Finding the DVD, streaming video, or porn site that turns you on and gets you off is no easy proposition, even if you already know what you want to see. Porn is a vast genre with many subgenres, full of its own language and customs, confusing labels, and misleading titles-plus a whole lot of bad grammar. What's worse, many retailers (online and off) treat their stock with carelessness or even distaste, cramming porn together with no discernable sense of order. Alphabetical order is not invited to the party, Dewy decimal has left the building. And each website seems to have its own organizational logic. It would make a librarian homicidal. Even a naughty one.

In a lot of ways, finding the right porn is much like seeking out a Hollywood movie-you're really on your own to find it. But in a genre of film that has no road map, you'll need to know not only what you want and where to find it, but also the different types of porn available.

Start by creating a picture of what you hope to find in your porn, just as you'd order a meal in a restaurant. What are you hungry for? Small breasts, big butts, women in charge, realistic plots, blow jobs, two gals and a guy, male anal penetration, rough sex? This may not be your menu, but you get the idea. The important thing is that you make a list of all the qualities you hope to find in an adult video. Then make a second list of things you don't want to see. Do you get turned off by fake breasts, hairy men, rimming, toe-sucking, facial ejaculation, two women together, or watching group sex? These are just examples to get you brainstorming about what you think will send you over the edge-and what you think you'll want to skip through. As you watch porn, you'll probably find more to add to (or subtract from) either list, because sometimes we find things that turn us on or off that we didn't even know about.

Excerpted from The Smart Girl's Guide to Porn, written by Violet Blue and published by Cleis Press.

The book is on sale at Amazon, both as a paperback and e-book.

Copyright (c) 2009 by Violet Blue.

If you're an author or a book publicist and you want to participate in the Fleshbot Book Club, send email to Lux Alptraum.

So sex advice is sex advice and most of it is pretty sensible and formulaic, but we had to laugh when Savanna (jokingly) suggested that "lots of opiates" are what it will take to convince your wife to join in an orgy with you. Or that the solution to your girlfriend's annoyance with how long it takes for you to come (oh, boo hoo) is to "have her stick her finger up your ass! Kisses!" She also gives a lesson in how to deep throat and explains why women love to take it in the ass. Seriously, this advice column is gold.

· Savanna on Sex (xcritic.com)

Over Twitter, Tristan said:

Be a part of my *advanced* anal sex ed film-tell me ?s you want answered, topics covered, what ur dying to know & see.

And remember—she's a professional. So don't be afraid to ask anything (and we do mean anything).

· Tristan's Tweet (twitter.com)

We're especially crushed out on—well, actually, we kinda have crushes on everyone in the video (that's allowed, right?). We've pulled a sample clip for you (at left)—if it leaves you feeling hot and bothered, check out the full video at Hulu. (We'll be busying ourselves checking to see if Howcast has a "How To Have Great Anal Sex" softcore porn tutorial.)

· Howcast: How To Have Great Phone Sex (full video @ hulu.com, via Baby Sinead)

From what we can tell, "Ask Nikki Jayne" is more or less standard advice column fodder ("Nikki responds to questions from readers about everything from how to get your girlfriend to give you better oral sex to orgy etiquette"), but with a few important additions: the advice will be accompanied by excerpts from Nikki's diary, as well as an exclusive pictorial spread (okay, that's the part we care most about).

Nikki's first column hits UK newsstands later this month, but won't make it across the pond for another month or two. If any of our UK readers would like to scan us a copy of the column, well, we'd just be ever so grateful.

· Thumbnail: Nikki Jayne (suze.net, via Ask Jolene)

Anal sexpert and Crush Object Extraordinaire Tristan Taormino has just released "The Anal Sex Position Guide," which, well, offers couples advice on different positions to try when you're embracing the backdoor.

But this book is more than just an Ass-a Sutra (if you will): more than just a picture book of butt sex positions, "The Anal Sex Position Guide" is a full on tutorial discussing everything a couple needs to know before venturing into anal play—whether they're exploring his ass or hers, using a penis or a strap-on. Anatomy, safer sex, communication, lubrication, and sex toys are all thoroughly discussed—as are many other tips and pointers we wouldn't even have thought to include (like why Anal-Eze is bad, and what to do, or not do, about butt hair).

Rounding out the volume are a handful of erotic "inspiration" stories from some of our favorite erotica authors, and, of course, many, many hot pictures to illustrate the various positions discussed within the book (we've thoughtfully included a few samples below).

Whether you'd like to dip your toe into the waters of butt play, or are looking to spice up an already active anal sex life, "The Anal Sex Position Guide" is an absolute must buy. And even if you aren't into the ass at all, we still recommend taking a look. This might be the volume that makes you change your mind.

· Buy "The Anal Sex Position Guide" (amazon.com)
· Tristan Taormino (puckerup.com)

A month ago, when we first found out Baby Sinead would team up with Missbehave to dispense sex advice, we were excited. The first installment of wisdom has informed us, among other things, whether it's weird for someone to shove their finger up your butt as they have an orgasm (the answer is yes. obvi.), and what to do with your man's splooge after you give him a hand job. We'll let you visit Missbehave Magazine to find the answer to that one. In all, we're entertained and impressed.

Should you want Baby Sinead to try her hand at your sex query, email her at babysinead@gmail.com.

Yes, what the Playboy Kama Sutra lacks in fidelity to the original text, it more than makes up for in, uh, lingerie-clad centerfolds groping each other. We'd thought there was no way to improve on such a classic work... but once again, Playboy proved us wrong.

· Playboy's Kama Sutra (daily videos @ playboy.com)

Sure, you could just go to a sex toy shop and pick the first toy that catches your eye—but chances are high that that system won't lead you to the toy of your dreams (says the woman who's first vibrator was glittery, pink, and cock-shaped). That's why we here at Fleshbot have stepped in to help. We've assembled a list of our favorite "beginner" toys: ones that are simple to use, not too intimidating, discreet, and, most importantly, cheap—so even if you don't fall in love on first fap, you can still experiment without breaking the bank.

Silk Dildo: Many dildo manufacturers seem to believe that bigger is always better—which means they end up creating a product that can be a bit intimidating to the beginner. Silk dildos are available in a range of sizes, with the smallest selection a great pick for the girl (or boy) who's just getting started.

The Nubby G: The Nubby G was not my first vibrator, but I really wish it had been. The f-shaped toy is a great way to explore stimulating the g-spot, the clitoris, or both at the same time—and the dial on the bottom makes it easy to control the speed of vibration, with no confusing buttons to get in the way of a good time.

I Rub My Duckie: Bathtime's lots more fun when you throw in the I Rub My Duckie vibe. Just squeeze the tail to get Duckie going—and when you're done with your fun, no one will ever be the wiser.

Silver Bullet: You can't get much more simple than the silver bullet: compact, powerful, and utterly delightful, it works well for both external and internal stimulation—and can be paired with a tickler when you're ready to take things up a notch.

Havana Vibrating Butt Plug: Sleek, thin, and adorably pink, the Havana is a good pick for those just getting started with anal play. Slide it in for some anal enjoyment—and when you're ready to take things a little further, throw in some vibration for a little extra buzz.

Flexi Felix: Soft, supple, and, yes, adorable, Flexi Felix is another good option for butt play beginners. The soft beads slide in without putting too much force on your parts. And, best of all, you can easily take each bead one at a time, taking a break in between until you're ready for the next.

Penny Flame's Expert Guide to Handjobs for Men & Women

Studio: Vivid
Cast: Penny Flame, Harmony, Justice Young, Anthony Rosano

Review by: Gram Ponante

Ms. Flame proves an excellent teacher in "Penny Flame's Expert Guide to Handjobs for Men & Women," which delivers the sexy without skimping on the science.

Appearing before a multi-ethnic and multigenerational classroom, Flame whips out the visual aids, both tasteful black-and-white drawings and flesh-and-blood subjects Harmony and Justice Young, to demonstrate that handjobs are more than masturbation plus distance.

Flame emphasizes lube, hand hygiene, and taking it slow (but firm) with guest Harmony, who allows Flame to squeeze her labia together for the hushed onlookers ("Don't go straight for the clit before it's warmed up," Flame tells you sternly). But tragedy strikes when Justice Young appears for the male component, because Flame only gets him hard - she doesn't allow a release. That, my friends, is not Justice.

And this is the only drawback to the movie. The 30-minute classroom portion is filmed and edited like an infomercial for softcore late-night cable, with all the applause sound effects, approving audience shots, cheesy voiceover, and canned music. The artifice threatens to overwhelm the naturally compelling Flame and make her seem like more of a prop, when in fact her teaching style - when she's allowed to do it - is helpful and personable.

The infomercial gives way to several annotated hardcore scenes, including one with Flame and Anthony Rosano, that fill out the DVD.

· Vivid (vivid.com)
· Buy "Penny Flame's Expert Guide to Hand Jobs" (gamelink.com)

While we certainly appreciate the fundamental message behind the project (porn is fantasy, and not like real life), we found ourselves a bit put off by some of the assumptions—and misinformation—the site puts forth about pornography (and, for that matter, the real world). Much of it seems to be based on broad generalizations and limited experiences—two things we happen to hate. So in the hopes of encouraging conversation, we decided to throw our opinions into the mix.

Strong start, and one we can't really argue with. Love it or hate it, the facial is disturbingly common in the porn world, and we, for one, would love to see a little more variety.

Here's our first misstep. There are women out there who orgasm via stimulation that is not clitoral in nature. Whether they're coming from internal stimulation, nipple stimulation, or even just thinking themselves off, they're able to do it without touching the clit—and while these women may be in the minority, they do exist.

While the hair-free look has been the norm for years, pubic hair is making a comeback—just ask Sasha Grey, who's been rocking a rather stylish pubic do for some time now.

Not all pornstars do anal—in fact, there are quite a few who don't. More important, for us, is talking about the fact that porn depicts anal as an easy activity that one can do on a whim—we'd wager that if more people understood the amount of work that goes into a good anal session... well, more people would be finding pleasure in anal stimulation.

Again, something we can (sort of) agree on: the kind of sex that people have for the camera isn't always the kind of sex that people want to have in real life—because the kind of sex that you have in real life, that feels great, probably won't look great on camera (as evidenced by just about every amateur sex tape you've ever seen). However, there's still some porno sex that looks hot and looks like a great time, as far as we're concerned.

Okay, we'll give her this one.

Another assumption about porn that we'd like to dispel: there's a lot of porn out there that's not all about dirty talk, and assuming that every time some fucking gets committed to film, a girl is called bitch or whore does a disservice to us all.

See our commentary on anal sex: porn is notoriously bad for leaving the warm up on the cutting room floor.

Also not the only kind of blowjob that ever makes its way on camera. Putting forth the assumption that all porn promotes aggressive, violent sex creates a very limited view of the possibilities of sex on film.

If there's one thing that years of near constant porn watching have taught us, it's that there's no one way to have sex in porn. Different performers have different styles, different directors shoot different types of scenes, different genres play up different experiences. Referring to porn as a monolithic, undifferentiated mass doesn't do anyone any good—in fact, it's about as bad as assuming that every lesson learned in a porno can be applied to real life.

· Make Love, Not Porn (makelovenotporn.com, via blog.babeland.com, also seen at BoingBoing)
· Thumbnail images via Digital Playground and Share Adult

But since we've been impressed by the previous installments of the Expert Guide series, we figured we'd give this one a shot. And, true to form, Tristan impressed us with her efforts. Rather than setting itself up as the end all, be all of threesomology, the "Expert Guide to Threesomes" acts more as a general guide to group sex.

In the educational intro, Tristan explains different threesome configurations, lays out some basic rules, and goes over different roadblocks and pitfalls encountered by couples looking to have a threesome. While its no guarantee of a problem-free debut into the world of group sex, the "Expert Guide" is a good way for couples to open up a discussion about going beyond a twosome—and even if end up deciding that the threeway isn't your way, you'll still get to watch some hot group sex porn.

· Vivid-Ed (vivid-ed.com)

The problem is all inside your head they said to me
The answer is easy if you watch this DVD
We’d like to help you in your struggle sexually
There must be 32 ways to please your lover

They said it’s really not our habit to intrude
Furthermore, we hope our meaning won’t be lost or misconstrued
But we’ll repeat ourselves - we’re the Sinclair Institute
There must be 32 ways to please your lover

You just dive into her puss, Russ; make love to those tits, Fritz
Don’t be a dick, Rick - just get the DVD
Get into her ass, Chas (you’ll need to discuss that)
But learn how to kiss, Chris, and get yourself free

They said it grieves us so to see you in such pain
We wish there was something we could do to make you come again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the 32 ways?

They said why don’t you both just get it on tonight
And we believe by morning you’ll begin to see the light
And then they charged me $24.95 – and it turns out they were right
There must be 32 ways to please your lover

You work on his ass, Cass; just find his G-spot, Dot
Just spend a little dough, Flo, and buy our DVD
Suck on his toes, Rose (you might need to wash those)
Just learn to fellate, Kate, and get yourself free

· Sinclair Institute (www.bettersex.com)
· Buy "32 Ways to Please Your Lover" (gamelink.com)

. . .

Hey Stoya,

Love your work! I find you simply amazing. I normally enjoy larger breasted females but there is something about you that just turns me on! Maybe it is how you get into the scene or maybe it is your nice ass, perky tits, and sexy moan. But to get to my question. Do you have any fetishes that you don't get to do on screen? I am enjoy peeing. Girls giving golden showers or just girls peeing. I know that isn't really DP's thing but wondered if you would ever do a scene with that or if you are totally against that. Secondly, do you feel special since your "name" is trademarked?

Personally, I define 'fetish' as something that is necessary for either arousal or the completion of the sexual act. That said, I have no fetishes but am quite into a number of acts usually categorized as fetish. Mostly I enjoy new things and making the experience enjoyable for the partner(s) so if they're into it I almost always enjoy participating. In my personal life the line is drawn at poo and living things that can't or don't consent. I'm not against pee, but I am against going to jail for violation of obscenity laws, and since Digital Playground is also going to be running my eventual website, people that want to see me pee are going to have to wait for the United States to relax on the whole obscenity thing. Good luck with that one.

To answer your second question, no. Actually, having my name trademarked makes me feel a little weird, like I'm supposed to be some kind of porn star or something.

——-

Dear Stoya,

I've got some questions for you.

If any of these questions are too intrusive or you would rather not answer them please ignore them:

Main Question:

At what age did you discover pornography and what was your reaction? Was it a movie, magazine or other? Remember its title?

Consider these:

When did you discover masturbation?

How often do you masturbate?

Do you masturbate to pornography?

Have you masturbated to your own sex scenes?

What's your favorite sex toy or do you prefer your hand?

At what age did you lose your virginity?

Have you ever been with a transsexual and would you consider performing with one in the future?

What's the kinkiest or wildest sex act you've ever done?

On the Kinsey sexual orientation scale where would you classify yourself? 0 - 6 (0=Hetero 3=Bi 6=Homo).

How do you feel about labels such as: gay, straight, and bi?

When did you decide to get into the adult business and why?

What are the pros and cons of the adult industry?

How would you like the porn industry to change in the coming years?

If you weren't a porn star what would you be or is that thought totally inconceivable?

Do you plan to remain in the industry as a producer or director or will you be exclusive to performing?

Have all your dreams been fulfilled?

What are your feelings on breast implants?

Hottest sex scene you've performed in?

And... you are beautifully hot!

Wow, that sure is a big, long list of questions. I'm not sure if I've ever seen one that huge. Do you mind if I touch it? I'm overwhelmed by the size...

At 7 am on my way to shoot with the lovely angelina armani, I am overstimulated and convinced that everything needs to be a sexual innuendo. You should try it some time. Its a fun game.

What age did I discover pornographic material? It was definitely more than four years ago. Actually, it wasn't a movie or a magazine, it was bdsm and fetish newsgroups on the internet. Obviously I reacted to it quite well :) By the time I signed with DP I had still only seen a handful of adult movies, and the only ones I found interesting enough to sit through were "The Fashionistas" and JackTheZipper's work, which kind of makes sense because they both have a lot of artistic and fetish themes.

What's my favorite sex toy or do I prefer my hand? I prefer other peoples hands... like under a table in public... or in the back of a taxi at night when the driver isn't looking (Here we go with the overstimulated thing again). If there are no hands available, I'm partial to this little egg-ish shaped vibrator from lelo.

Do I intend to remain in the industry as a producer or director or will I remain exclusive to performing?

Jesus, dude. Eight movies and you're already asking what I'm going to do when I retire?

——-

Hey there...Stoya...

I married a wonderful girl, but she's really shy in bed...and I need a girl who is more bold and exciting...any ideas on how i can drop the hint and help her get more bold?

Wow. There's really no stock answer for this, since each woman is different. Generally, building a healthy dialogue on sex and making your partner feel satisfied and comfortable are going to be good first steps toward a more open sex life. Even something as simple as changing "I need a girl who is more bold and exciting" to "It would be nice if she felt comfortable enough to experiment and express her sexuality with me" would probably get you much better results. There's nothing less sexy than feeling like you aren't exciting, so watch your choice of words when you begin to broach the subject.

*****

For more Stoya, check out the Stoya Archive.

Image courtesy of Digital Playground

· First Bi Threesome (firstbithreesome.com, via indienudes.com)