes were stolen, which apparently wasn't just part of the act. (news.com.au)

Hiring a nude maid to clean your house while the wife is on vacation sounds like the perfect plan, until she makes off with $40,000 worth of your wife's jewels. That must have been a fun explanation. (myfoxtampabay.com; thumb of the very trustworthy Shay Laren)

For the first time ever, Japanese police shut down a "panty flashing cafe"—yes, it's exactly what it sounds like. That's what they get for not opening a regular strip club, like everyone else does. (mdn.mainichi.jp, via candycrash.com)

It's true that porn does cause violence—especially if you watch it when you should be paying attention to your girlfriend who likes to stab things when she's angry. Why do you make porn hurt you like that? (bostonherald.com)

Best police blotter item ever?: "A 38-year-old Cole Avenue man reported that his home was invaded on Sept. 9. The man said he was sitting home alone masturbating and watching a pornographic movie when a man came down into the basement, holding a gun, and started to videotape him. The man said that before he left, the intruder fed his dog some mushrooms and the dog died." (It's sad about that poor dog, though.) (yesbutnobutyes.com)

Breaking: Governor Of New York (Maybe) A Fan Of Hookers

Eliot Spitzer became of the Governor of New York by running as a hard-nosed former prosecutor who cleaned up Wall Street and organized crime and was now going to clean up his state capital. Now, involvement with organized crime may end his political career. The New York Times is reporting that Spitzer told his staff today that he was "involved" with a prostitution ring. His involvement may or may not be related to the bust of an online call girl ring that made all the headlines last week. His brief cryptic statement on the matter left most questions unanswered and speculation and rumors continue to run rampant. Maybe he'll stand up and announce that if even a married Governor of one of the largest states in the nation can frequent call girls without hurting himself or anyone else then maybe prostitution isn't such a horrible thing and maybe we as a society should re-think our attitudes toward sex work and rewrite our law books to treat this industry and its workers more fairly. (On second thought ... nah.) More »

Japanese A/V model Serena Kozakura had a conviction for property destruction overturned when the court decided she could not have kicked a hole in a man's door and then squeezed through it ... because her giant breasts would have made it physically impossible. The prosecution later asked for another chance to weigh the evidence. (yahoo.com, via nerve.com + jeanettes-celebrity-corner.com)

Putting troubled teens of different sexes in the same detention center isn't necessarily a bad idea, except when you leave the doors open so they can have late night orgies together. Trust us when we say that locking someone up is much more effective when the doors are actually locked. (news.com.au)

Committing armed robbery makes you a tough customer. Committing armed robbery to steal only eight porn magazines makes you a little bit crazy. Committing armed robbery, stealing eight porno mags, and then riding away on a bicycle? Maybe you should rethink your career choices. (seattlepi.nwsource.com)

Thanks to some eagle-eyed porn fan readers, the folks at The Smoking Gun found out that one of the stars of their recent mug shot roundup is actually on-again off-again hardcore babe Allie Sin. And here you were thinking that badass porn name of hers was just part of her whole schtick or something? (thesmokinggun.com + www.myspace.com/allie_sin - thanks Mike)

Spending New Year's Eve in jail is kind of a sucky proposition—unless you know, one of the female guards decides to suck you off in your cell. Makes that whole Times Square thing seem pretty lame, huh? (thesmokinggun.com)

China has shut down another "real-time" porn site (which we guess means there was a webcam on it somewhere), thus adding to the 44,000 (!) sites shut down and the 868 people who were arrested last year in their continued internet crackdown. But hey, how about those Olympics? Those should be fun, huh? (sciam.com)

Starting on Tuesday, it will be a felony to videotape someone in Illinois without their permission. Not like you should have been doing that anyway, but just a reminder to keep your amateur "film making" on the up and up. (chicagotribune.com)

A 33-year-old woman has been arrested and charged with fourth-degree sexual assault ... on Santa Claus. That's it folks! Christmas is pretty much over now. (newstimes.com)

Toronto police have formed a special unit to investigate crimes against sex workers and are reaching out to get them to report "bad clients." Of course, that doesn't mean they're going to make prostitutes legal, but at least now you can actually get punished for beating one up. (nationalpost.com)

A German man and a Kenyan prostitute have been fined $15 for having sex on a public beach. (The locals call it a "morning glory." How cute!) Fifteen whole dollars? Heck, we paid more than that for parking the last time we went to Cape Cod! (news24.com)

If you are on trial for being a serial flasher, you might think that telling the jury that you are way too embarrassed by your undersized genitals to ever show them to anybody would win you some sympathy. But you'd be wrong. (bbc.co.uk, via Boing Boing)

Portable DVD players (and the porn they broadcast) are amazing, but it's probably best if you don't watch them while you're driving. Or drinking and driving. Actually, just stay away from cars altogether, please. (star-telegram.com)

The real shocker at Shockers Showbar isn't the naked ladies, it's the $6,000 bill they try to stick on your credit card for lap dances and drinks. Six grand in one night for lap dances isn't excessive really, but at least give the guy what he paid for. (wvrecord.com)

Ever wonder how cops gather "evidence" in a prostitution case without actually, you know ... receiving the goods? Well, at least one Denver-area cop might have found a way around that by just going ahead and getting a few blowjobs (and then covering it up later.) Of course, if he was dealing with any of these girls we think we smell entrapment. (westword.com)

Meanwhile, it looks like the four students who were arrested for spreading that Vietnamese TV star's sex tape will be feeling some repurcussions: they will be charged with "dispersing illicit material of sexual content on the internet," which is also the reason why we will not be taking our next vacation in Vietnam. (bbc.co.uk)

Former Penthouse Pet-turned-suburban whorehouse entrepreneur Lisa Taylor pleaded guilty to prostitution charges in order to end her case and avoid going to jail, though she will pay hefty fine. If only there was some way for her to earn large amounts of money right in her own home ... (ajc.com)

A large rug that an artist wove into a nude self-portrait was stolen from a college exhibit. And it really tied the room together, too. (Hey, at least they didn't set it on fire or something.) (ap.google.com)

Remember, folks: porn doesn't kill people, disgruntled wives who kill their spouses after discovering their porn stashes kill people. We thought it was worth pointing out the difference just in case you thought porn itself was, you know, bad or anything. (chicagotribune.com)

It was the perfect business plan—set up abrothel across the street from a high school and charge horny virgins cut-rate prices to get their sex education. Except that whole "contributing to the delinquency of minors" tends to put a damper on things. (nypost.com)

Paying To Play: Yay Or Nay?

There we were, innocently cruising around the webs for any sign of an exposed nipple, when we accidentally got sucked into the latest flareup in one of the oldest debates there is—should prostitution be legalized? Like we said, this argument has been going on forever and will likely continue for just as long, but recent editorials and some motivated blog postings have got people fired up again and with enough thoughtfulness to get us to temporarily stop staring and actually read something. Obviously, bad things happen to sex workers, in both legal and illegal environments, but is the answer more regulation, none at all, or a smashing of the male-penile enslavement hierarchy that has subjugated females since cavemen still carried clubs? Then again, believe it or not ... some people just like to fuck. More »

A burglar attempting to rob a home in Duluth ended up getting something else stolen instead—his own clothes. Getting his junk grabbed by the homeowner probably wasn't part of his master plan either. (duluthnewstribune.com)

An Oregon town makes an example out of a probationer by confiscating his porn collection, then crushing it with a steam roller. Why must there be so much senseless violence in this world? (avn.com)

Look, just because you went to jail for peeping at teenagers, that doesn't give the government the right to confiscate your "massive" porn collection. Or does it? Actually, we're a little unclear on this ... what does the Constitution say about spank mags again? (marinij.com)

We know it seems like the perfect crime, but doing a naked hula dance to distract a clerk so your buddies can steal beer rarely works out the way you'd hope—especially if you're not sexy or a hula girl. Next time try the coconut bra. (foxnews.com)