. . .

· Video (xtube.com, via theblemish.com)

OK, so we totally tried to downplay the significance of that Olivia Mojica sex tape when we heard about it this morning despite TMZ's "source" (read: Vivid shill) who told them that it was "the nastiest tape I've ever seen", mostly because (1) after that whole Antonella Barba business, our interest has waned when it comes to the sex lives of "Amercian Idol" contestants, especially ones who were kicked off the show two four years ago, and (2) after that whole Kim Kardashian business, our lingering disappointment has led us to declare a moratorium on talking about any sex tapes involving celebrities below, say, Britney Spears' or Linda Hunt's order of magnitude. Still, since a full-fledged promotional website hawking the tape's release mysteriously launched this morning less than a day after TMZ alerted everyone that it existed in the first place, we can't really compromise our status as a website of record if we didn't say something about it here. We promise that's all you'll be hearing from us about it from now on. (Unless, of course, it really does turn out to be really nasty when it's released on May 3, in which case we'll have no choice but to tell you all the juicy details. You know we can never keep things from you where hot porn is concerned.)

· Olivia Mojica Hardcore Idol (video preview and release info @ hardcoreidol.com)
· Vivid (vivid.com)

Previously: DVD Review: Everything You Wanted To Know About "Kim Kardashian, Superstar" But Were Afraid To Watch, Update: American Idol Contestant Not As Slutty As Advertised

In high school, we never hung out in the smoking area, but at last night's XRCO (X-Rated Rated Critics Organization) Awards at Forbidden CIty on Hollywood and Vine we did, missing in our truancy Hillary Scott's capture of, like, every award, including both "Orgasmic Oralist" AND "Orgasmic Analist" as well as the High Jump trophy from the Bogue Chitto Regional School Authority Athletic Banquet several states away.

Other Fleshbot faves picked up awards, including Mika Tan, Janine, and someone named Belladonna.

Blame our missing the show on Michelle Aston and Adrianna Nicole (pictured), who should know we have a goddamn job to do. - GP

· 2006 XRCO Awards Winners (xrco.com)
· "XRCO Night: A Night to rememb..." (gramponante.com)

Will Kim Kardashian be the new Vivid-Alt contract girl? Will she appear on Showtime having girly pillow fights with Dana DeArmond, Charlotte Stokely, and Sunny Leone? Is the complete movie title ("Kim Kardashian, Superstar featuring Hip Hop Star Ray J") the porn version of "Scandal Featuring Patty Smyth" or the band that did "Head to Toe"? Do we actually see the star of this porn movie naked in this porn movie?

The answer, after the gap, is "Nope!" - GP

- - -

Kim Kardashian, Superstar featuring Hip Hop Star Ray J

Studio: Vivid
Director: Ray J.
Cast: Kim Kardashian, Ray J.

Review by Gram Ponante

The only reason I watched this movie was because I personally like full-figured Armenian women under 30. Everything else, which means the marketing and "Kim Kardashian, Superstar" et al. itself, is a waste of time.

As porn movies go, KKSFHHSRJ fails on two levels. In that both Kim and Ray J acknowledge the audience (Kim: "No aerial shots, please"), it is a gonzo movie. But even the worst gonzo directors don't feature the camera strap more than the star. Vivid recently released the "news" that Ray J was offered a directing contract. Should Eon McKai, Paul Thomas, and Laurent Sky start throwing in boom shadows to keep time with the company's new direction?

It also fails as a sex movie, because we don't see nearly enough of the purported star. Kardashian is camera-shy, never fully nude, and always in bed. The tease never arrives at a payoff—and by the time the movie is over, we don't care.

As a porn performer, if not a director, Ray J has a future. He's got a big dick and he brings Kim off with his mouth. At the very least, we have an idea that she's not faking it. The couple also have good chemistry, though not good enough for Kim to take her bra off or for Ray J not to sell the tape.

The viewer is left with very valid comparisons: At least Tommy and Pam were in the sunlight on a boat. At least Paris got filmed by the Mossad. At least Tom Sizemore can rap.

We don't yet know the real story behind how the Kardashian tape got into Vivid's hands. We'll get the data eventually. But even that curiosity is not enough to make this movie worth its hype.

Compare this to another high-profile Vivid project, the World of Wonder/Showtime series "Debbie Does Dallas...Again". While blatantly contrived with real people playing stock reality show characters, the series is very engaging, satisfying and titillating. And the movie it is marketing will undoubtedly do well and hit all the marks a feature porn needs to. If WOW producers Fenton Bailey and Randy Barbato did a documentary on how the Kim Kardashian video ended up in the hands of a soon-to-be-disappointed public, that bit of supplementary material might make up for the lack of boobs in the video.

Now Lisa Lisa And Cult Jam with Full Force ... that would be a good sex tape.

· Vivid (vivid.com)
· "Vivid Does Kim...Again" (gramponante.com)
· Buy "Kim Kardashian Superstar" @ Gamelink | Adult DVD Empire

Previously: Everything Else About Kim Kardashian on Fleshbot, Porn Valley Dispatch Archive

· In a move that surprises no one, Kim Kardashian is helping to promote planning to sue Vivid over the sex tape she totally had nothing to do with and says she's "disappointed" and "confused" about the whole thing—unlike everyone else who saw this coming from the get-go. (avn.com; see also "Buy the Clothes off Kim Kardashian's Rack" @ Gridskipper)

· Playboy is planning to sell digital copies of all its back issues on DVD, which will make it a lot easier to hide them under your mattress. (money.cnn.com)

· Six people are arrested in Florida after a wet t-shirt contest becomes a no t-shirt contest. Police say their alibi just doesn't hold water. (local6.com)

· An Australian professor is having a hard time proving that a painting at her university belongs to her, even though it's her bare ass in the picture. Somebody better get to the bottom of this! (OK, we'll stop with the bad puns for the day.) (guardian.co.uk)

· A man in Idaho is arrested with 244 pairs of underwear he stole from local female college students, and contain enough fabric to completely cover three entire asses. (kpvi.com)

· So China has a centralized economy and restrictions on the press, but they don't have a ratings system for movies? How are kids supposed to know which films to sneak into? (onelocalnews.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

If Kim "I don't need the money" Kardashian herself isn't directly responsible for the impending release of that sex video that was the main subject of tabloid fodder this week until Anna Nicole came along (er, went away) and stole all her thunder, she should at least be glad that whoever is behind it is doing an exemplary job of doling out bits and bobs to ensure that interest in the subject remains acute. Alas, there's none of the alleged golden showering in any of the PG-13 teasers that have "leaked" out since Vivid announced that the full "30 minutes of explicit sex" version hits stores on February 28, but we're sure it's just a matter of time before the sounds of millions of fingers drumming on desktops while waiting for RapidShare downloads to queue reaches a thundering crescendo. In the meantime, let's remind ourselves once again not to get our hopes up too much; after all, have we already forgotten that even the promise of some hot Dirty Sanchez action isn't all it's cracked up to be where C-list celebrity sex tapes are concerned?

· "I am - Kim Kardashian's Sex Tape of the Day" (drunkenstepfather.com)
· "EXCLUSIVE! Kim K and Ray J Sex Tape Clip" (WOW Report)

Previously: Kim Kardashian, "Superstar", Wet Spots: Hot Celebrity Blindsiding Action!

Maybe we're just getting jaded in our old age, but for some reason a celebrity sex tape just isn't as fun or exciting when it has the tacit permission of the parties involved to be distributed and stretches the definition of "celebrity" to begin with—both of which might be the case with the already hyped Kim Kardashian romp with hip-hop r&b star Ray J, which Vivid announced late yesterday it had paid $1 million to a "third party" for distrubution rights and which will hit the file sharing method of your choice stores soon. Since we doubt a company like Vivid would risk selling something like this without having the necessary 2257 documentation on hand, there's the sneaking suspicion that Kim might be in full cahoots with its distribution process, which kind of takes the edge off everything as far as we're concerned. But if that turns out to be the case, don't think for a moment that she's doing it for the money: as she told the Daily News last month, "I'm not poor; I'm not desperate. I would never attempt to sell a tape. It would humiliate me and ruin my family. I have two successful businesses, and I don't need the money." And when it comes to something that will both increase her name recognition value and give her something else in common with BFF Paris Hilton besides being famous for dubious reasons ... well, you can't put a price on that either.

· Kim Kardashian Superstar, Featuring Ray J. (kimksuperstar.com)
· "Vivid Acquires Kim Kardashian Sex Tape for $1 Million" (AVN)
· "OH, KIM! SEX TAPE SNEAKS OUT" (Page Six)
· Kardashian Trailer Video (Metacafe)
Previously: Morning Wood: Another Look at Kim Kardashian

Its contents may be long past the point of being safely confined to that storage locker, but that didn't stop certain parties concerned about the unbesmirched public image of America's favorite heiress-next-door from taking legal action to shut down ParisExposed.com, which despite our repeated attempts to access it over the weekend (=twice) seems to have been knocked offline*—thus depriving legions of curious suckers fans who ponied up the $39.97 subscription fee their credit card-given right to peruse further video clips of Paris' love nubbins and fat dudes covered in mountains of cocaine on a monthly basis.* Chief among Paris' champions is "Girls Gone Wild" czar and acknowledged compass of moral rectitude Joe Francis, who expressed his deep personal pain in a New York Post interview last Friday: "We're pissed and I feel for Paris right now. She's been victimized yet again ... These guys have absolutely no right to use the images, they flat-out put them on the Web with no permission. He messed with the wrong person." Given Mr. Francis' eminent authority when it comes to defending the honor of young women everywhere, we have no choice but to respect his position and promise to put the whole sordid manner behind us as we wish Paris all the best for a bright, wholesome tomorrow. After all, it's not like all those Google caches are going to stay around forever, you know.

· "'DEVASTATED' HEIRHEAD AND EX WILL SUE" (NY Post)
· "Paris Hilton and Joe Francis in Legal Fight to Take Down parisexposed.com" (hollywoodgrind.com - thanks Rick)
· See also: "I am - More Paris Exposed Shit of the Day" (drunkenstepfather.com)

*Update According to a "members newsletter" forwarded to us by a Fleshbot operative, the folks at ParisExposed.com have been busy doing some houskeeping of their own: "We spent the last few hours upgrading our networks and increasing our bandwidth and speed. We have just completed our system updates and our site is up and running ... faster than ever! Please visit http://85.17.61.101 to LOGIN and ACCESS your account." Guess that means Paris will be staying besmirched for at least a little while longer.

Previously: Update: Paris Hilton Still Exposed, Paris (Over)Exposed, Again

As we predicted, it didn't take long for clips from the recently launched ParisExposed.com to start appearing (and already getting pulled from) file sharing sites like RapidShare, though it's a testament to the increasing convenience with which these sorts of things are passed around that it took less than 24 hours for them to make the jump from paysite property to common currency instead of the week or so we had to suffer through back in 2003 when the sight of Paris' boobs was something new and exciting.

From what we've seen so far—a cache of eight clips from the members' area of ParisExposed.com—the savvy marketing geniuses at the site seem to be meting out the content in dribs and drabs: all that's apparently available so far are a couple of videos of Paris flashing her bits hither and yon as well as a longer clip of Paris and then boyfriend Jason Shaw rolling around toplessly in bed, during which time Paris shows off a necklace proclaiming her to be Jason's property (did that wind up in the storage facility as well?) and demonstrates her already lauded tampon-smoking skills. No hardcore action to speak of, and nothing we haven't really seen before. So is it worth spending that $39.97 to see whether things get more interesting? Possibly. But it also doesn't look like we'll have to.

· ParisExposed.com: "Bed Buddy" and "Bath" Screencaps (Fleshbot Gallery)
· Paris (Over)Exposed Again (Fleshbot)

It's like 2003 all over again (or maybe 2005; we tend to lose track of these things): Yesterday saw the launch of ParisExposed.com, a website which, yes, exposes the contents of a $208 a month storage facility which the Hilton family coffers somehow forgot to pay for and which yielded a trove of miscellania that someone apparently thinks is worth charging visitors $39.97 to see, including Paris' old passports, correspondence, and home videos in which she shows cooch-flashers-come-lately like Britney Spears the real way to stay in the public eye once your notoriety has started to dim. So if you can't get enough of the sight of Paris getting her boob licked or her and her friends smoking weed and allegedly snorting a kilo of coke off a naked dude's torso, you may want to consider ponying up for the privilege; hopefully you'll have better luck accessing the members' area of the site than we did. (Or we can all just wait another few days for the contents to start appearing via the usual venues on the interweb, which we'll do our best to keep you updated about here. After all, we've waited this long.)

· Paris Exposed (membership tour @ parisexposed.com; see also preview video @ retroskank.com)

Previously: Paris Hilton's Sidekick Photos, Paris Steals "Paris", Paris Buys "Paris", "1 Night In Paris" Review, PHST: The Saga Continues