And we mean dog in the most literal sense: think "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" gone XXX. "Porndogs: The Adventures of Sadie" (currently in post-production) is billing itself as a "mass-market hardcore dog movie;" the tale of a young Labrador who goes into heat for the first time, then runs away to the city to avoid getting spayed (sexual adventures—including dog girl-on-girl—ensue).

And Marilyn's not the only big name included in the cast—Dustin Diamond, Tera Patrick, Evan Seinfeld, and (of course) Ron Jeremy all lend their talents to this tale of a dog fuck dog world.

We're not really sure when (or where) this movie will be screening, but if it happens to appear at a theater near you, please go see it and let us know what you think. We'll be sure to do the same.

· "Porndogs: The Adventures of Sadie" (porndogsthemovie.com)
· "Porndogs: The Adventures of Sadie" (imdb.com)
· Porndogs: A Preview (avn.com)
· Thumbnail: Marilyn Chambers with canine counterpart Sadie (avn.com)

Heavy Petting chronicles images of pets in (sadly censored) porn. Some are easy to spot, some are a little more hidden, but they all leave us feeling, well, slightly comforted and vaguely confused. (Hey, at least we know we're not the only one with a cat who likes to watch.)
· Heavy Petting (heavypetting.tumblr.com, via BuzzFeed)

But Isabella's interested in more than just bugs—that's why season two of "Green Porno" leaves the land and goes under the sea, taking peek at the mating habits of all sorts of ocean life. Get a sneak peak in the teaser video below, and be sure to check out the series on Sundance Channel's website when it launches April 1.

· "Green Porno" (sundancechannel.com)

. . .

· "The Tiger sucks" (RedTube)

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Previously: Case Closed: Fleshbot PSI Jumps The Shark

The film stars Sirpa Lane—who played the Beauty to the original French "Beast" that "inspired" this one—and Vassilli Karis as a Lando Calrissian-esque space rogue with a knack for bar fights and bedding hot women. The two hook up one night after he beats up a rival suitor and once the steamy deed is done, she recounts her recurring nightmare of being attacked in the woods by a bearded dude with a snazzy embroidered vest. This is what is called "foreshadowing."

Soon after, Capt. Larry Madison (yes, that's his futuristic space name) realizes that the man he beat up the night before was in possession of a rare metal called Antalium, which is used by the military for its neutron weapons and that said metal came from the mysterious uncharted planet Lorigon. Quickly, the new loverbirds are off to the races to conquer the planet and secure all this precious material for the their ownselves. Yay, imperialism!

It should be said that for a low-budget futuristic adventure pic, this film is much better than it has any right to be. The story actually honors a lot of standard sci-fi conventions and shows a shocking amount of scientific literacy. Terms like "gyroscopic stabilizers" get thrown around (correctly!) and the script actually knows the proper ratio of oxygen needed in the atmosphere to sustain human life. To a true nerd, such details are impressive. If it had even half the budget of a LucasFilm production (instead of what we are guessing was about 1/1000th), this could have been a respectable mainstream picture.

Minus the stock footage of horses fucking, of course. Seriously, why does every 1970s Eurotrash flick have a scene where humans get turned on by catching two horses doing it?. It's such a cliche of the genre—even if it is on another planet.

Once on Longion, they quickly discover that it is ruled by a sadistic robot that hordes all the Antalium for itself and pays the planet back by keeping its citizens in a THX-like mind control haze. The good news is that no one ages and there's lots of free food ... so why not just start humping? That's exactly what happens for the next 35 minutes or so as various pairings roll around in the grass making sweet, sweet love—until Lane realizes she's paired off with ... beaded vest guy! And he's got more than just beads hiding underneath his robes! It's the Beast ... in space!

We don't want to spoil all the fun for you, but you can imagine where this is headed. Groovy mind trips, bestiality and lightsaber glowing plastic sword battles ensue. If you're buying this flick just for the sex scenes, you'll probably be disappointed. There aren't enough of them and they're too far apart for this movie to be considered a true raunchy romp, but if you like your "so bad, it's good" movie nights to have a little extra spice, it is a fun ride.

Soon to be re-released by Severin Films, the DVD will be available in two versions, an NC-17 level grope fest (full-frontal softcore only) and an "uncut" XXX-version, although it seems pretty clear that the brief hardcore action was inserted after the fact using replacement actors and extreme closeups. (Although, the Beast himself certainly benefits from a little extra endowment and there is a deleted scene of his Beast-like climax.) If only George Lucas had been inspired by "Deep Throat," instead of the other way around, just imagine the movie we could have had.

· Buy: "The Beast in Space": XXX Version or Unrated Version (severin-films.com)

· 10 Best Robot Chicken Sex Moments (adultswim.com)

· Rory Sabbatini, Sandra Sully & THAT Kangaroo! (YouTube, via larrybrownsports.com, via Deadspin)

· We've haven't seen Daisy Fuentes in awhile, maybe because she's too busy getting drunk in the ocean. She's definitely no sea cow. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· Let's say you open a salon where scantily-clad ladies cut hair in sexy outfits. Well, this is the worst that can happen. (alliednews.com)

· Hooters is now 25 years old, so come on down and bring the kids!. When they say one big happy family, they mean it. (ajc.com)

· Some Malaysians don't mind the sports car racing, but aren't so keen on the ever-present racing babes. Sorry, you can't have one without the other. (thestar.com.my)

· Nudist recreation is now more popular than golf or tennis. Probably because you don't have to wear those ugly shirts. (azcentral.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Lindsay Lohan doesn't need a shirt to party hard. All those pesky buttons and sleeves just weigh you down. (egotastic.com + hollywoodtuna.com)

· Someone at the New York Times has spent a lot of time thinking about duck penises. We're glad somebody does. (nytimes.com)

· For once, we're glad we don't know how to read German. We're not sure we want to know what our genital horoscope is. (astrogenital.de, via random-good-stuff.com)

· A Chinese artists asks, "How Big Do We Want Our Breasts To Be?" The answer? As big as is necessary. (reuters.com)

· The Iranian culture committee has approved the death penalty as a punishment for pornographers, so you might want to put the vacation to Tehran on hold for a bit. (avn.com)

· Don't you hate it when you turn on the Disney Channel and all you get is porn. Sorry ... we hate when that doesn't happen. (wcbstv.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Adjustable breast implants? Love dolls for dogs? Are those nerds at Gizmodo trying to muscle in on our freak turf? (Gizmodo)

· We're a little concerned over the prospect of Jessica Simpson as a Pussycat Doll? Does she know they aren't actual cats? (allheadlinenews.com)

· Halle Berry is no longer interested in flashing her tits, and has decided to show everyone her ass instead. We don't care if she's coming or going. (hollywoodtuna.com)

· This guide to gay bathhouses will come in very handy for straight guys, provided they don't mind being not straight for a few hours. (blogto.com)

Google is a little bit less cool about adult websites than they used to be. If we understood how internet advertising worked, we'd probably be pissed. (avn.com)

· China cracks down on internet naughtiness, but forgets to write a law against nude web chats. To be fair, we didn't think people still did that stuff either. (msnbc.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives