But it's okay—Gizmodo and Fleshbot are here for you, with a list of sexy gadgets sure to please each and every geek girl (and boy) out there. Cause remember: nothing says, "I love you" quite like a gadget (especially one that gives orgasms).

For the Apple fanatic: Lelo Gigi: True, Lelo's Stockholm headquarters are about 5390 miles from Cupertino, but from the looks of the Gigi, you'd never know it. With its sleek white handle and pretty colored shaft, it could easily pass for Steve Jobs's long lost offspring. It even has a click wheel!

For the phone lover: BodiTalk Escort: The iPhone app store may have cracked down on "adult" apps—but that doesn't mean you can't use your phone to get your rocks off. The BodiTalk Escort kicks into gear whenever a nearby cell phone is in use. Finally, you'll be able to live out those dreams of an iPhone menage a trois.

For the girl with too many cables: Lelo Mia: With all the chargers and cables in our lives, the last thing anyone needs is yet another gift with yet another easily lost power cord—which makes the USB-powered Mia so very, very refreshing. This little lipstick vibe needs nothing more than a computer to get its charge back—and with its discreet appearance, you should have no trouble charging it anywhere you go. (Just, uh, remember to wash it after using it.)

For the couple that geeks together: WeVibe: Valentine's Day isn't just about presents, presents, and more presents—it's about celebrating the deeply felt love that you and your partner share. And what better way to celebrate that love than with a gadget you can use together? The WeVibe is a flexible, C-shaped, silicone vibe that's worn by the lady during the sex, made to add a little extra bump to your bump and grind.

For the boys: Bo and Real Touch (see it in action here): Sexy gadgets aren't just for girls—after years of giving all the good sex tech to the ladies, companies are finally starting to take notice of the other half of the population. We've got two good picks for boys. First up is thethe Bo, a cock gentleman's ring that—with its sleek silicone body and rechargeable motor—leaves those gummy rings with bullet vibes trailing in the dust. Secondly, there's the Real Touch, a robotic vagina that syncs with your favorite porn clips. It won't actually be on sale until later this month—but this is one IOU you can probably get away with.

For the porn loving lovers: FyreTV: If your idea of a romantic evening is watching other people getting it on, than look no further than FyreTV this Valentine's season. The discreet, Wi-Fi enabled box provides streams porn directly to your bedroom. And since their database of adult entertainment is constantly being updated, its definitely a gift that keeps on giving.

For the girl who has every (sex) gadget: Sasi: A few years ago, it seemed as though vibrator tech had pretty much reached its peak. Sure, you could make the batteries last longer, or switch up the pulse patterns, or find a funny new animal to stick on your toy—but for the most part, vibrator functionality was pretty much set. Vibrators were pieces of plastic that went inside the vagina or on top of the clitoris and vibrated. Maybe they twirled around a little, or had rotating pearls, but that was about the extent of their moving. Until the SaSi. With a revolutionary new method of stimulation, and programmable patterns, it's the best thing to happen to vibrators since, well, the birth of the vibrator.

When money is no object: Lelo Inez: We used to think that JimmyJane's $3250 Little Platinum Eternity was the height of luxury vibes—but that was before Lelo came out with Inez. The latest addition to the Lelo Luxe line, Inez will run you anywhere from $7900 (for stainless steel) to $10,500 (for gold plate). Money may not be able to buy you love—but giving someone a $10.5k vibrator will probably get you pretty far anyway.

Looking for a V-Day guide that's a little less geeky? Don't worry, we'll have one for you tomorrow.

· Thumbnail: Faye "Valentine" Reagan gets into the holiday spirit (nubiles.net, via Ask Jolene)

What toys were deemed iconic enough to be a part of the Iconic Collection? Pretty much what you would expect: a rabbit vibrator, a pocket rocket, and a vibrating cock ring. The three toys that have made their way across all of America, earning a prized place in sex toy shops around the country.

The Iconic Rabbit: Confession time: prior to obtaining the Iconic Collection, I had never owned a rabbit vibe. This was partly due to cost constraints (at the height of the Rabbit's popularity, I was a broke college student) and partly due to my distaste for mass trends (by the time I could actually afford a Rabbit, everyone and their mother had created a knockoff—and usually a cheap one). In fact, I'd only used a rabbit vibe once in my life, during an encounter that also involved an Italian prostitute in Amsterdam.

Unlike most of its predecessors, the Iconic Rabbit is not coated in questionably safe jelly rubber, but rather a jacket of phthalate-free, bright white elastomer. Which, for the record, I found a bit creepy. Perhaps I'm just not stylish enough to appreciate the appeal of all white elastomer.

The big appeal of the rabbit is its dual modes of stimulation—which, in the case of the Iconic, are controlled by two sliders on the base of the toy. One slider causes the eponymous rabbit to vibrate, its ears transforming into a blur; the other causes the shaft (and its pearl core), to rotate, stimulating the gspot.

Here was my first disappointment with the Iconic Rabbit: I had to slide one of the sliders almost halfway down to get the shaft rotating. Here was my second disappointment: when the toy was actually inside me, it stopped rotating entirely, only kicked into motion when it was approaching its highest setting. Were my Kegel muscles just that powerful—or was the toy just that weak? I'll let you decide.

Now, when I could get the toy actually moving and grooving, it felt pretty great. There's a reason why the Rabbit was the toast of "Sex and the City": it's a vibe that knows how to make a woman feel... like a woman. However, my enjoyment of the toy was hampered by the sheer volume of the motor. It was loud. Really, really loud.

Perhaps I was right to have avoided rabbit fever.

The Iconic Pocket: First off: am the only one who thinks that JimmyJane really, really missed out by not calling this toy the Iconic Rocket? Rabbit, Rocket, and Ring just flows so much better than Rabbit, Pocket, and Ring (or maybe I'm just abnormally addicted to alliteration).

The thing about the Iconic Pocket is that it's not really reborn, remade, or restyled in anyway by JimmyJane: the original Pocket Rocket (which, yes, I owned back in the day) was also white—in fact, the only difference between that toy and JimmyJanes is the "Iconic Pocket" branded across the stem.

But I digress.

The Iconic Pocket is a small, one-speed vibrator. It's also surprisingly powerful, given its pocket size—a little too powerful, if you ask me. Having so much raw, awesome, vibrating power packed into one tiny toy didn't turn me on; it made me overwhelmed (and, for that matter, reminded me why I had graduated on to more subtle, distinguished toys). My roommate, however, found the sheer, awesome power to be nothing short of thrilling. Different strokes for different folks, right?

The Iconic Ring: With its gummy, elastomer band and tiny, watch battery-powered vibe, the Iconic Ring was more along the lines of the Sonic Ring Kit than the Bo—though there were some subtle design elements that rocketed it to a higher level than the Sonic Ring.

Most impressive was that Jimmy Jane had thought to completely encase the vibrator in elastomer, preventing any possibility of it getting shifted or dislodged during the action. The vibrator's flat shape was also a plus—as were the ticklers emanating from the elastomer casing.

But overall, I just couldn't quite get into it—which may have more to do with the inherent flaws of vibrating cock rings than with JimmyJane.

So what have we learned from all this? Well, for one thing, making a toy all white and branding it "iconic" doesn't fundamentally change anything about it. If you like the Rabbit, the Rocket, and the Ring, you'll find this JimmyJane collection a pleasing tribute—but if, like me, you think iconic's just another word for starter toy, you'll probably be happier investing your money in a more advanced, new-fangled toy that lacks the SATC cred—but more than makes up for it in pleasing power.

· Buy the Usual Suspects Kit (babeland.com)

*****

Previously: Marital Aid Test Kitchen Archive

Love Honey's Sex Counter Cock Ring (spotted at io9) is a cock ring plus counter that purports to track your BPM—which in this case stands "Bonks Per Minute."

We bet the makers of this product are just kicking themselves that the name EroticBPM is already taken. Maybe they can team up with Killshot and do a crosspromotion?

· Sex Counter Cock Ring (lovehoney.co.uk, via io9.com)

After a year of furiously fapping, what toys have left the strongest impression? What toys do I never leave home without—and which are gaining dust in the back of my dresser drawer? Read on and find out:

10) The We-Vibe: Combining vibration with the sexin' always seems like a great idea—but for some reason, it never seems to work out quite right. Given the mechanics of sex, cock rings can't offer a continuous source of vibration—and for some reason, no one's thought of a better solution. Well, until the We-Vibe, that is. Though it may take some exploration to find out how it works best for you, it's a wonderful way to add a little extra bump to your bump and grind.

9) The Bo: But if you'd rather stick with a cock ring, we can offer no better choice than the Bo. Unlike its cheap, gummy rubber counterparts, Bo is made of sterilizable silicone, and comes with a rechargeable battery. Clearly, a cock ring for the future.

8) The Babeland Nubby G: The Nubby G was my first love, Babeland's phthalate free version provides the same wonderful thrills without the fear of toxic chemicals. Even better, it's cheap! **BEST BUY**

7) The Curve: Until I met the Curve, I thought I hated dildos. With it's beautiful, g-spotterific curves, this toy will have you singing its praises within minutes.

6) The Mia: Going on a trip, and worried someone will see you charging your vibe? The Mia can easily pass for a USB thumb drive... until you slip it between your legs. **BEST DISCREET TOY**

5) The Delight: With its delicious curves and many, many vibe patterns, this vibe most certainly is a delight—I just wish it had a simpler navigation system.

4) The Jollie: With it's massive girth and unwieldy appearance, the Jollie may not be for everyone. But if you manage to work it inside your parts, you may find yourself transported to a place you never even knew existed.

3) The Eleven: Sure, we don't all have $300 to spend on a dildo: but if you do, why not purchase a beautifully carved, 11 inch steel dildo? Think of it as an investment. **BEST LUXURY TOY**

2) The Gigi: Sleek, rechargeable, g-spot friendly, and with an adorable mod design, the Gigi's fun to look at, fun to use, and offers some of the best controls ever seen on a dildo.

1) The SaSi: With all the hype and advanced press, I expected to end up heavily disappointed by the SaSi—what vibe could possibly that good? Yet with its innovative design, the SaSi managed to impress even this jaded reviewer, landing it the top slot in this year's sex toy list.


Worst Toy Of 2008: G-Pilot: Whoever thought it was a great idea to make a small plastic shoehorn to guide the penis towards the gspot needs to take some anatomy lessons, stat.

Sure, Beyonce's version has better dancing, and maybe some higher production values—but Babeland has cocks. And cock rings. And, best of all, no one's wearing a creepy robot hand.

· Single Ladies (Put A Cock Ring On It) (blog.babeland.com)

After great success with vibrators like the Gigi, the Iris, and the Mia, LELO has announced the launch of a line for men (also known as LELO Homme). Currently consisting of two toys, the Bo (a cock ring, or "gentleman's pleasure object") and the Bob (a butt plug), LELO Homme has eyes to expand—and after my experience with the Bo, I have to say that I'm definitely looking forward to seeing more from LELO Homme.

For the most part, my cock ring experience has been limited to cheap, gummy toys along the lines of the Sonic Ring Kit. Even at first glance, it was immediately apparent that trying to compare the Bo to the Sonic Ring was like trying to compare a Prius to a Model T. They were worlds away.

Like most vibrating cock rings, Bo has two parts: a small vibrator and a ring to hold said vibrator in place. Unlike, say, the Sonic Ring, however, Bo's vibrator is a sleek, rechargeable affair; and the ring is a stretchy, yet sterilizable, silicone. Even more elegant is the way the two parts snap together—no pulling and stretching the ring to slide the vibrator in place, simply slide the two parts together and enjoy.

But, of course, all that sleek style is meaningless if there's no substance to be seen—and thankfully, the Bo has substance aplenty. Because the silicone ring conducts the pleasure points vibrations, the whole toy becomes a source of pleasure—not just the tiny tip at the top. (I could also swear that the toy made my partner's penis vibrator, too—but, um, your results may vary.) This also helped mitigate the most frustrating element of any vibrating cock ring; though the intensity of the vibration varied depending on the position of my partner's cock, it was the same extreme, on/off sensation that I've seen with other toys.

So, overall, a big thumbs up to LELO Homme. I'm looking forward to seeing what future products they plan to roll out—especially if they manage to take on the Fleshlight.

· Buy Bo (babeland.com)

But beyond doing their part in the war against flaccidity, and occasionally producing a thicker, more turgid erection, cock rings haven't really done much for me personally. The ones with nubs or ticklers have done a bit to tickle my fancy, but it's never really been anything worth writing home about. But then the Sonic Ring Kit walked (or, er, rolled) into my life, and everything changed.

At its heart, this cock ring is a simple toy: a jelly rubber ring, studded with a few ticklers, accompanied by a simple push button bullet vibe. But its simplicity is also its greatest strength. The stretchy jelly rubber is fairly easy to get off and on (just be careful it doesn't stick to the skin), and the bullet vibe stays on with no help needed from the wearer—all the better for some hands free fun.

But did the extra vibe add some kick to my ride? As with so many sex toys: it depends. In some positions the ring was a sheer delight, while in others it was a bit of a nuisance. My favorite set up involved my assistant pressing up against me and simply rocking back and forth, creating a consistent vibration against my girlparts. The worst one was legs spread open missionary: with my clitoris exposed, the vibration was uncomfortably intense. Standard missionary was a bit of a mixed bag: as you might have guessed, thrusting in and out moves the vibrator back and forth, creating a kind of make-your-own-pulse pattern sensation. Depending on your mood and preferences, it's either incredibly delightful or incredibly annoying.

The Sonic Ring Kit certainly takes a bit of practice to figure out. But at $20, it's worth the effort. (And even if it doesn't work out for you, you still have that bullet vibe to use as you wish.) I must say, I'm looking forward to taking a few more laps around the track with it and seeing where it goes.

Though I also must say, learning how much I enjoy vibration during intercourse has definitely increased my curiosity about the We-Vibe, a fancy vibrator designed to be worn during intercourse. But I'll have to get back to you about that one another week.

· Buy the Sonic Ring Kit (babeland.com)

You will look like one of those Sears photographers, facing forward while holding a bulb in one hand and the birdie in the other, when you physically commit to the CyberSkin® Waterproof EZ-Bend Cockring. Because what the title doesn't tell you is that, not only is this cock ring as bendy as a favorite bath tool, but it also has a vibrating bullet attached by a length of wire to a controller.

So you poke your schlong through the CyberSkin® Waterproof EZ-Bend Cockring's stretchy hole, all the while feeling the not-unpleasant but otherwise-unnatural humming of the bullet underneath. The farther one pokes, the more secure the source of the vibration (unless one has no testicles, and then it's a crapshoot).

So the user has both hands occupied, really, at which point the question becomes "What if ladies are present?"

The answer, I believe, is that this device is for the gentleman who is currently between ladies.

· Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
· Topco (topcosales.us)
· Buy the CyberSkin® Waterproof EZ-Bend Cockring (sensualadviser.com)