Just as with a Nicolas Cage movie, what you're sold is never what you end up getting—and usually it's pretty sad and frustrating (no to mention pathetic). You wind up having to entertain yourself and just feeling bad half the time...all right, most of the time.

So when Robby D over at Digital Playground decided to make a movie about online dating, he knew right away that Jesse Jane was the perfect person to cast as the lead. Luckily she was available, and, after having her agent fax the script over to her one page at a time, she fell in love with the project. She knew within the first ten pages that this was going to be the script that she would be remembered for (along with that amazing guest appearance on Entourage where she threatened to butt fuck the comic geek harassing Vince—but the nerd totally loved it).

We're not going to be like other sites that give away the plot. In fact, we're not even going to tell you whether it's a comedy, sending up online dating, or all dramatic, like a Brad Armstrong movie. Anyone can tell you that, right? Instead we're going to tell you that Jesse fucks three guys in this movie: Mick Blue, Scott Nails, and Ben English—who has since retired (or so we are told).

The movie also features Shawna Lenee getting stuffed full of Tommy Gunn and Madelyn Marie having hot sex with pretty boy stud Danny Mountain. We're always happy to see sexy Shawna fuck since she's honestly one of our favorite performers and one of the hottest women to ever be in adult entertainment. We could watch her fuck all day long...in fact, we're pretty sure we have once. (That was an amazing day.)

"Jesse Jane Online" comes out on November 11th from Digital Playground. All images are courtesy of Digital Playground, so keep your hands on your tingling genitals and off of their images. Now, enjoy the work of one of the greatest masters of pornography starring the most beautiful women in the world. You are very welcome. Have a great weekend!

Jesse Jane and Mick Blue
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Jesse Jane and Mick Blue
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Shawna Lenee
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Shawna Lenee and Tommy Gunn
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Shawna Lenee and Tommy Gunn
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Shawna Lenee and Tommy Gunn
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Jesse Jane and Ben English
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Jesse Jane and Scott Nails
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Jesse Jane and Scott Nails
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Jesse Jane and Scott Nails
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Madelyn Marie and Danny Mountain
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Madelyn Marie and Danny Mountain
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Madelyn Marie and Danny Mountain
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Though all the girls featured in "Deviance" put forth excellent performances, it's very clear that Eva Angelina is the real star of the show (as well she should be). Appearing in four of the six scenes, Eva takes on Mr. Marcus (in all three holes!), joins Lexi Belle in a threeway with Tommy Gunn, gets doubled teamed (and DPed) by Ben English and Marco Banderas, and heads up an all-girl free for all with Teagan Presley, Sunny Leone, and Alexis Texas. We're exhausted just writing that up—we can't imagine what it must have been like for Eva to actually do it.

The two non-Eva scenes are also quite strong, with Kagney Linn Karter and James Deen enjoying each other in what appear to be the hallway of an abandoned warehouse and Shawna Lenee going after Mick Blue and Jerry (at the same time!). But really, we gotta say...its Eva who steals our heart.

Difficult as it was to wait for Eva during her months away from porn, "Deviance" is proof positive that the wait was worth it. And if this is Eva getting her feet wet, well...we can't wait for "Evalutionary."

Eva Angelina
"Deviance" (deviancexxx.com)
Eva Angelina and Mr. Marcus
"Deviance" (deviancexxx.com)
Shawna Lenee
"Deviance" (deviancexxx.com)
Shawna Lenee, Mick Blue, and Jerry
"Deviance" (deviancexxx.com)
Lexi Belle
"Deviance" (deviancexxx.com)
Lexi Belle, Eva Angelina, and Tommy Gunn
"Deviance" (deviancexxx.com)
Eva Angelina
"Deviance" (deviancexxx.com)
Sunny Leone
"Deviance" (deviancexxx.com)
Alexis Texas
"Deviance" (deviancexxx.com)
Teagan Presley
"Deviance" (deviancexxx.com)
Eva Angelina
"Deviance" (deviancexxx.com)
Eva Angelina and Teagan Presley
"Deviance" (deviancexxx.com)
Sunny Leone and Teagan Presley
"Deviance" (deviancexxx.com)
Eva Angelina, Alexis Texas, Teagan Presley, and Sunny Leone
"Deviance" (deviancexxx.com)
Alexis Texas, Teagan Presley, Eva Angelina, and Sunny Leone
"Deviance" (deviancexxx.com)
Eva Angelina
"Deviance" (deviancexxx.com)
Eva Angelina, Ben English, and Marco Banderas
"Deviance" (deviancexxx.com)
Kagney Linn Karter
"Deviance" (deviancexxx.com)
Kagney Linn Karter and James Deen
"Deviance" (deviancexxx.com)
Eva Angelina, Alexis Texas, Sunny Leone, and Teagan Presley
"Deviance" (deviancexxx.com)

It seems like the girls of Filmore Bush Academy have their hands full this year...full of hard cock! Yeah, we know, pretty cheesy stuff. With clear nods to our other favorite porn movie, "Mean Girls," mixed in with knee slapping bits performed by Tommy Gunn and Evan Stone, "Teachers" may seem at first glance to be just another porn movie. "Au contraire," shouts the lovely Katsuni's shaved pucker!

For it's not really the dialogue, acting, or story line that compel us to watch this masterpiece over and over again. They do their job, however, which is to adequately set the stage for what really lures us to run "Teachers" repetitively in our DVD players until our eyes bleed and out crotches throb with a dull, persistent ache—the unbelievable cast!

You see, when you factor in all the sexy action Digital Playground has packed into this movie, along with that unprecedented all star line up, then put legendary director Robby D behind the camera, what comes out isn't cheesy at all...nay, it's pure magic...like a unicorn having sex with a mermaid!

Digital contract stars (past and present) Jesse Jane, Stoya, Angelina Armani, Katsuni, and Riley Steele go crazy in a school bus orgy that is still simply blowing our minds. We didn't think anywhere East of Eden or South of Hades would ever have such lovely visions of erotic splendor laid out in plain sight to behold.

Joining them are all-stars Jenna Haze, Lisa Ann, Mason Moore, and Angelina Valentine, who, respectively, turn in some of the strongest performances of their dirty little lives. We can honestly say there is not a single down moment in this movie, not a single scene worth fast forwarding through, and that by itself is extraordinary.

"Teachers" comes out next week from Digital Playground and Robby D. Witness a sampling of its glory in the picture below. All images are courtesy of Digital Playground and cannot be used without their permission.

Stoya, Angelina Armani, Katsuni, Scott Nails, Tommy Gunn, and Evan Stone
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Stoya, Katsuni, Scott Nails, Tommy Gunn, and Mick Blue
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Katsuni, Riley Steele, Stoya, Angelina Armani, Scott Nails, Tommy Gunn, and Mick Blue
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Katsuni, Riley Steele, and James Deen
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Katsuni, Riley Steele, and James Deen
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Katsuni, Riley Steele, and James Deen
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Jesse Jane and Tommy Gunn
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Jesse Jane and Tommy Gunn
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Jesse Jane, Riley Steele, and Ben English
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Jesse Jane, Riley Steele, and Ben English
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Jesse Jane, Riley Steele, and Ben English
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Lisa Ann and Scott Nails
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Lisa Ann and Scott Nails
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Angelina Valentine, Mason Moore, and Erik Everhard
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Angelina Valentine, Mason Moore, and Erik Everhard
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Angelina Armani and Mick Blue
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Angelina Armani and Mick Blue
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Stoya, Jenna Haze, and Evan Stone
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Stoya, Jenna Haze, and Evan Stone
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Stoya, Jenna Haze, and Evan Stone
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And that's exactly what Digital Playground has gone and done with the recent release of "Riley Steele Scream," coming out this week.

With the look of a prepubescent Barbie turned porn star, Riley seems more like a cartoon fantasy come to life than a living breathing girl. She would seem more believable if she were the product of a hypersexual digital wet dream carved out of light and lust straight from the heart of the Matrix.

Marrying that with the opulent yet dark beauty that is Fleshbot Supreme Commandress Stoya is a lethal combination, a narcotic laced gasp of black sunshine designed to pump bursts of silver exhilaration straight to your brain's pleasure center while mimicking the vivid hallucination of drowning in your own orgasm. We imagine it's what Carradine was chasing, an absinthe and ecstasy flavored white rabbit.

Stoya's scenes are rapidly becoming a scarce commodity, now that her rocker paramour Manson has declared her his salvation, making this Celeste "cut" all the more valuable in our honest, yet humble, estimation. (As if you needed another reason to check this flick out.) Odds are we lost over half of you reading this post the minute you saw the images of Stoya and Riley fighting over what is clearly the luckiest man in the world, next to the genius Manson himself.

Kelly Divine, Madison Ivy, Alexis Texas, and Carmen McCarthy round out the unforgettable, must have release. Kelly Divine has the most amazing ass. We'd like to officially go on record and say that we don't see enough of this amazing slut. Everything about her is alluring, from her bubble butt to her dazzling eyes and hypnotic figure.

"Riley Steele Scream" comes out this week. You're orders are to go get it. Enjoy the pictures, and your weekend.

Riley Steele, Stoya, and Erik Everhard
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Riley Steele and Stoya
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Erik Everhard, Stoya, and Riley Steele
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Riley Steele, Erik Everhard, and Stoya
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Stoya
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Riley Steele, Alexis Texas, Carmen McCarthy, and Ben English
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Riley Steele, Alexis Texas, Carmen McCarthy, and Ben English
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Madison Ivy and Ben English
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Madison Ivy
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Madison Ivy and Ben English
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Kelly Divine
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Since then, we've kept an eager eye out for any porn featuring her.

Lucky for us, then, that New Sensations has put her at the top of the list, and on the front of the box, for their latest stereotype-enabling, all Asian sextravaganza "I Love Asians 10"—which also showcases such dolls as Leili Koshi, Shai Lee, Mya Luanna, Yumi, Katsuni, Keeani Lei, Kaiya Lynn, Tia Tanaka, Kayme Kai, Tomo Paradise, Lana Violet, and London Keys.

What can we say about this exquisite garden of yellow skinned delight? Only a true asiaphile can understand what it means to really catch yellow fever, the sweetest life long affliction, and have it change everything that you love forever and ever. If we have to stop and explain to you why it's just too easy to fall in love when we see their silky skin, jet black straight hair, tiny smiles, lithe bodies, brown nipples, and steaming hot gashes, chances are you've missed the point altogether. That's okay though—it just leaves more for us to love.

"I Love Asians 10" drops this week from New Sensations. Praise Buddha!

· Buy "I Love Asians 10" (gamelink.com)
· New Sensations (newsensations.com)

Not that we're surprised that they went above and beyond. Since when is enough ever really enough for these geniuses? Clearly, never. Ever. Period.

Which is why this title starts out with two of the sexiest bitches the adult industry has ever seen just flat out going at each other. Jenna Haze looks so amazing we can barely sit still while looking at our monitor, especially when you put her right next to luscious young Teagan... with both of their asses and nectar-glistened slits pouting out at us ever so temptingly. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but these shots are worth a million glazed eyes, dumbfounded and looking on in speechless wonder.

Saucy Teagan takes the sweetest fucking next. Why do all these shots leave us feeling like we were there with this sexy girl next door, convincing her to get dirty when there really just isn't time in the day for it? Every shot screams afternoon delight.

When it comes to man meat, Brianna Love and Gianna like double servings. Both ladies ski slalom with perfect balance, allowing several of their holes to simultaneously give and receive unimaginable pleasure to the happy man whores servicing them. Gianna's hefty jugs jog freely around as she slobbers lovingly on a rigid man pole, her partner uttering convincing moans of satisfaction—and again, we wish we were next up.

And how many times can we say it? We will never, ever, ever get tired of watching young Jenny Hendrix take a hard cock in any hole she pleases. Her curvy ass and petulant pout only make us want to grudge fuck her into next year.

"Teagan Video Nasty" releases next week from Digital Playground. Odds are you'll soon own a copy—but for now check out this great sneak peek gallery. Just remember your copyright laws and behave.

· All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)

One Last Ride

Studio: Adam & Eve
Director: David Lord
Cast: Bree Olson, Tori Black, Mia Lelani, Jamie Lamore, Ben English, Chris Johnson, Barrett Blade, Derrick Pierce

Review by: Gram Ponante

"My father told me, just before he died, to never mix blood and money," says Marco (Barrett Blade) to Bree Olson (who plays the character Bree) while explaining why he can't tell her what he does for a living. Then he dies. And somebody who says stupid stuff like that? I'm glad he's dead.

But Bree has lost her sugar daddy, and must make ends meet the only way she can. She hooks up with an even sketchier crowd, and becomes a car-boosting criminal stealing high-end vehicles for a limey crime lord (Ben English).

But as her crew of thieving hotties becomes more accomplished, Bree gets in over her head. She can only compensate by putting her ankles back there, too.

Does Bree learn to mix blood and money? I'm not sure, but given the mortality rate in this movie of people who say that, I'm glad she chooses not to utter those words, thus preserving her glorious pinkening fleshmass another day.

But what about tender, lesbian love? Oh yes: she figures that out. At the expense of all the men in the film, Bree discovers that a woman's affection is her personal rehabilitation program.

"One Last Ride" was shot beautifully, with lots of nighttime Los Angeles competing with the landscapes of Olson, Tori Black, Jamie Lamore, and Mia Lelani. There was also an utterly non-Adam & Eve-like stripper's ass-based coke-snorting sequence. But in porn I believe that the noir is inside us - I don't need to hear people externalizing it through dialogue; it's like capri pants on the wrong person.

"One Last Ride," a sort of "Thelma And Louise in 60 Seconds"-meets-"Oliver!" with extra scoops of Bree, is like the late-nite crime caper you endure hoping there will be sex in it that actually has sex in it. It is only later that you wish you'd forwarded through the rest of the stuff.

· Adam & Eve (afameve.com)
· Buy "One Last Ride" (gamelink.com)

We hope Katsuni knows that deep down, she is not the only Sexual Freak. Seriously, look around—Teagan is a Sexual Freak. Shay Jordan is a Sexual Freak, Sophia Santi is a Sexual Freak. Stoya, Audrey Bitoni, Lacie Heart—all Sexual Freaks. Wouldn’t it be nice if they could all get together and just feel normal? Can’t you imagine Digital Playground’s new line of films, starting with "Jesse Jane(TM): Well-Adjusted Secure Girl" (a celeste punt)?

· Digital Playground (www.DigitalPlayground.com)
· Buy "Sexual Freak 10 - Katsuni" (gamelink.com)

Escape from Women's Prison

This is a story about redemption.

Matt comes home to find stranger Ashley Blue smoking a cigarette. "Dad's not home," she says.

"Who the fuck are you?" he says.

"An old friend," she says, exhaling. "You're pretty cute. They'd like you in prison. Would you like to see my pussy?"

Thus begins Escape from Women's Prison, a movie that neatly straddles the gap between a B-movie you wish had more sex in it and a porn movie you wish didn't look so much like a goddamn porn movie. And for Ashley Blue it is the role of a lifetime, an excellent example of her self-fulfilling prophecy style of acting: she speaks abusively and is then fucked abusively.

She forces Matt to fuck her "prison style." You see, she has been there.

"Suck my toes, Prison Boy," she says. "Don't rip my stockings, though. I got them for free when I left prison."

Then:

"Get off me! Is that the best you can do? Don't make me reach up there and slap you! Come on, you worthless fucker! Do I have to fuck myself? What are you doing? Am I too creepy?"

Yes, Ashley. Prison has made you creepy. Because Escape from Women's Prison is actually an updating of 2003's Bitches Behind Bars, a movie that Powers said was not edited the way he would have liked. So he took footage from the original movie, which starred then-porn neophyte Blue, and updated it with new scenes, using the old movie as flashback material.

Blue is paying Matt a visit because his father (Johnny Thrust) was the incompetent lawyer of her prison girlfriend, Maggie.

In flashbacks, we meet Maggie and Blue's fellow prisoners. We share Blue's anguish at having to make her own marital aids in the prison woodshop.

"Is this a shank?" a guard asks, holding a sharpened baseball bat.

"No," she admits. "It's a dildo."

Naturally, the guard makes her prove it. And he's not the only one. Warden Rod Fontana shows a different side from his genial Skipper. In fact, there are no prison employees who don't take sexual advantage of the inmates. It is hard to believe in such circumstances that California's prison guards have the gall to threaten to recall Governor Schwarzenegger for more pay. Look at the perks!

In all, the new scenes look better than the old ones (save for a nice bit of bluster from Fontana), and the update provides a rare look at how five years looks on a porn performer. For Blue, who never got implants, the half-decade interval seems to have not happened at all.

She and Thrust (whose day job is as Powers' production manager) are the only cast members who return and, as far as I can tell, only they, Ben English, and Fontana are still in the adult business.

So why has Blue visited the home of her prison buddy's lawyer? For some horrifying revenge. But you should see the movie to find out what that is.

Studio: Powersville
Director: Jim Powers
Cast: Ashley Blue, Jasmine Lynne, Maggie Star, Egypt, Ashley Moore, Rafe, Ben English, Rod Fontana, Johnny Thrust

Review by: Gram Ponante

· Jim Powers (mrfilth.com)
· Buy "Escape from Women's Prison" (gamelink.com)

. . .

· 'Pirates II' Trailer Premieres Online (avn.com)
· Pirates II: X-Rated Trailer (piratesxxx.com)
· Pirates II: R-Rated Trailer (youtube.com)
• Order: "Pirates Ii: Stagnett's Revenge" (Adult DVD Empire)