While the Form 2's ears made it rabbit-like in appearance, the Ina is a rabbit in a more metaphorical sense: unlike the Form 2, it is a dual stimulation (aka "rabbit" vibe)...but in appearance, well, it bears more resemblance to some sort of cactus than a fuzzy little bunny.

But, of course, it's much more pleasant than a cactus would be on the lady parts. Ina's sleek, smooth contours felt great on my bits; and I greatly enjoyed the many pulse patterns offered by the toy. If you're familiar with Lelo toys and Lelo quality, you should know what to expect here: it's a solid, well designed piece of machinery that'll keep you happy all night long.

However, there were some road bumps to my experience with Ina. The first came early on: Ina's smaller prong (the one used for external stimulation) is in a relatively fixed position. While it's flexible enough to bend back a bit, it may not be enough to accommodate all body types. Ultimately, it was fine for me—but if you prefer your external and internal stimulators to have a good deal of distance between them, this may not be the toy for you.

Secondly, the external and internal stimulators do not have separate controls. The Ina's four buttons control all parts of the toy simultaneously, whether they're turning it on, turning it up, or cycling through a few rocking beats. If you like your clit to rock as hard as your gspot, then carry on—but if you want to be able to switch things up between the two areas, another toy might suit you better.

True, the rabbit vibe is a classic toy—but it's always nice to see the classics get reinvented (like when Baz Luhrmann shot "Romeo and Juliet"!). Ina's one great take on dual stimulation...and we can't wait to see what other sorts of remixes the future has in store for us.

· Lelo (lelo.com)
· Buy the Ina (babeland.com)

I feel that, if one is cum-hungry, it behooves one to be a cocksucker. This way you avoid the value-sapping middleman of a goblet or felching. In "13 Cum-Hungry Cocksuckers," Gracie Glam and others go right to the source.

"I like sucking dick. Who doesn't?" says Glam before leading a troupe of 12 others (each to her own day, I'm thinking) up and down one lucky guy's schlong.

Glam is tiny and amicable, just the type of person to make anyone's cock look big and, even though it's someone else she's attending to in the movie, she has some coded language for you:

"I hope you like watching me Essing the D, baby," she says.

· Madness Pictures (madnesspictures.com)
· Buy "13 Cum Hungry Cocksuckers 10" (gamelink.com)

Madness Pictures (madnesspictures.com)
Buy "13 Cum Hungry Cocksuckers 10" (gamelink.com)
Madness Pictures (madnesspictures.com)
Buy "13 Cum Hungry Cocksuckers 10" (gamelink.com)
Madness Pictures (madnesspictures.com)
Buy "13 Cum Hungry Cocksuckers 10" (gamelink.com)
Madness Pictures (madnesspictures.com)
Buy "13 Cum Hungry Cocksuckers 10" (gamelink.com)
Madness Pictures (madnesspictures.com)
Buy "13 Cum Hungry Cocksuckers 10" (gamelink.com)

A bright red sheath encasing (what else?) a bullet vibe, the Finger Tingles looks a bit like a very ineffective bottle opener. But trust me: with a little know how and maneuvering, this toy should have no problem popping your cork.

To use the Finger Tingles, simply slip your finger of choice (index finger, middle finger, someone else's finger...whatever) through the hole, and press the vibrator's button to activate. Voila! You should immediately notice some tingling...in your finger. No, there's nothing wrong with you: the toy's sheath is, in fact, conducting the bullet's vibration into your finger.

Most of you have probably figured out what happens next, but if you're feeling a little slow today, I'll happily explain. Using your (vibrating!) finger, proceed to stimulate yourself as normal. Yes, your finger just got that much more powerful.

But wait! There's more: move the Finger Tingles all the way down to the base of of your finger, and you now have the ability to do oh so much more with that little digit. For instance, slide it inside yourself, with the vibrator pressing against your clitoris and labia. Yes, that is what we call double stimulation (eat your heart out, rabbit vibe!).

The Finger Tingles is a wonderful example of how effective simple, good design (and your very own finger!) can be. My one complaint? It's only available in one size. Much as I liked it, it felt a little large and unwieldy in the palm of my hand. Then again, my hands are (more or less) the size of a child's...so that probably won't happen to you.

· Buy the Finger Tingles Vibrator (goodvibes.com)

Consider the best porn movies which are, let's say, a concerted effort between performers, videographers, and directors to get you off. The RealTouch adds yet another participant to your masturbation's open marriage: a hard-working haptic encoder.

The RealTouch device is slightly bigger than that squash you devoured yesterday, and far more interesting to put your penis in. Opposite your penis, a USB cable connects the RealTouch hardware to your computer where, logged in to your account at RealTouch.com, you can access hundreds of scenes specially coded for use with your new conversation starter.

Starting with an ever-increasing library of straight, gay, and even anime P.O.V. videos, RealTouch's North Carolina-based programmers then assiduously mark, frame by frame, each movement of (for example) Tori Black's mouth, adjusting for heat, wetness, friction, and ferocity, sending these routines to two opposing conveyor belts within the machine. Ditto Tori's hands, ass, and vagina.

Unlike other marital aids in which the user actually has to do more work to operate them, the RealTouch is particularly eager to please. You select a video and put your dick in a machine. Science and your own self-control do the rest.

"I just stood there," one test subject said. "It really did all the work for me."

One drawback of the RealTouch is that it is not yet Mac compatible. So I farmed out the job of testing the device and its web interface to three PC users. Top of the list of my review criteria was not to tell me how weird it was.

"Look," I said. "We know it's weird."

Initial web setup and login to the RealTouch account were simple, followed by a Windows Media-based software download that was considerably less difficult than a WordPress install. Our review model made a whirring sound and one subject was tentative about making a penile approach to it.

"I didn't know if I'd come back," he said.

But they were Heroes, and each on different occasions tried videos with Tera Patrick, Ashlynn Brooke, Tori Black, Bree Olson, and Jenna Jameson, noting that Bree used up a lot of lube.

The belts work in conjunction with heating coils, a lube reservoir, and a simple adjustably tight seal (but haptics don't care how big you are). Is one hole different from the other? The belts squeeze tighter and the coils heat hotter when you're in Bree's ass.

Cleaning, refilling, and transporting this machine require, as you'd imagine, a commitment, but not one our test subjects, each either happily married or otherwise partnered, minded ("but watch out for leaks," one said).

What I find fascinating about the RealTouch is that someone in Charlotte was focusing as intently on Jenna Jameson or Lisa Ann (or dozens of other actresses) as you would be, dropping coder's keystrokes in anticipation of your eventual loads.

So, even though masturbation is a personal experience, the RealTouch proves that it takes a village to jerk you off.

· RealTouch (realtouch.com)

JimmyJane is referring to the Form 2 as a rabbit vibe (and given its resemblance to a certain Sanrio character, it's not hard to see why). But don't be fooled: this isn't the Rabbit Pearl you're dealing with. The Form 2 is a world away from the toy that was the toast of the "Sex and the City" set.

For one thing, the Form 2 is for external use only. But don't think that the lack of dual stimulation is a failing: the Form 2 may not do everything, but what it does do, it does very, very well. The two ears (which can stimulate the labia, envelope the clitoris, and whatever else your dirty little mind imagines) are each powered by their very own motor...the better to vibrate as hard as possible, of course.

And there's also the matter of the controls. The Form 2 is graced with three little buttons: a plus sign (to turn vibration on and up), a minus sign (to decrease vibration and turn it off), and a squiggly line, which takes the toy through different pulse patterns. It's a simple, intuitive set up, and it works very, very well—even in my orgasm addled state, I was still easily able to navigate my way through the pleasure cycle.

But that's not all! The Form 2 is completely waterproof (for bathtime fun), and—and this really excites me—it's impossible to overcharge it. Yes, leave your toy sitting on your charger overnight, if you like; it'll still be good as new in the morning.

In the past, I've had my issues with some of JimmyJane's products, but the Form 2 might just be enough to turn me into a true believer. I'm eagerly looking forward to Form 3 and 4...I can't wait to see what the future holds.

· Buy the Form 2 (jimmyjane.com)

J-Girls Dress Up Fantasy

Studio: Third World Media
Cast: Miku Hayama, Mayu Yamaguchi, Natsuki Luima, Seira Radno, Makoto Amano

Review by: Gram Ponante

Not too much, really, but that's not the point: the costume does not define the person. Even though the trepidatious Miku Hayama and Makoto Amano are dressed as saucy French maids, they quiver and weep at the attentions of their scene partners.

And Mayu Tamaguchi, done up as the standard schoolgirl, actually behaves in a scholarly fashion rather than flouting the outfit in the way her Porn Valley sisters would.

Seira Radnu mixes and matches various Western military outfits, and she and Natsuki Luima actually appear to be having fun as their very enthusiastic and earnest Nipponese helpmeets maul and paw them.

The giggly Luima is my favorite of this bunch, though her scene in spotted pajamas is over too soon.

· Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
· Buy "J-Girls Dress Up Fantasy" (tlavideo.com)

Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
Buy "J-Girls Dress Up Fantasy" (tlavideo.com)
Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
Buy "J-Girls Dress Up Fantasy" (tlavideo.com)
Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
Buy "J-Girls Dress Up Fantasy" (tlavideo.com)
Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
Buy "J-Girls Dress Up Fantasy" (tlavideo.com)
Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
Buy "J-Girls Dress Up Fantasy" (tlavideo.com)
Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
Buy "J-Girls Dress Up Fantasy" (tlavideo.com)
Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
Buy "J-Girls Dress Up Fantasy" (tlavideo.com)
Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
Buy "J-Girls Dress Up Fantasy" (tlavideo.com)
Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
Buy "J-Girls Dress Up Fantasy" (tlavideo.com)
Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
Buy "J-Girls Dress Up Fantasy" (tlavideo.com)
Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
Buy "J-Girls Dress Up Fantasy" (tlavideo.com)
Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
Buy "J-Girls Dress Up Fantasy" (tlavideo.com)
Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
Buy "J-Girls Dress Up Fantasy" (tlavideo.com)
Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
Buy "J-Girls Dress Up Fantasy" (tlavideo.com)
Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
Buy "J-Girls Dress Up Fantasy" (tlavideo.com)
Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
Buy "J-Girls Dress Up Fantasy" (tlavideo.com)
Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
Buy "J-Girls Dress Up Fantasy" (tlavideo.com)
Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
Buy "J-Girls Dress Up Fantasy" (tlavideo.com)
Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
Buy "J-Girls Dress Up Fantasy" (tlavideo.com)

Fortunate, s3py at Nudography is one of the people was dying to see "Shauna Sand Exposed." And he saw it! And reviewed it! And as a result, people who care about this sex tape get to read about it, and we get to continue not watching it. And everybody wins! (Even Shauna Sand, who's definitely gotten the requisite publicity from this.)

· Shauna Sand Sex Tape Review (nudography.com)

Last year, we were presented with the very praiseworthy SaSi from Je Joue, which turned the idea of what a sex toy can do completely on its head: instead of vibrating or penetrating, the SaSi's primary stimulation comes from moving pressure created by a small nub on the toy's underside. Now LoveHoney has their own innovative toy: meet the Sqweel, a rotating wheel of ten pink rubber tongues.

The idea behind the Sqweel is relatively simple: as the wheel rotates, the pink tongues flick against the clitoris (or nipple, or penis, or labia, or...you get the idea) one after the other after the other (and so on). The idea is to simulate oral sex—though I have to say, most of my partners have had an oral repertoire that was more extensive than simple tongue flinging.

That's not to say that the Sqweel isn't awesome; because, well, it feels pretty darn great. The soft tongues create a very nice feeling, and were easily able to get me off—obviously, the most important test in any sex toy.

However, the Sqweel can be a rather temperamental toy. For optimal results, it must be held just so: when I attempted it press it into my parts to increase the stimulation, I found that the tongues completely stopped spinning—likewise my attempts to clutch the toy between my thighs for hands free fun (I eventually got this to work, but it took some strategizing). But don't be discouraged by any initial struggles: when you do get it work just so, the resulting feeling is well worth the effort.

One criticism, though: despite LoveHoney's claims, I would not classify this toy as "easy to clean," purely on the basis that in order to clean the toy, you must first disassemble it. Sure, the disassembly is a mere two steps—but that's a whole lot more work than it takes to just rinse off any of my other toys.

Of course, none of my other toys house a wheel of ten divine, spinning tongues—so I guess it's just a trade off I'll have to live with.

· Buy the LoveHoney Sqweel (lovehoney.co.uk)

Teenage Babysitters

Studio: Powersville/JM
Director: Jim Powers
Cast: Katja Kassin, Kacey Jordan, Otto Bauer, Tara Lynn Foxx, Tanner Mayes, Yasmine Gold

"You think you can tease my husband?" says the severe deutscheMILF Katja Kassin to hapless nanny Kacey Jordan in "Teenage Babysitters." "You don't even know how to suck dick!"

One feels that this couple, who imported Jordan from a place where she had to take a plane to start her job, wasn't really interested in a babysitter at all.

This oddly dark and scattershot movie from prolific director Jim Powers is preceded by ads for his websites teenyboppercockgobblers.com and wetmilfholes.com, anticipating the action to come, which involves the almost 40-minute first scene between narrator/star Kassin, Otto Bauer, and Jordan, and a similarly Teutonic outing with German starlet Yasmine Gold, Jay Lassiter, and Tanner Mayes.

Perhaps to avoid any confusion with cheery titles like Digital Playground's "Babysitters," Powers' movie features a layered, somber synthesizer soundtrack like in an 80's noir. Kassin's German commands are fun, as are Otto Bauer's near-constant mugging, but the movie does not seem to know what kind of porn movie it wants to be. Fun and zany? Dark and ironic?

In any case, it's fun to watch, especially a scene with Tanner Mayes looking troubled, which is her signature expression.

We're glad that the "Teenage Baysitters"' youthful charges are all implied, because the sight of Mayes, Jordan, Gold, and Tara Lynn Foxx flouncing around the house might be detrimental to their development.

· JM Productions (jerkoffzone.com)
· Buy "Teenage Babysitters" (gamelink.com)

Enter the Hiney Can. Literally. From either end!.

This ingenious product features a "Fanta Flesh" vagina on one end and an anus on the other, stuffed into a tube that resembles a Heineken can. Until now, I don't think a mere marital aid has ever trumped the experience of making the sex with a real human, but you have to admit that the Hiney Can eliminates the middle woman, until the expression "too drunk to fuck" loses all meaning and disappears up itself; you are fucking Drunk Incarnate.

Get me a fuckable Jagermeister bottle and Heidi Fleiss a fuckable meth lab and we are never leaving Nevada again.

· Hiney Can (tengashop.com)

For the most part, the Freestyle is very similar to the original OhMiBod, in that its a vibrator that syncs to the sounds of your music (or, if you prefer, works as a normal vibrator—but where's the fun in that?). But there's one key feature that makes the Freestyle a winner: unlike its predecessors, the Freestyle won't leave you tangled up in wires.

In previous incaranations, OhMiBod's toys always plugged directly into the iPod. While the long cord made the situation workable, it was hard to ignore the fact that you were, literally, tethered to your iPod—a situation that could make things a little tricky, especially during partner play.

The Freestyle, on the other hand, has no such limitations. Rather than plugging the toy into the vibrator, one merely has to plug a transmitter into the iPod, which wirelessly transmits the vibrations to the Freestyle. It's a small change, but one that's greatly appreciated—and greatly improves the experience.

However, the toy wasn't quite perfect: much to my disappointment, the Freestyle abandons the wonderfully curvy shape of the NaughtiNano, opting instead for a Slimline-like body. It's okay and all—but it would be nice to see a wireless iPod vibe with a more body-friendly shape. (I also have fantasies of a very tiny Freestyle that can be tucked into the panties for discreet play in public—but maybe that's just me.)

I'd also love it if some future version of the Freestyle would enable the user to skip through songs using the toy alone. See, because the cord-free nature of the Freestyle gives me such freedom, I've taken to plugging my iPod into my speakers, and enjoying the beats from all the way across the room. And sometimes, well, I'd like to be able to switch a song without actually getting up and going to the iPod. But, uh, maybe that's just me.

Anyway: when it comes to iPod-synced vibes, the Freestyle is easily the pinnacle of achievement (for now, at least). And I, for one, look forward to enjoying many, many wireless orgasms for years to come—or at least until they come out with the next, even better model of this toy.

· Buy the Freestyle (babeland.com)

The Bottoms-Up Butt Silicone P-Spot Rocker (Now in Ice), distributed by Topco, is quite a beautiful piece of functional art, the kind of thing that unsuspecting guests might not immediately recognize as a sex toy (the way they did your six-foot Chewbacca with the strategic holes).

But caution is the watchword before inserting anything this beautiful and New Power Generation-ish into your backside, fellas. We farmed this out to a willing test subject, who said:

"This stimulated my perineum and my prostate simultaneously. All it took was a little effort."

People with small children may want to send them out of the room for the next part.

"But the P-Spot Rocker-Ice's color isn't conducive to repeated uses, as it tends to reflect where it's been. Still, it's a great little toy."

...and a (w)hole lot better than putting a slew of Andrew Wyeth's Helga paintings up that way.

· Topco Sales (topcosales.us)
· Buy the Bottoms Ups P-Spot Rocker (tlavideo.com)

The Contour Q is actually a set of two ceramic stones—one bumpy, one ribbed—that are shaped like small spheres with with small protrusions on either end (I'm not exactly sure where the "Q" came from). Used individually, or paired with the larger Contour M, they're designed to provide a deep, targeted massage, hitting the body's pressure points in just the right way.

But let me tell you something: my favorite pressure point to target with the Contour Q is quite a bit aways from my back. Yes, I'm quite partial to using the Contour Q for clitoral stimulation (and though it may not be explicitly discussed in their PR materials, trust that this is most definitely something that JimmyJane intended).

I'm not quite sure what sort of voodoo is involved, but rolling the Contour Q (either one!) back and forth against the clitoris feels just marvelous. And while I'm sure they're good for other massages too, well—let's just say I've been a little too preoccupied to find out. But hey: the clitoral stimulation alone is well worth the $25, right?

· Contour Q (jimmyjane.com)
· Buy Contour Q (babeland.com)

Made of a velvety hard plastic, the bumpy toy feels sleek against the skin—always a nice sensation. With its arched head, it's perfectly positioned to rub up against a girl's gspot; the small bumps lining the top of the head feel great when they come into contact with the, ahem, outer areas.

But I found myself wanting to feel the whole toy inside me—and, alas, here is where I was stymied. It looked like it should go in just fine, but whenever I attempted this feat, I found myself out of luck. More persistent (or more flexible) penetrators may have more success with this than I did (and if you do, please report back).

And what, you ask, about the vibration part of this vibrator? In terms of intensity, this is a mid-range toy: it's no powerhouse, but it's charged enough to make an impression. Depending on your mood, you can increase or decrease the vibration by turning the dial at the base of the toy. (Don't be expecting any fancy pulse patterns, though—this is a strictly entry-level toy.)

I wouldn't say that the Cloud 9 took me to Cloud 9—but I did get somewhere in the range of Cloud 7 (and maybe even 7.5!). Not the best marital aid known to man; but then again, at a mere twenty bucks, it offers up a pretty respectable experience.

· Buy the Cloud 9 (babeland.com)

A double-ended glass dildo with a slight bend in the center, Athena is a wonderful choice for any lady in search of a sleek, sexy toy that'll hit the gspot just right. The solid glass body has a decent heft that creates both a feeling of fullness and a good amount of pressure in just the right spot—and the two different heads offer the user a bit of choice about how much girth she'd like to play with. Isn't it nice to have choices?

A note for the worried: no, you won't have to worry about the Athena shattering inside you. Yes, it is glass: but it's very, very dense and sturdy (and if you have Kegel muscles that are capable of shattering it—well, we definitely want to know your pubic fitness regiment).

Because Luxotiq is a thoughtful company, they include a cloth to wipe down your Athena with, post-use. Once it's all nice and shiny, you can put it back in it's fancy sateen-lined case—or hey, even leave it out on the coffee table. It's so pretty, you'll probably get compliments on your fancy new sculpture.

· Buy the Athena (babeland.com)

Measuring a mere 4" long, and 1.5" in diameter, Angel is a toy on the smaller end of the spectrum—but one that packs a decent punch when it's up and running. Stimulation-wise, it's a pretty good toy: the slight shape easily navigates the girly parts, and its curves are capable of hitting all the necessary areas.

But, alas, it didn't leave me blown away. And, interestingly, the size was the culprit—though not for reasons you might think. It wasn't that it didn't feel good: it was that, with the control buttons located at the bottom of the small shaft, I found that I kept inadvertently turning the vibration up and down while in the process of trying to pleasure myself: a frustrating situation, to be sure.

Unfortunate, really because it could have been so good. Alas, another toy destroyed by an ill-conceived interface design.

· Buy Angel (babeland.com)

Armed with only a single spoon, four bottles of lube (in Dulce de Leche, Chocolate Orange, Mojito Peppermint, and Pomegranate Vanilla), and a video camera, we took a chance and taste tested the lubes. Our findings in the video at left.

· Buy Babelicious Lube (babeland.com)

Rather than striving to create toys that do as many things as humanly (machinely?) possible, JimmyJane creates products that do a handful of things—and do them really well. Case in point: their signature Little Something vibrators, which offer much, much more than meets the eye.

I admit, I was not particularly impressed when I first laid eyes on a Little Something (in my case, a Little Platinum). It was just, well, little. And smooth. And straight. It didn't conform to my ideas about what a really good sex toy should be.

But then I actually learned about it, and my opinion started to change.

Here are a few of the things I like about the Little Something:

It lasts forever. Okay, maybe not forever, but a really long time. Years, definitely—and once the motor finally kicks, it's easy to remove and replace.

It's powerful. Not Hitachi Magic Wand powerful, but incredibly impressive considering it's powered by a single AA battery.

It's superquiet. Surprisingly so—a definite plus (especially if you happen to have roommates, or just don't like getting distracted by the whine of a motor).

It's bodysafe. The metals in JimmyJane vibes are sterilizable, with no toxic chemicals to mess things up. And, even cooler, it can be used anally as well as vaginally—just run a string through the holes in the cap, and you've got a toy that won't get lost up in there (and remember to sterilize after!).

It's pretty. Granted, that's what JimmyJane is known for, but it's still worth mentioning.

So, with all that in mind, I sat down to test the Little Platinum. And I was impressed. It was a far, far more interesting toy than I'd initially given it credit for: subtle, yes, but still pleasurable and fun to play with.

And, okay, some bells and whistles would have been nice: but the Little Something definitely impressed. What it lacks in fancy features, it more than makes up for in stability and lastingforeverness—and that's the kind of quality you can take to the bank.

· JimmyJane (jimmyjane.com)
· Buy the Little Something (babeland.com)

Earlier this year, we saw Andrew Blake's "5 Stars", now Adam & Eve have taken up the pentaphilic torch with "The Five," a celebration of five of the porn world's most impressive stars.

The feature is headlined by Bree Olson, who brings her adorable (and dirty) charms to both her scenes (the opener, in which she opens up all her orifices to Johnny Sins, and the fourth scene, in which Bree joins Shyla Stylez and Scott Nails for a delicious threesome). But Bree is hardly the only star in this show: Sasha Grey, Jenna Haze, and Alexis Texas round out the release, with ample dirty talk and hard fucking.

There is no plot—or even a half-hearted attempt at a plot—to "The Five": instead, each performer is introduced with a little striptease, and then immediately cuts to the fuck, er, chase. But it's for the best, really. With a cast of this caliber, there's no need to waste time dressing up the action or providing a backstory: these performers are strong enough to carry the film on their sexual skills alone.

In keeping with its numeric theme, "The Five" releases today—5/5/09. For the sake of numeric consistency, we almost wish it had come out four years ago—but, alas, if it had, we wouldn't have been able to compile this stellar cast.

· "The Five" (adameve.com)
· Buy "The Five" (gamelink.com)