Fleshbot: Simulacra

Fun 2 Play: For All Your Boob Jiggling, Girl Killing Needs

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 11:30:05 EST

Virtual playmates are hardly a new genre—but we have to admit that Fun 2 Play's take on the whole idea is, ahem, a bit unique. Rather than simply sticking to the theme of sexy girls jiggling and bouncing around, the designers have chosen to add in some gameplay features that range from the odd to the slightly off-putting to the downright grotesque.

Take, for example, Secretary Sam: you can get her to jump, jiggle, and gyrate for you; get topless and play around with her friends Action Amy and Nurse Nikki; or, if that's not doing it for you, you can just up and shoot her in the face. Somehow, we just can't shake the suspicion that this whole thing was developed by (and possibly for) twelve-year-old boys—but hey, if you've desperately been searching for a game that will allow you to (virtually) ogle hot girls and torture them in odd and disturbing ways, well, say hello to your new favorite thing. (Sample game play below.)
. . .

· Fun 2 Play (fun2play.tv)

BoneTown: The Video Game With Actual (CGI) Boning

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 15:45:18 EDT

Welcome to BoneTown. Population: you. And a bunch of scantily-clad hot chicks with sex on the brain. Oh, and some agents of The Man, who seem bent on ruining the party for everyone. We'd love to tell you more about the inner workings of the game, but it's PC-only, so we couldn't actually download the demo. Luckily, this lovely BoneTown resident is more than happy to give you the scoop on her hometown (and jump up and down in her bikini, too!).

· BoneTown (bonetown.com)

Bare Imagery Offers A Curious Erotic Combination

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 12:45:03 EDT

As veteran porn viewers, we've gotten used to developing a taste for some unusual combinations: for instance, we'd never have thought that asses and smoothies would go so well together. But we're still a bit baffled by Bare Imagery. Sure, self shot erotic photos and CGI erotic art (or "selfrotica" and "3r0t1c4," to use the site's nomenclature) are both great genres in and of themselves. But why combine them? Or, perhaps more to the point, why limit yourself to just those two genres? Perhaps we'll have an answer when the site actually launches ... or maybe this is just one of those mysteries that's destined to be unsolved.

· Bare Imagery (bareimagery.com)

Yet More (Really Bad) Sarah Palin Porn

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 11:55:33 EDT

Porn has always a tendency to take cues from current events and pop culture (see: Operation Desert Stormy, Hillary For President, The Eliot Splitz-her Story). So it seems only natural that Sarah Palin's crash landing into the public eye would offer some inspiration to the great minds of Porn Valley. After all, there are so many angles to take: a dominating MILF who takes care of five kids, runs the country, and has mindblowing sex (all without mussing up her perfectly coiffed hair); the hot babe who puts some life into McCain's campaign (and his other parts too); or even just a gonzo look at the (sexy) secret life of hockey moms. (It does get pretty cold up there in Alaska, you know—how else do you think they keep warm?).

Yet somehow, all of the Pain "inspired" adult material we've see has just been ... well, sad. First there those "naked" Sarah Palin Photoshop jobs, most of which were pathetic at best. And now we've been confront with two more offerings that almost make us want to give up all together: over at BigBoobsAlert, Charlie James has been proclaimed the Sarah Palin of porn, largely because of her MILF status and (nonexistent) resemblance to the Republican VP nominee.

And then there's "Impalin Palin", a site which would shame even the most committed of Democrats. Aside from its clever name (as clever as "Elilot Splitz-her" at least) there's nothing redeeming about it whatsoever — not even the lousy Photoshop job of Palin riding McCain, which is most definitely the least convincing Sarah Palin fake we've ever seen. Our one consolation is that it seems unlikely this movie will ever get past the concept stage.

Come on, America: don't we deserve better porn?

· Charlie James seducing a young guy at Milf Lessons (bigboobsalert.com)
· Impalin Palin - The Sarah Palin Porn (impalinpalin.com)

Sarah Palin (Isn't Really) Nude (At All)!

Jonnobot — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 13:15:50 EDT

We knew it was just a matter of time until the interweb was flooded with fake nude photos of überMILF-of-the-moment Sarah Palin: after all, those former beauty pageant-worthy good looks and sexy librarian-style hairdo-and-eyeglasses combo were practically made for all sorts of fantasizing no matter which side of the bipartisan debate you happen to find yourself on. So what if some people think she's more LensCrafters than Naughty Office? That's the great thing about a democracy—everyone gets to have an opinion about who they want to jerk off to! Readers of [redacted due to lameness]* were recently challenged to come up with their best dirty Sarah Palin-inspired Photoshop fakes, and while the results vary widely in concept and execution they go to show just how deeply she's already instilled herself into our collective sexual consciousness. Ain't democracy wonderful?

*Update: Looks like the site we'd originally linked to has rather lamely removed the gallery and replaced it with an even lamer "apology" to "John McCain and the Republican party" for causing "offense"—which is just as well, because truthfully most of the fakes in it were pretty lame anyway. But we know there are tons more fake Palin porn pics out there where those came from; feel free to link to your faves in the comments below.

Rude Virtual: Yet Another Virtual Sex Playground

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 11:25:33 EDT

Do you dream of a life full of hot sex, strip clubs, and sizzling adult entertainment ... with none of the boring stuff that usually gets in the way, like parking hassles and depleted bank accounts and irksome STDs? Well, now you can have that life, and you don't even have to leave your computer to get it! Once again, someone has figured out the real attraction of virtual worlds, and to that end Rude Virtual offers free access to an adult digital playground — though if you actually want to get naked or have avatar sex, you're going to have to pony up $20 a month for a full-fledged VIP membership. Still beats what you'd pay for parking or going to a real strip club, we guess.

· Rude Virtual (rudevirtual.com)

Guys, you might think it would be easy to ...

Jonnobot — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 10:50:13 EDT

Guys, you might think it would be easy to tell the difference between a real vagina and a fake one if you were blindfolded—but then, you're not the dude who's subject to this side-by-side comparison, and you probably don't have to contend with Brandi Belle and her friends administering the test. So give this guy a break, OK? These things can be distracting enough as it is. (preview @ brandibelle.com, via Your Dirty Mind)

All Aboard "The Velvet Express"

Jonnobot — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 10:45:44 EDT

The Velvet Express is the newest creation from the folks who brought you the erotic gaming classic LoveChess, and while we plan on posting a detailed review soon we couldn't resist pointing you to the screenshots on the game's official site now—especially since they feature what seems to be a sequence from the game where one of its virtual studs fucks a sex doll under the command of his computer-generated dominatrix. Finally, a game that lets us have pretend sex with a simulated partner in a completely virtual environment! We are that much closer to never having to have any sort of real sex with an actual human being again! (game info + preview @ thevelvetexpress.com)

Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Bring Me The Ass Of Jamie Lynn (Or, "Stroker Ass")

Gram Ponante — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 11:55:09 EDT

Here at Fleshbot's Western Headquarters, we have identified three distinct styles of "realistic" intercourse simulators: the whole body, represented by blow-up dolls and "real"dolls; the vaginal/regional, such as Heather Vandeven's Doggy Style Pet Pussy & Ass; and the specific, as embodied (in a matter of speaking) by the floppy tube that is Jamie Lynn's Ass Stroker.

Let's forget for a moment that something so disembodied can even be associated with the delicious Penthouse Pet it was modeled from. For now, let's just look at Jamie Lynn's Ass Stroker for what it purports to be: a reasonable simulation of her anal dimensions.

Myself, I was able to get a thumb and my index and middle fingers in there. After that I think Ms. Elle would have found it difficult. But it felt about right.

Since I get these things for free (thanks, Topco!), I wasn't too aware of comparative price points, so I wasn't able to determine whether a vaginal/regional was as or more expensive than the specific model quivering on my fingertips. What I wanted to know was what made one preferable to the other.

I asked a neighbor in the next office, a director of thoughtful mainstream coming of age films.

"If you were 14 and couldn't get a real person," I asked, "would you rather a big doll, a combo ass and pussy, or something like this tube?"

To his credit, he didn't reply that at 14 he wouldn't have needed anything other than ambient oxygen and 45 seconds. Instead, he gave the best answer of all:

"I would want the smallest thing possible to hide from my mother," he said.

· Topco Sales (topcosales.us)
· Buy Jamie Lynn's Anal Stroker (sensualadvisor.com)

And speaking of fantasy worlds: it should ...

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 10:55:11 EDT

And speaking of fantasy worlds: it should be obvious by now, but if you build a virtual environment on the interweb the perverts will always come and stake their claim in it sooner or later. Which is to say that although Google may do all it can to keep sex and "sex rooms" out of Lively, we all know it's a losing battle. (avn.com)

Beauty 3D: First Person Touch Tries To Brings CGI Sex To Life, Again

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 13:25:13 EDT

If you're bored with those tired old first person shooter games, you might want to have a go at Beauty3D: Naked Covergirl 2.0, which bills itself as the only game with "first person touch". You play Jacky, an erotic photographer stuck on a tropical island with three beautiful models who want nothing more than to strip, model, and dance just for you. (And they say "Metal Gear Solid" is unrealistic?). Thanks to the developers' fancy 3D technology, you'll have the ability to explore every inch of your models and get wild in any position you choose. Sure, you might think you've seen this all before—but unlike traditional adult games which depict you as a disembodied hand, Beauty3d depicts you as a disembodied arm. Go realism!

· Beauty3d: naked covergirl2.0 (kaplay.com)

Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Someone's Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass

Gram Ponante — Fri, 30 May 2008 12:00:30 EDT

There have been a few wall-mountable items in our adult novelty cabinet of late, but this one is particularly exciting because, despite Bree Olson's picture on the box, we're not sure if the Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass is Bree Olson's Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass. Without the knowledge of whose Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass it's supposed to be, fucking this Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass is like having sex with a stranger. Exciting! And creepy!

I remove the Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass from its box. I make a note to highlight and copy "Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass" for my review so I can just hit Apple+V rather than retyping Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass all the time. Its jiggly Cyberskin feels comforting, like an old friend or younger sister of the legions of Cyberskin ladies I've had the pleasure to know.

I've got an HD-DVD player in a corner of the office. Well that's goddamn useless. I take the two AA batteries out of its remote control and stick them in the slider control device of the Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass. A wire connects the control to a little bullet-shaped thing which the manufacturers call a "bullet." It is satisfying to shove the bullet into a hole at the top of the Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass. Unplugged, that hole might be a distraction; inexperienced users of sex toys might mistakenly fuck it.

Different from the other Cyberskin Vibrating Pussies And Asses in our collection, this one has two suction cups at its base, ostensibly for traction. Me, I derive pleasure from taking and shoving the Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass against my file cabinet, the way one would with an actual Lady. Also like an actual Lady, the Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass immediately loses suction from one of its cups and dangles off the A-G drawer.

I finally get the Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass secured. It is a small representation of those parts and if it weren't Caucazoid and if I didn't already have the image of Bree Olson in my head I would think it had been molded from a scrawnier Thai prostie.

I stick my finger in the hole and curve it around. No G-spot, no ridge. But I did feel the bullet like a calcified fetus. I imagine this is how a Cylon must feel in there. Hot. But I'm going to need some lube, and so is the Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass.

I take a moment to wonder who the target audience for such a thing might be. I think it is people with active imaginations, capable of suppressing the knowledge that fucking the Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass is actually more difficult and time consuming than using whatever household item or fingers that do the job usually.

Like the axiom that fucking one person means fucking every person that he or she has ever been with, fucking the Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass means fucking whatever surface it is attached to, in my case, a filing cabinet. Would that David Cronenberg have walked in as he saw me and the five-foot tall Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Assed file cabinet in a carnal embrace, I would now be collecting residuals in strong Canadian dollars.

· Adam & Eve (AdamEve.com)
· Topco (topcosales.us)
· Buy the Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass (gamelink.com)

Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Joanna Angel From Both Sides Now

Gram Ponante — Thu, 22 May 2008 12:05:53 EDT

"It's molded from my tight asshole, so now you can fuck me where I like it," breathes Fleshbot Supreme Comandress Joanna Angel through the packaging of her Tight Cyberskin Ass Stroker. And what about her Tight Cyberskin Pussy Stroker? "It's molded from my own pussy, so fuck me hard like you know I like it." I don't know, Joanna; you seem to like it no matter what we do.

Since the technology was available, I contacted Joanna Angel directly about these products.

"Tell me about your engooping," I said. "Was it cold and impersonal?"

"No," Angel said. "It was at the Topco factory. We did it in a little room."

"How long ago?"

"About a year. Last spring."

"So one could have conceived and carried a new being to term in the time it took to create two fake parts of one."

"Yes."

I held the quivering jellylike anus and vagina in my hands, hoping the mailman wouldn't show up, and that the UPS lady would.

"Joanna, you are a big porn star. You have a lot of movies. And you know people jerk off to these movies, but there is always a chance that they don't, so you don't have to autograph a movie knowing that the first thing your fan does is go home and jerk off on the box. But with sex toys in your image (forbidden by the second commandment), you know that people are going to go home and emi9t love spendings on them."

"Yes," she said. "It makes me feel like I've arrived."

Angel said she has stuck her fingers in her Cyberskin representations before.

"They're pretty tight," she said. "I suggest lube."

"What should a consumer be listening to when he goes to town on your ass? Your pussy?"

"For the ass," she said, "Black Dahlia Murder."

"Because the ass reminds you of Michigan, where they're from?"

"No, because they're a metal band. And for the pussy, something electronic, like Brazilian Girls."

· Buy Joanna Angel's Cyberskin Ass & Pussy (adultdvdempire.com)
· Burning Angel (burningangel.com)
· Topco Sales (topcosales.us

Since it's all about the porny videogame ...

Jonnobot — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 10:50:29 EDT

Since it's all about the porny videogame action around here this week, we were all ready to say something about how this recent review of "Virtually Jenna" was at least three years too late until we kept reading and found out that its developers won't be officially finished with the game until 2010. Virtually or otherwise, anyone who's been getting fucked for that long deserves to retire. (villagevoice.com)

Entering "The Four"'s Not-So-Sexy Alternate Universe

Jonnobot — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 05:20:19 EDT

Sure, most porn games generally suck. But then, Kronos480BC isn't your average porn game: the series of interactive journal entries that constitute its alternate reality universe are part of a promotion for NinnWorx_SR's already massively hyped "The Four", due out later this year. If you're already dusting off your twelve sided dice in anticipation of having virtual congress with a barely toga'd Brea Bennett, however, relax—it's a lot more "Lost Experience" than "MILF Warrior". (Which, considering how many of your own barely toga'd Brea Bennett scenarios you're likely to come up with once the movie is out, may not be so bad. You wouldn't want to get sick of it before you even watched the damn thing, would you?)

· "Black and Blue Deploys Alternate Reality Game in Viral Promotion of NinnWorx_SR's 'The Four'" (xbiz.com)
· "Alternate Reality Gaming Meets the Adult Entertainment Industry with Kronos480BC" (argn.com)
· Kronos480BC (kronos480bc.livejournal.com)

Previously: Ninnworx' "The Four" Is Excellent Xerxoff Material, "The Four" Is Coming ... Eventually

If you're breaking into an adult store and ...

Jonnobot — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 11:29:17 EDT

If you're breaking into an adult store and can't get the cash register open, we suppose making off with a $385.75 Jenna Jameson Vibrating Ass & Pussy with Double Bullet Controller is the next best thing. (We probably would have reached for the Heather Vandeven Doggy Style model ourselves, but that's just us.) (Xbiz; buy your own @ adultdvdempire.com)

Sexy Art Gallery Serves Up Some Hot Joystick Action

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 13:45:05 EDT

We just have one question about this collection of art works that was sent to us by the good people at Sexy Art Gallery (well, besides, "Why haven't you put these on your website?"): Where oh where can we get a copy of the video game that they're playing? This one definitely gets our vote for best use of a joystick ever ... not to mention a rabbit vibe, though we have to admit we were pretty good at using those already. Full gallery after the jump.

. . .

Photography: Noa Yafe · Art Director: Siren E. · Models: Momo, Zaki · Thanks: D. Laniado
Art courtesy Sexy Art Gallery

Old Pornstars Never Die, They Just Get Turned Into Heather Vandeven's Doggy Style Pet Pussy and Ass

Jonnobot — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 10:54:09 EDT

Bowing to consumer pressure for more responsible sex toy manufacturing practices, Topco Sales announced today that it would start recycling its overstock of old, worn out porn star genitalia reproductions to create its new line of "Second Coming" porn star genitalia reproductions. "Our Jenna Jameson vibrating pussy and ass hasn't been selling so well since she got all that plastic surgery" said a company representative, "so when we figured out we could melt them all down and create a new limited edition Heather Vandeven model instead it just seemed like the right thing to do. Heather is so hot right now!" Topco says the new line will be available soon, and that they'll offer a no-questions-asked full refund policy to any consumers who purchase one only to discover that it still feels like they're fucking Jenna after all. (topcosales.us)

You've seen her run for governor of California, ...

Jonnobot — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 12:05:05 EDT

You've seen her run for governor of California, you've watched her wrestle her inner demons on "Celebrity Rehab" ... now get even more up close and personal with Mary Carey than you ever dreamed possible with Doc Johnson's new "Mary Carey Extreme UR3 Pussy and Ass". (There's a spooky disembodied hand too, but we guess they only had so much room for the product name on the package.) And you thought all those VH1 cameras getting up in her face were intrusive? (docjohnson.com)

Are we the only ones who think that it's ...

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:03:50 EDT

Are we the only ones who think that it's a really bad idea to make a vibrator that gets flaccid? Sometimes there's such a thing as a sex toy being too realistic. (shinyshiny.tv)

Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Heather Vandeven's Doggy Style Pet Pussy & Ass

Gram Ponante — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 20:36:28 EDT

Is something truly disembodied when it bears the name of its inspiration? Is this Doggy Style Vibrating Ass and Pussy truly inanimate if it draws its shape from Heather Vandeven? Can we effectively say "meta" and "blow a load in an ass" in the same sentence? Let's try!

This item is not to be confused with this less full-service item. Indeed, today's model can be mounted on the couch ... just like a real lady!

"Heather was molded just for you," says the box containing the surprisingly heavy Cyberskin creation. Indeed, there is a picture of an engooped Heather Vandeven getting a mold struck of her parts. Because she cares for me, she is wearing full makeup as she peeks at me from a table in a room that is probably the accounting office.

Don't get the wrong idea, but I have personal experience with the ass of the woman who was Penthouse's 2007 Pet of the Year. I have touched it. But divorcing the ass from the person is difficult, so I placed the ass on a leather couch, which is about as yielding and firm as a person (or at least more similar than the fake plant in our office, or the desks).

While the Cyberskin smelled like Cyberskin and not melon body spray or coconut rum, the ass was submitted to a stripper-grade slap test and it was lifelike and satisfying, emitting a resounding *smack!* and resulting satisfying jiggle. But I did not fuck it, alas; I don't want to sully my relationship with the real person, and sopmehow I can't imagine that the real person would allow that sort of interaction.

But if you have never met Heather Vandeven, fuck away!

We want to buy a desk with a top drawer we can open at opportune moments to reveal a bottle of Scotch and Heather Vandeven's Vibrating Cyberskin Doggy Style Pussy & Ass: Good for what ails ya.

· Heather Vandeven's Doggy Style Pet Pussy & Ass (topcosales.us)

Porn Detective: The Not-So-Mysterious Case Of Katie Fey's Hardcore Doppleganger

Jonnobot — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 11:50:36 EDT

Since a big part of what we do here at Fleshbot involves looking at porn all day (o.k., it's pretty much all we do), it's natural that we frequently get emails from readers asking us to identify such-and-such a performer in an anonymous video clip or inform them whether a certain model they stumbled across has appeared in other venues. And as much as we'd love to claim we know everything there is to know about every single person who has ever taken his or her clothes off in the histories of various pornographic media ... well sometimes we just don't. (Still love us?)

Sometimes, however, things are almost too easy to figure out. After the jump, read how we cracked the case of non-hardcore model Katie Fey spooge-covered double without even having to refill our cup of coffee. If only our jobs were always so easy.

. . .

Dear Fleshbot,
Katie Fey is one of my all-time favorite porn models, but I've never seen any hardcore photos of her.

Recently, while perusing some thumbnail galleries, I came across this "Real Girlfriends" page. What caught my eye was the photo of a pretty cum-covered girl at the bottom right. It's Katie Fey! With cum all over her face!

The photo's not identified as Katie Fey, but when you compare to other photos — like the ones here or here — it's pretty clear that's the same girl or her twin sister! Oh . . . pardon me for a moment while I shudder and tremble at the delicious thought of two Katie Feys.

But I get more excited at the thought of photos of Katie in sucking cock to the ultimate resolution all over her face. If this cum-covered girl is indeed Katie, can you put the awesome powers of Fleshbot to work figuring out where the rest of this photo set is? My libido will forever be in your debt.

Signed,
Desperate In DC

Dear Desperate,

We hate to break it to you, but as far as we've been able to determine Katie Fey hasn't done any hardcore material; given the fact that she's one of our favorite models too, we're sure we would've heard about it by now if she had.

There is, however, this clever piece of computer software you may have heard about: it's called Photoshop, and we've heard that some folks use to create convincing-looking photos of exactly the type that got you all hot and bothered. In fact, with a little bit of practice you can even learn to make them yourself!

So it looks like Katie's honor remains unbesmirched; sorry to break the bad news. The good news? With your own copy of Photoshop, you can besmirch her honor all you want.

Looking forward to seeing the fruits of your labor, we remain.

Faithfully yrs.,
xo Fleshbot

* * * * *

Previously: Dysfunct's Fake Amateur Facials, How To: Make Your Own Facials, Celebrity JO Forums And Cumshot Pics: Where Sharing Is Caring, Got Cum?: Celebrity Cumshot Blog, Facial Forum, ArtiFacial

Big Boob Giantess Fantasies By Automan

Jonnobot — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 12:43:25 EST

It doesn't take an advanced degree in Freudian psychology to recognize the fact that our collective fascination with big boobs relates to a certain kind of infantiliazation fantasy: the desire to be protected, nurtured, and coddled. With that in mind, it's easy for anyone to understand a seemingly outré expression of that fascination like Automan's wonderful Photoshop mashups here: if getting your face all up in Milena Velba's 36-J charms is good, getting your entire body enveloped by all that bustacular goodness must be even better. And surely we're not the only ones who look forward to the day when we can simply press a button and shrink ourselves to the sort of dimensions that would make all of the fantasies expressed in Automan's delicious art come true. Er, right?

· Automan's Gallery (giantess.net)
· Thumbnail star: Milena Velba (official site @ milena-velba.de)

Previously: In Bizarre Twist, Sophie Howard Crushes On You, Footman606 On Flickr: Giantess Fantasies Afoot!, Maxcat's Giantess Realm, The Best Damn Giantess Porn Clip Ever

Peeking In On The Knicker Picker Virtual Dressing Room

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 10:57:27 EST

Buying clothes online can be a bit of a hassle—you never quite know what you're going to get. That outfit may look great in the picture, but how will it look on an actual body? If you've been worrying about a potential lingerie purchase, the Knicker Picker is here to help. As a "virtual dressing room," the site offers three models to help you preview different selections of lingerie: choose a model, watch her step onto your screen, pick out an outfit for her to try on, and see how it looks: from the front, from behind, and super up close. Or you could forget about actually buying something and just check out the models from the front, from behind, and super up close. Either way ... what have we been doing without it all this time?

· The Knicker Picker (knickerpicker.com, via Bad Girl's Hotbox)

Boy Toys Make Sex Dolls Even More Creepy

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 12:06:56 EST

Are Real Dolls a little too "real" and mature looking for your tastes ... you know, like they look like they're going to ask you to remember to take out the garbage once you're done having your way with them? Do you secretly fantasize about making it with the Bratz Dolls' older, curvier sisters? Well, it's your lucky year: the brand new Boy Toy Dolls are just what you've been looking for Handcrafted by the creator of Real Doll, they promise to offer all the real(ish) sensations of your favorite plastic sex surrogate with stylized, outsized anime-like facial features that are just the thing if you've ever fantasized about going on a date with Sailor Moon. But act fast, because these babes come in strictly limited quantities: "Each Boy Toy is named after a month, and the quantity of each doll that will be made will be equal to the number of days in that month. There will only be 31 Miss December dolls, 31 Miss January, etc." They grow up so fast, don't they?

· Boy Toy Dolls (boytoydolls.com; also spotted @ Otomano)

Previously: Sex Doll Rental Offers Service With A (Fake) Smile, Milky Lovers: Japanese Sex Doll Brothel

And speaking of love dolls, there's always ...

Lux Nightmare — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 11:55:15 EDT

And speaking of love dolls, there's always the 3D computer graphic variety to moon over in case the real life kinds are too realistic your tastes ... even if these particular ones look like CGI Bratz, only naked, sporting giant boobs and male genitalia, and the fact that they're fucking each other. But not to worry: it's clearly stated that "all characters appearing on this site are created to be 18+", which should make you feel a little less creepy about getting turned on by them. (3dlovedolls.com)

Low Tek's Doll Series

Fleshbot — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 11:46:45 EDT

It's hard to tell where fantasy ends and reality begins (or vice-versa) in the work of the photographer known as Low Tek, so much so that even one noted sexual authority of our acquaintance took it upon herself to remind everyone that these were pictures of hyperrealistic love dolls instead of impossibly perfect models made up and posed to look like plastic companions. The effect might be all high gloss and silicone, but there's a certain pervy thrill knowing that these models are all flesh and blood—and whether you're a fan of RealDolls or of women who just look like them, you'll definitely agree that there's nothing quite like the real thing. Especially when it's a real thing that looks like a fake thing.

· Low Tek: The Doll Series (livejournal.com) and Low Tek Photography (lowtekphotography.com, may not work in Safari - via tinynibbles.com + ponyxpress.wordpress.com)

Previously: Real Real Doll Skin Makes Your Fake Fantasies Come True (Or Vice Versa), "Lars And The Real Girl", Amber-On-Amber Action, "A Perfect Fake" on YouTube, Japanese Sex Dolls: Now More Womanly!

Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Memphis Monroe's Vibrating Pussy And Ass

Gram Ponante — Wed, 14 Mar 2007 20:30:12 EDT

Recently, Hustler's Memphis Monroe allowed her parts to be engooped and a cast to be made from them. Then that cast was electrified and strategically empinkened (the preferred industry term) and sent to me. What wasn't sent to me was Monroe herself so that I could try a side by side comparison. This has always been a requirement for testing such products and I don't know why no one ever complies (cf. that six-foot model of Chewbacca I got from Mattel in 1977).

Regardless, as has always beeen Our Way, we try to make sense of things we don't actually stick our dicks in. Read our impressions of this Memphis Monroe Home Companion after the gap. - GP

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Just as is done with those delicious Aidell's Sausages at Costco, Hustler provides prospective customers with a tiny sample of Memphis' P & A to prod before buying the full product. The set is manufactured by Topco, the thoughtful and benevolent inventors of Cyberskin, who remind us that this replica, if not Monroe herself, is phthalate-free.

The VP&A is a solid, almost gooey mass that leaves one with a slight and not-unpleasant residue of chemicals after grasping its heft, unlike Monroe, who leaves the grasper smelling of peppermints and new-mown hay. I think the effect would be better if there were more of the replicant Monroe to grip, like if the package came with a little bit of torso or thigh. Luckily, we live in a post-pubic hair age, so there was no problem with figuring out nether locks (also the preferred industry term).

The VP&A weighs about five pounds, which is exactly how much they weigh on the real person, despite her appearance of wholesomeness and cornfeddery. Two little holes at the back provide room for thumbs or, if you'd like to mount your conquest like they did in "Angela's Ashes", wall studs.

Finally, the Cyberskin, like those mattresses they advertise on "A Prairie Home Companion", eventually conforms to one's own impressions. After several harsh squeezes, Memphis Monroe's Vibrating Pussy And Ass actually remembered me.

· Hustler Memphis Monroe Vibrating Cyberskin Pussy & Ass (topco.us)
· Hustler (hustler.com)

· See also: "Derby Day for Memphis Monroe" (gramponante.com)

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Previously: Marital Aid Test Kitchen Archive

Sexy Dreams: Intimate Software

Fleshbot — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 12:48:08 EDT

Can playing a videogame really improve your sex life? (And no, we're not talking about coming up with a sexy World of Warcraft character and shaking your bikini-clad elven ass in front of your fellow players—that doesn't count). You might be able to find out if you to decide to shell out $29.99 for the latest version of Sexy Dreams, a "multi-player adult sex game for couples, friends or groups of up to four people" in which you can experiment with a variety of sex toys and positions via "Realistic Bump mapped 3D game play" (and an interface that reminds us of tax preparation software, but no one ever said sex always had to be glamorous.) The demo version is amusing enough, but we're still not convinced these sorts of things can actually help us score in the bedroom; call us old-fashioned, but we still think the only way to improve your sex life is by actually going out and having sex. If anyone comes up with a game that allows Keeley Hazell to show up at our door with a whip and a bottle of baby oil, give us a call.

· Sexy Dreams (purchase info and Windows-only demo @ adultmatchmaker.biz)

Previously: Virtual Reality Sex Machine, "VirtuallyJenna" Sex Simulator, Virtual Sex with Kyoko Ayana, Sex Toy TechWatch Archive, Machines and Sex, The Sex Machine Diaries, TechnOrgasmic, Orgasm Alley

FemBot Auction on eBay

Fleshbot — Tue, 26 Sep 2006 13:25:07 EDT

Why spend all that money on a boringly realistic RealDoll or other silicone sex companion when you can score an original FemBot from "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me" for the super low starting bid of only $1,500 on eBay this week? Sure, all those wires and lights in the face might prove to be a little uncomfortable when it comes time to smooching your new pretend girlfriend (though they are conveniently powered by an easily obtainable 9-volt battery), and the two holes where the nipples should be may become a liability if you don't plan on installing any breast-equipped weaponry in your purchase. Still, she'd be able to kick Sidore-Chan's ass on the playground any day. The bragging rights alone are worth it.

· "Austin Powers Fem Bot Movie Prop Dummy Original" (eBay, via Random Good Stuff - thanks J!)

Previously: Sidore-Chan on Flickr, Gynoid Film Festival on YouTube, Realdoll Threeways, "My Ladies": Sex Doll Album, Milky Lovers: Japanese Sex Doll Brothel, Purity Doll/Japanese Love Doll Videos, Japanese Sex Doll Watch

Virtual Hottie 2

Jonnobot — Wed, 07 Jun 2006 12:34:25 EDT

Although it won't be released until next month, you can take a sneak peak at the next generation of the sex simulation game "Virtual Hottie" via a selection of screencaps and a trailer on its newly launched website. Apparently the new version will include the capability to interact with a mechanical "Virtual Sex Machine" masturbatory device that pleasures you (assuming you have the right anatomical equipment) while playing the game. (Didn't that used to be called "the hand"?) No word yet on any of the customization features we hoped to see when the first iteration of the game was released a while back; guess we'll have to wait until the developers release a trial version before we can hope to see our long-held fantasy of pleasuring a virtual Linda Hunt on a tropical beach become a reality.

· "Virtual Hottie 2" (screencaps, trailer, and press info @ virtualhottie2.com, via SugarJoy)

Previously: "Virtual Hottie", Museum of Sex Goes Virtual, PSP PornWatch: "Jo & the 7 Babes", Sex Maid Game, Virtual Erotica Blog, "Running Scared": The (Sex) Game, GTA Sex Scene Video, MILF Warrior, "Sex In Games" on G4, "3D Striptease" Game, Pornstars and Video Games

Wet Spots

Jonnobot — Tue, 23 May 2006 20:37:42 EDT

· Nothing against these particular "Girls of MySpace", but we were kinda hoping that Playboy's search through thousands of profiles would uncover a little more variety that your typical Bunny model—to say nothing about the fact that not one of these photos was taken with a digital camera pointed at a mirror. (galleries @ dailyniner.com)

· We will not rest until we feature every known female celebrity in a gallery of bikini photos taken by paparazzi. Kirsten Dunst, who got caught enjoying the water in Cannes, brings us one step closer to completing our collection. (egotastic.com)

· This would be the scariest headline of the week if it weren't for that extra comma: "New Zealand online for porn, sheep". (stuff.co.nz)

· This article compares "Naughty America: The Game" to its PG-13 ancestor "The Sims" and concludes that while there's definitely a market for sex-fueled MMORPGs, it looks like "World of Warcraft" has nothing to worry about. It seems that gaming geeks like killing ogres almost as much as cybersex. Maybe more. (sci-tech-today.com)

· For a more low-tech (and nostalgic) sexy gaming experience, why not play a few rounds of Sextris? It's sort of like "Tetris" meets "Nude Photo Hunt," only without the creepy guy who's always feeding quarters into that machine at the end of the bar. (flashgamesarena.com, via Kotaku)

· Kristen Bell (a.k.a. Veronica Mars) and Prince (who may be living on Mars) have won PETA's poll declaring them the "World's Sexiest Vegetarians". Now if PETA would just have them lead a couple of nude protest rallies, they'd really have something going. (goveg.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Gynoid Film Festival on YouTube

Jonnobot — Mon, 22 May 2006 11:44:20 EDT

We wondered why we'd never thought of looking for hot female robot action videos on YouTube when we saw this collection assembled by the folks at 3Yen before until we realized that the term "gynoid" wasn't really a part of our vocabulary until today. Whether you're new to the whole robot fetish thing or a seasoned, well-oiled pro, though, don't miss checking out these clips for yourself; we guarantee YouTube user Davecat's videos demonstrating sex doll flexibility will be the most gorgeously creeptacular things you'll see all day. Or at least before lunch.

· "Gynoid Film Festival" (3yen.com, via sexblo.gs)
· Gynoid Videos on YouTube (youtube.com)
· Thumbnail: "A.I.Doll flexibility 005"

Previously: A.S.F.R.: Robot Fetish Video, "My Ladies" Sex Doll Album, Purity Doll/Japanese Love Doll Videos, Milky Lovers: Japanese Sex Doll Brothel, Mannequin Companies, Sorayama's Robots, Elena Dorfman: "Still Lovers", Freeze Modeling, Celebrity Cyborgs, 4F Creations, CGI by Geoff Ridgeway

Virtual Hottie

Jonnobot — Fri, 01 Oct 2004 11:17:49 EDT

While the models in most sex simulator games we've seen just sort of lay there and moan while you tap frantically on your space bar, Virtual Hottie goes at least one step towards making good on its claim to be "the most realistic sex game on the web" by featuring a mobile first person point of view that lets you experience the action from a variety of perspectives. Of course, there's at least one adjustable parameter we'd like to see implemented to make the action even more realistic for each individual player - guess we'll just have to wait for version 2.0.

Virtual Hottie (game info, screenshots, ~~and Windows-only demo~~ @ virtualhottie.com)

Previously: Virtual Girlfriend, eGirl: Virtual Escort, Sleep Fetish Game, Roboho, SomaDoll, Sexy Sarah