We're not sure where the whole oil phenomenon started in the first place, but that hasn't stopped us from immensely enjoying it.

Ann Marie Rios kicks off the sequel with a compelling lather up scene that leaves us mesmerized, followed by getting pound in her oil slicked hole.

Charley Chase and Chayse Evans pick it up from there. Watching all that hot titty action covered in sweet oil made us believe we were about to bear witness to some major Sapphic bliss. That's when the second act plot twist kicked in, with some random penis jumping in the mix and banging both these girls until they moaned like the filthy whores that they are. We were particularly impressed with the hearty two girl pop our anonymous friend left on their kissers when he was done.

By the time Asa Akira started getting fucked or Rebecca Linares took on two guys in a smoking hot double penetration scene or Shyla Stylez devoured her man (the way Kathleen Turner devours Evan Handler on Californication), we were already so cunt drunk on top shelf snatch that we could barely see straight.

All in all, "Oil Spills 2" is nothing but a party, a sexy party that you won't want to miss. It's out now from Diabolic. Check out this sampling of dripping goodness they sent over, and let us know what you think.

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· Diabolic (diabolic.com)

Shyla Stylez
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Asa Akira
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Asa Akira
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Asa Akira
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Asa Akira
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Asa Akira
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Charley Chase and Chayse Evans
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Charley Chase and Chayse Evans
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Charley Chase and Chayse Evans
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Charley Chase and Chayse Evans
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Rebeca Linares
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Rebeca Linares
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Rebeca Linares
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Rebeca Linares
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Rebeca Linares
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Rebeca Linares
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Flight Attendants

Studio: X-Play/Adam & Eve
Director: Will Ryder
Cast: Kayden Kross, Evan Stone, Hillary Scott, Teagan Presley, Sunny Lane, Eva Angelina, Misty Stone, Shyla Stylez, Kacey Jordan, Lexi Love, Michelle Maylene, Randy Spears, James Bartholet, Eric John, Jack Lawrence, Eric Swiss, Thomas Ward, Brad Hardy, Kenzi Marie, Chastity Lynn, Farrah Foxx, Dino Bravo, Barry Scott

Review by: Gram Ponante

X-Play's newest film (following last week's "Monday Night Football") continues the company's diversification into porn comedies that aren't based on a particular show. This one draws broadly from "Airplane!" with a healthy dose of Jim Holliday's ensemble pornos of the 90's (Holliday gets namechecked in the movie) as well as Digital Playground's recent successes in occupational porn, "Cheerleaders," "Babysitters," "Nurses," and "Teachers."

A co-production with Adam & Eve like last year's Zero Tolerance/A&E matchup "Rollerdollz," "Flight Attendants" tries so hard to please that it collapses with the effort. Such a large cast means not enough room for everyone to shine, and the story is so needlessly convoluted that you will actually become stupider while watching it.

Q. But Grams, surely you're not saying that you would fault a porn movie for a poorly-executed story. Isn't sex all that matters?
A. While sex is all that matters, at least at this point in our lives, you should probably just buy ten copies of "Flight Attendants," watch each one, and feel your IQ drop by ten points each time. Then you will be this movie's target audience, and will support X-Play's future filmic endeavors.

Multiple uses of flashbacks and dream sequences are neither effective nor funny, the theme song is grating, and the numerous gay and black/urban poor jokes made by and at the expense of performer James Bartholet and openly black performer Misty Stone try too hard to be outrageous and fall flat. It was often amazing how "Flight Attendants" made two subjects that are normally hilarious - race and sexual orientation - unfunny while trying to be "broad."

Speaking of broad, let's talk about the sex.

X-Play has assembled an all-star cast and we slog through way too much plot before any cast members commence to fucking. While there are standout scenes between Shyla Stylez and Randy Spears, the newly-returned Hillary Scott and Barry Scott (no relation), and Kayden Kross and Evan Stone, we don't see nearly enough of Sunny Lane, Eva Angelina, Teagan Presley, or Lexi Love. And, in an industry where people don't need much of an excuse to have sex, "Flight Attendants" manages to strain credulity.

I think X-Play in particular and parodies in general need to take a vacation.

We know the recent difficulty of making money in porn, and part of the current marketing strategy involves having numerous products on the shelves. X-Play is also playing two sides of the field by releasing movies through distributors Adam & Eve as well as Hustler. But it seems that a company that can make such note-perfect parodies like "Not Married with Children" and "Not the Cosby Show" may have extended its reach this time; "Flight Attendants" did not need to be bad.

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Supreme master pornographer Robby D is back at it again, this time with a "workout supplement"
that is guaranteed to burn off some extra calories, if you know what we mean. (Get it? Because you'll be so excited, um, right then. Okay. Sorry. It's easy to get distracted once we start talking about boobs.)

Titties. What is the source of our attraction to them..and why can't we stop staring? Sure, everyone always thinks that they know, but do they really? Robby D delves deep into the cleavage above the heart of the issue, and works us all into a frothy lather as he tries to figure out whether it's a biological instinct or just, ya know, the fact that those puppies are huge and jiggling back and forth hypnotically in our faces, looking all full of hot sweet milk, and jiggly, wait...what were we saying again?

Chavon Taylor, Rebecca Lane, Melissa Lauren, Shyla Stylez, and Cassandra Calogera make sexy ass milk maids. These jug all stars take sweet juicy poundings while their milkshakes keep us completely entranced. You've got to see this to believe it.

"Titlicious" swings pendulously back and forth into stores this week from Digital Playground and Robby D. These amazing images belong to them. Grab a tall glass of milk and dive right in!

Cassandra Calogera and Scott Nails
Cassandra Calogera and Scott Nails
Cassandra Calogera and Scott Nails
Shyla Stylez and Mick Blue
Shyla Stylez and Mick Blue
Shyla Stylez and Mick Blue
Melissa Lauren and Mick Blue
Melissa Lauren and Mick Blue
Melissa Lauren and Mick Blue
Rebecca Lane, Mick Blue, and James Deen
Rebecca Lane, Mick Blue, and James Deen
Rebecca Lane, Mick Blue, and James Deen
Chavon Taylor, Tony De Sergio, and Mick Blue
Chavon Taylor, Tony De Sergio, and Mick Blue
Chavon Taylor, Tony De Sergio, and Mick Blue

That's because in less than a week Wicked Pictures will be declassifying all of their files on "Operation Tropical Stormy"—which is their high tech way of saying they're releasing the movie. Shot in such exotic locations as Hawaii and Chatsworth, OTS is the fiscally irresponsible sequel to Stormy's blockbuster porn epic—"Operation Desert Stormy."

Once again, secret agents Rachel and George (Stormy Daniels and Evan Stone) are paired up. Having just saved the world and been promoted, they reward themselves with a relaxing cruise that leaves them stranded on a jaguar and sex-crazed cannibal infested jungle hellhole. Oh, and it's also the secret lair of North Korean playboy dictator Kim Jong-Il. Despite the incredible duress they are perpetually under (with the threat of imminent death comically lurking behind every single moment on the island), the two manage to squeeze in just about as much ball-draining, snatch-quenching fuck action as a couple of horny honeymooners at a swingers convention in Jamaica.

Joining Miss Daniels and Mister Stone are a burgeoning cast of morally uninhibited young strumpets including Anabelle Lee, Nikki Rhodes, Devon Lee, Gianna Lynn, Mikayla Mendez, Mya Luanna, Shyla Stylez, Sammy Rhodes, Carolyn Reese, Havana Ginger, Renae Cruz, Desiree Diam, Mia Lelani, and Bella Ling. A cast of that size seems like reason enough to give this monster a look.

Whether or not this sequel will pack the punch of its predecessor, which garnered such lofty awards as AVN's 2008 "Best Comedy", XRCO's 2008 "Best Director", Nightmove's "First Choice," and 2008 Empire Award's "Best Overall DVD", "Best Feature", "Editor's Choice Best Video" and "Viewer's Choice Best Video", we cannot say. For now, we're just too busy pouring over the embarrassment of riches they included in promotional materials and waiting for our Operation Tropical Stormy Coconut Rum Flavored Lube to arrive—which should be here any minute now.

"Operation Tropical Stormy" floods onto streets at high tide next week. Check out our exclusive sneak peek now. And to Stormy Daniels we say—good luck with both this amazing looking movie and your Senate bid!

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The Five

Studio: Adam & Eve
Director: Andre Madness
Cast: Bree Olson, Alexis Texas, Jenna Haze, Sasha Grey, Shyla Stylez, Johnny Sins, Mr. Pete, James Deen, Scott Nails, Danny Mountain

Review by: Gram Ponante

It is then that you realize that "The Five" is not supposed to be a porn version of "The 300."

"The Five" is ALSO not about some elite crimefighting team, unless the crime is not having an opportunity to watch Bree Olson and four other women fuck other guys.

Instead (and depending on the household) "The Five" features five of porn's household names in overlapping scenes shot in a pleasant and sunlit modern country home. Nothing special, unless you like those people a lot. Which I do.

For example, Bree opens the movie (and her stems) with a couch-based tease sequence. I hope this is not taken the wrong way, but Olson is a little heavier than the last time I saw her, and the extra weight looks great on her. People can be sensitive about weight, I've heard. When she is done tossing her lingerie at the camera, she and the camera crawl over to Johnny Sins, who happens to have been sitting on the couch all along, just like the Footprints in the famous inspirational poster.

He fucks her. What would you do if Bree Olson crawled over to your side of the couch naked? At least I hope you would fuck her. I'd block you from this URL if you didn't do your best to take advantage of all opportunities.

"Oh my goodness!" Olson yells, adorably.

Then Mr. Pete fucks Sasha Grey in the kitchen.

A few words about Sasha Grey and Mr. Pete: I am prepared to say that their onscreen personae (ice princess, hillbilly) do not accurately represent them. For example, Sasha Grey is delightful to talk with and she laughs a lot, and Mr. Pete is the nicest guy you'd want to meet. When they fuck in the kitchen you can imagine they had lunch afterward (after they'd squeegeed the surfaces).

Later, James Deen encounters Jenna Haze at the bottom of some concrete-and-stainless-steel stairwell at which someone has thoughtfully placed a couch to fuck her on.

I often wonder: What's the big deal about Jenna Haze? But in "The Five" it became clear. She makes excellent eye contact, and that can't be faked.

While the rest of the movie doesn't fizzle (a threesome with Shyla Stylez, Olson, and Digital Playground mainstay Scott Nails, a scene between Alexis Texas and Danny Mountain), I began to wonder about the viability of a title like "The Five." As there was no throughline - other than the house - the "five" only refers to the number of women in it, which is about as useful as renaming a "Reverse Bukkake" "The 17 Who Showed Up."

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· Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
· Buy "The Five" (gamelink.com)

Usually when we go to the emergency room in the middle of the night for some free morphine and experimental surgery, the registered nurse on duty is about the farthest thing on our minds from sexy. We've actually had some experience here. Trust us, our last nurse was named Frank and, competent as he was, he did not inspire lusty fantasies about probing.

Shyla Stylez on the other hand, well, does. Dress her up in the requisite nursing outfit and bend her over and she looks like a blow up doll (in a good way). Considering she's taking a Prince deep up into the velvety folds of her plush hot wetness, the abstract series of expressions she twists her face into begin to make more sense. Perhaps she's speaking in a forgotten nurse code, saying, "Hey, I'm getting the fucking of my life from this guy."

Shyla is joined by the hottest chick in all of porn from 2008, Miss Jayden James, as well as Kristina Rose, Aletta Ocean, and Tara Lynn.

Kevin Moore is one of the most talented, and overlooked, gonzo directors in the business today. Kudos to Smash for another great movie, and to Moore for helming it.

"Registered Nurses 2" is out now. Check out these exclusive snaps!

· Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)

Earlier this year, we saw Andrew Blake's "5 Stars", now Adam & Eve have taken up the pentaphilic torch with "The Five," a celebration of five of the porn world's most impressive stars.

The feature is headlined by Bree Olson, who brings her adorable (and dirty) charms to both her scenes (the opener, in which she opens up all her orifices to Johnny Sins, and the fourth scene, in which Bree joins Shyla Stylez and Scott Nails for a delicious threesome). But Bree is hardly the only star in this show: Sasha Grey, Jenna Haze, and Alexis Texas round out the release, with ample dirty talk and hard fucking.

There is no plot—or even a half-hearted attempt at a plot—to "The Five": instead, each performer is introduced with a little striptease, and then immediately cuts to the fuck, er, chase. But it's for the best, really. With a cast of this caliber, there's no need to waste time dressing up the action or providing a backstory: these performers are strong enough to carry the film on their sexual skills alone.

In keeping with its numeric theme, "The Five" releases today—5/5/09. For the sake of numeric consistency, we almost wish it had come out four years ago—but, alas, if it had, we wouldn't have been able to compile this stellar cast.

· "The Five" (adameve.com)
· Buy "The Five" (gamelink.com)

Fast forward to (who else?) a guy named Jules Jordan from (where else?) Jules Jordan Video, who just decided that next week would be a good time to drop his latest video about (what else?) big boobs! Seriously, the people over at his company are unbelievable. It's like they have a mind reading machine that gets inside of our brains, looks past all those jokes about Chuck Norris, and actually figures out what we want, long before we're even aware of the desire!

Lexington Steele plows his massive ebony fuck worm deep into slutty Tory Lane's quivering butthole and just demolishes it, for, like, an hour. A ripped boy wonder gets to violate the hell out of sexy big boob princess Nikki Benz, who parades around like she's a Mardi Gras present from Stanley Kubrick to our inner child. We'll have to check with our "on retainer" crack legal team before we talk about what we would do to that beautiful woman if we were locked in a villa with her in Barcelona for the weekend... because it might not be legal (even in international waters!).

Add to that the severely wonderful drilling that chesty darlings Gianna Michaels, Shyla Stylez, Cassandra Calogera, Carmella Bing, and Ami Jordan undergo, all replete with bouncy jugs of jiggling goodness, and you've got the perfect way to spend an afternoon on an otherwise end of the world Monday meltdown.

"Breast Worship 2" releases next week from Jules Jordan Video. We'd say it was DD-licious, but that's just pandering, so instead we'll just go with awesome.

· Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)

I remember this very clearly: I was at the home of someone who is now a Facebook friend and we were bored, and both of us knew it. Suddenly he turned on the radio, muttering "Wonder if Taco has a new song. 'Puttin' on the Ritz' is awesome."

I hate Taco's version of "Puttin' on the Ritz" so much, and Taco for doing it, that I can't help thinking about it every time I encounter a similar metrical construction, such as this week's title. And, Dear Fleshbot Readers, this happens a lot more than you'd think. "For a wonderful time" it is not.

To refresh (shudder) your memory or create nightmares:

So your task this week is to banish my demons with your own parody version (text only, don't wear yourself out) of "Puttin' on the Ritz" using this week's gapetastic title. (And, parenthetically, big props to last week's winner.)

· Vouyer Media (vouyermedia.com)
· Buy "Diggin in the Gapes 2" (gamelink.com)

It's just the latest offering in Digital Playground's vocation themed series, which has covered "Cheerleaders" and "Babysitters" so far. No word yet as to whether "Taxidermists," "Dental Hygienists," and girls who specialize in "Home Gun Repair" will eventually make the list.

If you only plan on buying one movie this year, let us know, because we're going to have to file for unemployment soon (we don't advise it). That being said, this movie could hold our attention for months on end, just from the cast alone. It makes for a great porno movie—which is good, because, in all honesty, as a viable health care training instructional video, this thing is just awful.

We're not sure where these, uh-hum, "ladies" received their "accreditation" but we have to tell them that they're doing this all wrong. First of all, these guys don't need hot, sweaty, heart pumping, acrobatic sex from mindblowingly hot morally uninhibited fuck puppets! Okay? They're sick! They need rest—not ball draining, soul quenching, full release! What the hell, right? How are they ever going to get better if these self absorbed nymphomaniacs keep screwing all the bodily fluids out of them?

But all jokes aside, this movie, like so much of what they do over there at Digital Playground, is simply masterful. For those of you who think we show DP a lot of love, movies like this vindicate our encomium—with room to spare. So stop hating and enjoy the plethora of amazing sample pictures... and then go buy this movie in regular DVD or on Blu-Ray.

The wait is over. "Nurses" releases this week from Digital Playground.

· Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)

So who gets top honors? View the top ten below:

10. Amy Reid

9. Jesse Jane

8. Priya Rai

7. Nikki Benz

6. Briana Banks

5. Audrey Bitoni

4. Eva Angelina

3. Tera Patrick

2. Shyla Stylez

1. Jenna Jameson

Bummed that your favorite star didn't make the cut? View the full top 100 over at Porn-Star.com and see where she placed.

· 100 Most Popular Pornstars of 2008 (porn-star.com)

. . .

· Shyla in the kitchen (pornhub.com)

Anouck (burningangel.com)

Claudia Costa (softcore-source.com)

Lanny Barby

Shyla Stylez

Sunny Leone

Christie Lee (kellyfind.com)

Metalux (burningangel.com)

Lauren Phoenix

Kate Ground (katesplayground.com)

Nikki Benz

*****

Previously: Fleshbot Requests Archive

Tory Lane stars in her first “internal” scene, pairing up with two handsome and amicable fellows, who proceed (at her request) to pummel every wanton orifice she owns. A deep insatiable hunger flashes crimson across her face and breasts as her greedy box thirstily drinks up both of their milky offerings, then defiantly spits them back out for your approval.

Likewise Lisa Ann (whose visage has become virtually synonymous with a certain GOP candidate) enjoys a raunchy romp before gleefully presenting her creamy man pudding to the camera. Even Shyla Stylez, displaying the most immaculate tan we’ve ever seen on her gorgeous golden curves, unleashes a sluice of freshly churned fuck butter that sweetly dribbles out of her coveted honey pot.

Newcummers Kirra Lynne, Nika Noire, and Mya Nichols join in the fun as well, each providing hours of potentially impregnating entertainment in the process.

While we may never know what exactly it is that gets viewers so excited about actually seeing semen drip out of the girl (instead of having it basted on her face, breasts, or ass), we are certain that director Chris Streams knows what it is—and he really wants to share it with you.

· "Internal Damnation" (julesjordanvideo.com)

. . .

· 'Pirates II' Trailer Premieres Online (avn.com)
· Pirates II: X-Rated Trailer (piratesxxx.com)
· Pirates II: R-Rated Trailer (youtube.com)
• Order: "Pirates Ii: Stagnett's Revenge" (Adult DVD Empire)

. . .

"Some say the path we take is guided by Fate or unseen forces," intones Lei in the voiceover, which is immediately reminiscent of the sort of stylish, formulaic, safe, and Skinemax -ready porn Wicked produces so well, or at least so frequently.

How does one become a hooker accidentally? Well, if you looked like Kaylani Lei and you were walking down Hollywood Boulevard dressed to enhance all your Kaylani Leitude whilst absently sucking your soft drink from a straw, it would be within reason for the common passerby to at least hope you were a hooker.

And the passerby would be right, because hooker Lei is en route to an interview about how she became a hooker accidentally. Turns out she met a dude, Marcus (Armstrong), online who wasted no time sampling the goods once they finally met.

"He didn't seem to be an axe murderer or anything," Lei recalled. Waking up alone, Lei was surprised to find $500 by her bedside.

Was she a hooker? Who knows. Marcus invites her to L.A. and at the airport she is greeted by a limousine containing not Marcus but instead a man named Deep Threat.

"Little did I know that it would change my life - " says Lei in the voiceover.

(wait for it)

" - forever."

"I realized I crossed a line," she says.

(wait for it)

" - that could never be uncrossed."

Also:

"I had changed - "

(wait for it)

" - and this was only the beginning."

Lei begins a crazy joyride of sex for money, immersing herself in "the life," in which intimacy, commerce, and hedonism coexist in an uneasy colloidal stew - forever. She fucks other women, rich swains at the opera, guys at the car wash, couples, anything that pays.

Wicked cannot solve this problem, but in the scene with Shyla Stylez and Tommy Gunn as the couple Lei beds, the movie falls victim to something that happens in porn all the time: Stylez looks more like a hooker than the person playing a hooker. It's like the Monty Python "Bicycle Repair Man" sketch, where everyone is a superhero.

But the highs become fewer and farther between.

"Every once in a while you ask yourself, 'What am I doing?'" Lei tells her interviewer.

"Why don't you just stop?" he asks.

"That's easier said than done," she says, blowing cigarette smoke. "You can't just walk away. It's in your blood. It's what you know. It's what you are. No matter how hard you try, you het sucked right back in. You're in for life. And sometimes? That feels like an eternity."

I hand it to Wicked for yet another unflinching look at the world of high-priced call girls this summer, the other being Latina Hollywood Hookers.

But just when you condemn Wicked for padding the script, you realize that all those (or most of those) sodden sentences work up to a twist ending like that Tom Cruise Isn't Gay Enough movie.

Like M. Night Shyamalan projects, the twist endings over the years have yielded diminished returns since The Sixth Sense. But this is porn, so we've got at least ten more years of them. So I'll leave it to you to decide if the twist redeems the movie.

Review by: Gram Ponante

. . .

The Accidental Hooker

Studio: Wicked
Director: Brad Armstrong
Cast: Kaylani Lei, Shyla Stylez, Victoria Sin, Mikayla, Devon Lee, Jennifer Dark, Brad Armstrong, Tommy Gunn, Deep Threat, Niko, Barrett Blade, Derrick Pierce, Marcus London

· Wicked Pictures (wickedpictures.com)
· Buy "The Accidental Hooker" (gamelink.com)

Let's face it: the kind of sex that porn stars have (on camera, at least), is nothing like the kind of sex that you and I want to be having. Out of necessity, porn sex focuses far more on looking good than on feeling good — a surefire recipe for bedroom disaster. We refute the Frisky's five tips (and provide video evidence from the XXX world).

. . .

1. Be Eager Send him slutty text messages, go commando—when you’re ready for some action, take it!

Porn stars are, first and foremost, performers who are being paid to render a fantasy real. Sure, they should be enthusiastic (shouldn't we all be enthusiastic about our work?), but being overly eager could easily get in the way of a director's vision. Especially if your director is trying to create some bored girl porn:

Young girl is bored by getting fucked (megarotic.com)

2. Tell Him What You Want Don’t be shy! Be explicit. You might worry you’ll sound bossy, but it will actually be dirty talk. And what man doesn’t like that?

Once again: porn is not about the wants and needs of the stars. It's about the director's vision. Sure, some movies are all about girls vocalizing their desires — but quite a few others are about girls lying back and taking it.

Girl forced to take 2 cumshots (megarotic.com)

3. Use Your Backside Guys go crazy for the booty, so don’t be afraid to show it! Sure, from your knees to your waist, there’s cellulite and stretch marks, but he doesn’t care- only you do! If you’re already naked, you know he likes what you got and he wants all of it.

This one we can't refute. Everyone likes the ass.

nice ass shaking (megarotic.com)

4. Accessorize Just like you add earrings, belts, and necklaces to your day look, your night look could always use some accessories. From keeping your heels on, to a leather riding crop, a girl’s gotta have that little eye grabbing something extra.

Right again. Porn stars are known for keeping heels on during sex. But they are kind of uncomfortable. (Even dangerous!)

High Heels Threesome (megarotic.com)

5. Take Care Of #1—Yourself Everything from your nails to your orgasm is your responsibility. If he can’t handle the job, you should finish it off.

Perhaps they meant "Take Care Of #1—The Viewers At Home." Because when you're having sex like a porn star, that's the main thing that matters.

A Dream Team Blowjob: Gianna, Shyla Stylez (megarotic.com)

· The Frisky’s Five Tips For Doin’ It Like A Professional (thefrisky.com)
· Thumbnail from Playful Hands (fhg.playfulhands.com, via Ask Jolene)

You might see a different America than the one Everhard experienced in his travels ... but this is his POV (and his Anal Prostitutes On Video), not yours. Check out more of his field research reports in the preview gallery from "Anal POV 5" below.

· "Anal POV 5" Gallery
· Erik Everhard's "Anal POV 5" (more pics + trailer @ julesjordanvideo.com)

Whether you're a rocket scientist or not, Gina Lynn, Nikki Benz, Gianna Michaels, Carmella Bing, Shyla Stylez, Lichelle Marie, Sandra Romain, and Sienna West supply all the empirical evidence you need to show that porn stars really are different from the rest of us in their taste for outsized members (or not so different, if all of those Enzyte commercials are to be believed.) The skeptical among us may question whether their typically diminutive hands and mouths aren't skewing the data somewhat, but you can choose to believe whatever you want if it makes you feel better. We certainly are.

· Order: "Porn Stars Like It Big" (Adult DVD Empire)
· Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
· See also: Porn Stars Like It Big (paysite @ pornstarslikeitbig.com)