Fleshbot: straight, 2009

Toy Story: Fleshbot's Top Ten Sex Toys Of 2009

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 17:00:00 EST

2009: the year of the robot that mimics the love stylings of your favorite pornstars, a tiny little toy jampacked with ten eager tongues, and a wireless vibe that syncs with your iPod. So many innovations...but which were the best?

As the year draws to a close, we've reviewed our reviews from 2009, and scientifically determined just which toys were the best of the best this year. Below, our picks for the tops in toys.

10) The Real Touch: With a few rare exceptions, high end (and high tech) sex toys are almost exclusively targeted at women. The Real Touch is looking to change that. A high tech masturbator that syncs with POV porn, the Real Touch may just change the face of toys for boys. True, it has its problems (most notably, the fact that it won't work if you're not paying per minute for AEBN's porn)—but it's promising enough to give us hope for the future.

9) OhMiBod Freestyle: After years on the scene, the OhMiBod has finally reached its full potential. With the Freestyle's wireless connection, you can finally rock out to your tunes without being tied down to them.

8) Tenth Anniversary Tristan Butt Plug: The Tenth Anniversary Tristan Plug takes a good thing and makes it better (or at least bigger). A beefed up version of the original Tristan plug, the 10th anniversary edition is a must have for any butt aficionado in need of an upgrade.

7) Bolero Straitjacket **BEST LUXURY TOY**: This delightful bondage device combines the efficient immobilization of the straitjacket with the delicious eroticism of being nearly naked. True, it's not cheap—but if you're willing and able to invest in your BDSM toy chest, it's an excellent addition.

6) Imperial: With 11 inches of aircraft quality spun aluminum, the Imperial is bound to please any and all size queens—especially the ones who enjoy toys with the ability to pleasure and violently disfigure.

5) Bloomy: A wonderful dildo for the girls, and a p-spot stimulating butt plug for the boys—Bloomy's a toy that everyone can enjoy! (Just, uh, remember to sterilize it before sharing.)

4) Finger Tingles **BEST BUY**: Since the day we first discovered sex, we've wondered whether there could ever be away to improve on the erotic abilities of the simple little finger. The answer, friends, is yes: with the help of the Finger Tingles, your mild-mannered digit becomes a super finger.

3) Contour Q **BEST DISCREET TOY**: Don't be fooled by Contour Q's innocent appearance: these bumpy little massage stones know their way around a woman's body. And we do mean all parts of the body.

2) Sqweel: With the Sqweel, Love Honey set out to create a toy that replicates the sensation of oral sex. While they may not have quite achieved that goal, they did create a wholly unique toy that stimulates in a very unusual (and very pleasing) way.

1) Form 2: Small, sleek, and super-powered: the rabbit-inspired Form 2 has two silicone ears that are all revved up and ready to rock. And just like a real rabbit, this thing won't quit until long after you're satisifed.

Worst Toy of 2009: The Blowguard: Sure, it'll enable you to give a decent blowjob with absolutely no effort...at the cost of your dignity, your comfort, and your ability to control your drooling.

Argentina Continues To Roll Out The Babes—This Time In Calendar Form

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 13:30:01 EST

Not quite sure why you should care about a calendar of scantily clad Argentinian babes? Clearly, you just haven't been paying attention.

· 2009 Paparazzi Magazine Calendar (dailypoa.com)

Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Arrives On Our Digital Doorstop

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 10:30:00 EST

When we were young, we actually had to sit at home and wait for the mailman to deliver the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue—that, or trudge fifty miles in the snow to get a copy.

Now, of course, the Swimsuit Issue just magically appears on the internet, transporting dozens of swimsuit-clad model, NBA dancers, and tennis stars into our homes or offices at the touch of a button; a plethora of photos and video (video!) all there to sooth away our winter blues.

Kids today don't know how easy they have it.

We had heard that the beautiful Bar Refaeli had been selected to grace the cover of the print version of the issue (which, yes, still exists)—though, immersed as we are in the digital edition, that's an all but meaningless honor. The "cover" of the digital edition (we call it a splash page in internet land) features a rotating cast of beauties, a different girl greeting you depending on the time of day.

But really—at the end of the day, does any of that matter? What we're all longing for is the sweet, sweet glimpse of beautiful girls in teeny bikinis: and no matter what format the Swimsuit Issue comes in, you can guarantee that yes, they will provide.

· 2009 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)

Great British Boobs: The Best Way To Celebrate 2009

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 16:00:00 EST

Are you (somehow) a month into 2009 and still without a topless calendar to call your own? Allow us to present the Great British Boobs Calendar. Cause it doesn't get any better than this. (dailypoa.com)

Finally, A Chance To See Kitty Lea Topless... And In Calendar Form

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 10:30:00 EST

Last summer, we saw our first teaser shot from Kitty Lea's 2009 calendar; now, nearly a month into 2009, we've finally seen the rest of it. It was worth the wait.

. . .

· Kitty Lea 2009 Topless Calendar (dailypoa.com)

Maxim Unveils Belated Babe Calendar

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 15:30:01 EST

On the one hand, January 2 is a little late to be promoting a sexy 2009 calendar. On the other hand, it's never too late to ogle pictures of sexy babes.

Maxim, we forgive you for the tardy entry into the calendar pool. Just get us the photos a little earlier next year, okay?

. . .

· Maxim UK 2009 Calendar - Maxim’s New British Babes (dailypoa.com)

It's Not 2009 Without Rosie Jones's Boobs

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 10:30:00 EST

How could we let topless calendar season pass without a nod to Rosie Jones? New to the scene, Rosie's only recently come to our attention—but we're sure she won't be leaving the spotlight anytime soon.

And sure, her calendar may have all the functionality of, well, a line of numbers and letters with no place to write important reminders (like "Dental Appointment" or "Fleshbot's Birthday!")—but somehow, Rosie just has a way of making us forget about all those things.

. . .

· Rosie Jones 2009 Topless Calendar (dailypoa.com)

Jennifer Aniston Gets (Us) All Wet

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 14:00:00 EST

We're not normally ones to get excited about shots where you can supposedly see a girl's boobs through her shirt (sorry, "pokies" are not the same thing as actual nipples), but we'll make an exception for this wet t-shirt shot from Jennifer Aniston's 2009 calendar. Because, um, it's Jennifer Aniston. And you can totally see her boobs!

· Jennifer Aniston shows her wet T-shirt boobs in new 2009 calendar (metro.co.uk)

Cyclepassion: Babes, Bikes, And Boobs

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 11:30:10 EST

Given the, um, passion that many have for cycling, it's not really surprising that someone took it upon themselves to create a calendar devoted to bicycles (and the sexy ladies that love them, natch). The aptly named Cyclepassion calendar is now in its fourth iteration—yet somehow, in all that time, no one's thought to include a dildo bicycle in the mix. Really, do we have to think of everything?

. . .

· Cyclepassion 2009 (cyclepassion.com, via hotbox.thumblogger.com)

Topless, Work Safe BBW Calendar Hits The Stands

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 17:30:10 EST

Well, it seems Jakki Degg's not the only one who can make a super hot, yet totally useless, "calendar." There's a group of 26 luscious and large ladies who are more than happy to get their calendar on—and, what's more, since it's a "softcore" calendar, it's totally "work environment friendly." Be sure to explain that to you coworkers when they complain about your hot, topless BBWs. We're sure they'll totally understand.

· BBW Calendar 2009 (bbwcalendar.net)

Jakki Degg's Hot Topless Calendar Collection Of Pictures

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 10:30:00 EST

By this point, we're all more than aware that if you're a topless girl without a topless calendar—well, you just ain't a superstar. Unfortunately, it seems that Jakki Degg didn't learn this until the very last minute, as her "calendar" isn't particular functional—at least not in the telling you what day of the week it is, giving you spaces to write down important dates sense. But you know, maybe that's for the best—we only need so many calendars, but we can always use more hot naked pictures.

. . .

· Jakki Degg Official 2009 Topless Calendar (dailypoa.com)

There's Always Room For One More Topless Calendar!

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 10:30:00 EST

With Thanksgiving just a few days away, it may seem a bit late to be thinking about a topless calendar purchase (we know we've got several boxes of topless 2009 action already cluttering up our apartment). But there's a new calendar on the block that might persuade us to make room for one more: bodacious babe Peta Todd (not to be confused with similarly boob-friendly PETA) has doffed her top in celebration of yet another new year. Let her beautiful boobs bounce you to a bounty of success (or just hang the calendar on your wall, whatever). Photos below.

. . .

· (dailypoa.com)

Inside Nerdcore: More Nerdy Boobs!

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 11:30:05 EST

The nerds at Nerdcore love us so much, they've given us even more uncensored, exclusive peeks at their super sweet calendar. To the left, we have Jana Cova and Georgia Jones, after the jump, find out who gets to conquer Mars... topless! Want to show your thanks to these generous nerds? If you're in LA, the launch party is tonight at 7 at Golden Apple Comics. If you're not in LA, well—thankfully, through the power of the internet, you can still buy the calendar.

. . .

Well, look at that! Justine Joli, on Mars! We always knew she was destined for greatness.

· Nerdcore (totallynerdcore.com)

Come Fly The Bikini-Clad Skies Of Ryanair

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 11:30:05 EST

On the off chance that you still haven't picked out your sexy 2009 calendar, the flight attendants of Ryanair would very much like you to consider theirs. It's got the girls of Ryanair decked out in bikinis and, what's more, it's for charity. It even says so on the cover (twice!). How could you possibly turn this calendar down? It's for charity! (scandalist.com, via hotbox.thumblogger.com)

Joanna Angel, Justine Joli, And Mandy Morbid, Oh My!

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 13:00:00 EST

We have to admit that we've been feeling a bit of calendar fatigue—it's not even Thanksgiving, and we're already pretty much over this whole "2009" thing. Or were, at least, until we got a peek at the Mishka NYC calendar. Shot by Ellen Stagg, and featuring such illustrious Crush Objects as Justine Joli, Zoli, Mandy Morbid, and—last but certainly not least—Supreme Commandress Joanna Angel, the thirteen month calendar has given us a reason to believe again. Believe in naked calendars, that is. Need your own personal faithlift? Check after the jump for an exclusive preview of some of our very favorite months (the ones with naked girls, duh!).

. . .

· Mishka NYC (mishkanyc.com)

Nerdcore 2009 Calendar Even Better Than We Thought

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 16:30:00 EST

We were already impressed with the Nerdcore 2009 calendar—but those Nerdcore kids have gone and upped the ante with this gorgeous pic of Justine Joli, bare naked and in the arms of a robot. Um, can we have our copy of the calendar now, please? (Oh, right, they don't ship until Saturday. Damn it.) (totallynerdcore.com)

Behind These Scenes At The New York City Sex Blogger Calendar Shoot

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 15:45:00 EST

The NYC Sex Blogger Calendar won't be available for another three days... but while you're eagerly waiting some sex blogger (and Fleshbot editrix) cheesecake action, take a peek at this behind the scenes video shot by Audacia Ray. And if you happen to be in New York City, be sure to stop by The White Rabbit this Friday for the calendar's official launch party. We hear there will be alcohol... and sex bloggers! (And you know what that means...)

· Sex Blogger Calendar Release This Friday! (wakingvixen.com)

Claire Tully, Topless Pioneer

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 16:30:05 EST

Claire Tully isn't just any old lad mag model with a 30E rack and a 2009 naked calendar. She also happens to be the very first Irish Page 3 Girl. We're sure she's served as an inspiration to many big breasted young Irish girls, who now know that there's nothing stopping them from getting their kit off in a national newspaper. Come to think of it, we also find Claire rather inspiring... though for slightly different reasons.

· Claire's Red Hot Calendar (zootoday.com)

Opera Stars Get Naked For, Yes, A Charity Calendar

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 17:00:30 EST

We've prematurely declared the death of naked charity calendars before, but now we're really, really sure they've jumped the shark. How can we be so sure? Even the band nerds are getting in on the action now! Okay, by band nerds, we actually mean the Royal Opera House—but still, enough is enough! Though on the other hand... some of these band nerds are pretty fetching. Maybe just one more nude charity calendar, and then we'll all call it quits?

. . .

·
Royal Opera House stars strip naked for charity (telegraph.co.uk, via nerve.com)

Nuts 2009 Desktop Calendar: One Calendar To Disrobe Them All

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 11:30:05 EST

Sure, you could settle for a calendar with just Gemma Atkinson or just Eva Wyrwal or just Lucy Pinder... or you could get the Nuts 2009 desktop calendar, which has all three of those lovelies (and quite a few more!). Alternately, you could buy all the solo babe calendars and the Nuts desktop calendar and, we dunno, use the pages to wallpaper your house. (Though if you can afford to do that, perhaps you'd like to make a donation to the Fleshbot calendar fund? Every dollar you donate brings us a dollar closer to owning every topless calendar ever printed.)

· Nuts 2009 Topless Desktop Calendar (dailypoa.com)