Yes, just submit an application, pose nude (and get paid for it!), and wait for the votes to roll in. If you're selected as one of the Stars of the Month, The 1 will produce your film short, or make a demo and music video starring you—or do whatever other insane thing you need to do to make your dreams come true.

We're not going to pretend to understand how it all works (we suspect there's some sort of voodoo and/or fairy dust involved, frankly). However, since quite a few hot women (and some Crush Objects!) are involved with the whole thing, we're going to throw our support behind it. Below, a selection of ladies whose dreams we hope come true.

· The 1 Contest (the1contest.com)

Pinup model Mandy Pauline is just dying to be an actress.

Jayme Langford wants to be a rock star.

The multi-talented Ashali Alcocer wants to act.

Model Thao wants to be a hynpotist. Girl, you've already got us hypnotized.

Lux Kassidy wants to be an MMA fighter. We'd gladly step into the ring wither.

In order to determine which girl deserves this coveted honor, Playboy has created the Best Butt Bracket. 64 Cybergirls enter the ring, and after a fierce process of elimination, one is crowned with the honor of Playboy's Best Butt—and is ensured a lifetime of happiness in the process.

The fate of these posteriors lies in your hands: who will you choose?

· Best Butt Bracket (playboy.com)

And we also know that when it comes to the ultimate anything girl, Kayden's a front runner in our book. And as the only adult actress in the mix, she pretty much automatically gets our vote. Doubly so.

What can we say? It's Kayden's world—we just live in it.

· Girls of Spike: Ultimate 50 (spike.com)
· Kayden's Profile (spike.com)
· Thumbnail via Club Kayden (clubkayden.branddanger.com)

Interested applicants are encouraged to apply via Tanya's website; the lovely Tanya requests that you send in pictures of yourself (both nude and clothed), as well as your email address, phone number, location and personal stats like height and weight. Oh, and if you get picked for the show, you'll be responsible for your own travel arrangements (she'll be shooting in England and Ireland, as well as Los Angeles, if enough Americans apply).

We, for one, wholeheartedly encourage all interested and eligible men to apply. After all, it's porn + reality TV—and there's no way that could go wrong.

· Tanya Tate (tanyatate.com)
· Tanya Tate to Launch Reality Show (xfanz.com)

And guess which one allows you—nay, requires you—to hang out with pornstars? (Hint: We haven't seen Barack Obama palling around with Lisa Ann, uh, ever.) And while living in the White House may be pretty sweet...living in a swank Southern California pad ain't too bad either. And throw in a salary of $10,000/month, and—well, what are you waiting for? Your naughty country needs you!

· Naughty President (naughtypresident.com)
· Thumbnail: Alexis Texas wants you! (naughtyamerica.com)

Lauren's one of ten finalists in the BraStop "Star in a Bra" competition—and it's your vote that could launch her to stardom. Bra stardom, even—which, if you ask us, is the very best kind of all.

· Star in a Bra Model Competition (starinabra.com)
· Meet the Star in a Bra finalists (thesun.co.uk)

In celebration of the release of porn spoof "Twilight of Virginity" (get it? get it?), Jenaveve (or maybe Jenveve or Jenavive, depending on which part of the page you're reading) is offering one lucky fan the opportunity to go on a date with her... and maybe even star in a scene with her, too (provided you're disease free). And all you have to do to win this ticket to eternal happiness is buy a copy of "Twilight of Virginity"... and hope like hell you get one of the special copies of the DVD that enters you into the raffle to win the prize. Why yes, it is all rather complicated.

But hey, a girl like Jenaveve is worth it, damn it.

· Jenaveve Jolie Contest Entry (clubjenaveve.com, via lukeford.com)

Nevertheless, the results are finally in, with Jayden Jaymes and Shawna Lenee tying for top honors, Priya Rai ranking as Hottest MILF, and Dylan Ryder receiving the title of Hottest Newcomer. Though, frankly, that only makes us more confused: it took them two and a half months to figure that out? Couldn't they tell just by looking at them?

· The Hottest Girl in Porn (thehottestgirlinporn.com, via xbiz.com)

True, it may be difficult for the organizers to recruit—or even track down—all the beautiful nude women on the internet... in fact, even just determining which beautiful nude women qualify as being "on the internet" seems pretty tricky (should magazine models whose scanned photos wind up online count?)... and coordinating the voting process can't be easy—but you know what? At least we'll all get to see some nudie pix in the process.

And they even have "the most advanced social networking platform"! Win!

· Ms. Nude Internet (msnudeinternet.com)
· Thumbnail star: CiCi Santarelli (msnudeinternet.com)

No, PETA is also interested in getting ordinary people to get sexied up, too; as evidenced by their latest publicity stunt: a "Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door" contest. You—yes, you—have the chance to vote for your favoritest sexy vegetarians, who will face off against one another in a four round, bracket-style competition, until only two champions (one male, one female) remain.

We had our doubts about the whole thing, but after looking through the contestants, we have to say that there are a few lookers in the mix—and, even better, more than a few who aren't afraid to show a little skin. Think there's any chance that they'll shed more garments as they advance through the rounds? Come on, it'd be good for PETA's image.

· Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door 2009 (peta.org)

Well, we kinda hope so, cause anyone who can top that epic love ode will have a chance at winning a totally sweet bolero straitjacket from JT's Stockroom. How do we know it's totally sweet? Well, let's just say that a certain editrix might be holding on to a certain sample version of a certain straitjacket (yes, yes, review to come.).

Wanna try your hand as a kinky poet? Send your entries to Marketing@Stockroom.com on or before 2/28/2009. All submissions must contain at least one reference to a Stockroom product by name and should be between 4 and 20 lines in length.

May the best kinkster win.

· JT's Stockroom (stockroom.com)

Sound to good to be true? It's not—in fact, that's only the beginning. In addition to the John Hancock of Vince Neil, the DVD also features the autographs of Fleshbot Supreme Commandress Joanna Angel and superstar Sasha Grey.

But wait, there's more! This momentous DVD, with its priceless signatures, could very well be yours... for free! We'll give you a minute to recover from the shock you're no doubt feeling, and then we'll let you know how you—yes, you!—could be the lucky owner of this piece of rock/porn history (for free!).

All you have to do is enter Burning Angel's "Girls Girls Girls 2" contest: upload a picture of yourself with your most impressive 80s metal hair-do (either real or photoshopped) to the Burning Angel messageboards... and just wait for the prize to make its way to you. It's just that easy!

(Okay, there's probably a little more to it than that, and we're pretty sure that there are some boring rules and whatnot, so we encourage you to click the link below for all the important details.)

· Girls Girls Girls 2 Contest!!! (burningangel.com)

Hookers do this thing - they learn it at hooker camp - where they can successfully execute a handjob in, like, 30 seconds. But in real life, as in porn, the handjob must be magical.

Notice I didn't say "singular." I said "magical."

That is why I'm asking you to come up with a fantasy character you'd most like a handjob from, and why. The Hamburglar? Sure. But why? Radagast the Brown? Sure. But why? Tracy Scoggins? You get the idea.

· Hundies (hundies.com)
· Buy "Fantasy Handjobs 7" (gamelink.com)

You provided us with many good suggestions—but alas, there can be only one winner. From here on out, a woman who claims to be naked without actually showing the world what the good lord gave her will be referred to as a "niptease." (Take that, Chanelle!) Congratulations, NancyKligmanic—check your private messages for instructions on how to claim your prize.

· Thumbnail star: Nipteaser Chanelle (dailypoa.com)

Straight from the desk of the AEE press staff:

For the first time ever at the 2009 AVN Adult Entertainment Expo, fans will take center stage and display their “hottest” features and appendages, showing off their skills for the crowds at AEE. Fan attendees can vote for their favorite contestants in the heart of the main exhibit area on the FyreTV stage throughout the show from Friday, January 9 thru Sunday, January 11, 2009 at the Sands Expo Center in Las Vegas, Nevada.

AEE fan contests will include a worldwide search for the fan with the “hottest ass,” present mothers and fathers with the “hottest MILF” and “hottest FILF” titles, and select the “hottest fan” from the audience. Other FyreTV stage contests will award the fan who fakes the sexiest orgasm, wins the wet t-shirt contest, and skillfully pole dance. Couples can participate and compete against other couples in the Valhalla Vacation Club Game Show. Prizes will include exotic vacations to world famous resorts in the Caribbean and Mexico, a FyreTV set top box with free minutes, a complimentary evening at the Sapphire Gentlemen’s Club with limousine service, and cash prizes.

Of course, if you want to impress your favorite pornstars, you won't have to do all that. In fact, to win the hearts of your most adored Crush Objects, all you have to do is shower. (Seriously. Just ask Mika Tan.)

· FyreTV Stage Schedule (adultentertainmentexpo.com)

How, you ask? Why, with a good old fashioned contest! As per the suggestion of EdwardCaballa, we're encouraging you all to come up with a brand new word to describe this tease—one which, once it's been settled on, we'll put into very heavy rotation (the better to fight the "topless" menace, right?). But that's not all: in addition to gaining immortality with your valuable addition to the English language, you'll also win some free porn—the kind with real nudity in it, even!

Want to enter the contest? Just put your suggestion in the comments of this post. We'll pick out our favorite entries, and let you, the people, vote for the winner next week.

· Thumbnail star: Not actually topless Angelique Boyer