Fleshbot: straight, audio

Click Fore Play: All The Audioerotica You'll Ever Need

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 13:00:42 EDT

The world of sexual media is dominated by a few major forms: text, photo, and video. While we certainly appreciate those three forms—quite a lot, actually—we've often wondered why it is that audio porn doesn't get more play (so to speak). Sure, visuals are nice, and we always enjoy reading; but some days we just want to lay back, close our eyes, and be magically transported into a sexy story. Good thing we just found Click Fore Play, a collection of erotic audio plays. Try to imagine what those mid-twentieth century radio plays would have been like if they'd let the smut mongers on the air, and you should have a pretty good idea of what Click Fore Play is all about. Somehow, we have a feeling our morning commute is about to get a lot more interesting. After the jump, hear a sample story.

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· Click Fore Play (clickforeplay.com, via Regina Lynn)
· Thumbnail star via Ask Jolene

As if we needed another excuse to nurture...

Jonnobot — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 11:45:50 EDT

As if we needed another excuse to nurture our shameful secret crush on Rachael Ray, along comes this long-lost audio clip from her days as a sex educator. (OK, we guess there might be the slight chance it's a fake—but hey, anyone who says things like "It's so big, I can barely get my fingers around it!" totally deserves to have their words taken out of context.) (YouTube - thanks Blakeley)

Listen Up: More Porn For The Blind

Jonnobot — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 13:43:32 EDT

While the concept of "porn for the blind" sounds like the setup for a punchline, the truth is that we've had a few occasions over the years to tell you about legitimate efforts to help the visually impaired enjoy all that hot smut those of us with normal vision take for granted. That said, we're not entirely sure this latest effort is entirely for real: aside from not believing anything this week, to us there's something faintly ridiculous about someone reading a detailed description of the visuals on a website like Big Sausage Pizza in the sort of soothing tones better suited to an accountant explaining capital gains tax. Still, we're aware that there's apparently an audience for this sort of thing, so who knows? And at the very least, an MP3 version of Big Tits Round Asses might be just the thing to get us through our next lengthy commute. (Much as we love Terry Gross, there's only enough "Fresh Air" we can take sometimes.)

· Porn For The Blind (pornfortheblind.org - thanks N.)
· Related: Who's Watching? A Profile of the Blind and Visually Impaired Audience for Television and Video (afb.org - thanks Joe)

Previously: Sounds Dirty: Redefining Aural Sex, One Moan At A Time

If you listen to porn backwards will it...

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 10:37:37 EST

If you listen to porn backwards will it reveal all the mysteries of the universe or will it just convince you to buy old Black Sabbath records? Honestly, we think most starlets sound the same coming or going. (thenaughtyamerican.com)

Never wanting to be too serious about sex...

Violet Blue — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 12:00:30 EST

Never wanting to be too serious about sex around here (because porn is a very serious job, what with all the Creamatorium and Dirt Pipe DVDs we have to analyze for data and posterity), we like to let other team players be serious about all the smooshy, dangly bits. Like respected author and research phsychoanayist Paul Joannides, who now has a legit sex-science podcast covering everything from hymens to lube studies. Go hymens! (thepleasurereport.com)

A Tennessee judge made an audio recording...

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 12:30:19 EST

A Tennessee judge made an audio recording of his secret fantasies that was so graphic, the FBI got a hold of it and thought they were actually listening to someone being tortured to death. He had to resign in disgrace, of course, but how much do you think he can get for that tape? (foxnews.com)

Commie pinko pervs that we are, we were...

Fleshbot — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 12:03:28 EST

Commie pinko pervs that we are, we were glad to see three of our very favorite things—porn, public radio, and subsidized healthcare—come together this weekend as NPR profiled Sharon Mitchell and the Adult Industry Medical Healthcare Foundation. We also learned that Sharon will talk prospective talent out of a porn career if, say, they're even considering a job in education or politics someday. And you thought they were just about treating crabs! (npr.org; more @ aim-med.org, and more on AIM's "Porn 101" series here)

8-Track Porno: Is It Smut Or Is It Memorex?

Thu, 15 Nov 2007 12:20:56 EST

Porn is always quick to adapt to new technologies, from the dawn of photography to today's Blu-Ray/HD-DVD war. While many of these new forms of media work better than others (see: Atari porn games), there was always someone who thought it was a good idea at the time. Perhaps the most obscure form of pornographic distribution is the venerable 8-track cassette. Yes, that's right—porno scenes recorded onto 8-track tapes.

Since they're audio only, the stage directions and dialogue are even more delicious than your average porno. (Sample quote: "Now I'm sitting here with a banana up my hungry cunt.") It's the most salacious pulp radio theater you've ever heard (have you ever heard any before?) and for better or worse, someone has transferred some of these gems to MP3 so that 21st century freaks can enjoy the delicate sound of sexual thunder, complete with old-fashioned humming audio and suitable for dance party remixing. Now, if you'll excuse us, we're going to grab our CB radio and a couple of Earth, Wind and Fire albums—on 8-track, of course—and go find ourselves a highway convoy. -CW

· 8-Tracks of 69: Porno 8-tracks (dinosaurgardens.com)

Previously: Deaf Bunny: Porn For The Deaf (And Everyone Else)

Moan My IP: Hot Protocol Action

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 12:33:52 EDT

We see a lot of stupid gimmicky sites where you have to use your mouse to make girls squeal, or play some game that removes her clothes and so on, but we didn't think we've seen anything quite as stupid and gimmicky as MoanMyIP.com. You click on the link, the site checks your IP address, and then a disembodied female voice moans the number back to you as if the very mention of routing packets was enough to set her panties aflame. Pretty dumb, right? Or is it pure genius? After thinking about it for a moment, we though it would be the perfect to link gift to send to your favorite IT guy who probably needs something to take his mind off cron jobs and server loads and maybe give him a cheap laugh in the middle of the day. Plus, the next time he finds your favorite website in your corporate laptop's browser history, you just might have the perfect incentive for him to look the other way.

· Moan My IP (audio warning obviously @ moanmyip.com)

Previously: Grab My Boob (Well, Not Ours, But You Get The Idea)

Sounds Dirty: Redefining Aural Sex, One Moan At A Time

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 10 May 2007 11:52:38 EDT

It is estimated that there are approximately 140 million people worldwide who cannot fully use the internet due to visual or hearing impairments. Don't they deserve porn too? Even though this problem has been (sort of) addressed before, few smutmeisters have tried to tap into this demographic. But there's at least one site that sees a huge potential subscriber base where the blind are concerned: Sounds Dirty caters to vision-impaired users by offering erotic stories, zoomable pictures galleries, and hardcore videos complete with subtitles and audio descriptions. They also claim to be fully compliant with all major web usability standards, which is refreshing in a business where some web designers still think the tag is the latest in cutting-edge display technology. You can still enjoy the site if you happen to be one of the lucky ones who doesn't need glasses (it's still porn, after all), which is handy if you get off on a sexy voice telling you what position a couple happens to be fucking in or you just want some MP3s of girls giving blowjobs for your iPod, Sounds Dirty admirably fills a long-neglected gap. In the land of the blind, a breathy voice whispering "Fuck me harder!" in your ear is king. Or, uh, queen.

· SoundsDirty (previews + member info @ soundsdirty.com)
· "Blinding idea for a porn site" (metro.co.uk)

Previously: Porn for the Blind, Still More Sexy Podcasts, (You Will Be Turned On By) Trance Providers: Erotic Hypnosis Videos