Spend Your December With Centerfolds

Is your December passing ever so slowly? Are you dying to wake up on Christmas morn—or to party your way into 2009? Well, we can't make time pass any faster, but we can make the wait more enjoyable: sail through December in the arms of centerfolds. Specifically, Playboy's 31 Centerfolds of December. Every day, a new Miss December... it's almost enough to make us wish December would never end. (playboy.com)

The Porn Parody Machine Marches On

Fueled by the success of such films as "Not The Bradys XXX" (one and two!), "Not Bewitched XXX," "This Ain't The Munsters XXX," and all the rest of of them, the porn parody machine continues to march on. In addition to the recently announced "Dirty Facts of Life" and "This Ain't Gilligan's Island XXX," we'll also be seeing "Not Married With Children XXX" and "Not The Cosby Show XXX," which at least has the redeeming factor of giving work to black porn actors who aren't Jada Fire and Mr. Marcus.

Blast From The Past

Anyone remember the 90's? We don't know about you, but for us, it seems like it was just yesterday that we were at home watching "Melrose Place" and "90210." Now those shows are being remade, and it seems like it might be time to bring out the old porn files as well—like this gem from the archives. The styles have changed over the years (chokers? Those hair styles? That make-up?), but the sex is still comfortingly similar. It's good to know some things never change—and that pool side sex never goes out of style. More »

Hustler Humor Hustles For Laughs

Hustler magazine has always been known for subtlety and intellectual rigor, but there are times when even when a stuffy porn mag wants to let its hair down a little. That's how you end up with a paper spinoff like "Hustler Humor," which is sort of the like Playboy Jokes page turned up to 11 in color. Sadly, we don't have copies of the actual magazine, but if this gallery of historical covers is any indication, it retained the dry wit and tasteful sensibility of the parent magazine—with a steady diet of vibrator jokes, angry middle fingers, and overt racism. Fun for the whole family! More »

Chloe's Dirty Deeds

Having sex in a public place is dirty business, which is why it's so much fun. But dirty business doesn't get much dirtier than it does in the backroom of a crummy old pool hall. Seriously, these folks should probably put a blanket down or something, because who knows where that table has been? Chloe is a pro when it comes to these sorts of situations, though, so we'll gladly defer to her on the matter of just how filthy dirty should be. There's a reason why some pornstars are so fondly remembered, you know. More »

Sasa Basta Covers Madonna (But Not Her Songs)

Hey, do you remember like 50 years ago or something when Madonna (the other one) wrote that hilarious "Sex" book? Well, she didn't "write" it exactly—but she did pose for a bunch of calculatedly controversial, occasionally blasphemous dirty pictures. Anyway, Greek magazine Nitro totally wants to relive those days, so they hired blonde Madonna kindoflookalike Sasa Basta to recreate some of the most memorable poses from that classic pop culture moment. Do you also remember when people used to be shocked and outraged by this stuff? Boy, those were the days! More »

Revenge Of The Sexy Magazine Covers

Since we studied history at our liberal elitist college, we always enjoy looking through dusty archives for relics of bygone eras. We also learned where to find all the dirty Victorian picture books at the research library. Maybe that's where the folks at Xpozio went to find all those sexy old magazine covers they keep posting? We've linked to a couple of their galleries in the past, but the collection has exploded to include pretty much every Playboy cover in every international edition ever as well as most of the covers from the illustrious history of Penthouse, Hustler, High Society, Juggs (yes, Juggs) and other classic spank mags. So in how many different languages can you say "Pamela Anderson Naked"? More »

Every so often we think back to those halcyon days of 1992 when Madonna was sexy and interesting ... and every so often, someone comes along and posts a bunch of scans from her "Sex" book to remind us just how sexy and interesting she used to be. Suddenly, it's 1992 all over again. (thenipslip.com)

Sometimes we say good-bye to porn stars ... and sometimes we're lucky enough to welcome them back. Brittany O'Connell has returned to the adult industry after a ten year hiatus, which just goes to show you—sometimes wishes really do come true. (lisaannstalentmanagement.com + avn.com)

When you're done looking through those Lui covers, you might want to take a peek at High Society through the ages. You might just learn a thing or two about moving on up in the world — or at least getting something to help you, uh, move up. (xpozio.com)

Flesh Flicks: Janine And Dyanna, A Look Back

Sorry to get all Vivid Circa 1998 in here today (as if we haven't been retro obsessed enough already), but we're suddenly feeling nostalgic for the hot blonde contract stars of yesteryear. These titanesses of the porn industry were always among our favorites, and it makes us feel all warm and fuzzy inside to have stumbled across this living tribute of Janine Lindemulder and Dyanna Laure in their prime ... with a brief cameo by Jenteal to boot! The best part about internet porn is that no one ever ages or retires, which is why we will never turn off our computers. Ever. More »

At this point, looking at naked Madonna pictures from the early 90s is like finding a photo album of our old aunt's days as a swingin' nudist before we were born, but if you're not as easily bored and/or creeped out about these things as we are then here you go. Besides, how many opportunities do we have to link to Vanity Fair anyway? (vanityfair.com; see especially 1991 and 1992)

Flesh Flicks: Connect The Dots

We found several clips today from the early '90s porn artifact "County Line," and even though they all seem to be related to each other a quick glance at the evidence shows a complete lack of coherence or narrative flow. So it's just like watching the actual movie from start to finish! Don't worry that we haven't included them all here or in any particular order, because we're confident that you can still follow along with the action no matter what moment you happen to enter the story. Of course, we had to include the bizarre intro simply for its striptease cameo by a young Chasey Lain. (And the weird guy pretending to speak Italian, though you may not be as amused by that as we are.) But giving away any more of the plot would just take all the fun out of it, although—spoiler alert!—someone will get naked. More »

An upcoming issue of Hustler will feature nude shots of Spice Girl Geri Halliwell ... or you can just Google "Geri Halliwell nude" and save six bucks. Plus, playing a game of "spot the fakes!" is always good for an afternoon of fun! (sfgate.com + mostly real results @ exp0sed.com)

Full-Frontal Movie Nudity: We've Got Bush

Full frontal is like the Holy Grail of movie nudity—elusive, thrilling and occasionally just a myth. Yet, a simple glimpse of below the belt flesh will also make you feel young again, mostly because Hollywood seemed to do it best in the 80s and 90s when on-screen nudity was a lot more precious. (Or maybe we were just going to the wrong theaters?) Check out the Uber blog's video retrospective of some the best historical examples of this phenomenon and ponder if this classic "Revenge of the Nerds" moment would have as much impact today ... or if the famous punchline would even make sense to today's bare down there generation. More »

A Las Vegas mechanic thought he discovered a never-before-seen, one-of-a-kind print of a nude Marilyn Monroe, but it turns out it was just a naked Madonna poster that 4 million college boys have had on their dorm room wall. Whatever you do, don't show him this post. (nydailynews.com)

Flesh Flicks Classic: Racquel Darrian Takes Us Back

What is it about porn that always makes it seem so much a part of the era it was filmed in? You don't have to be very familiar with Racquel Darrian or her resume to guess the time frame in which this scene was shot. If the sexy breakaway unitard doesn't give it away, Jon Dough's unfortunate mullet-perm probably does. Of course, costumes and hair choices rarely get in the way of a good performance and these two '90 legends don't disappoint—even when it very clear that you are being transported back to the 1990s. On the other hand, fucking on a pool table will always be pretty timeless. More »

Flesh Flicks: When Janine Met Jenteal (Again)

This scene is another one of those blast from the past clips that got forwarded and file shared all over the web for years, which means there's an excellent chance you've seen it before ... but with good reason. Jenteal and Janine Lindemulder performed more than their fair share of girl/girl scenes and quite often with each other, but few became as memorable (or re-playable) as this one. It's been awhile since we've revisited it ourselves, but it just proves that the classics don't become classics for nothing. More »

Hardbodied Babes Return To Rough You Up

We were quite shocked and awed the other day when our TV told us that 1990s campfest American Gladiators was not only returning to television, but had earned a spot on NBC's primetime schedule. (Take that striking writers!) It took us back to the days of watching gals like Blaze and Zap pummel unsuspecting frat boys in flashy red, white and blue unitards. (Actually, those might have been the dudes names.) More »

Flesh Flicks: Asia Carrera Takes Us Home

If this video is tagged correctly—and we have no reason to believe that is—this scene comes from Asia Carrera's last hardcore movie, "Sweatshop," from way back in the year 2004. As one of the major adult stars to shepherd us through our "youth" (we are surprisingly young at heart), we feel a lot closer to girls like her than most of today's big names. It's funny, you get to know some folks so well on video that they almost feel like part of the family. If your family is full of freaky sex fiends, that is. Great ... now instead of feeling nostalgic for the past, we're thinking ahead to Thanksgiving dinner. Hope the relatives remember the cranberries! More »

Salma Hayek And Catherine Bell: Queens Of The Boob Age

Everyone loves boobs, right? (You wouldn't be here if you didn't.) They're all special in their own way—big or small, bouncy or pert, real or even fake—but their are certain pairs are a little more special than others ... in the eye of the beholder, that is, because we all develop our own unique attachments to particular sets. Oh, and the women they're attached to, as well! More »

It's like washed up venerable and respected 1990s actress day here on the 'Bot. Sadly, Demi Moore is not as forthcoming when it comes to crotch coverage. (egotastic.com)

Flesh Flicks: You Can All Kiss Jeanna Fine's Sweet Little Asshole

We have no idea what Hall of Fame sex machine Jeanna Fine is like in real life, but we've always enjoyed her special knack for playing deliciously evil characters. Is it just good acting or does she maybe have a mean streak in her in real life? We kind of like the idea of Jeanna strutting around her actual house, tersely ordering her manservants to do her sexual bidding like the underpaid chattel they are, and basically not taking any shit from anyone. Some folks don't like to find out the truth about their heroes, but in this case we'd make an exception ... and maybe ask how to apply for one of those manservant positions. More »

Amy Fisher Sex Tape: Better Late Than Never?

Time was when the mere thought of a sex video starring "Long Island Lolita" Amy Fisher would have sent our outer borough adolescent hormones on overdrive. Now, not only do we have to remind people who Amy Fisher actually is (or at least point them to her WIkipedia page), but we have to remind ourselves that her Lolita days have been long gone for decades now, even if tabloid headlines continue to refer to her as such. Did we mention that we're feeling very old all of a sudden? More »

Denise Austin's Physical Education

Back in days of yore, when premium cable was still scrambled and the internet was just a gleam in some nerd's eye, young boys and girls had to learn about growing bodies and these strange new feelings within them from the only source available to their young and impressionable minds—television exercise shows. We're not sure if this cottage industry even exists anymore, but there was a time when hardbodied individuals doing sit ups and calisthenics on the beach in revealing spandex uniforms was what passed for legitimate entertainment. More »

"Flashpoint" Tenth Anniversary Edition: Jenna On Fire

Thirty seconds into this movie I knew it was going to be the most awesome movie about fire ever. And that is why, nine years after it first appeared, Wicked did an amazing job of repackaging and value-adding "Flashpoint" for people like me who had never seen or heard of it—as well as for people like me who miss Asia Carrera, Jill Kelly, and Jenna Jameson Mark II. More »

We are of the proper age and geographical persuasion to have seen (but not purchased, thankfully) "Big Johnson" t-shirts. But we aren't so mature that we can't get upset at Datehole for not making a customized version for us. (Unlike our siblings, we'll still take the linkbait, though.) (citypaper.com + datehole.com)

Celebrity NippleWatch™: Cindy Crawford Makes Us Feel Young Again

ven though she's pretty much retired from the supermodel game, we'll always have a place in our heart for Cindy Crawford. We hope we're not showing our age lines to say that she rose to the top of her game at just about the same time we were discovering these strange new changes in our own selves. Her Sports Illustrated swimsuit photos, her lingerie photos, and that poster everyone had on their bedroom wall helped us survive those horny, awkward times. We even paid to see "Fair Game" for cryin' out loud. Well, we're both a little older and a little wiser, but thankfully one of us is still willing to lounge around on a yacht without a shirt on in order to get that all over tan. One of us is also aging much better, but we'll let you guess which one that is. Now if we could just get Winona Ryder to lose a button our mid-90s nipple nostalgia trifecta will be complete. More »

Laugh all you want at the nerdy character Alfonso Ribiero played on "The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air", but remember: he grew up to date a really hot porn star, and you didn't. Life can be so not fair sometimes. (wwtdd.com)

TechWorld has excerpts from Kieren Mccarthy's book "Sex.com" which provides some great reading for anyone interested in bizarre, but highly lucrative cybercrimes from the old Wild West days of the web. Also, they use the word "sex" a lot. (techworld.com)

'90s porn sensation Heather Hunter proves that old porn stars never die ... they just grow up to find someone else to help them write a fictionalized account of what it's like to be a porn star. (palmbeachpost.com)

Back To The Future: A Dildonics History Lesson

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Old School Nightlight Photos by Derek Ridgers

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Flesh Flicks: Still Hot For Teacher

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