Fleshbot: teens

"Teenage Babysitters": Now In German

Gram Ponante — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 16:00:00 EDT

Sometimes we ask too much of porn. "Make it clever so we won't feel guilty." "Don't make us think too much." But the question that rang through our screening of "Teenage Babysitters" was, "Shouldn't babysitter porn make us happy?"

Teenage Babysitters

Studio: Powersville/JM
Director: Jim Powers
Cast: Katja Kassin, Kacey Jordan, Otto Bauer, Tara Lynn Foxx, Tanner Mayes, Yasmine Gold

"You think you can tease my husband?" says the severe deutscheMILF Katja Kassin to hapless nanny Kacey Jordan in "Teenage Babysitters." "You don't even know how to suck dick!"

One feels that this couple, who imported Jordan from a place where she had to take a plane to start her job, wasn't really interested in a babysitter at all.

This oddly dark and scattershot movie from prolific director Jim Powers is preceded by ads for his websites teenyboppercockgobblers.com and wetmilfholes.com, anticipating the action to come, which involves the almost 40-minute first scene between narrator/star Kassin, Otto Bauer, and Jordan, and a similarly Teutonic outing with German starlet Yasmine Gold, Jay Lassiter, and Tanner Mayes.

Perhaps to avoid any confusion with cheery titles like Digital Playground's "Babysitters," Powers' movie features a layered, somber synthesizer soundtrack like in an 80's noir. Kassin's German commands are fun, as are Otto Bauer's near-constant mugging, but the movie does not seem to know what kind of porn movie it wants to be. Fun and zany? Dark and ironic?

In any case, it's fun to watch, especially a scene with Tanner Mayes looking troubled, which is her signature expression.

We're glad that the "Teenage Baysitters"' youthful charges are all implied, because the sight of Mayes, Jordan, Gold, and Tara Lynn Foxx flouncing around the house might be detrimental to their development.

· JM Productions (jerkoffzone.com)
· Buy "Teenage Babysitters" (gamelink.com)

Angels Of Mercy Provide Heavenly Relief At Reasonable Prices In "Teens For Cash 15"

DCypher — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 16:00:00 EDT

While Pink Visual resorts to calling the cast of "Teens For Cash 15" young, dumb, and greedy right on the box cover, we know better. Call us blinded by beauty, but we think they're heaven sent.

We know that these angels of mercy may have been driven into a life of service by need, but they've really managed to take their lemons and squeeze them and squeeze them, over and over, up and down, until the juice runs down all of our legs and becomes life affirming sexual lemonade.

There's no denying that, in these tough economic times, things are hard. In fact, every time you turn on the radio or television there's another ad for something or other you really can't afford, warning you that in these tough economic times things are hard and you can't afford to go without whatever thing they are hocking. It's enough to drive you to a sexually frustrated early grave.

With the pressure getting worse every single day and not a single Senator proposing a bailout for hot young teen girls who, like, really, really need to pick up new shoes or that discount designer purse that's totally like half off at the mall, more and more privileged young girls are jettisoning their antiquated morals (not to mention their standards—at least from the looks of some of these old dudes) and selling their sweet young asses to horny creepy guys their dads' age.

These days you can score a Penthouse Pet or one of Hef's old girlfriends on the internet for a bottom basement bargain price, and picking up your better than average hooker for a song on Craigslist is easier than scoring the ingredients cook up bathtub meth at the 99 cent store.

Yes, many smoldering hot women who would never have dreamed of allowing these gross old farts access to their golden honey pots have had to make sacrifices to help our consumer and credit based economy bounce back, a small price to pay to avoid resorting to redistribution or socialism. Lou Dobbs would be proud, if only he knew.

The thing is, like, once they started having like sex with like much older guys who could like take them out and stuff, they like liked it, you know? Totally. Turns out horny older guys know a lot about sex that like you would totally never like think they might and they are like super grateful to be like banging the pudding out of girls like half their age.

Kayden Faye, Monica Morales, Tatiana Kush, Melissa Juliana, and Chloe Chanel aren't bad girls. No. They are good girls with needs. They are, like, helping the economy, helping older dudes, spreading love by spreading the love, you know?

Ah, the circle of life.

"Teens For Cash 15" comes out now. So you should go get it. Totally.

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Cinco De Meow! "Teen Japan 2"

Gram Ponante — Wed, 06 May 2009 11:30:01 EDT

The rising sun pouring through that Tokyo hotel room may be on the other side of the world from our beloved Mexico but—ay de mi!—her legs are wide open.

The women in this volume are adorable. Not puppy adorable or even Totoro adorable but "I'm going to be smiling all the way through this" adorable. Filmed in natural light as often as possible, "Teen Japan 2" feels like a vacation where the beds aren't made but the service is friendly.

Five scenes of businesslike, pants-off whimsy are provided in this movie and, even if one of the women reminds me unsettlingly of Scout in "To Kill a Mockingbird," well, all I'm saying is that Boo Radley did in fact come out.

So, Fleshbot readers, from Mexico to Japan to the Depression-era American South; don't say we never take you anywhere.

· Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
· Buy "Teen Japan 2" (gamelink.com)

"She Is Half My Age," But She's Taller In High Heels

Gram Ponante — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 11:30:01 EDT

"Does my ass seem like to be fucked before?" Valentina Rossi, 20, asks Brandon Iron, twice that age. It's one of life's bittersweet events when we can talk to our elders on their own level.

She Is Half My Age 8

Studio: Brandon Iron Productions
Director: Brandon Iron
Cast: Jenna Lovely, Valentina Rossi, Natalli D'Angelo, Cindy Dollar, Angelin Crow, Brandon Iron, Steve Holmes

Review by: Gram Ponante

"She Is Half My Age" is one of my favorite series because it makes clear either the outright joy or the nagging self doubt - sometimes both - of knowing the person you are paying for sex looks at your Whitesnake collection half as ironically as you do.

In this eighth installment, however (filmed primarily in the Czech Republic), we are mostly left to assume the women are half the age of the men - like in most porn movies - instead of having the age difference demonstrated in charming/harrowing skits such as the ones that charactereized earlier iterations. This could be due to a language barrier.

But Steve Holmes makes up for this. Holmes, a veteran porn dude from Europe, is a whimsical satyr. He takes such pleasure in his work that we can even forgive him when he's lazy (Director Iron and Holmes are looking at a porn modeling agency's website and Iron accuses Holmes of "ordering women like they're pizza").

And the women, too, are great fun, especially Rossi, Natalli D'Angelo, and the pixieish Angelin Crow.

Because this installment of "She Is Half My Age" was filmed in Europe, we lose the significance of the title. Everyone seems so much more blase about the age difference. It is merely a good vignette porn movie without the context, save for that provided by the fact that the cast is in Prague and not in some sun-blighted Chatsworth warehouse.

But what really sells this episode is the fun most of the cast seems to be having, no matter how old they are.

· Brandon Iron productionss (brandoniron.com)
· Buy "Reform School Girls 3" (gamelink.com)

It's Hard Out There For A Midwest Teen (Sex Show)

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 16:30:01 EST

Given how much the world loves sex (and teens!), you'd think that "The Midwest Teen Sex Show" would have an easy, breezy path to success: but you would think wrong.

The sex ed podcast, which has been educating (and occasionally titillating) the teens for over a year now, has seen its short lifespan beset by a lack of advertising and a surplus of censorship. Why can't we all just let the midwest teens learn about sex in peace?

· ‘Midwest Teen Sex Show' Episodes Removed from Myspace, YouTube, Facebook (tilzy.tv)

Teen Seduction: Couples Still Doing It

Gram Ponante — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 20:00:00 EST

If I were Yakov Smirnov (and who says I'm not?) I might be tempted to say, "Those couples are always seducing teens ha ha ha!" Indeed, through ten segments of Pink Visual's almost-believable "reality" series in which porn stars pretend to be real people, it sometimes seems just about plausible that those May/July seductions actually happen.

College student Tori Black sells raffle tickets for her basketball team to couple Marcus and Devinn. With the lengthy setup we know that healthy, All-American Tori will end up selling just a little more to the ravening oldsters but, in porn terms, when we know that everything has already been signed for and payment arrangements agreed upon, this extended dialogue scene is almost a seduction in itself. After all, rarely do porn performers spend too much time on camera together not fucking.

Later, perennial favorites (if I were Yakov Smirnov, I might call them "perineal favorites" ha ha ha!) Ethan Cage and Lexi Lamour - an actual couple - approach delicious Tatiana Kush at a park on the premise of scouting locations for a movie. They get her home pretty quickly. Frankly, I would believe anything Lexi Lamour ever said.

"Here's a new experience you can have," she tells Kush, the aspiring actress. I think Kush and Amber Peach should wrestle.

Later, they pull the same scam on Nicki Flame, this time appealing to her love of horticulture. Then: Marie McCray (something about dogs).

If an alien (from Space, not Yakov Smirnov) were to view just one porn movie, and if that movie were "Couples Seduce Teens 10," he could be forgiven for assuming that Porn Valley is full of couples on the prowl for easily-convinced teen flesh. Let's hope that life imitates art in my neighborhood.

. . .

· Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
· Buy "Couples Seduce Teens 10" (gamelink.com)

Don't Know Much About A Science Book: "Naughty Bookworms"

pweasels — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 15:00:00 EST

Herschel Savage is prying apart the petals of the wrong kind of flower entirely if he really wants to learn about photosynthesis. And he’s getting in the way of the light, too. His zeal in his quest for knowledge is admirable, but if he doesn’t back up a little and get some distance, he’s never going to learn anything about plants.

Maybe Sasha Grey, who looks pretty disgusted with the Professor’s lack of discipline, can help him regain some perspective. Or she might just be writing “Female Anatomy” on the board; if the mountain won’t come to Mohammed – well, you know how it is.

· Naughty America (www.naughtyamerica.com)
· Buy "Naughty Book Worms #7" (gamelink.com)

We Almost Feel Wholesome: "Teens Kissing"

pweasels — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 16:30:10 EST

Golly! We love to watch girls kissing. Heck, we love watching anybody kiss, as long as they’re, like, totally into it. Wait…heck? What kind of talk is that for a bleeding edge sex culture site?

We’ve been inspired to new heights of gee-whizzery, we suppose, by the deliciously goofy cover of “Hot Teens Kissing #2”, which promises – to our neverending delight – Horny Girl on Girl SMOOCHING!

Seriously, how cute is that? Still, We're worried about The Beaver.

· Silver Sinema (www.silversinema.com/)
· Buy "Hot Teeens Kissing #2" (gamelink.com)

"Harlots" And Higher Education

pweasels — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 15:30:05 EST

Scots porniste Gazzman’s epic series of films chronicling the goings-on at an exclusive and thoroughly salacious academy for young trollops is back with another neo-Victorian romp through the halls and grounds of what appears to be the best school ever; “Young Harlots - Dirty Secrets” is more in the grand old private school tradition, but the movie raises some questions for us colonials. Mind the gap.

Not just the obvious ones, either – what is that girl about to be spanked for (one assumes that an upcoming spanking is the reason for her presenting like that), and why doesn’t she look either more or less frightened at the prospect? Or even where, in the name of all that’s sacred, is that school? – but a more far-reaching question.

Once you’ve graduated, presumably magna cum something, what line of work to go into, and what part of Monster.com do we access to hire you?

· Harmony Films (www.harmonyppv.com)
· Buy "Young Harlots - Dirty Secrets" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Your Most Important Assignment Ever

Gram Ponante — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 21:34:29 EST

It has happened to you before: you've long prided yourself on your collection of hip, sex-positive friends and co-workers. Then, around the water-cooler (or what we at Fleshbot West call a dirtpipe), you are shunned by your colleagues for saying something unpredictably foul, like "I could get into that up to my clavicle."

Or maybe there is just one word that turns you prudish. For me that word is "Cum."

Not come, or jizz, or splooge (though I don't like "spunk"), but for whatever reason "cum" — especially used as a verb, as in "Cum on over LOL!!!11! " — drives me up a wall.

So your job this week is to provide an all-purpose substitute for the word Cum, to be employed in every future discussion of this matter (by me, anyway - there's no accounting for the rest of those people). It must be monosyllabic and useful as both a noun and a verb.

Now, on to prizes: for months we have been running this contest with no prizes save for your own individual glory, which should have been enough. But we have partnered with Gamelink to provide winners with copies (or reasonable facsimiles thereof) of the DVDs featured in each week's contest.

So what will happen is this: We will alert you of each week's winner via the comment board, and that winner will then submit his/her name, e-mail address, mailing address, post handle (such as Bento and Cloudcarrier, last week's winners), and written declaration that "I am over the age of 18 and it is legal to be mailed adult material in my community."

To encourage a free market, Cloudcarrier, you can only win once in a month. You think you're Vladimir Putin?

Send that info to gram (ampersand) fleshbot.com. We will compile a monthly list of winners and begin mailing DVDs when the database kinks (and we anticipate plenty) are worked out.

Meanwhile, it sure looks like this young lady's nipples have found a water source for her village.

· See the real title (gamelink.com)

Putting troubled teens of different sexes...

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 09:45:33 EST

Putting troubled teens of different sexes in the same detention center isn't necessarily a bad idea, except when you leave the doors open so they can have late night orgies together. Trust us when we say that locking someone up is much more effective when the doors are actually locked. (news.com.au)

Everyone knows that kids who have sex too...

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 12:00:02 EST

Everyone knows that kids who have sex too early are more likely to become juvenile delinquents. Too bad that's not actually true. (In fact, it might be the opposite.) It turns out that you can prove just about anything if you just look at it from a different angle. (washingtonpost.com)

The Midwest Teen Sex Show

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 14:38:41 EDT

We hope there aren't any impressionable 18 year olds who are getting their sex education from us, but let's be honest ... you could do a lot of worse with some of the other alternatives out there. (And no one enjoys having that conversation with the parents.) Still, we suppose it wouldn't hurt to point you toward something that might be a bit more educational then "Rim My Gape 3": The Midwest Teen Sex Show is (unfortunately) not a live stage act, but a video podcast geared toward the inexperienced folks out there who could use some sexual information without the talking down to—and with the occasional "Hot Carl" joke. Speaking as a former teen and a Midwesterner, it's nice just to see someone talk about sex without trying to prove how "down" they are with kids. (As for our advice on the gape rimming? Uh ... some things are best left to the pros.)

· Midwest Teen Sex Show (midwestteensexshow.com)
· The "Midwest Teen Sex Show" (salon.com)

Previously: Getting A Leg Up In Porn, The Lost Nintendo Sex Ed Tape, The Big Coloring Book Of Vaginas

Porn Valley Dispatch: Authentic Teens

Gram Ponante — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 21:28:24 EDT

Our relentless consumer advocacy has paid off in the latest release from Anabolic, the molecularly correct Porn Valley studio that has produced "Bring Um Young 25". Every teen in the movie was actually a teen when the movie was filmed, and so viewers are treated to the prospect of all those hopes and dreams of those two legal teen years being apparent on the faces of Aubrey Addams, Kissy Capri, and Leilani Lei as they are, well, stuffed full of cock. It had to be said. Now if we can do something about those fake MILFs...

· View trailer (rdblog.com)
· Anabolic (anabolic.com)

Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch Archive

Joke's On You Porn of the Moment: "Gullible Teens"

Gram Ponante — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 23:50:13 EDT

"These teens will do anything!" trumpets the box cover of this DVD. Except tell you their real ages.

We happen to know that three of these "teens" are in their early twenties and that one is 25. Pink Kitty Video, do you really think Americans are that stupid? Do you really think pressing on some pig tails a teen makes?

Really? OK. Just checking. We have to ask everybody.

· Pink Kitty Video (xxxjuicy.com)
· Buy "Gullible Teens" (gamelink.com)

Previously: Porn of the Moment Archive

Non-Glabrous Porn of the Moment: "Teenage Peach Fuzz"

Gram Ponante — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 21:07:41 EDT

This is what you get for being unclear. Since there is no evidence on the boxcover where the titular peach fuzz is, we can only assume that Mary Anne's entire body is covered with flesh-colored peach fuzz, like an all-anal Julia Pastrana.

· Hustler Video (hustlervideo.com)
· Buy "Teenage Peach Fuzz" (gamelink.com)

Previously: Porn of the Moment Archive

Flesh Flicks: The Ongoing Teen Invasion

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 18:08:59 EDT

Not only have teen girls taken over the 'nets, they've also taken over today's Flesh Flicks. These crazy youngsters will not stop on their path to world domination, unless it's to pleasure each other. In fact, these momentary distractions may be our only hope to escape their wrath, or else we'll just have to wait until they all turn 20—which these two ladies, of course, could not possibly have done yet. (If we say they're teens, they're teens; don't question it!)

- - -

· "2 lesbo teens fuck" (XXXUploads)

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Previously: Flesh Flicks Archives

Wet Spots: Half Of Natalie Portman's Boob Is Better Than No Boob At All

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 07 May 2007 18:15:10 EDT

· Yes, it's a Natalie Portman side boob! If it wasn't Monday, we'd be prepared to call it a week. (egotastic.com)

· In a related story, here's half of Maggie Gyllenhaal's milk-swollen ta-ta. Unfortunately, there seems to be a small creature attached to it. (Gawker)

· Great, another reason to worry about getting older: "You turn 50 and it's like all the breasts in the world know that you're 50 ... You are invisible to them." ("Naked" by Rachel Dretzin @ nytimesshorts.feedroom.com)

· Loyal Chinese citizens have ~~ratted out~~ dutifully reported over 13,000 websites since their government announced a crackdown on internet porn. Now that's a People's Republic. (chinadaily.com.cn)

· Maybe Kristine Lefebvre can use her business sense to save Playboy's stock price. You know ... after she puts her suit back on. (money.cnn.com)

· The Wall Street Journal proposes raising the minimum pornstar age to 21. But then who will star in our hot and horny teenage action? (opinionjournal.com)

· No debate about gun control is complete without pictures of naked chicks holding firearms. It's a First and Second Amendment double team! (wonderwinds.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Girls In Jeans Megagallery

jditzian — Wed, 13 Sep 2006 09:31:16 EDT

You may think we post about them just for obvious reasons (= i.e., to fill up space on a slow news day), but megagalleries like this one are important from an anthropological standpoint because they remind us that so much otherwise innocuous stuff can be pornographic in the proper context: taken individually, most of these photos wouldn't look out of place in a standard slutty clothing catalogue or collection of spring break photos on MySpace, but as a group of dozens they automatically become jerkoff fodder for the Levis-loving masses. (Assuming you're turned on by the sight of girls wearing jeans, that is, even if there's otherwise relatively little by way of actual nudity. Your mileage may vary.)

· Girls in Jeans (bulletinboardforum.com)

Previously: Teen Erotica Megagallery, Lisa Marie Megapost, CJ Gibson Mega Gallery, Sophie Moone Megagalleries, Mega Zdenka vs. the Bikini Girls

Meet Brea Bennett

Jonnobot — Thu, 04 May 2006 19:06:59 EDT

If you tuned into to Jenna Jameson's "American Sex Star" earlier this year you're probably already acquainted with Brea Bennett, the blonde and beautiful Arizona native who beat out dozens of other hopefuls to walk away with the grand prize and a Club Jenna contract—and whose memorable victory speech still brings a tear to our eye ("I'm only 18 years old and I've made all my fucking dreams come true!") While we're waiting for her to make her video debut with Jenna and company, catch up on some of her previous career highlights in Hustler's "Barely Legal #55" and Suze Randall's "Slut School", or get to know her all up-close-and-personal-like via her website and MySpace profile. We guarantee you'll be proud one day to say you knew her when.

· Brea Bennett (official site @ breabennett.com)
· Brea Bennett (MySpace profile)
· Brea Bennett wins "American Sex Star" (video @ playboy.com)

See also: Club Jenna Movies (clubjennamovies.com)

Previously: Meet McKenzie Lee, Meet Jesse Capelli