· BNew Porn Order" (newpornorder.com)

· "Dawg" tease on YouTube (youtube.com)

Harry has just been informed by a workman that his repairs will not be ready in time for his wife to return, so Harry needs to take out his fear and frustration on Harmony.

"I paid for you," he says as Harmony gets uppity. "I can do whatever I want!"

Harmony knows that Harry's wife will beat him soundly when she sees the house is not finished, and the power shifts between Harry and Harmony are characteristic of Greek tragedies, as Harry alternates between sobbing and violence.

At the end of their scene, Harry shrieks, "I paid for you to be my wife!" and crumples to the floor in tears. We know Harmony will come back, and we wonder if Harry is secretly happy the contractors were so lazy. Maybe he even sabotaged the work.

We wonder: do we sometimes need to make the tears come in order to feel the relief only the shedding of tears can provide?

So let this be a lesson to you: whenever you get a hooker, make sure he or she is the kind with a heart of gold.

· JM Productions (jerkoffzone.com)







· Buy "Tough Love 14" (jerkoffzone.com)

. . .

· "Directing Porn 101" (bushleague.tv)

For in "Orgy Sex Parties 4", we are told right there on the cover, "group sex has never been friendlier." And for once, the box cover is right.

Let us look closely at the first scene, which is entitled "Wet Wedding Willies" for reasons that are not made clear until its last seconds. Its general mood is not so much orgiastic as it is what we imagine the best key parties of our parents' generation were like. (Or maybe what some people whose apartment complexes are being turned into nudist housing are afraid things would be like).

The decor includes what appears to be an actual shag carpet. There are about as many women involved as men. Male bodies and parts often seem prioritized, as a gender studies grad student might say, more than they are in many heterosexualist group sex videos. We eventually find out the scene is a bachelor party orgy for this guy, and we would not be surprised to find we have also been watching his fiancé get plowed elsewhere in the room.

In fact, everything about "Orgy Sex Parties" has a pleasingly egalitarian air, from the racial diversity of the (completely uncredited) cast to their decent of not pornstar spectacular bodies and their habit of lounging about or walking around the set looking a bit lost when they're not fucking or sucking on something but happy enough to be there nonetheless.

And the smiles! People smile a lot in this movie, even if some of them are just smiling with their eyes.

People even smile in this movie during things like facials. In our opinion, porn needs more people smiling during facials.

This blonde woman in particular seems to smile a lot. And why shouldn't she?

She soon makes her way over to a friend. Their sexual bonhomie, no doubt forged by many shared swingers parties together over the years, is infectious. Saying "Let me watch you suck his cock!" to your girlfriend is the lady equivalent of two dudes giving each other high fives over the supine back of the babe they're double-teaming.

We assume she is smiling in these next two shots, though we can't be sure.

Fully dressed people wander in and out of various groups, commenting favorably upon what they're seeing, occasionally directing it, and generally communicating their support. LIke we said: bonhomie! (Also, the woman on lube duty in the right background is killing us with that dress.)

Some may find the cuts too frequent and abrupt for prolonged masturbatory enjoyment (few shots last more than ten seconds, if that). But that is actually one of the scene's biggest strengths. Frequently, the best parts of this movie are of such brief duration that one is apt to miss them while blinking or reaching for the ashtray. For example, there are so many great things going in these fifteen seconds that we don't even know where to begin.

Played in slow motion, it's almost a Fellini film! And this is a similarly characteristic moment. We totally want that gal to slap our ass and flip her hair at our next orgy sex party!

All that, and we still haven't gotten past the first scene yet. Clicking through the remaining four on the disc, we see what appears to be more conventional bachelor party gangbang and drunk spring break-like fare. One party, however, begins with its guests wearing masks and body paint at a pool party in someone's ranch house, offering the tantalizing promise that we are about to watch a reinvisioning of that scene in "Eyes Wide Shut" set in a suburb of Panama City.


Maybe one day we will find out what circumstances bought these two to getting fucked in tandem, and why one if them is keeping her sunglasses on. Or whether this couple made it back to the corral in time to watch Leno that evening.

Fast forwarding through all of "Orgy Sex Parties 4" would be a crime, though. It is that rich, and makes us remember that sex can be fun, for which we are grateful.

. . .

· "Orgy Sex Parties 4" (DVD info + trailer @ pinkvisual.com)

Not that any place is "relatively cheap" anymore, but Brazil has long been a porn destination for quickie gonzo films featuring juicy local talent, whether they be prostitutes, transsexuals, transsexual prostitutes, or really transsexual prostitutes. None of the beachside babes in "Mike in Brazil 4" are transsexuals, but they do have outrageus tan lines. It leaves the viewer wondering why, with Brazil's reputation, there is a need to wear bikinis at all.

· Reality Kings (realitykings.com)
· Buy "Mike in Brazil 4" (gamelink.com)

The staff of this website is divided over staged reality shows; their campiness and bitchery enthrall some and repel others. Me, I found Playboy's softcore approach lacking in payoff for both the titillation and the drama. If only the Spice Channel had teamed up with Bravo...

Male model DeAngelo, construction worker Brandon, sullen mope Maria, and dancer of indeterminate venue Danielle get together in a rental home for a day and evening of sexifying activities like sexy winemaking and sexy photography, each of which is vaguely stimulating.

But tension grows as Brandon is at first judged a jerk by the group and then manages to bag his Lois Lane, leaving the smoother DeAngelo and the pouty Maria loveless and forlorn.

· Playboy (playboytv.com)

Two teams of four get a limo and $100 each to complete an identical series of optional or mandatory tasks. each weighted for difficulty and chutzpah. All involve either interaction with the public or public displays of hardcore action set against a Pacific Northwest backdrop albeit with no distracting cameos by former members of Soundgarden.

Some of the stunts, like flushing their hands in a public toilet and eating fish eyes, are characteristic of Shane's World's devotion to its reality-style "Real World" roots. And when former Vivid girl Cassidey and Kacey Jordan convince a local to let them shave his balls and then give him the full porn star treatment, it really is a millennial Horatio Alger story.

"My day couldn't get any better," he says.

"You sure you don't just wanna fuck us?" Cassidey (who, up until this moment in the movie, hasn't appeared as enthusiastic as everyone else) asks. "We have condoms."

"If you do us both," Jordan adds, "that's 2,000 extra points."

Following two nights of partying with local bikers (one of whom was particularly lucky), one team squeaked out a narrow victory.

Similar to JM Productions' "American Bukkake" movies, these Shane's World ventures into the general population provide a snapshot of the porn-buying public, and sometimes it's a little scary, like a high school party you think might go wrong and you have no ride home.

But people should be so lucky to have women like Gianna, Cassidey, and Delilah Strong in high school.

· Shane's World (shanesworld.com)
· Buy "Shane's World #40 - Scavenger Hunt #4 - Seattle" (gamelink.com)

Well, I said "art," but that was just a hook; this is really a poorly made movie, but it's still fun to watch, and which is better, a technically adept porn movie that is unwatchable and unappealing or something that looks like a trainwreck with boobs flopping out? I, for one, opt for Option 2.

And there is something appealing about "Real Roadside Ho's" in the fact that you can imagine these dudes driving that van around Ft. Lauderdale on days when they're not shooting porn, too.

Meaghan Jones is picked up on a quiet residential street after her shift selling "makeup products." She is naked mere moments later.

The rest of the women in this title have the mark of Florida authenticity about them and, along with "Couples Seduce Teens" or other Pink Visual California-filmed fare, this New Porn Order production provides a continental bookend documenting the van-based exertions of local talent.

· New Porn Order (newpornorder.com)