When you think about the kinds of villains that show used to have (The Clock King, The Black Widow, Nora Clavicle, someone named Fingers), it's kind of surprising how un-sexual the original show was. Though we're reluctant to admit it, maybe this is one parody that was meant to happen. Anyhow, we have the cast list, so only one question remains: how does the porny compare to the corny?

Batman
1960s Batman: Adam West
XXX Batman: Nick Manning

Robin
1960s Batman: Burt Ward
XXX Batman: Kris Slater

The Riddler
1960s Batman: Frank Gorshin
XXX Batman: Evan Stone

The Joker
1960s Batman: Cesar Romero
XXX Batman: Randy Spears

Batgirl
1960s Batman: Yvonne Craig
XXX Batman: Nicole Ray

Catwoman
1960s Batman: Julie Newmar
XXX Batman: Tori Black

· Vivid Entertainment (vivid.com)
· Axel Braun Completes Casting Vivid's 'Batman XXX' (business.avn.com)
· Dynamic Duo via Ass Titans (sexandcash.com)

Flight Attendants

Studio: X-Play/Adam & Eve
Director: Will Ryder
Cast: Kayden Kross, Evan Stone, Hillary Scott, Teagan Presley, Sunny Lane, Eva Angelina, Misty Stone, Shyla Stylez, Kacey Jordan, Lexi Love, Michelle Maylene, Randy Spears, James Bartholet, Eric John, Jack Lawrence, Eric Swiss, Thomas Ward, Brad Hardy, Kenzi Marie, Chastity Lynn, Farrah Foxx, Dino Bravo, Barry Scott

Review by: Gram Ponante

X-Play's newest film (following last week's "Monday Night Football") continues the company's diversification into porn comedies that aren't based on a particular show. This one draws broadly from "Airplane!" with a healthy dose of Jim Holliday's ensemble pornos of the 90's (Holliday gets namechecked in the movie) as well as Digital Playground's recent successes in occupational porn, "Cheerleaders," "Babysitters," "Nurses," and "Teachers."

A co-production with Adam & Eve like last year's Zero Tolerance/A&E matchup "Rollerdollz," "Flight Attendants" tries so hard to please that it collapses with the effort. Such a large cast means not enough room for everyone to shine, and the story is so needlessly convoluted that you will actually become stupider while watching it.

Q. But Grams, surely you're not saying that you would fault a porn movie for a poorly-executed story. Isn't sex all that matters?
A. While sex is all that matters, at least at this point in our lives, you should probably just buy ten copies of "Flight Attendants," watch each one, and feel your IQ drop by ten points each time. Then you will be this movie's target audience, and will support X-Play's future filmic endeavors.

Multiple uses of flashbacks and dream sequences are neither effective nor funny, the theme song is grating, and the numerous gay and black/urban poor jokes made by and at the expense of performer James Bartholet and openly black performer Misty Stone try too hard to be outrageous and fall flat. It was often amazing how "Flight Attendants" made two subjects that are normally hilarious - race and sexual orientation - unfunny while trying to be "broad."

Speaking of broad, let's talk about the sex.

X-Play has assembled an all-star cast and we slog through way too much plot before any cast members commence to fucking. While there are standout scenes between Shyla Stylez and Randy Spears, the newly-returned Hillary Scott and Barry Scott (no relation), and Kayden Kross and Evan Stone, we don't see nearly enough of Sunny Lane, Eva Angelina, Teagan Presley, or Lexi Love. And, in an industry where people don't need much of an excuse to have sex, "Flight Attendants" manages to strain credulity.

I think X-Play in particular and parodies in general need to take a vacation.

We know the recent difficulty of making money in porn, and part of the current marketing strategy involves having numerous products on the shelves. X-Play is also playing two sides of the field by releasing movies through distributors Adam & Eve as well as Hustler. But it seems that a company that can make such note-perfect parodies like "Not Married with Children" and "Not the Cosby Show" may have extended its reach this time; "Flight Attendants" did not need to be bad.

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Much of the story line, which features Stormy playing the pretty, dedicated, hard-working fiancee of Randy Spears, running his adult website, then getting dumped for Alektra, a hot young model, will prolly be lost on the viewer. That's because the storyline is so seamless that it doesn't stretch our suspension of disbelief at all. It's also because a great number of viewers will simply be incapable of focusing on the story line once they see these two incredible beauties getting naked and fucking.

We know that last sentence is more than James Lipton can bear, or the director herself (sweet succulent Stormy) wants to hear—but can't deny. Sorry, angel face, but you're irresistibly hot. Deal with it.

Jenaveve Jolie and Trina Michaels also join the cast, turning in fantastic performances that will leave you drooling. God, it's good to see Jenaveve again. Marcus London is the lucky stiff who gets to nail this exquisitely exotic beauty. We're plenty jealous, Marcus, but ultimately grateful that you gave her the kind of stuffing we believe her sexy pink gash deserves.

"Reinvented" releases this week from Wicked Pictures. Check out our exclusive gallery below.

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Studio: Wicked
Director: Brad Armstrong
Cast: Alektra Blue, Randy Spears, jessica drake, Kaylani Lei, Mikayla Mendez, Kirsten Price, Marcus London, Brad Armstrong, Jayden Jaymes, Kayla Carrera, Barrett Blade, Tommy Gunn, Eric Masterson, Alexis Texas, Rocco Reed, Tory Lane, Janet Mason, Mick Blue, Jerry, TJ Cummings, Bill Bailey

Review by: Gram Ponante

The screenwriter goes uncredited, but the story of "2040" has bits of everything from "Pinocchio" to "The Velveteen Rabbit" to "Blade Runner": Love something enough and it can become human.

We meet Ryan Spears (Randy Spears), who is a porn performer, just like his dad, the porn actor Randy Spears. Ryan's job is similar to his father's, but he must perform it clandestinely because of (as the voiceover tells us) the porn tax of 2015, the porn police, and because porn companies are now "corporate entities traded on the open market."

(Like in the original "Blade Runner," we can do without the voiceover.)

Not only that, but Spears must also fuck robots.

Spears and company deliver a lot of inside references and product placement to the benefit of the Real Doll company, Wicked Pictures, and AVN, whose 55th annual awards show is presented complete with bad band and fucking in the bathrooms.

The first scene, as carried off by Spears and the faulty robot Alexis Texas, is very funny and more than reminiscent of certain porn sets I've attended.

The Alexis Texas robot blows a fuse, you see, and the crew and Spears have to wrestle her to a squatting position so that Spears can aim a load into her R.O.C., or removable oral cavity. The sight of Texas kneeling there, mouth open, eyes glazed over, and bolt-ons perpendicular, is both chilling and familiar (Texas is acting, of course, like she just came off a Max Hardcore shoot).

With the Texas "doll" or "mecha" out of commission, the production enlists a robot that looks just like Alektra Blue. Her name is Mira.

But Spears is dismissive.

"She's a toaster," says Spears. "You fuck one mecha, you've fucked them all. And they all taste like toast."

But Mira is not your ordinary frakking Cylon. She sweats! Her skin reddens with whipping! And her vagina is adjustable!

Spears is amazed. Could he be falling for a toaster? And, since he is Mira's "first," she imprints his data in her "memory banks."

What follows is a lot of exposition, some corporate intrigue and skulduggery, sex for no reason (but we're happy it happened, don't get us wrong), the conspicuous absence of Stormy Daniels and, sprinkled throughout, some poignant moments in which Mira comes to terms with her blossoming personhood.

The problem with "2040" is that, in trying to be Wicked's epic for the year, a movie that would have worked better small became instead top-heavy. There were plotlines and actors who didn't need to be there, like a community theatre production in which everyone who auditioned got a part. At the heart of the bloat that is "2040" is a really good porn movie that no one believed in enough to let stand on its own.

That said, the people the movie is about, Spears and Blue, are fantastic. While he can ham it up with the best of today's porn dudes, Spears also has a gravitas that no one in the porn world can touch. And Alektra Blue does great work as a living doll; I wish she'd been allowed to do more. (If RealDoll.com has an Alektra Blue model, I bet it's awesome.)

"2040" has a happy ending and I bet you can guess what it is. There is an uplifting message for couples that almost sounds like Stay Monogamous. (The underlying message, though, is that Mira has the intellect of a child but a vagina like a 320-hp engine, therefore it's easy to stay monogamous...the outlook is dire for human women.)

People must be buying these feel-good, trying-too-hard slogs, because Wicked keeps making them.

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Director Francois Clousot takes us inside the world of infidelity and lies in this Wicked thriller. Like we've never heard that one before. What are these people playing at anyway? Don't they understand that there's a recession going on in the world? Are they going "green" by recycling the same plot line for the umpteenth time? Seriously, what is the deal over there?

But wait, we're being too hard on them, because the story twists at the end, like a true redemption tale, as Randy finally gets it and tries to be good to his hot wife. Yeah, we're still not impressed.

No wait! The real redemption plot involves skipping the plot, and transforming "Making Amends" into a film that's just about really hot, nasty, dirty, guiltless sex between consenting adults who love screwing each other. That's way better if you ask us, which you unknowingly did by virtue of clicking this page. Unless you just skipped ahead to the awesome gallery of preview pix, which would be way smart.

"Making Amends" comes out this week from Wicked Pictures. It stars Alektra Blue, Kirsten Price, Mikayla Mendez, Tori Black and (bitchy) Brooke Banner, who did an amazing guest spot on our favorite show "Californication" last season.

· "Making Amends" (wickedpictures.com)
· Buy "Making Amends" (gamelink.com)

Above, the lovely Nika Noire and the amiable Randy Spears engage in some administrative activities on Really Casual Friday for New Sensations' "Office XXX" upcoming webisodes.

Down the hall, Dane Cross remarks to James Deen that Thallium "cuts like a knife/But it feels so right." Or is that Zirconium?

In the green room for Adam & Eve's "Kayden And Rocco Make A Porno," screenwriter Kayden Kross gives equally alliterative Rocco Reed a couple of tips.

Barefoot Tori Black decides on lingerie in a Harmony Films shoot in which the carpet appears above the table.

...and then argues a point with director Gazzman by means of a rhetorical tactic that guarantees victory.

Finally, here's some Cetaphil, a product that not only moistens and strengthens skin but which also serves the noble purpose of simulating ejaculate for boxcover photos long after the real stuff has crusted up or been toweled off.

And when it comes to this "trouble" with young girls, well, we aren't sure what Wicked Pictures performer slash director Randy Spears is complaining about, because we weren't paying attention to the plot of this movie—at all!

First things first, though. Penthouse Pet of the Year Runner Up and Fleshbot Crush Object Shawna Lenee finds herself in a wonderfully sticky position with the hottest Italian girl we've seen in forever, Franzuaka Facella, along with little Lindsey Meadows. Geez, Randy, you had to break the big guns out right away, didn't you? Now how are we supposed to finish this movie? We just sat totally mesmerized by this luscious trio climbing tongue first into each others cracks and pink puckers. Oh, how we heart dirty little angel Shawna Lenee!

Then—as if that weren't enough—Spears gives us Wicked contract star Alektra Blue working up a naughty sweat, as the insatiable cock lover takes a beautiful fucking deep up into her sexy body. Follow that up with Penthouse Pet Tori Black in yet another incendiary ball draining scene, Brittney Amber scorching the lens, and last but oh so not least, tattooed strawberry delight Nikki Rhodes getting drilled until her entire body turns from nacre to soft pink blush.

Is there anyone out there who doesn't understand now that Randy Spears is the man? No? Good. Well done, old friend. Thank you for turning in a movie worth purchasing in these tough economic times. Trust us when we tell you the real "Trouble with Young Girls" is that Mr. Spears can't make a sequel fast enough.

"The Trouble With Young Girls" comes out this week from Wicked Pictures. You will love it.

· Wicked Pictures (wickedpictures.com)

Keener minds than ours may choose to watch the film with a more critical eye attunded to its potential antifeminist nuances. Then again, with Kristin's coevals Ann Marie Rios, Nicole Sheridan, and Samantha Sin rounding out the cast and sex this hot—not to mention the sight of Randy Spears in the most ridiculous looking fright wig we have ever seen—we’re not entirely sure anyone will be paying much attention to the finer points of story line anyway.

• "Wedding Bell Blues" (DVD info @ wickedpictures.com)

Our only request of Wicked in its quest to be the undisputed top couples-friendly porn company: turn on the lights and wipe the Vaseline off the lens; we won't be scandalized if you turn the fluorescents on.

And Wicked features tend to have happy endings in more ways than one, which we appreciate.

· Wicked Pictures (wickedpictures.com)
· Buy "Love for the First Time" (gamelink.com)

A star vehicle for veteran pornstress Amber Lynn, any intellectual property-type objection we might have is countered with, "Aw why shouldn't Amber Lynn have a movie named after her?"

Don't look at us! Look at dreamy Nick Manning! What's the matter with you?

Performer/director Randy Spears presents two shots of superhero housewives floating mysteriously above their partners.

You will never see belly fat or floppy boobs in a Wicked feature. Maybe that should be their motto instead of "What Excites You."

· Wicked Pictures (wickedpictures.com)
· Buy "Housewives of Amber Lane" (gamelink.com)

This week, an undercover team of crack reporters have managed to find out what's been keeping Spears distracted this whole time: it seems that he's been keeping company with the likes of Demi Delilah, Daisy Marie, Maya Gates, Sienna West, and Cassandra Cruz over at Madame Demi's agency for hot Latina babes and the men who love them. Let's hope things work out better for Spears than they did for that Spitzer character (and that none of her clientele turn out to be INS agents).

· "Latina Hollywood Hookers" (Adult DVD Empire)
· Wicked Pictures (wickedpictures.com)

See more snaps after the gap.

. . .

Andy (Randy Spears) is dead. Beckoned by the angelic Kaylani Lei through a freestanding door in the middle of the desert, he finds himself in a screening room playing some of his life's greatest hits. But unlike Hollywood fare like "Defending Your Life" or "It's A Wonderful Life," porn gets to deal with the heavenly flashback trope by letting our hero view his conception.

How different would my life be if mom was Hollie Stevens?

Then we fast-forward about 40 years (though it's only supposed to be 20) and watch a mop-topped Haight-Ashbury Andy thanking Kendall Brooks for his birthday mandolin. Unfortunately, Kendall too eagerly subscribes to that era's will to free love. Poor Andy cradles his mandolin while sitar music plays.

Does he lose her because he couldn't stand her free-spiritedness? Did he later lose his wife (Brooke Banner) because he was an insensitive lover?

"It's not a judgment," Kaylani says. "It's a review."

Well, it really was a judgment, but no one said angels weren't passive-aggressive. Andy discovers that he must learn one thing in this netherworld way station before he is sent back, and Kaylani is just the person to teach it to him.

Like last year's "Pleasure Principle", this Wicked picture is ideal for couples, if just a little preachy to the converted.

· Wicked Pictures (wickedpictures.com)
· Buy "Rise" (gamelink.com)

. . .

Jenna Loves Diamonds

Studio: ClubJenna
Director: Michael Zen
Cast: Jenna Jameson, Dru Berrymore, Ashley Moore, Cherry Rain, Aurora Snow, Randy Spears, Dale Dabone, Justin Sterling, Dillion Day, Kendall Karlson

Review by Gram Ponante

Jameson fans will appreciate this movie, directed by Michael Zen, for its loving attention to the millenial Jameson as an insurance investigator hypnotized by Dru Berrymore to do the latter's evil bidding.

Little does Jenna know that her airheaded secretary, Cherry Rain, is smarter than she lets on!

Jameson interviews a heist victim, the delightful Ashley Moore, whose mind was on something else when her jewels were taken.

Not only that, but Aurora Snow adds some tasty blondeness to the equation in a scene with Randy Spears.

When Jenna's double life is horribly revealed to her, she seeks solace in the arms of her betrayer (as we all do).

Though flawed, "Jenna Loves Diamonds" has a lot of star power, and it's a pleasure to see Jameson, Cherry Rain, Moore, and Snow in this footage. Still, little editing gaffes and spaces where the line delivery could have been tweaked abound, making me wish for something more worthwhile of Jameson's legacy.

· "Jenna Loves Diamonds" website (jennalovesdiamonds.com)
· Buy "Jenna Loves Diamonds" (gamelink.com)

Read our review after the gap.

. . .

Studio: Wicked
Director: Mark Stone
Cast: Lindsey Meadows, Prseley Maddox, April ASubrey, Jayme Langford, Kayla Carrera, Kissy Kapri, Nikki Kane, Ryann Reynolds, Evan Stone, Marco Banderas, Nick Manning, Randy Spears, Marco Banderas

Review by Gram Ponante

There's a dance party for the nurses, and they'll do anything to win. Even resort to sex and martial arts.

It's movies like Kung Fu Nurses A Go-Go that remind us that the rental of two or three skimpy nurses' outfits spread over eight or so women on different shooting days is really all it takes to satisfy the porn consumer's need for a narrative.

This movie is just about pointless, but is light and charming regardless. A vignette film not featuring any of Wicked's female contract stars, it has the feel of a movie that has little to prove and little to lose.

This inspires some serious hammy acting from three of the four hammiest actors in porn: Randy Spears, Evan Stone, and Nick Manning (Steven St. Croix couldn't make it) who reappears as Mr. Thermopyles for no other reason than to refer to his character in the third person.

We meet various nurses over the course of the movie, and each informs her patient that there's a dance that night. Somehow kung fu is incorporated.

One gets the impression that there were some extra props lying around, some money was freed up, and Nick Manning happened to be driving by. "Hey! Let's make a movie!"

Porn consumers familiar with the work of the late Jim Holliday might see similarities in this movie directed by Mark Stone, in that there are nurses. Unlike Holliday's work, however, there is little scripted dialogue. The viewer can enjoy scenes of pretty women in nurses' uniforms without sitting through a self-important plot.

"Kung Fu Nurses A Go-Go" is not an important porn movie; it's just fun.

· Wicked Pictures (wickedpictures.com)
· Buy "Kung Fu Nurses A Go-Go" (gamelink.com

Take a look at "Reform School Girls 2" after the gap.

- - -

Reform School Girls 2

Studio: Wicked
Director: Mark Stone
Cast: Penny Flame, Kelli Tyler, Katarina Kat, Kissy Kapri, Aubrey Addams, Marlie Moore, Nadi Phuket, Randy Spears, Evan Stone, Barrett Blade, Manuel Ferrara, Charles Dera, Chunk

Review by Gram Ponante

Adult women in schoolgirl uniforms has become a cultural indicator divorced from cultural practice, in the same way that Hawaiians don't have luaus without tourists watching. That is why we can watch a film like Reform School Girls 2 like anthropologists, and not have to mail back our college degrees and refund money to our parents.

Unlike other movies in which the bait and switch becomes apparent immediately, this film mightily maintains the schoolgirl conceit all the way through (even if, shame on Wicked, we never see Penny Flame and Katarina Kat in the same scene, as implied by the boxcover).

Mr. Davidson (Randy Spears) is in gravelly, bemused I Know You're Here to Jerk Off mode as he explains that his Headly Academy for "girls slightly over 18" is all about a hands-on approach to finding the right slots for wayward girls to fit in. You can see where it goes from there.

The first applicant is the delicious Penny Flame, whose winning sense of humor matches that of Spears as all attempts at convincing her that this is a vo-cational school rather than a va-cational school lead to the Inevitable. Afterward, she spits out his come and pops a wad of gum back in her mouth.

Aubrey Addams doesn't have the "finest" clue how to cook or "how to handle meat" so she is paired with Manuel Ferrara, the school chef. He demonstrates on her how to show respect to chicken breasts. We had a bet about how long it would take someone to say, "Now I'm going to show you how to stuff a pussy." It took maybe five minutes.

Then we meet the toothsome Nadi Phuket, sentenced to dance class with Evan Stone. Despite the fact that this is a class for The Dance, he somehow finds a way to direct her to "use 'Cock' in a sentence."

Then the Ukraine's Katarina Kat discovers that Acting and Modeling instructor Charles Dera's Method has nothing to do with Stanislavsky. It's hard to keep track of everyone who washes ashore in this business, but I found myself lamenting the hollow months I spent not knowing who Katarina Kat was.

The game Kissy Kapri and Marlie Moore do the best they can with modeling clay for a man named Chunk, playing their art teacher. If we didn't have gay stereotypes, how would we know where to place the lesbo scenes?

Finally, music teacher Barrett Blade works on the vocal cords of Lexxi Tyler.

This movie is part of Wicked's Wall to Wall series, its gonzo division. When not producing higher-budget fare, this is what the company does. It's a good niche for the company, delivering enough of a setup to make couples feel OK about buying porn, but not taking itself so seriously that people like me would have a problem with the dialogue before I forget what the real purpose of the movie is.

(And note: this is no relation to one of the worst porn movies I have ever seen.)

· Wicked (wicked.com)
· Buy "Reform School Girls 2" (gamelink.com)

Of course, any pornographer going to that bestseller for plots runs the risk of seeming precious, self important. Then again, if we have learned anything in our time together, precious sometimes sells. Read our review of Wicked's "Delilah" after the gap.

- - -

Delilah

Studio: Wicked Pictures
Director: Michael Raven
Cast: jessica drake, Herschel Savage, Kaylani Lei, Sammie Rhodes, Hillary Scott, Randy Spears, Veronica Hart

Review by Gram Ponante

"Ah, sweet Christy: I needed her more than any man ever needed a woman," says Samson Nazarite (Herschel Savage), the Master of the Universe whose devotion to his career drove Christy (Hillary Scott) away. Samson's immediate regret of Christy's departure (he chose to go to a conference with Phyllis Stein & Associates rather than on a lovers' cruise) seems abrupt in light of how he treated her, but even more abrupt is the way Savage takes to Delilah (jessica drake), the frank hairdresser he takes up with soon after.

drake hardly cracks a smile the whole movie; she is a svelte dragon lady.

The graying Savage is a fine actor who, along with Randy Spears, represents porn's mature leading men. A clever trick in adult movies is channeling all the dialogue into voiceovers. These Savage delivers well, but he also has the personal gravitas required of the role.

Unfortunately the movie is lousy with gravitas. Not only do we have the unholy mixing of Old and New Testaments with "Samson" and "Nazarite" (an Old Testament term for one who has taken a vow of abstinence), but Samson has also lost "Christ"y. That and the dim blueness of the sex scenes, in which the lovely drake is seldom fully revealed, makes me think that, as a porn movie, Delilah misses the point; even if jerking off to all the movies that cross my desk is not an option, the idea behind each and every porn movie should always be that I could if I wanted to.

Delilah is not a hit with Samson's friends, Stephanie (Kaylani Lei) and Pete (Spears), nor with his mom (Veronica Hart), all of whom act their asses off in service to a film that is relentlessly depressing.

But ambitious! The story doesn't give up. It has twists and turns that the cast stays with: Delilah has a past, Spears is not the friend he seems, Christy is still in the picture. Samson prays.

A bum (but, you know, one of those supernatural bums with a wealth of wisdom), approaches Samson outside a restaurant with, "What does it profit a man to gain the world but lose his soul?" (New Testament again). Oy.

Delilah is, like it or not, an adult movie for adults. There is not a lick of fantasy in it. We believe Spears and Savage, with their high-powered resumes, would actually have icy trophy partners. We believe that men like that might search for redemption in the wrong places. I even believe that certain couples would be turned on by this movie - I just don't know any.

drake, unfortunately, plays an unlikeable character and it works. We don't want to not like jessica drake.

Delilah is the elusive "real movie that happens to have sex in it" that the big adult companies strive for. Not a lot of sex, either; the best-lit scene is with Lei and Spears, and Hillary Scott never appears in anything less than a bikini.

Though the movie ends with Samson getting a second chance - and literally praying for one - the journey there is decidedly un-porny. What does it profit a porn movie to gain a good script but lose my erection?

· Wicked Pictures (wicked.com)
· "Delilah" Trailer on YouTube (youtube.com)
· Buy "Delilah" (gamelink.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Porn Reviews Archive

Stormy Daniels plays a woman just like you trying to make sense of relationships while burdened with a tiny frame from which jut massive spheroid breasts. Read our review of "The One" after the gap. - GP

- - -

The One

Studio: Wicked
Director: Jonathan Morgan
Cast: Stormy Daniels, Brianna Love, Cassie Young, Delilah Strong, Katie Morgan, Kelly Kline, Nicole Sheridan, Sunny Lane, Eric Masterson, Evan Stone, Mr. Pete, Randy Spears, Voodoo

Review by: - GP

A couple is visited by ghosts of relationships past in order to deal with their current boy/girl woes.

It's tough being Jen (Stormy Daniels), so starved for a relationship that she can't have meaningless sex with a guy without telling him she loves him. And it's tough for Dave (Voodoo), who, when Stormy tells him she loves him, runs out of the room.

Wicked's latest couples' flick, written by Daniels and directed by Jonathan Morgan, aims to deliver the elusive mainstream movie - but with sex - that other studios aspire to. The mood is light and the sex is positive. But can the story sustain it?

Out in the hallway, Dave bumps into ex-girlfriend Roxy (Sunny Lane), who guesses Jen's problem right off the bat.

"How can you love someone who obviously doesn't love herself? She's so insecure, she sticks bags of poisonous water into her chest to get men like you to justify her womanhood."

Daniels' script is festooned with fun lines like this, and sometimes the performers pull them off and sometimes they don't.

"I was just trying to find myself," Roxy says of a previous infidelity.

"In someone else's vagina?" asks Voodoo.

Jen and Dave are visited by several of their exes in the course of the movie, and the flashbacks depict what made them exes in the first place. Randy Spears, Delilah Strong, Nicole Sheridan, and Evan Stone cameo as particularly oily characters.

If the movie has great ambition but doesn't live up to it, is it still better than a movie that doesn't even bother with a story? Hard to tell, but the effort makes The One a winner. After all, there are boatloads of Hollywood movies featuring actors who can't wrap their mouths around their dialogue but who don't compensate by wrapping them around anything else.

My only problem with the movie is that it is lit murkily. Very few scenes take place in the daylight for such a sunny film. These pictures were all taken from the promotional stills rather than screengrabs, which were considerably darker.

The movie ends happily, with both principals realizing that it should be easy to say "I love you" to a porn star.

· Stormy Daniels (clubstormy.com)
· Wicked (wickedpictures.com)
· Buy "The One" (gamelink.com)

Join us after the gap for some final thoughts (and pictures!) from Erotica L.A., starting our engines with erotic photographer Holly "Cha Cha" Randall. - GP

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I asked Hailey Young if she bought her own costumes and she said that she was given money to do it. "I will buy that flimsy top right now for five American dollars," I said. God Damn It! Why don't I ever bring five dollars??

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The crowd around these women was too big. I felt like (the movie version of) Adso of Melk. "I never knew, nor ever learned, her name."

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The following conversation never happened:

Evan: You like my new tattoo?
Tera: I don't know; the top of your head seems like the undiscovered country.

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Which one is the stripper and which one is her makeup artist? I'll just say that Althea is on the cover of this month's "Private Dancer" magazine and I wanted to be the pole. Did that sound dirty? Sorry if that sounded dirty.

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I thought Sasha Grey was the Best Dressed at this year's Erotica L.A., but she put a little effort into it. Ava Rose looks this good when she rolls out of bed (actually she looks a little better than this when she rolls out of bed). Did that sound dirty, too? I don't care anymore.

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Randy Spears is a cool dude. He was one of the only men signing at Erotica L.A., and Los Angeles' erotic convention-attending women swooned over him.

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Finally, Jenna Jameson and Belladonna, together again.

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· See also: Erotica L.A. in review (gramponante.com)

Previously: Popshots Archive