Fleshbot: straight, balls

Bowling For Boobies

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 10:15:50 EDT

When it comes to handling 12-pound balls, you need to call in experts like Kayden Kross and Sunny Lane. Wait, we're talking about nude charity bowling events here—what did you think we meant? (gallery @ laist.com)

Meet Mr. Testis, the mascot of the San Fermin...

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 13:05:38 EDT

Meet Mr. Testis, the mascot of the San Fermin Festival in Pamplona, Spain. (You know, the one where all the people get trampled by wild animals in the streets.) Thanks to some excess baggage he's carrying, however, at least this is one bull you'll be able to outrun. (Click for video.)

. . .

· "Mr. Testis" (YouTube via machochip.com)

Sex Tips From YouPorn: Don't Forget The Balls

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 21 May 2008 10:45:00 EDT

Like many of you, we've gotten the bulk of our sex ed from two places: the internet and porn. Sometimes we even combine the two sources, learning wonderful and amazing things from online smut. For example, this video shows us the importance of proper ball stimulation during the act of oral sex—with more than a few ladies eagerly demonstrating their favorite junk handling techniques. Internet porn ... how did we ever learn anything without it?

· Random Sex Tips #1: BALLS (youporn.com)

Our modern university science and engineering...

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 13 May 2008 10:27:55 EDT

Our modern university science and engineering programs bring together the latest technologies with the world's brightest young minds to create the next generation of groundbreaking state-of-the-art innovations—like this giant mechanical nutsack that three NYU students built for a class project. Can you believe the balls on these kids? (testetouch.com [sound warning], via Gizmodo)

Sasha Grey Is Quite A "Ball Buster"

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 11:01:37 EST

Although the official title of this DVD comp is "First Time Ball Busters" we have a sneaking suspicion that AVN Performer of the Year Sasha Grey has done this sort of thing before. Not that we would ever accuse her of evil intent toward innocent junk, but the gleam in her eye as she chomps down on a swollen scrotum signals a certain zest for abusing manhood. Plus, her roundhouse kick to the nuts looks more like the work of a veteran NFL punter than an inexperienced rookie. Those with weak stomachs—or you know, balls—should approach this film at their own risk.

· First Time Ball Busters (trailer @ voodoohousexxx.com, via ishootporn.com - thanks Mat)
· The Official Sasha Grey Website (sashagrey.com)

Best Of Sex Advice: We Couldn't Make This Stuff Up

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 16:31:12 EST

As some folks learn the hard way, if you're going to take the trouble to solve other people's sexual problems you should at least do your own work. There are so many difficult questions to answer out there that it isn't really necessary to make them up—or steal them from Dan Savage. On the other hand, Dan didn't even write his own column this week, so what difference does it really make who's giving the advice? Only one thing is certain: You people may have gotten older in the last seven days, but you haven't gotten any wiser.

- - -

· Dr. Dick's Sex Advice (drdicksexadvice.com)

I'm a married guy with a great wife and 3 beautiful kids. A couple of weeks ago, I went to a masseuse I found on craigslist. I don't have a lot of experience with massage and thought I would be safe going to a guy instead of a woman. The guy was really nice and did a good massage, but somehow I popped wood near the end of the massage. I was really embarrassed, but he was like totally fine with that. Then he asked if I wanted a happy ending. I didn't even know what that was till he started to massage my ass and blow me. I have to admit it was totally amazing. I never felt anything like it before in my life. My wife sometimes will give me oral sex, but nothing like this. I blew a load like nothing I ever did before. I though my insides were coming out of my cock. I was wowed and scared and confused and I could hardly sit up. Then the guy said I had a real healthy prostate. I said what? And he said he was massaging my prostate while he was sucking me off. I can't stop thinking about this. I want more but I feel really guilty and I'm afraid this is going to make me gay

- - -

· Dear Prudence (slate.com)

I've been married to a wonderful man for five years. About a month ago, I walked in on him watching a pornographic video, and I'm pretty sure he has no idea that I saw what he was doing. Our sex life is usually incredible, but ever since this incident, I've felt very down. Every time we're intimate, I wonder if he's just thinking about the women in his videos, I'm feeling less attractive ...

- - -

· Love Bites (eyeweekly.com)

One thing we're both really interested in doing that we've never done before is having me penetrate him with a strap-on. Can you give us some suggestions for preparation so that the experience can be relatively clean and not too painful for him?

- - -

· OpenUp: The PuckerUp Forums (puckerup.com)

just got the jeff stryker dildo ( a lil intimidating at first ) and was thinking to myself .... who many heterosexual males who visit these forums play with dildo's ???

- - -

· Get Naked (timeout.com/newyork)

The problem, to be frank, is my pubes, which I never noticed until recently. On the top, they are the normal, curly, smooth variety. But on the underside of my testicles, it looks like the domain of an 80-year-old. They are dry, scraggly and palish yellow. What can I possibly do, short of having porno balls and shaving them completely?

- - -

· Dear Deidre (thesunk.co.uk)

got so drunk on New Year's Eve I ended up sleeping with my boyfriend's brother ... There's a chance I could be pregnant with his brother's baby - or have caught something from him, since he's a real ladies man. How can I ever tell my boyfriend what happened and expect him still to care for me?

- - -

· Talk Sex With Sue Johanson (talksexwithsue.com)

I've heard Sue explain many times why couples should not have vaginal intercourse underwater. What, if any, are the concerns regarding anal sex underwater?

- - -

· Sex Project (sex-project.com)

can a guy with normal size suck his dick without being etremely flexible? .... if you are an inch or 2 far from your target do yu have chances?

* * * * *

Previously: Best of Sex Advice Archive

A North Carolina Virginia lawmaker wants...

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 13:50:57 EST

A ~~North Carolina~~ Virginia lawmaker wants to castrate your truck—specifically, he wants to ban those fake testicles that some people like to hang from their bumpers. Personally, we like these things. It helps us identify the crazy people that we should avoid the highway. (wtkr.com)

Even a masturbating kangaroo knows that...

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 14:29:10 EST

Even a masturbating kangaroo knows that if you want to play a good round of golf, you've got to keep your balls clean. (Click the image for video.)

· Rory Sabbatini, Sandra Sully & THAT Kangaroo! (YouTube, via larrybrownsports.com, via Deadspin)

TV Sex Drama Getting Slightly Less Boring

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 13:33:08 EDT

We were tempted to write off HBO's pseudo-hit "Tell Me You Love Me" once we discovered the show's familiar pattern of 55 minutes of dull people talking about their dull sex lives, interrupted by brief interludes of certain combinations of those people having robotic and passionless R-rated sex. Yet, for some reason we keep finding ourselves drawn back, perhaps in the vague hope that all that media hype will some day pay off and give all the cultural handwringers something to really worry about. Don't worry, the pattern hasn't changed, but this week we were at least treated to some reverse cowgirl and ... do our eyes deceive us or is that an actual ballsack? Hey, you can't do that on basic cable!

· "Too much TV sex makes you blind" (timesoline.co.uk)
· "Tell Me You Love Me" (hbo.com)

Previously: Mainstream Sex Watch: "Tell Me You Love" This?

Give your balls a rest. Be honest—after...

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 11:22:58 EDT

Give your balls a rest. Be honest—after hanging out in your shorts all day, haven't they earned it? (random-good-stuff.com)

Wet Spots: Here To Corrupt Your World

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 19:14:34 EDT

· Iran declares that porn producers and "their main elements" are "corruptors of the world" and can now be sentenced to death. Hey, we don't make the stuff ... we were just holding on to it for a friend! (cnn.com)

· At eight-and-a-half-months pregnant, Katie Price is almost as big in her stomach as she is in her chest. To be fair, it is two lumps to one. (lustbox.org + toxicmagazine.com)

· A woman in England is going to jail after ripping an ex-boyfriend's testicle off with her bare hands and then trying to eat it. Wow, she makes those guys in Iran seem almost reasonable. (news.bbc.co.uk)

· The fembots are coming! The fembots are coming! Better stock up on the oil. (inventorspot.com)

· After drawing a successful comic book and a successful fake band, it's only natural for an artist to turn to designing luxury vibrators. (pitchforkmedia.com)

· Free speech advocates have been calling on Yahoo to declare a sensible anti-censorship policy and protect human rights on the web. Yahoo shareholders? Not so much. (xbiz.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives