October Appreciation Month: Show Your Sexy Fall Colors

It's the first day of the new month—and we are so on the ball this time! Perhaps it's because we're always super-jazzed about turning the calendar page when October rolls around: Fall is in full swing, we can start planning our Halloween costumes, and we can practically taste those giants bags of candy that await us! Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that half of our senior editorial staff is celebrating birthdays this month (which we're sure is just a coincidence). Or maybe we're still feeling a little guilty that we gave September the fuzzy end of the lollipop. For whatever reason, there are plenty of sexy reasons to celebrate in the weeks ahead ... especially if we make them sexy. So grab your toothbrush and start whooping it up for Dental Hygiene Month and more after the jump. More »

What gives you a boner? Scarlett Johansson? The Deschanel Sisters? "The Wonder Years"? Whatever it is, it's good enough for Boner Party! It's the website that celebrates all that is boner-iffic in the world. Isn't that sweet of them? (bonerparty.tumblr.com)

September Appreciation Month: It's Never Too Late To Celebrate!

We have a confession to make—we blew it this month. We had meant to make our monthly holiday appreciation posts a first day kind of thing, but something about the holiday of Labor got into our heads and we guess we took that day off. Actually, there's no excuse for this bout of lazy/forgetfulness—but thankfully, September is "Be Kind To Editors and Writers Month," so you can't complain. In the spirit of forgiveness and remembrance, however, we decided to honor all those days you missed out on over the past four weeks (while you still have a few hours left to enjoy them) and give you something to look forward to next year. As for October ... well shoot, that's tomorrow! Looks like we've got some work to do ... More »

iPhone App Stretches Mobile Technology's Boob-Groping Limits

As if you couldn't see enough actual boobs on your iPhone, some genius Machead has created an application that actually allows you to touch and fondle them! Or the outline of a boob, that is. OK, so maybe it's just a line. But still: it's a boob! And even if a bouncy little blob that responds to fingertip touch but lacks any definable features of a real breast gets less interesting the more you play with it, it's good to know that boob physics are alive and well—as are the stunning lengths that Apple fanboys will go to in order to grope a hot rack. (Non-iPhone owners can test it here.) More »

Diesel Makes Porn Safe For After Work Too

Sure, we've seen that paint-by-numbers SFW porn gimmick many times before—but never in video form! So we couldn't help laughing at this advertisement for an international party Diesel is throwing for its 30th anniversary next month. Sometimes the easy jokes are easy for a reason. Video after the jump.
More »

Name Your Wang And Show You Care

If you're like a lot of dudes out there—or ladies with a particular dude that they've become, uh ... attached to—you may have at one point bestowed a cute moniker on the special little friend who lives below your waist. You also probably spent a lot of time thinking about that name and we bet you're super proud of it. So proud that you probably wish you could tell the whole wide world! So why not register your handiwork at Name Your Wang, so that you can personally claim your unique schlong nomenclature for all eternity? Act quickly and you could become the only person in the world who spent $14.95 on a piece of paper that says your dick should now be referred to as "The Octagon." More »

Contempt Of Porn Court

We're not lawyers—or doctors, for that matter—but we're pretty sure the "expert" testimony is this fake vagina trial would not be admissible in any court. Sure, watching some anal sex under sterile lab conditions is an excellent way of gathering scientific data, but we don't see what any of it has to do with a bunch of lame jokes about pussy. Just stick to the facts and the fucking or we'll declare this whole damn system out of order. More »

What happens when an Australian Rules Football star parades around his city in broad daylight wearing a dress and an oversized pink dildo? We're not sure actually—is that one of the wacky Australia rules? (news.com.au; more @ Defamer Australia)

If you're undecided about which presidential candidate to vote for come November and are looking for some celebrity guidance (and why wouldn't you be?), ask yourself: would you rather find yourself in the same polling booth as Halle Berry and Scarlett Johansson, or Wilford Brimley and Heidi Montag? The choice is clear! (Of course we mean Wilford and Heidi. Did we mention how much we totally love watching "The Hills"?) (meaningfuldistractions.wordpress.com)

OK, so maybe our idea of a sexy iPhone unboxing video doesn't exactly involve some fully dressed dorky dude licking his new device before lubing it up and plugging it into his laptop ... but then, it's not our iPhone he's inboxing, now is he? Hopefully when it comes down to making it really sexy he'll know where to look. (mysexyunboxing.com)

Adult Mosaic Makes The World A Nicer Place, One Naked Babe At A Time

Do you ever get the feeling that the world would be a much more enjoyable place if it were made entirely of naked chicks? Well, we think about that all the time—and now that we've discovered the Adult Mosaic generator, life just got a whole lot better. Upload a picture and watch in amazement as it is transformed into a mosaic comprised of hundreds of teeny tiny hot babes. For added fun, try making a picture of a naked lady out of a bunch of other pictures of naked ladies and watch the universe fold in upon itself and explode! (adultmosaic.com, thanks Hallie!)

The Ballad Of Crystal And Jack, Or "The Longest Amateur Sex Tape Ever"

Ah, youth! The only problem with it, as they say, is that it's wasted on young horny people with nothing better to do than hang out around the house all day drinking, smoking and having sex. Take Crystal and Jack, or "Baby" and "Baby" as they usually refer to each other. They're just two crazy kids in love, and you will get to know more about them than you could have ever possibly hoped to in this 11-part video epic. Watch them cook dinner! Watch them drive around in their car! Listen to them talk! (Oh boy, do they talk.) And occasionally—in between long soliloquies about "the Houdini" and "skull dragging," whatever those things mean—they also have sex. It may not sound like it's worth sitting through a couple hours of footage for just a few amateur sex scenes, but these two chatterboxes are oddly compelling. Hypnotic, even. (Or maybe we're just entranced by Crystal's frequently exposed breasts, which you don't even have to turn up the volume for to appreciate.) More »

If Hollywood Sex Scenes Were Real

Have you ever found yourself watching two of your favorite on-screen characters locked in a passionate embrace and wished that your own love life could be that perfect and beautiful? And then you remembered that sex is a dirty, complicated, and occasionally frightening experience and that even the smoothest, most romantic sexual romp you've ever had didn't turn out that good. Maybe it's time for a little honesty in our movie lovemaking? Or maybe not. More »

Does this bunk bed look familiar? It could be one of the eight places where you were most likely to lose your virginity. And no "in the butt" is not one of the options. (holytaco.com)

Obama Girl Vs. Incredible McCain Hulk Girl

The internet has once again found one of the few ways to get us to talk about politics—turn the presidential race into a big-breasted, torn-blouse catfight that somehow references an eternally rehashed summer movie franchise. So what if that muscled babe has green skin? You can totally see right down her shirt! (Video below, via YouTube) More »

Vegan Strip Clubs Are Serious Business

The strip club steak dinner special is such a time-honored "manly man" tradition, that it never really seemed necessary to create something like a vegan strip club. Plus, no one really goes to those places to eat. But one hardcore vegan business owner has made that dream a reality at the Casa Diablo in Oregon, the world's animal-free strip joint. ("The only meat is on the pole!") The local news media could not be more thrilled, since it gives bored beat reporters the perfect opportunity to create an audition tape to be the next "Daily Show" correspondent. We just can't decide what's funnier: The stone-faced anchorman warning viewers to stay away from the upcoming objectionable content or his co-workers milking that salacious content for cheap ratings and cheaper jokes? We're going to head over to Burger King and chew on it some more. More »

Shay Laren, Nude Bowler

Former Playmate Pet and current babelog diehard Shay Laren has many talents, one of which is apparently bowling—both real and virtual. Anyone can throw a strike in Wii sports, but how many have the guts to take on the gutters of a live bowling alley? The only problem with actual alleys is that they have those silly "no shirt, no service" policies, which really messes up her game. Ours too, but this glimpse insider her locker room helps ease the pain. More »

We didn't think people mooned truckers while riding on the highway anymore, but apparently it's still a popular way to fight road boredom. We can't wait to talk about this on our CB radio! (youporn.com — obey all traffic laws, kids!)

How you feel about this "back door" pencil sharpener probably depends on which side of the Gawker Media universe your cubicle happens to sit. Girl power indignation or geeky gadget lust? Fortunately, we're in neutral territory. (It's near the coffee machine.) (livejournal.com, via Jezebel, via Gizmodo)

Pole Dancers Make Subway Rides Slighty Less Harrowing

Frankly, the video below would have been the least amazing thing we saw on our subway ride this morning, but The New York Daily News is shocked (!) and appalled (!!) by these "vivacious vixens" who entertained commuters on the city's N and L trains with some rapid transit pole dancing. Filmed and posted to YouTube on a $10,000 dare, these ladies are quite enthusiastic (and flexible!) but are practically puritans compared to the girls you see at any Manhattan club or the A train after midnight. Do not attempt this during your own underground travels—not because you'll offend the straphangers, but because grinding up against the surfaces of any subway car is a one-way ticket to a prescription for antibiotics. You do not want to know where that pole has been. More »

A man in England has been arrested for attempting to have sex with a fence. First bikes, now this? Is nothing safe? (telegraph.co.uk)

Professional prude John Derbyshire is appalled by this completely boring "soft porn" ad in his playbill at the opera. Aren't operas usually about adultery and murder and betrayal? Where do you think we learned our perversions? (nationalreview.com)

Ever quick to jump on the bandwagon with their own take on a hot meme, the folks at Playboy respond to that article about the reasons why people have sex that everyone and their grandmother was blogging about last week with a list of 50 more reasons to do the dirty deed ... all of which can be summed up in #43: "It's better than not having sex." (playboy.com/blog)

Mondo Porn: The Wacky Side Of Smut

More »

When Porn Isn't Porn

More »

How To: Silence Your Vibrator

More »