Fleshbot: straight, audrey hollander

"Tinkletime": Number One Makes Number Three

Gram Ponante — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 17:00:00 EDT

Like Native Americans using every last bit of the buffalo, director Jim Powers doesn't let his charges leave until they've done everything they possibly could to satisfy a fetish customer including, if need be, peeing in the snow.

If you think "Tinkletime" over-infantilizes women in an industry where they are disproportionately labeled as schoolgirls and put in pigtails well, you're right. But watching a couple of dozen scenes (shot over the last hundred years or so) of the likes of Alana Evans, Audrey Hollander, Katja Kassin, Ally Ann, and porn Troubled Girl Tanner Mayes doing their best versions of the cover of "Who's Next?" also allows straight male consumers a thrill not often afforded them: the woman they're watching is not faking it.

So have your private doubts about why this is fun (I did); at the least, each of the subjects appears ready, willing, and wide open, even if her intentions are different.

Bonus creepy points for the theme song, a note for note parody of the Go Gos' "Vacation." I'm sure you can guess some of the lyrics already.

JM Productions (jerkoffzone.com)
Buy "Tinkletime 3" (jadedvideo.com)
JM Productions (jerkoffzone.com)
Buy "Tinkletime 3" (jadedvideo.com)
JM Productions (jerkoffzone.com)
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JM Productions (jerkoffzone.com)
Buy "Tinkletime 3" (jadedvideo.com)
JM Productions (jerkoffzone.com)
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JM Productions (jerkoffzone.com)
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JM Productions (jerkoffzone.com)
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JM Productions (jerkoffzone.com)
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JM Productions (jerkoffzone.com)
Buy "Tinkletime 3" (jadedvideo.com)

Everybody Fucks Lucy (In The Ass)

DCypher — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 17:00:00 EDT

One of the first (not to mention most famous and successful) situation comedies of all time, "I Love Lucy," has finally made its way down the parody slaughter mill and onto the bloody dissection table to be hacked up.

Yes, LFP has finally gone and done it, handing down a parody worthy of outrage and indignation with the release of "Everybody Loves Lucy," due out next week.

Jerome Tanner (or as he's better known to his porn mafia associates, "Ace Up His Sleeve" Jerry T) is the hack, err, hacksaw at the helm. Through his perverse juvenile jibs he slaughters one of America's most beloved shows, completely desecrating the female icon of television comedy in the crassest way imaginable with his raunchy take on our favorite redhead. Everything from aliens to tattoos make its way into his skewed comically pornographic reinvention—and he even insisted on creating a 'black&white' viewing option for people who wanted to fantasize that they were really watching the original sitcom. Can you believe the balls on this guy?

Real life husband and wife duo Otto & Audrey play Ricky & Lucy, while Chennin Blanc stands in for vaudevillian Ethyl and comedian Frank Bukkwyd plays her hubby Fred. Audrey Hollander merrily endures an explicit range of obscene sex acts, from double head to DVDA, and throws in some threeway sex and a lesbian encounter to round out the title's promise. In all honesty, it's nothing new for Audrey. She's no stranger to taking everything and the kitchen sink up her fine white ass. And she really does look quite a bit like Lucy when you pull her hair up (which, we're told, is how they came up with the idea in the first place).

Not satisfied with just giving the consumer a simple parody, LFP went ahead and threw in some extra scenes from movies like "Stripper School Orgy" and "Teen Cream." Thanks, Uncle Larry! Like a creepy touchy uncle with a pocket full of candy, you know the way to our hearts and into our pants.

"Everybody Loves Lucy" releases next week from LFP Hustler, but you can see what they did to our beloved Lucy now, in the pictures below. No word yet on when they'll demolish "The Honeymooners"—but stay tuned, because someone most certainly will.

Buy "Everybody Loves Lucy" (gamelink.com)
Hustler Video (hustlervideo.com)

Hustler "Loves Lucy" (And So Does Everyone Else)

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 14:30:01 EDT

It had to happen eventually: Hustler's a releasing a sitcom porn parody with not one "This Ain't" or "Not The" in the title. "Everybody Loves Lucy" streets this August, with Audrey Hollander and Otto Bauer as Lucy and Ricky.

How true is it to the original, you ask? Hustler's actually releasing the feature in black and white (just like the show!)...though if that's a little too true to the original for you, there's the option to watch it in full color, too.

· "Everybody Loves Lucy" (hustlerworld.com)

"Hardcore Circus" Isn't Clowning Around

Lux Alptraum — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 15:00:00 EDT

Though the circus is generally seen as family fun, innocent and appropriate for all ages, Erica McLean's "Hardcore Circus" is anything but. (Which probably explains why we like it so much.)

As the feature begins, we're introduced to Erica McLean, a hardworking, beleaguered pornographer who can't catch a break. Protesters harass her outside her office, proselytizing neighbors interrupt her masturbation time, and just as she's finally getting a chance to relax, she slips on some dog poop...and is magically whisked away to the "Hardcore Circus," "Wizard of Oz"-style.

Once inside the big top, the plot melts away (with all the hot sex going on, there wasn't any room for it). Short clips of sepia-toned circus action are interspersed with super hot freakshow sex (which we mean in the best possible way). Though all the performers put on a good show, we were especially won over by Audrey Hollander and Otto Bauer's lion taming act and Kimberly Kane and Evan Stone's, um, sex scene (we weren't totally sure what circus feat they were performing).

In what's easily the most intense scene in the film, Audrey and Otto pull out all the stops. Not only is the lion tamer/lioness act wellplayed, but we have to give extra points to Audrey for taking a whip handle in her pussy, a cock in her ass, and a riding crop slapping against her skin. (I want to go to there. No, seriously: I want to go to there.) Oh, and of course, double bonus points for Audrey then doing double anal with a cock and a whip handle. (I don't think I want to go to there, but I really, really like watching it.)

Kimberly and Evan likewise impress, with plenty of dirty talk, rough sex, and some wonderfully delicious anal sex. We always love Kimberly's intensity, and it only ramps up when she's engaged in anal action. (And if "Content" really is her best anal scene ever, we have a lot to look forward to.)

Rounding out the feature are Madison Scott and Lee Stone, Aiden Starr and Rob Rotten, Lavish Styles and Tommy Gunn, Kendra Banx and Starri Knight (the feature's sole lesbian couple, who also are the only ones to fuck out doors), Ron Jeremy and Lilly Lovely, and a very, very brief scene of Blue Iris and Tere Joyce having their way with a few men—including a dwarf.

Alas, even the hardcore circus can't stay in town for forever, and Erica McLean's eventually returned to reality, where she wakes up in bed surrounded by quite a few cast members ("...and you were there, and you were there, and you were there"). Luckily, we have the ability to return to the hardcore circus anytime we want—all we have to do is press play. We have a feeling we'll be making regular visits this summer.

· Buy "Hardcore Circus"

*****

Previously: Erica McLean's "Hardcore Circus" Is A True Masterpiece

Erica McLean's "Hardcore Circus" Is A True Masterpiece

DCypher — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 16:00:00 EDT

Erica McLean has outdone herself this time, assembling a bizarre and erotic cast of lovely freaks for her recent film "Hardcore Circus," and ensnaring us once more into her lascivious art. Did we mention that we love her?

Aiden Starr, Audrey Hollander, (the recently passed) Blue Iris (RIP), Tere Joyce, Kendra Banx, Starri Knight, Kimberly Kane, Lavish Styles, Lilly Lovely, Madison Scott, Ron Jeremy, Evan Stone, Rob Rotten, Otto Bauer, Tommy Gunn, Sergio Roho, Erica McLean, and a midget in a Mardi Gras mask comprise the bulk of the cast. The movie features eight scenes and loads of wonderful extras, lavish costumes, hijinks, mayhem, ballyhoo, protestors, the sublime, the ghoulish, and the decadent. Pretty much everything but the bearded lady makes its way into this masterpiece.

Erica wanders throughout like the tiny little string that ties the narrative thread of this beautiful and lush chaos together, inspiring or moderating the erotic couplings. She even goes so far as to intimately inspect some of the girls (see also: the lovely Kimberly Kane) after they have been filled with fresh loads of piping hot cum.

In the end, the sex acts are fittingly strange, with Otto and Audrey turning in a comparably tame but smoldering and passionate scene that mesmerizes, and little Madison Scott taking the forty inches of dick Lee Stone has to offer six ways to Sunday up her every tiny luscious little orifices—literally. If this lithe blonde stunner isn't the performer of the year, we can't imagine who is.

"Hardcore Circus" comes out by month's end from Hustler. Look for it. In the meantime, put on your top hat and check out the snaps our ringmaster sent us! Happy Monday!

Pre-order "Hardcore Circus" (hustlerhollywood.com)
Pre-order "Hardcore Circus" (hustlerhollywood.com)
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Pre-order "Hardcore Circus" (hustlerhollywood.com)

Hustler Gives Us A Peek At Their "Hardcore Circus"

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 16:30:01 EDT

As children, we always loved going to the circus. But somehow, we don't think that Hustler's "Hardcore Circus" is quite like the three ring that we remember. (Actually, we're pretty sure it's way better.)

Directed by Erica McLean (of "Barely Legal" fame), and starring Audrey Hollander, Kimberly Kane, Lavish Styles, Madison Scott, Kendra Banx, Starri Night, Aiden Starr, Otto Bauer, Evan Stone (pre-haircut), Tommy Gunn, Lee Stone, Rob Rotten, Blue Iris, and Ron Jeremy (as the ringmaster, of course)... well, it sure beats a trip to Barnum & Bailey's. Hell, even Cirque du Soleil is starting to pale in comparison to this take on the big top. We just hope there's only one ring—we'd hate to miss out on any of the action!

· Hardcore Circus is coming! (hustlerworld.com)

Our Fine Freckled Friends, Part Two: Top Ten Freckled Sex Videos

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 14:00:00 EST

Since you guys enjoyed looking at naked freckled girls oh so much, we figured we'd take things up a notch. And what's better than naked freckled girls? Why, naked freckled girls... having sex! (Duh!)

From fine little Faye to spunky Penny, curly headed Audrey to pale blonde Charlotte, there's nothing quite like seeing a freckled girl getting rammed (to put it nicely). We're not sure what it is about these speckled sweeties, but they seem to know the way into our hearts. Or at least the way to excite our parts (which we'll happily take, thank you very much).

Faye Valentine (pornhub.com)

Charlotte Stokely (pornhub.com)

Courtney Devine (pornhub.com)

Naughty Nati (aka Allie Sin) (megaporn.com)

Paige (megaporn.com)

Vixen (pornhub.com)

Audrey Hollander (pornhub.com)

Penny Flame (megaporn.com)

<
Heather Carolin (pornhub.com)

*****

Previously: Top Ten Video Archive

Strap On, Tune In, Get Off: Girls With Strap-Ons

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 17:00:10 EST

All too often, "chicks with dicks" is used to exclusively refer to t-girls. And while we certainly love t-girls, we'd like to see more attention paid to the other chicks with dicks: the girls who wield their strap-ons with pride, ready, willing, and able to fuck at a moment's notice. Sure, their cocks make be made of silicone and cyberskin rather than flesh and blood... but we still find them quite charming (and, dare we say, sexy, too!).

. . .

Felicity and Katrin (lezcuties.com)

Penelope and Anna (altporn.net)

Cindy B (spookyblog.com)

Monica Mayhem and Puma Swede (topwebmodels.com)

Furry Girl

Cherrie and Lavish (incrediblecontent.com)

Annie Cruz (straponfuckers.com)

Michelle B. and Lolly (pornstar-photos.com)

Audrey Hollander

Kelly (howoldisshe.net)

*****

Previously: Fleshbot Requests Archive

Zaftig Pussycat: "Voluptuous Biker Babes" Revisited

Gram Ponante — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 14:00:00 EST

Carlos Batts has released "Voluptuous Biker Babes", a trippy combination of "Fear And Loathing in Las Vegas," "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert," and - I don't know - Lucha Libre that features drag queens, desert dance-offs, and the ample talents of April Flores, La Cholita, and Bunny de la Cruz along with the leaner but no less tasty Audrey Hollander and Veronique Vega.
As we mentioned last month, Batts shot the film in roughly the same area as did Russ Meyer when the latter filmed "Faster Pussycat Kill! Kill!" in 1965, and "VBB" features just as much eye candy, if not more (considering it's in color). Flores, La Cholita, and de la Cruz are trash-talking badasses who get stranded in the desert. And they must love their way home.
In their wanderings they meet psychedelic tea merchants (Otto Bauer and Audrey Hollander) and an arid extra-dry dance troupe, an encounter that leads to a wrestling match with drag queen Pa Fuschia.
Jerk-off material? Art? Way Beyond the Valley of the Dolls? You decide. In fact, why don't you decide in person? Batts and April Flores will be signing copies of "Voluptuous Biker Babes" tonight at Sunset Blvd.'s famed Book Soup between 7 and 10. · Carlos Batts (fattyd.com) · Book Soup (booksoup.com)

Popshots Of The Week: Everybody Loves Lucy, "Pirates", And Peaches

Gram Ponante — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 13:40:40 EDT

We were delighted like Tony Montana atop a mountain of yayo to learn that the delicious Audrey Hollander would play the title role in "Everybody Loves Lucy" (to clarify: Hollander plays Lucy, not Everybody) and that her husband, Otto Bauer, would play Cuban exile Ricky. The only disappointment was that Hollander could not have been incorporated into the meandering storyline of "Pirates 2". What can we say? The script called for a giant worm.

Hollander: "You mean this moneymaker?"

At the "Pirates 2" premiere: If we were Riley Steele (pictured with Stoya) we'd just spend all our time gazing lovingly at ourselves, too.

Evan Stone with Teagan: "Fuck off, Fleshbot readers! I only read Deadspin!"

And now for something completely different: "Butch And Peaches," the interracial Hustler pictorial that got Larry Flynt shot. "Larry Flynt: The Right To Be Left Alone," an excellent documentary, is now on DVD.

* * * * *

• Order: "Pirates Ii: Stagnett's Revenge" (Adult DVD Empire)

"9 To 5" In Porn: What A Way To Make A Living

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 16:45:49 EDT

As disappointed as we were to learn that current Fleshbot Extreme Pornstar Showdown contestants Sasha Grey and Belladonna are not starring in a hardcore remake of the of the 1980s Lily Tomlin/Dolly Parton/Jane Fonda workplace comedy classic, we're still intrigued by the trailer for this "behind the scene" porn documentary. Tes, we know it's been done before—but this one looks well shot, well done and ... what's the word? Oh, yeah ... interesting! In addition to our other extreme candidates, Mia Rose, Audrey Hollander, John Stagliano and other assorted Porn Valley characters might wander through. We're not sure yet when it will be playing somewhere we can see it, but you'll probably find us waiting in line when it is.

· 9 To 5: The Movie (9to5-themovie.com)

Fire Down Below: Fleshbot's Redhead Roundup

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 11:25:57 EDT

You asked (too many times to count), so ~~we had no choice~~ it was our pleasure to listen: it seems that redheaded girls are truly the ones who make your collective hearts beat faster, and who are we to deprive you of what makes you happy? We'd come up with some cute little pun about fire and how hot these models are, but you know that already. After all, you asked for them! (And yes, we know at least a few of these babes would have been just as comfortable in our fine freckled friend roundup as well. Don't forget, you asked for that too.)

. . .

Morgan Reigns

Julia (crimsonteens.com)

Lauren McPherson (redhotlauren.net)

Scarlett Pain

Heather Carolin

Katie Kaos (katiekaos.com)

Madison Young

Penelope Bunny (lazerbunny.com)

Vixen (wannawatch.com)

Audrey Hollander

(OK, so who did we miss? Let us know in the comments!)

*****

Previously: Fleshbot Request Archive

Dave Naz' "House of Sex & Domination" (Hold The Fog)

Gram Ponante — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 20:30:17 EDT

"It's part of the underground dungeon scene!" pipes the plummy voiceover of beloved pornstress Veronica Hart of "L.A.'s House of Sex And Domination," where people like Sasha Grey, Michelle Avanti, Kissy Kapri, Flower Tucci, and Audrey Hollander go to be sexed and, er, dominated.

There's something both oldschool Porn and late-nite cable in Hart's introductions (written by Naz and Ashley Blue), such as that of Sasha Grey ("No one has been able to tame her!"). But where a Skinemax movie would then trot out Nikki Fritz and a softcore rubdown would ensue, by the end of this scene Sasha Grey literally has clothespins coming out of her ass—and she's happy about it.

This five-scene vignette movie filmed for Spain's Private studio has all the trappings of a standard porn BDSM movie — police interrogation, doctor's office ("The doctor is in!"), the humbling of high-status figures - but it is the obvious delight of people like Grey, Audrey Hollander, and Michelle Avanti, along with the delicious hamminess of Hart and Naz' strictly professional crush on his performers, that make this movie special.

· Private (private.com)
· Dave Naz (davenaz.com)
· Buy "House of Sex & Domination" (gamelink.com)

Audrey Hollander Brings Home The Bacon

Gram Ponante — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 18:08:57 EDT

Way to put poor Faye Runaway on the defensive, Audrey Hollander: "Do you like taking cocks that belong to other people?" Hollander asks in "Otto And Audrey On the Prowl," a collection of vignettes featuring Audrey cruelly procuring innocents for her husband's delectation, in much the same way I employ carhops at Rally's. "Um. Yes?" Runaway replies, sealing her fate.

It looks like the ladies resolved their differences, though.

· Ninnworx (ninnworx.com)
· Buy "Otto And Audrey on the Prowl" (gamelink.com)

Medical Curiosities: "Dr. Probe's Lab Of Perversion"

Gram Ponante — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 22:31:55 EDT

Audrey Hollander is surprised when her yearly gyno checkup gets too familiar: "Any tenderness? Pressure?" The doctor asks about a hundred times. If I were Hollander, I would have had my HMO authorize anyone other than someone named "Dr. Probe."

While the cover of "Dr. Probe's Lab of Perversion: The Demon Gynecologist of the San Fernando Valley" promises a sardonic porn right up the alley of writer/director Jim Powers, Hollander's scene is so awash with dark editing program background music that it's hard to figure out if Powers intends us to laugh or just be creeped out; the cover suggests one, the movie suggests another.

The inappropriate gynecologist is certainly Porn's version of the Nazi scientist, but we are made to wait to decide whether this is a fleshier version of "Little Shop of Horrors" or "Marathon Man."

I talked with former AVN editor Rebecca Gray.

"Are you asking me if women think of gynecologists like the hot pizza delivery guy or pool cleaner?" she asked. "No. (The gynecologist's office) is a different space for your head to be in."

Hollander's face registers growing alarm as the doctor takes his sweet time down there.

"I think I dropped something," he calls, sniffing his fingers. He begins inserting all manner of objects.

"Is everything OK, Doctor?" she asks as he inserts a glass dildo in her anus. "I haven't been sexually active in three months."

"That's a shame," he says. Finally, we get to the porn.

Dr. Probe, after rolling up a fucking machine, does the job himself.

"Is it supposed to feel this nice, Doctor?" Hollander asks.

"Just a natural human reaction," he says. "The instruments can only do so much."

I finally decided that the movie was a comedy and just the soundtrack needed to go. Kudos to Hollander who did a nice slow burn, and to Powers for trusting an audience with a longish scene.

Next up is Sindee Jennings as the patient and Seth Dickens as Dr. Probe. The production does not skimp on medical equipment. Sometimes it's hard to be a woman.

"I'm actually feeling a little bit uncomfortable, Doctor, "Jennings says. "It just feels like you're doing the same things over and over and over."

What makes this movie earn an A for effort is its token attempts to make things look on the up and up for at least a minute or two.

That more or less goes out the window when quintessential porn dude Dirty Harry appears as Guatemalan Doctor to the petrified Cindy Crawford. He speaks Pig Spanish all the way through his scene and at this point the movie becomes high camp (which isn't a bad thing).

Finally, Otto Bauer's scene with Chelsea Rae retreads old ground, but it's still funny. When the good Doctor is finished, he says, "Now get dressed, clean up, and fill out those insurance forms."

This movie is highly entertaining as a collection of scenes that happen to take place in a doctor's office, but something is added (especially in the early scenes) when lip service is paid to something real; that's when "Dr. Probe" gets menacing.

- Review by Gram Ponante

* * * * *

Dr. Probe's Lab of Perversion

Studio: Powersville/JM
Director: Jim Powers
Cast: Audrey Hollander, Sindee Jennings, Dirty Harry, Cindy Crawford, Otto Bauer, Chelsea Rae, Seth Dickens, Johnny Thrust

· Jim Powers (mrfilth.com)
· Buy "Dr. Probe's Lab of Perversion" (jerkoffzone.com)

Popshots Of The Week: Almost Wholesome Edition

Gram Ponante — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 12:10:01 EDT

Spring is in the air in Porn Valley ... and so are plenty of legs! Ha ha! Ha ha ha! Bet you've never heard that one before. (Oh, you have? A million times? I see.)

Regardless, the finest of what this region has to offer frolicked anew this week, knowing that six long hours of winter would soon be over. Here's the delightful Audrey Hollander doffing her folksy gingham dress for our delectation. See more snaps after the gap.

In response to Digital Playground's recent contract star announcements, we wanted to remind you of Stoya. That is all.

Here's Adrianna Nicole and Annette Schwarz looking Adriannettadorable™.

Speaking of doffing, young Britney Stevens doffed her frilly tutu on the set of Hustler's "XXX 28", directed by Hollander's husband Otto Bauer.

Whatever Alec Knight is doing, he is making both Kissy Kapri and Stevens react the exact same way on either end.

Finally, Audrey Hollander from earlier in the day, in the dress she took off for the picture that began this week's Popshots. Doesn't she look good wholesome?

Dirtpipe Contender: "Cum Fart Tsunami"

Gram Ponante — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 21:40:03 EST

We have been looking for a worthy successor to "Cum Drink My Vintage Wine" and "Dirtpipe Milkshakes" and, contrary to what February means for Hollywood box office receipts, we might have a winner in "Cum Fart Tsunami." Directed by former AVN editor Mike Ramone, "Cum Fart Tsunami" is an example of a title that doesn't even need to be seen to be appreciated, even if it is being hailed as "the mother of all anal felching pornos." According to Ramone, star Audrey Hollander had "so many penetrations at the same time that I lost count." We said the same thing about Super Tuesday...

· Robert Hill Releasing (roberthillreleasing.com)

Postcards From Las Vegas: You Never Forget Your First Time

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 20:27:23 EST

Day One is winding down here at the AEE and just like any first time, it was confusing, occasionally painful, and at times downright embarrassing. But it was also a day we won't soon forget.

Check out some of our soon-to-be-cherished memories after the jump.

. . .

(Note: Before we go any further, we should mention that we have that other people with better cameras and more talent also covering the show floor, and you'll be hearing from them shortly. We'll get the hang of this "photo" technology eventually.)

Nadia Styles works hard in Naughty America's classroom to make sure that all her papers are graded correctly.

Did you know that by law, your hair may never be curlier than Audrey Hollander's?

Yes, that snake is alive and no you may not pet it. (Or them.)

Jada Fire has something she wants to show you.

Sunny Lane's décolletage will also be signing autographs, but only if you ask nicely first.

Savannah Samson's star wattage is so high, this was as close as we could get to her. Maybe tomorrow we'll muster up the courage to move in.

Porn Valley Dispatch: "Barely"-Contained Excitement

Gram Ponante — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 19:57:55 EDT

Hustler's "Barely Legal" series has reached its 75th installment, and that doesn't even cover all the intra-"Legal" iterations, like "Barely Legal Summer Camp", "Barely Legal Innocence", and "Barely Legal in Space" (all right, I made up the last one, but you know you'll see it sooner or later).

To celebrate the occasion, director Erica McLean (widow of series creator Clive) is hosting a signing Thursday night at Hustler Hollywood featuring "Barely Legal" ladies past and present, including Audrey Hollander, Kimberly Kane, Nautica Thorn, and Jenny Hendrix (seen above with a pair of panties she threw at me). "Barely Legal" inspired costumes are encouraged; I'm going to go as a dirty old man! (PS - I am 23.)

· Hustler Hollywood (hustlerhollywood.com)
· Buy "Barely Legal 75" (adultdvdempire.com)
· Buy "Barely Legal 1" (gamelink.com)

Photoplay: Supercore's "Backroads"

Gram Ponante — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 22:07:10 EDT

It's important to remember that, no matter how delicious we might find them, both Audrey Hollander and Mika Tan were crafted in some top-secret subterranean lab to point their asses at the viewer no matter where the viewer is located, sort of like the way the eyes of Jesus follow us from the mantle of our Bogue Chitto memere's house, but with asses.

Observe their skill after the gap.

***

I guess the theory breaks down pretty quickly because Audrey doesn't do that ass thing at all. In fact, Audrey doesn't even feel the need to smile. She does not have that people-pleasing need Mika learned from U.S. servicemen in her native Guam.

So what ties these two together now that our thesis is in tatters?

Well, we want to do wonderful, horrible things to them both, smile or no, underpants or no.

· American Vice (americanvice.com)
· Buy "Backroads" (gamelink.com)

Previously: Photoplay Archive