Fleshbot: spoof

"Batman XXX - A Porn Parody" Vs. "Batman": A Comparison

Ottimo Massimo — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 16:00:00 EDT

Vivid Entertainment is a bit late to capitalize on The Dark Knight. That said, it's never too late to parody the campy 1960s Batman with Adam West.

When you think about the kinds of villains that show used to have (The Clock King, The Black Widow, Nora Clavicle, someone named Fingers), it's kind of surprising how un-sexual the original show was. Though we're reluctant to admit it, maybe this is one parody that was meant to happen. Anyhow, we have the cast list, so only one question remains: how does the porny compare to the corny?

Batman
1960s Batman: Adam West
XXX Batman: Nick Manning

Robin
1960s Batman: Burt Ward
XXX Batman: Kris Slater

The Riddler
1960s Batman: Frank Gorshin
XXX Batman: Evan Stone

The Joker
1960s Batman: Cesar Romero
XXX Batman: Randy Spears

Batgirl
1960s Batman: Yvonne Craig
XXX Batman: Nicole Ray

Catwoman
1960s Batman: Julie Newmar
XXX Batman: Tori Black

· Vivid Entertainment (vivid.com)
· Axel Braun Completes Casting Vivid's 'Batman XXX' (business.avn.com)
· Dynamic Duo via Ass Titans (sexandcash.com)

Pornstars In Polyester: "'70s Show: A XXX Parody"

Ottimo Massimo — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 17:00:00 EDT

Quick word of advice: jizz will not wash out of polyester. Trust us.

'70s Show: A XXX Parody

Studio: New Sensations
Director: Lee Roy Myers
Cast: Brooke Banner, Ashlynn Brooke, Missy Stone, Rachel Love, Kaci Starr, Patrick J. Knight, Anthony Rosano, Ralph Long, Justin Magnum, Bo Banner, Ethan Cage, Steve Smith, Pike Nelson

When we first announced "'70s Show" on this site, there was quite a hubbub about casting choices, hair color, and overall attention to the original. In response to the commotion:
Yes, Brooke Banner makes an excellent Donna. And Rachel Love does an outstanding Kitty Foreman.
No, the wigs aren't perfect, but the hair color is pretty accurate.
Yes, Bob and Midge really should've been in this.

Honestly, the one thing that tweaked my obsessive side was the pubic hair. It was (a FOX network tribute to) the '70s! As a young lad, I totally had a crush on Donna, but would've gladly gone out with Jackie, and was down to fool around with Laurie. Naturally, a critical part of the whole four-way fantasy was pubic hair: big, scruffy, retro bushes. Do you think I got retro bushes? Of course not. Next thing I know, someone will tell me Charlie's Angels were all shaved, too.

Gripes aside, "'70s Show" offers genuine giggles. The story revolves around a Led Zeppelin concert the whole gang attends. Eric (Patrick J. Knight) and Donna try to go backstage to see the band, but only Donna is allowed in. Sadly, it's all a trick. Donna thinks she's blowing three security guards so she can meet Robert Plant, but really she's just slobbing on the cleaning crew. Meanwhile, Fez (Pike Nelson) and Kelso (Anthony Rosano) dress up like rock stars in order to trick groupies into sleeping with them. For no reason, Eric's sister Laurie (Ashlynn Brooke) shows up to do laundry and fuck Kelso.

Although Missy Stone may not look exactly like Mila Kunis, she has the voice down perfectly. Better yet, she throws out brilliant one-liners during her scene with Ralph Long (as the sideburned Hyde): "I can't believe I'm messing up my hair for you!" Best of all, she's Missy Stone, and she's unbelievably hot. No surprises there.

Being attracted to Rachel Love as Kitty? That was a surprise. There's something magical about watching Red's Korean War veteran angst come bubbling to the surface as he fucks his wife with a grimace. Like any man would, he comes early and walks off to grab a sandwich. While he's gone, Hyde comes in, shrugs, and helps Kitty finish.

When the funny is on, it's really on, and it blurs the line between accuracy and arousal. Hyde is a notorious mooch, so it seems natural for him to swoop up the sloppy seconds that Red leaves lying on the couch. When the gang is smoking pot in the basement, the camera pans from stoned face to gaping jaw. There's even a theme song that bears a striking resemblance to the original! Lee Roy Myers nailed it. The attention to detail warms the heart of the most nitpicky fan. Even I'm willing to forgive their trespasses against pubic hair.

John Madden’s Penis Delightfully Absent From “Not Monday Night Football XXX”

Ottimo Massimo — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 17:00:00 EDT

Perhaps XPlay was concerned about offending fans? We personally would've been stoked to finally see Howard Cosell's little monkey.

Not Monday Night Football XXX

Studio: XPlay
Director: Will Ryder
Cast: Angelina Armani, Lela Star, Sarah Vandella, Layla Rivera, Jaelyn Fox, Jessica Bangkok, Britney Stevens, Ashlyn Rae, Alyssa Reece, Topanga Fox, Ally Ann, Yurizan Beltran, Amia Miley, Tatum Pierce, Delila Darling, Cindy Jones, Mai Ly, Sophie Dee, Laci Laine, Rick Madrid, Billy Goodrich, Lee Bang, Evan Stone, Thomas Ward, Scott Lyons, Eric John, Kris Slater

It's one thing to parody a sitcom, but parodying an American institution like Monday Night Football requires both a solid sense of humor as well as serious focus on fucking. The challenge for XPlay is even greater with this parody because there are no protagonists to ground the plot, and no classic conflicts to spice up with sex. As a result, "Not Monday Night Football XXX" features an amalgamation of sportscasting legends doing what makes them memorable.

Rick Madrid plays the staccato-voiced Howard Cosell, who commands the preview show that the film is based around. He is joined by John Madden, played by Billy Goodrich, who spends time with fans, draws on the telestrator, and pimps tough-actin' Tinactin.

True to life, celebrities stop by to plug their latest projects/remind us of their scandals. OJ Simpson has his future read (keep in mind this is the 80s OJ), causing the fortune teller to flee the scene. Bill Cosby (manned by the same Thomas Ward who starred in "Not The Cosbys XXX") shows up as well, followed by a furious Laci Laine who demands Cosby leave his wife for her.

Although these allusions provide amusing intermissions from sex, they feel more like piecemeal potshots and less like parodies of the events they reference. Poking fun at the gimmicky, self-serving habits of a major network is clever, but without a strong, over-arching plot to center the jokes, the parody becomes a gimmick itself.

And like most parody porn, there's a clear distinction between the amusing and the arousing. There was one instance of Madden using the telestrator to discuss his favorite things about Angelina Armani (boobs, eyes, long, flowing hair), but it would've been doubly as funny to see him narrate an instant replay, telestrating the path of Eric John's cock as four cheerleaders tackle him in the locker room. Perhaps a "BAM!" or two would've been appropriate.

But there really isn't much to complain about. The simple fact that seventeen girls cram into five separate scenes is a daunting feat. With such an enormous cast, one might wonder how parody prince Will Ryder manages to coach this dreamteam to glory.

The answer? Teamwork: four gals for every gent, and no one hits the sidelines when the action is on. There's no showboating, no ball hogging, and the fans go wild for every play (seriously, there's non-stop cheering). Also, since every sex scene features a POV moment, viewers at home get to feel like they're part of the team! The sportsmanship is simply awe-inspiring.

Of course, there are a few star players. Evan Stone and Angelina Armani have the only one-on-one scene as the legendary quarterback Manhattan Joe and some floozy. He helps her get her foot in the door as a sideline reporter, so she helps him get his cock in her mouth.

"Well if I'm gonna taste your cock," she says, "I want you to taste my pussy." See? Teamwork.

Also exciting is the fact that Yurizan Beltran has her first non-solo scene. Yurizan, Lela Star, Mai Ly, and Alyssa Reece get bored watching the game at home, so they decide to ditch the remote and grab the vibrators. Even though it's her first time, Yurizan gives it 110% and really goes deep. I sincerely hope she continues this sociable trend.

The general mindset for parody pornographers seems to be "What if this show had hardcore sex in it?" Unfortunately, the finished product presents the question "What if this hardcore sex had jokes near it?" And while it's smart to unite the eternally homosocial institutions of pornography and sports, it's important to make sure they play together well. Perhaps "Not Monday Night Football XXX" could've used a couple more scrimmages before hitting the field.

And now I'm out of football puns.

The Hustler Porn Parody Train Keeps On Chuggin'

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 13:30:01 EDT

Been hoping that the craze for porn parodies would die down soon? Keep hoping. Later this year, Hustler will be releasing "This Ain't Happy Days XXX 2" and "This Ain't Beverly Hills 90210 XXX"—and that's not all.

Already announced for 2010: "This Ain't Laverne & Shirley XXX," "This Ain't Charmed XXX," "This Ain't MacGuyver XXX," "This Ain't TJ Hooker XXX," and "This Ain't Fantasy Island XXX." We can't wait to see the kinds of gadgets XXX MacGuyver whips up. (Is he going to have to get a girl off with nothing but a paper clip, rubber band, and some duct tape?)

· Hustler Video In Production With New Parodies! (hustlerworld.com)

"70s Show XXX": Sex, Jugs, And Rock 'N Roll

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 16:30:01 EDT

Last week, we gave you a sneak peek of some of the action from "70s Show: A XXX Parody." This week, we've got a hold of the trailer—so now we actually know the plot.

The trailer definitely gives off the feel of "That 70's Show"—and though we're a little miffed that Bob and Midge seemed to have been kicked to the curb, there's enough in the trailer to keep us excited and interested.

Oh, and the best surprise of all? Fez gets laid.

· "70's Show: A XXX Parody" (70sshowxxxparody.com)

"Jon And Kate Plus Eight" Gets Its Own Porn Parody

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 17:30:01 EDT

From the people who brought you "Coctomom": "John and Kate Fuck Eight." Yes, they went there (and we really wish they hadn't). (avn.com)

"Not Married With Children XXX": An Abundance Of Kelly Bundy

Gram Ponante — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 11:30:01 EDT

Thank God the novelty wore off. We are finally in a time when we can confidently say that there are good porn parodies and bad ones. And "Not Married with Children XXX" is a great porn parody.

Not Married with Children XXX

Studio: XPlay
Director: Will Ryder
Cast: Eric Swiss, Brittany O'Connell, Kagney Linn Karter, Dino Bravo, Dane Cross, India Summer, Brad Hardy, Madison Scott, Brooke Belle, Alyssa Hall, Emy Reyes, Reno, Kora Cummings, Payton Leigh, Barrett Blade, Nick Manning

Review by: Gram Ponante

"Not Married with Children XXX" is just about the perfect porn parody in that all the things you found frustrating about the 90's-era Fox show on which it is based (Christina Applegate not getting naked, a certain curiosity about the nakedness of Katey Sagal) come miraculously to pass in its dirty adaptation.

Kagney Linn Karter, Brittany O'Connell, and especially Eric Swiss are perfectly cast as Kelly, Peg, and Al Bundy, respectively, and the source material that for many typified all that was bad about the newish Fox Network ("The Simpsons" parodied "Married with Children" by showing Al Bundy flushing a toilet to a laugh track) actually works in a porn setting.

Eric Swiss as Al Bundy is pretty amazing. He looks genuinely slovenly and one-ups last month's "Not the Cosbys XXX" star Thomas Ward in that he actually has sex. But both are spot-on impersonations and, like "Cosby," "Not Married with Children XXX" features a script that is just as good (or bad) as the original.

As adept as screenwriter Jeff Mullen has become at aping sitcom dialogue, co-producer Scott David admirably recreates the "Married with Children" set, and is especially accurate with the costumes for the Bundy family. Kagney Linn Karter, for example, looks every bit the approachable whore that Christina Applegate's Kelly was.

The plot concerns Al's attempt to become king of his shoe store, Bud (Dane Cross)'s marginalization in the family, and Kelly's dalliances with the wrong kind of men. In other words, this is a plot and script that would have been perfect for the Ed O'Neill version.

Some of the mainstream programs the Porno-Industrial Complex is choosing to parody are so obscure (and, just as often, unknown to the teenagers performing in them) that it's a possibility that a broadcast network show could be developed from the cleaned up porn parody of a forgotten 90's sitcom. If Fox picked up 22 episodes of "Not Married with Children XXX," I would watch it.

The Porn Parody Wave Keeps Rolling On And On

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 16:45:00 EDT

New Sensations has just announced plans for four new parodies: "Cheers," "Buffy," "Lost," and "True Blood." Yes, the last one is redundant.

· Thumbnail: Lizzy Caplan is actual "True Blood" porn

"70s Show - A XXX Parody": A First Look

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 13:00:00 EDT

While we were busy obsessing over "30 Rock - A XXX Parody" and "The Sex Files - A Dark XXX Parody," New Sensations was working hard to put out yet another parody porn masterpiece: "70s Show: A XXX Parody."

The feature streets on September 21 (less than three weeks away!), and though we don't know the exact details of the plot (except that it seems to involve lots of sex, lots of weed, and a Kiss show), or just what wacky, sexy adventure the gang will get up to, we do have this awesome photo set. And let us just tell you: it looks super, duper hot. And we are loving some of the porn doppelgangers they've lined up: Rachel Love makes an impeccable Kitty, and Ralph Long—who's been everyone from "30 Rock"'s Pete to the janitor from "Scrubs"—seems simply born to play Hyde.

After seeing these photos, there's really only one question left in our minds: how, exactly, are we supposed to wait 19 days to see this movie?

New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Donna (Brooke Banner)New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Donna (Brooke Banner) and Eric (Patrick J. Knight)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Donna (Brooke Banner) and Eric (Patrick J. Knight)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Donna (Brooke Banner) and Eric (Patrick J. Knight)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Donna (Brooke Banner) and Eric (Patrick J. Knight)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Laurie (Ashlynn Brooke) and Kelso (Anthony Rosano)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Laurie (Ashlynn Brooke) and Kelso (Anthony Rosano)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Laurie (Ashlynn Brooke) and Kelso (Anthony Rosano)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Laurie (Ashlynn Brooke) and Kelso (Anthony Rosano)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Donna (Brooke Banner) and the roadies (Justin Magnum, Bo Banner, and Ethan Cage)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Donna (Brooke Banner) and the roadies (Justin Magnum, Bo Banner, and Ethan Cage)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Donna (Brooke Banner) and the roadies (Justin Magnum, Bo Banner, and Ethan Cage)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Hyde (Ralph Long) and Jackie (Missy Stone)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Jackie (Missy Stone)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Jackie (Missy Stone) and Hyde (Ralph Long)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Jackie (Missy Stone) and Hyde (Ralph Long)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Jackie (Missy Stone) and Hyde (Ralph Long)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
>Kitty (Rachel Love)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Kitty (Rachel Love) and Red (Steve Smith)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Kitty (Rachel Love) and Red (Steve Smith)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Kitty (Rachel Love) and Hyde (Ralph Long)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Pam (Kaci Starr)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Pam (Kaci Starr)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Pam (Kaci Starr)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Pam (Kaci Starr)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)

I Want To Go To There: "30 Rock - A XXX Parody"

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 17:00:01 EDT

As devoted fans of both "30 Rock" and the pornographic arts, we were rather excited for the release of "30 Rock - A XXX Parody." Well, excited and scared. We've witnessed enough parody disasters to know what could go wrong.

"30 Rock - A XXX Parody" is not an unparalleled success, but it's not a disaster, either: in the spectrum of porno parodies, it falls squarely in the middle. There's a lot that's good about the release, but there are also several areas in which in falls flat—and though it certainly gets the vibe of the show, one doesn't come to the, ahem, climax feeling as those we've just watched an episode of "30 Rock"—but with sex!

First and foremost, the release packs a serious punch with some all-star sex scenes. Really, who among you would turn down the opportunity to watch Lisa Ann take on James Deen? Or—bless our souls—Erik Everhard teaming up with Rebeca Linares and Lana Violet...at the same time? Or Ashlynn Brooke doing anything? The sheer quality of performers included in this release is a wonder to behold—but really, that's only to be expected.

Secondly, the plot—and set ups—are reasonably "30 Rock"-esque. Seeking to improve ratings on "The Chic Show," Jake decides the sketches need to be sexed up (an idea inspired by sex with his girlfriend Alicia). Frustrated by Trey's limelight-hogging, Jenny tries to convince writer Fred to feature her in a really good sketch (and by convince, we mean seduce). Peter fantasizes about the scantily-clad Cherry. Liz falls, once more, for her loser ex-boyfriend's charms. And Ken—well, we'll get to that in a second.

The humor is also reasonably "30 Rock"-esque. Though he's no Tracy Morgan (uh, who is?), Bishop turns in a good performance as Trey, with more than a few jokes that made us laugh. (Want an idea of what we're talking about? A good deal of the jokes make it into the trailer—so if that's all you want, check that out on the feature's website.)

And, of course, we have to give New Sensations props for incorporating secondary characters (especially Alicia/Elisa) into the plot, rather than simply inventing women to fill in the plans. Well, except for in Ken's sex scene...but we'll get to that in a second.

So, yes: Ken's sex scene, which caps off the release, was probably our biggest disappointment—at least in terms of the porno actually bearing some resemblance to "30 Rock," the show. Without going into too much detail, Ken's sex scene is a dream sequence, once in which Ken fantasizes that he's actually Erik Everhard banging two girls named Stephanie and Nancy. Now, there's nothing wrong with watching Mr. Everhard do what he does best, but he's no Kenneth Parcell.

Why'd New Sensations decide to take that tack? Simple, really: Paul Woodcrest, the performer playing Ken, is actually an adult director—and though he was more than happy to lend his boyish charm to the character of Ken, he wasn't quite ready to make his debut as a porn performer. The same goes for Bishop (hence the lack of any "Werewolf Bar Mitzvah" fantasy sex scene—you know they were totally thinking about it).

At the end of it all, we found ourselves questioning whether one could make a "30 Rock" porn that really, really worked. After all, the things that make "30 Rock" really work are counter to the things that make a porno really work: part of the fun of "30 Rock" is the running joke that—somehow, in spite of herself—Liz never gets laid. Does seeing Lisa Ann's Liz Limon getting done hard take away from that?

We'll have to get back to you on that one. Right after we finish watching Erik Everhard giving it to these two chicks.

Bishop, Herschel Savage, Lisa Ann, Ashlynn Brooke, and Paul Woodcrest
"30 Rock - A XXX Parody" (30rockxxx.com)
Ralph Long
"30 Rock - A XXX Parody" (30rockxxx.com)
Ralph Long and Amy Reid
"30 Rock - A XXX Parody" (30rockxxx.com)
Ralph Long and Amy Reid
"30 Rock - A XXX Parody" (30rockxxx.com)
Lisa Ann
"30 Rock - A XXX Parody" (30rockxxx.com)
Lisa Ann and James Deen
"30 Rock - A XXX Parody" (30rockxxx.com)
Lisa Ann and James Deen
"30 Rock - A XXX Parody" (30rockxxx.com)
Rebeca Linares, Paul Woodcrest, and Lana Violet
"30 Rock - A XXX Parody" (30rockxxx.com)
Rebeca Linares
"30 Rock - A XXX Parody" (30rockxxx.com)
Lisa Ann and Bishop
"30 Rock - A XXX Parody" (30rockxxx.com)
Evie Delatosso and Herschel Savage
"30 Rock - A XXX Parody" (30rockxxx.com)
Chris Cannon
"30 Rock - A XXX Parody" (30rockxxx.com)
Ashlynn Brooke
"30 Rock - A XXX Parody" (30rockxxx.com)
Ashlynn Brooke and Chris Cannon
"30 Rock - A XXX Parody" (30rockxxx.com)
Rebeca Linares, Erik Everhard, and Lana Violet
"30 Rock - A XXX Parody" (30rockxxx.com)

"Not Married With Children XXX": Yes, They Went There

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 17:30:01 EDT

On the redeye from LA to NYC, we found ourselves watching old episodes of "Married With Children" (what else is on at 5am?). As a result, we feel properly primed for X-Play's "Not Married With Children XXX."

Based solely on the trailer above, we're thinking this looks pretty promising: Eric Swiss makes an excellent Al Bundy (and, since it's Eric Swiss, we presume he's an Al Bundy who'll actually fuck), and the rest of the cast is pretty spot on.

We have no idea what's up with the music, though. (Seriously, who thought that was a good idea?)

· "Not Married With Children XXX" (notmarriedwithchildrenxxx.com)

Get Ready For "TMSleaze"

DCypher — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 16:00:00 EDT

It almost seems like it took too long for someone to come up with this. With no further ado, we give you the scoop on 3rd Degree's new release "TMSleaze."

New kids on the block Spock Buckton & Brian Bangs have big brass balls to mess with Harvey Levin, who cut his teeth on law in the mean streets of Chitown (and the O.C.) before working his way up to the People's Court and eventually taking the Thirty Mile Zone to FOX Television. These days Levin (affably spoofed by America's Most Beloved Male Porn Star—Ron Jeremy) seems more bullet proof than ever. With his tireless team of paparazzi endlessly digging for even the most trivial dirt on celebrities, he wields a powerful army who can easily probe into the life of an average blogger turned pornographer and make their life a living hell if he feels even the least bit slighted.

Still that daunting detail didn't stop the Popporn duo from satirizing the perpetually thirsty mogul's show—as well as going after American Idol, Eminem, Lindsey Lohan, Mel Gibson, Spencer Pratt, Heidi Montag, Amy Winehouse, Nicolette Sheridan, Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, and Tony Romo—to name a few. Together with Quasarman they created an alternate universe porn equivalent that is at least as much fun to watch for the sex as it is for the lampooning.

In a world where porn parodies of popular television series are being fabricated faster than the reality television shows they emulate, creating an outlandish caricature of your subject has become the most essential component of the genre, with sex value often falling a distant second to casting requirements and incessantly distracting dialogue. The 3rd Degree team allots equal gravity to both, making a compelling show that brings the fuck action to the max while remaining epically entertaining.

Francesca Le, Tori Black, Brynn Tyler, Faye Reagan, and Anthony Rosano do all the hard work, while crossover stars Lisa Ann and Joanna Angel make guest appearances that don't involve seeing them pounded hard in their beautiful holes.

Seriously people, this thing is funny and hawt. You're going to have to check it out when it releases on August 25 to find out more, but for now, take a good long look at these snaps and satisfy your guilty pleasures.

TMSleaze (tmsleaze.com)

"This Ain't Saved By The Bell"—The Liveblog

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 12:30:01 EDT

Dying to know more about the porn epic that is "This Ain't Saved by the Bell XXX"? Of course you are. And Hustler is dying to tell you more about the project: that's why they're liveblogging the filming.

Yesterday was the first day, and the liveblog has already revealed Scott Stone's "Zach" hair, the return of The Max, and—most shockingly of all—which performer was outfitted with a prosthetic nose (any guesses?). The Hustler team will be keeping us posted of updates throughout the rest of the filming...stay tuned for more shocking revelations!

· Live blogging: This Ain't Saved by the Bell XXX Day 1 (hustlerworld.com)

"This Ain't Saved By The Bell XXX" Vs. "Saved By The Bell": A Comparison

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 11:30:01 EDT

Have you heard the news about "Saved by the Bell"? No, we're not talking about that lame reunion...we're talking about the "Saved by the Bell" porno that Hustler's been hard at work on.

As per usual, we've secured a copy of the porno cast list, and have compared the originals to their doppelgangers to see how everyone stacks up. Your thoughts?

Zack: Mark-Paul Gosselaar
XXX Zack: Scott Stone

Kelly: Tiffani Thiessen
XXX Kelly: Ashlyn Rae

Jessie: Elizabeth Berkley
XXX Jessie: Missy Stone

Lisa: Lark Voorhies
XXX Lisa: Misty Stone

Slater: Mario Lopez
XXX Slater: Mikey Butders

Screech: Dustin Diamond
XXX Screech: Ralph Long

Mr. Belding: Dennis Haskins
XXX Mr. Belding: Eric John

Requisite additional female characters:

Jennifer: Ally Ann

Cheerleader: Nicole Ray

Nerdy Girl: April O'Neal

We, for one, are sad to see that Evan Stone did not make the cut. We're not sure what he would have played, but we would have loved to see a Scott-Missy-Misty-Evan Stone quadfecta (or would that make the earth explode?).

· This Ain't Saved by the Bell XXX Cast List (hustlerworld.com)

Everybody Fucks Lucy (In The Ass)

DCypher — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 17:00:00 EDT

One of the first (not to mention most famous and successful) situation comedies of all time, "I Love Lucy," has finally made its way down the parody slaughter mill and onto the bloody dissection table to be hacked up.

Yes, LFP has finally gone and done it, handing down a parody worthy of outrage and indignation with the release of "Everybody Loves Lucy," due out next week.

Jerome Tanner (or as he's better known to his porn mafia associates, "Ace Up His Sleeve" Jerry T) is the hack, err, hacksaw at the helm. Through his perverse juvenile jibs he slaughters one of America's most beloved shows, completely desecrating the female icon of television comedy in the crassest way imaginable with his raunchy take on our favorite redhead. Everything from aliens to tattoos make its way into his skewed comically pornographic reinvention—and he even insisted on creating a 'black&white' viewing option for people who wanted to fantasize that they were really watching the original sitcom. Can you believe the balls on this guy?

Real life husband and wife duo Otto & Audrey play Ricky & Lucy, while Chennin Blanc stands in for vaudevillian Ethyl and comedian Frank Bukkwyd plays her hubby Fred. Audrey Hollander merrily endures an explicit range of obscene sex acts, from double head to DVDA, and throws in some threeway sex and a lesbian encounter to round out the title's promise. In all honesty, it's nothing new for Audrey. She's no stranger to taking everything and the kitchen sink up her fine white ass. And she really does look quite a bit like Lucy when you pull her hair up (which, we're told, is how they came up with the idea in the first place).

Not satisfied with just giving the consumer a simple parody, LFP went ahead and threw in some extra scenes from movies like "Stripper School Orgy" and "Teen Cream." Thanks, Uncle Larry! Like a creepy touchy uncle with a pocket full of candy, you know the way to our hearts and into our pants.

"Everybody Loves Lucy" releases next week from LFP Hustler, but you can see what they did to our beloved Lucy now, in the pictures below. No word yet on when they'll demolish "The Honeymooners"—but stay tuned, because someone most certainly will.

Buy "Everybody Loves Lucy" (gamelink.com)
Hustler Video (hustlervideo.com)

"Hustler’s Untrue Hollywood Stories" Starts With Lindsay Lohan

DCypher — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 15:00:00 EDT

We're not sure whose idea it was to go after starlets by blessing them with their own sex parodies, but it's pretty goddamn brilliant if you ask us. This is going to be good.

Perennial parody machine Hustler seems like the perfect place to put out a series called "Hustler's Untrue Hollywood Storie"— and Lindsay Lohan's public image, the precocious spoiled child actress turned luscious bisexually adventurous wild child, makes her the perfect target to launch this hilarious series. Sorry Paris, but lovely little Lilo was the first in your crew to publicly go gay. Don't worry, though—we're certain that your very own volume (and seven sparkling sequels) can't be far behind.

Scarlett Fay, Nicole Ray, Sadie Swede, Dylan Ryan, Rocco Reed, and Eden Adams help flesh out the hilarity of well known popular news gossip items from the last few years along with unsubstantiated rumors. Everything from the Marilyn Monroe photo shoot to her fleeting friendship with Paris to her whirlwind lesbian romance with DJ Samantha Ronson gets covered here—in full detail and then some. The Hedgehog himself, Ron Jeremy, even makes a special surprise celebrity groping appearance.

It's been a while since we've seen Jimmy D, the director behind the series, in action, but we're glad to know he's still in the mix. Not only is he a capable (albeit low key) director, he's also one of the best cameramen working in the industry. (And—fun fact!—he was also one of the first people to ever blog about the adult entertainment industry from inside the business.) We wish him a productive and happy run with this series.

"Hustler's Untrue Hollywood Stories: Lindsay Lohan" comes out soon. Sit back, check the gallery, and watch the lawsuits fly!

Ashlynn Brooke Is Sexy In (Or Out Of) "Scrubs"

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 12:00:00 EDT

Though a show like "Scrubs" may not have the emotional resonance of, say, childhood classics like "The Cosby Show" and "The Brady Bunch," it still manages to translate well (and erotically) to the porno screen.

Observe: Ellie, DJ, and The Ted united together in a holy trinity (as it were). Is that true to the show or what? (And if you say what, well, it's still really hot.)

· Buy "Scrubs - A XXX Parody" (gamelink.com)
· Scrubs XXX (scrubsxxx.com)

*****

Previously: The Doctor Is In: "Scrubs - A XXX Parody"

Hustler "Loves Lucy" (And So Does Everyone Else)

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 14:30:01 EDT

It had to happen eventually: Hustler's a releasing a sitcom porn parody with not one "This Ain't" or "Not The" in the title. "Everybody Loves Lucy" streets this August, with Audrey Hollander and Otto Bauer as Lucy and Ricky.

How true is it to the original, you ask? Hustler's actually releasing the feature in black and white (just like the show!)...though if that's a little too true to the original for you, there's the option to watch it in full color, too.

· "Everybody Loves Lucy" (hustlerworld.com)

Football Parody Porn Set To Change The Way You View John Madden

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 12:30:01 EDT

And now for something completely bizarre: X-Play has just announced the upcoming release of "Not Monday Night Football XXX." Well, with all those tight ends going deep, it was bound to happen eventually.

What's the vision for this soon-to-be-released porn epic, you ask? Director Will Ryder (of course) puts it this way: "We're combining the best of the Barely Legal girls with football and hilarious legendary TV announcers all in one classic sex comedy that will appeal to fans everywhere." Also some sort of rip in space-time allows announcers from multiple eras to join together in porny, footbally goodness. And who says porn is out of ideas?

· X-Play (allmediaplay.com)

Hustler Takes On Lindsay Lohan In An "Untrue Hollywood Story"

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 16:30:01 EDT

With Lindsay Lohan quickly becoming a parody of herself, it seems only natural that she would end up the subject of a parody porn. Enter "Hustler's Untrue Hollywood Stories: Lindsay Lohan."

Starring the very LiLo-esque Scarlett Fay, the feature follows Lindsay through all her ups and downs: the Marilyn Monroe photo shoot, the relationship (and break up) with Sam Ronson, her stint as Paris Hilton's BFF... and lots of sex, drugs, and more sex (this is a porno, after all).

· Hustler's Untrue Hollywood Stories: Lindsay Lohan (hustlerworld.com)