Fleshbot: straight, canada

Topless TV World Tour: Kim Poirier In Canada's "Paradise Falls"

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 10:30:00 EDT

Here in the States, our northern neighbor Canada tends to get written off as "America Jr." But we know there's so much more to the land of the maple leaf than just being north of the U.S. of A.

Yes, Canada has a rich, vibrant culture all of it's own—they even have their own TV shows (and not just "Degrassi"!). And what's more, their TV shows—or at least soap opera "Paradise Falls"—incorporate boobs. Which, as we all know, is the sign of a truly advanced culture (that and universal health care).

· "Paradise Falls" (imdb.com)
· Kim Poirier in "Paradise Falls" (upcomingnudescenes.net)

Canadian Celebrities Get Their Kit Off For Charity

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 13:30:01 EDT

Finally: celebrities are taking their tops off for a cause that's actually breast-related. Not that we, er, minded seeing all those naked PETA ads—but seeing Karine Vanasse (and others) go topless for breast cancer research just feels...more justified.

Cause at least in this case those naked breasts are actually inspiring us to fight ~~for the rights of breasts~~ for funding to keep them healthy, instead of just, um, confusing us and making us horny (though, again, not that we mind that or anything).

· Canadian and French celebs pose topless for a good cause (nudography.com)

Lonely Male ISO Sex And Videogames (At The Same Time)

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 08 May 2009 17:00:00 EDT

Are you a girl who likes to play Super Mario Brothers—you know, the original one? Do you also enjoy sex from behind (potentially during your game play)? Are you able to get to Edmonton?

If you answered yes to all of the above, boy, have we found the Craigslist posting for you:

Do you love to play Super Mario Brothers on the Classic Nintendo System? Do you like to get tagged from behind while you do it? This is the post for you then.

You must know your way around the game before we meet, must be open to sex, also able to fake an orgasm is a plus.

I will send you the address to a hotel and a room number. When you arrive the door will be open. Please come in close and lock the door and close the shades if they are still open. I will be in the bathroom and the door will be closed. Turn on the TV and the Nintendo. Remove all of your clothing. Turn off all lights in the room and kneel down on the bed so you are directly in the light of the TV. You need to be facing the TV with your butt in the air pointed toward the pillows on the bed.

Press the start button on the controller when you are ready. I will hear the sound and turn the light off in the bathroom and come out. You will not look directly at me, only look at the TV. When the first level starts I will begin to finger you and lick you.

When you reach the end of level one, make sure to trigger the fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. I must hear the fireworks. When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I will penetrate you. You may say things like, "MORE", "HARDER", "YES", "FUCK ME", but nothing else. I will continue having sex until the level ends. DO NOT take the secret level skip. If you die I will pull out and spank you until the level restarts.

When you reach the flag you must again trigger the fireworks, and also orgasm. I will pull out. When the 1-3 starts I will penetrate you again. You are allowed to say something like "OH GOD", "YES", OR "HARDER" no other conversation is allowed.

When level 1-4 starts I will fuck you as I see fit. You may beg me to cum inside or outside of you, depending on what you want. When boss falls and you reach the princess I will pull out and blow my load where you have convinced me I want too. You may then say something like "Thanks", "It was great", "I loved it", "Don't stop".

If I am impressed you may continue playing and I will continue to pleasure you. If I am not, I will turn the Nintendo Off and return to the bathroom. At this time you may clean your self with the towel that is beside the bed. Turn the lights on, redress yourself and leave.

I may come back out and talk to you as you dress but the conversation will most likely be short and revolve around scheduling another time to get together. See you soon!

We wish all the best to the gentleman who posted the ad. If it doesn't prove fruitful, may we offer up this as consolation?

(And yes, we know this could easily be a fake ad. But you know what? We're happier believing that it's true—so please, leave us alone with our fantasy.)

· Want it from behind while you play Super Mario Brothers ? - m4w - 29 (craigslist.ca)
· Thumbnail star: GND Cali (gamerfetish.com)

Sarah Manninen's Topless Turn On "The Line" Gives Us More Reason To Move To Canada

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 15:00:00 EDT

As long time "Degrassi" fans, we've known for a while that Canadian TV is, well, better than American TV. And here's further proof: take a look at Sarah Manninen in "The Line."

Firstly, there are, of course, the boobs—but an ~~interracial~~ greyscale couple doing the make outs... on television? Clearly, our northern neighbors are vastly more progressive than we are (and don't even get us started on that whole socialized medicine thing).

· "The Line" (thelinetv.net)
· Sarah Manninen ~ The Line s01e07 ~ hdtv720p (deepatseavideos.blogspot.com)

If They'd Had Stained Glass Like This In Church... We Would Have Gone To Church

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 17:00:00 EST

Finally, someone's figured out a way to make stained glass sexy. Well, for those of us who didn't already have a stained glass fetish, that is.

· Eroti-glass by Wilson (theycallmewilson.webs.com)

Hockey And Sex: Two Great Tastes That Taste Great Together

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 12:30:01 EST

You don't have to tell us twice that hockey is sexy: even if we don't know know the precise location of that "five hole" thing, we know exactly what we'd like to use it for.

Sadly, we have a sneaking suspicion we won't be seeing too much hardcore five hole action in in One Yellow Rabbit's stage performance of "Five Hole: Tales of Hockey Erotica"—but a girl can dream, right?

· Five Hole: Tales Of Hockey Erotica (oyr.org, via Deadspin)
· Hockey heartbreaker Ariel Rebel (freehostedpics.com)

They Make Porn In Toronto?

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 17:00:00 EST

Look out, LA—Toronto's comin' at ya! The Canadian city's burgeoning adult industry is on its way to the big leagues (and with homegrown girls like these, they have a bit of an advantage.). (torontosun.com, thumbnail)

Oh, Canada: The Girls Of The Great North

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 15:00:00 EST

If tomorrow's election doesn't go quite as hoped, we're willing to bet that some of you might end the evening looking to expatriate. If the good ol' US of A just doesn't seem good enough anymore, perhaps you'd like to consider a move to Canada? With socialized medicine, Tim Horton's, and a homegrown porno channel, the land of the maple leaf is a pretty decent alternative to its southern neighbor—especially since it's also home to some rather good looking ladies. Meet some of Canada's loveliest (and nakedest) ladies after the jump. They're hot enough to make us head north... no matter who wins tomorrow.

Anouck (burningangel.com)

Claudia Costa (softcore-source.com)

Lanny Barby

Shyla Stylez

Sunny Leone

Christie Lee (kellyfind.com)

Metalux (burningangel.com)

Lauren Phoenix

Kate Ground (katesplayground.com)

Nikki Benz

*****

Previously: Fleshbot Requests Archive

Canadians Promote Obscure Sport Through Strategic Use Of Nudity

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 12:30:00 EDT

The parade of nude fundraiser calendars continues, with the Canadian biathletes doffing their lycra to raise money for (and awareness of) their sport. They've certainly gained some new fans here at Fleshbot. We're totally tuning in to the next biathatron... biathalion... whatever. (boldbeautifulbiathlon.com)

Anal Sex Invades Afternoon Movie

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 16:45:25 EDT

Afternoon movie lovers in Barrie, Ontario, were briefly granted a slice of hardcore entertainment when a short porn clip flashed across their screens. The scandalous nine seconds was mysteriously embedded into an ad for "30 Rock." Our guess? Someone's testing out a new form of viral marketing. That, or it was a teaser for an all anal episode of "30 Rock." (Hey, we can hope!) (torontosun.com)

Sharon Smith Offers Change We Can Believe In

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 11:30:23 EDT

Sure, Canadian mayor Sharon Smith may have been embroiled in a leaked nudie pix scandal five years ago, but she doesn't think that that should have any bearing on her current candidacy for MP of Skeena-Bulkley Valley (whatever that is). As far as we're concerned, it should be a part of her official resumeé. After all, anyone who has the balls to pose naked in their place of business and weather the resulting PR shitstorm when the photos are leaked clearly has the strength of character to lead.

· Nude pics no problem for B.C. Conservative (ctv.ca)

Oh! Canada, We Fap For Thee

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 15:15:13 EDT

Canada is launching a new pay television porn network that promises to show at least 50% homegrown Canadian smut. Gee, that's an awful lots of pucks. (theglobeandmail.com; photo of proud Québécoise Lanny Barby via this)

OK, we guess it's official: Toronto really...

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 13:10:08 EDT

OK, we guess it's official: Toronto really is the swingers capital of the world! But not if the city council has anything to say about it. See, it's a really diverse and cultured city ... as long as you don't upset the tourists with all that sexin'. (canoe.ca)

Cheerleaders are great. But you know what's...

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 11:20:00 EDT

Cheerleaders are great. But you know what's even better? Cheerleaders who like to get half-naked and grope each other, like these wild and crazy gals from the Winnipeg Blue Bombers rah-rah squad. Actually, the one thing better than that would be cheerleaders who let us in on the action. Can anyone give us a lift to Winnipeg? (donchavez.com)

In one of the best (if strangest) protest...

Jonnobot — Thu, 29 May 2008 11:45:37 EDT

In one of the best (if strangest) protest ideas we've ever seen, a group in Quebec is asking women all over the world to send their panties to Burma to pressure the government towards democratic reforms—which will be effective since apparently Burma's military leaders are superstitious enough to believe that "contact with women's underwear will sap them of their power." Actually, contact with women's underwear makes us pretty weak in the knees too, though maybe not quite in the same way. (ctv.ca - thanks K.)

Feminist Porn Awards Celebrate Porn We Really Like

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 11:38:43 EDT

Remember those Feminist Porn Awards we told you about? They happened! Feisty, feminist films were screened, trophies were handed out ... and even better, some of of favorite films and performers ended up winning. Oh, and did you know that the Feminist Porn Award trophies are in the shape of butt plugs? Sure, there might be more prestigious awards out there, but we doubt there are any that are more functional.

See which Fleshbot faves were honored with their own anal pleasure devices after the jump.

. . .

Smutty Schoolteacher of the Year (Educational Title): Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Oral Sex Part 1 Cunnilingus and Part 2 Fellatio | Tristan Taormino; Vivid Ed

Boundary Breaker of the Year: Buck Angel

Hottest Dyke Film: Crash Pad Series Volume 1 | Shine Louise Houston; Pink and White Productions Blowfish Video

Golden Beaver Award for Canadian Content: Bren Ryder | www.gooddykeporn.com

Best Bi Scene: Female Fantasies | Petra Joy; Strawberry Seductress Productions

Most Tantalizing Trans Film: Trans Entities: The Nasty Love of Papi' and Wil | Morty Diamond; Morty Diamond Productions

Deliciously Diverse Cast: Trans Entities: The Nasty Love of Papi' and Wil | Morty Diamond; Morty Diamond Productions

Movie of the Year: Five Hot Stories for Her | Erika Lust; Lust Films

· Feminist Porn Awards (goodforher.com)
· Good For Her's Feminist Porn Awards (nakedcity.com)

Porn Valley (Adjacent) Dispatch: Toronto's Feisty Feminist Porn Festival

Gram Ponante — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 11:02:16 EDT

"We decided that it's not enough to criticize adult films for not adequately representing women's - and in many cases, men's - sexuality. So we decided to do something about it," said sponsors of Toronto's 3rd annual Feminist Porn Awards, brainchild of "feisty" feminists Good for Her. The two-day festival in April includes an awards show as well as a screening of several nominated films. You know that an awards show with a "Sexiest Straight Scene" category must have a deliciously diverse lineup. In fact, "Deliciously Diverse Cast" is also a category.

· Good For Her Feminist Porn Awards (goodforher.com)

Eh?-Z Rider, Or MILFs Sans Baggage

Gram Ponante — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 12:39:58 EST

The idea of not seeing that same goddamn house on Kanan Road or those same translucent blue blinds of that warehouse on Ethel Ave. should be enough to drive porn consumers to "MILF Riders 2," a tale of two Toronto bikers who go looking for love with women over 25 (Canadian). We've yet to see this movie, but the boxcover looks north-of-the-border wholesome — and the press release sounds vaguely imperialist: "Watch them suck, stroke and spread like the experts as they bask in their 15 minutes of fame... and load after load of sticky appreciation." Sounds like we're really doing them a favor, doesn't it?

· "MILF Riders 2" (DVD info @ adamevewholesale.com)
· See also: "MILF Riders" (Adult DVD Empire)

A Royal Canadian Mounted Police officer...

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 10:00:17 EST

A Royal Canadian Mounted Police officer has been fired for using his official position to seek out women and have sex with them while on the job. Guess he was a true "Mountie." Huh, huh ... (canada.com, image via trekearth.com)

Police in Quebec are investigating the death...

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 10:28:17 EST

Police in Quebec are investigating the death of a woman who had a heart attack during some "out of the ordinary" sexual activity. One woman's "ordinary" is another woman's "freak fest", but we'll just leave it as a reminder to always play safe. (cbc.ca - thanks J)