In honor of American Pie: Book of Love, we're analyzing what makes these films work, and taking a look back at some of the finest moments in American Pie history. Most importantly, we'll decide which film is our favorite, and should be emulated by the upcoming DVD release.

American Pie:
Plot: B
Four friends—Jim, Oz, Finch, and Kevin—all vow to finally have sex (sadly, not with each other) by prom night. Oz softens his jocky image by joining the jazz choir, Finch pays a girl to spread rumors about his sexual prowess, Kevin tries to get back together with his girlfriend Vicky, and Jim tries to the seduce Czech foreign exchange student, Nadia. After various hijinks, the boys get laid. In addition, the boys seem to learn something about themselves, and grow as individuals.

Nudity: B-
Nadia (Shannon Elizabeth) is hot, of course. And while this is probably the most tasteful nudity of the whole series, it doesn't stand out against some of the other films.

American Pie 2:
Plot: C
The four friends reunite after a year of college and decide to rent a beach house for the summer. Beyond that, their goals differ and the film breaks up into various interweaving vignettes. Jim's plotline is the most vital in terms of franchise continuity, as he seeks help from Michelle (the girl he lost his virginity to in the first film) so he doesn't re-embarrass himself in front of Nadia. He ends up falling in love with Michelle. Hijinks throughout the film.

Nudity: B
The boys paint a house for cash. After a bit of peeping, the boys get caught by the house's owners (Lisa Arturo and Denise Faye)...

American Pie 3 aka (American Wedding):
Plot: B+
The final film of the original trilogy, and the last one to be released in theaters. After graduating college, Jim proposes to Michelle. She says yes. Hijinks happen all over the place. All the boys get involved, parents get involved, even Michelle's grandmother gets involved. But in the end, everyone gets laid, Jim and Michelle get married. Everything gets tied off rather nicely.

Nudity: B+
Officer Krystal (Nikki Schieler Ziering) and Fraulein Brandi (Amanda Swisten) grace Jim's bachelor party with the sexy ways of a bad cop (dominatrix? biker?) and a French (German?) maid. It's especially good once Michelle's parents show up.

Michelle's mom: You're a disgrace to the police force!
Officer Krystal: I'll be giving you an enema!

American Pie: Band Camp:
Plot: C-
This is the first of the American Pie straight-to-DVD apocrypha. It follows Matt, the younger brother of mischief making Stifler, as he is punished for his pranks by being sent to Band Camp. Matt initially resists making friends with any of the band geeks, but eventually builds a friendship with his roommate Ernie so the two of them can spy on girls. Like most summer camp movies, there are rivalries, young love, occasional nudity, hijinks, a piccolo mistaken for a dildo.

Nudity: C+
It's there, but it's missing something. The same voyeurism from the first film is repeated in shower/bathroom scenes, but with none of the interactivity. Here's one with Jennifer Walcott and Tara Killian.

American Pie: The Naked Mile:
Plot: D
Stifler's cousin, Erik (this movie is full of Stiflers), is about to graduate from high school a virgin. His girlfriend, Tracy, isn't ready to have sex, but she lets him go off to the University of Michigan for their annual Naked Mile run, in the hopes that he will find someone there to have sex with and quench his lusty desires. Indeed, he finds a college girl who has a thing for virgin boys, but he ultimately decides he wants to make love to Tracy. All in all, it's a nice touch bringing the plot back to a virgin. We'd just like to point out that the first scene of the film involves Erik faking sick to stay home from school so he can masturbate while his parents are gone. Unfortunately, his mom, dad, and grandmother interrupt him (they came back to look for a coupon) just a the moment of climax. He jizzes on his family and his grandmother dies of a heart attack.

Nudity: A
Naked. People. Everywhere.

American Pie: Beta House:
Plot:D-
Once again, we watch as young Erik Stifler battles his way to glory and vies for a place in the Beta Delta Xi fraternity. After many hijinks, he becomes a member of Beta. Unfortunately, a rival fraternity of nerds, the GEEKs, threaten on-campus partying. The GEEKs want the Betas to leave, the Betas want the GEEKs to leave. Finally, they hold a Greek Olympiad to decide which fraternity gets to stay. Beta wins. Partying continues. All in all, this is a carbon-copy of Revenge of the Nerds with the jocks as the heroes and more nudity. Speaking of which...

Nudity: C+
There's nudity, but it feels incidental. Although, we do give it up for this one scene with Angela Besharah.

And the winner is...

American Pie!
You can't deny the cultural significance of the original. It made "MILF" a household term; it made bakers put chastity belts on their pastries. It was the coming-of-age story that the late 90s desperately needed. To celebrate, here's that Shannon Elizabeth footage from before, with some extras thrown in.

· Clips via Celebcap.net (celebcap.net), Celebvids (celebvids.blog.hu), and Metacafe (metacafe.com)

Why, if we'd known that, we totally would have bought the movie rented it from Netflix scrounged up a free clip of the naked ladies somewhere on the internet, years later. Which, actually, is what we did anyway. So we guess it all worked out, then.

· Clip via TV Totty (tvtotty.com)

· Naked UC-Berkeley Streakers Jiggle, Flap Throughout Library (sfist.com)

. . .

· Stealing Balls (megarotic.com)

The people responsible for putting on live television broadcasts have been noticably jumpy since about ... oh, we don't know ... February 1, 2004 and frankly, who can blame them? You never know when some drunk guy or bored girl is going to whip something out in the middle of your newscast or sporting event for all the world to see. Cameras have a funny way of bringing out the exhibitionist in people, but the voyeur in you might appreciate reliving some of those golden moments of live TV nakedness, including the one above that you probably don't ever remember because it hardly got any attention ever.

And if boob flashing isn't your thing, surely watching a linebacker flatten the 12th man on the field is entertaining in its own right?

· 14 Great Moments of Unexpected Nudity on Live Television (cottonandsand.com)

· Pamela Anderson is kissing a magician. Maybe he knows how those things continue to defy gravity. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· The bizarre life (and sad death) of the famous Academy Awards Streaker. His package will live forever. (wfmu.org)

· Auctioneers expect to get £2 million for a nude portrait that King Charles II kept hidden in his bedroom. Wow, even a king has to stuff his girlie pics under the mattress? (thisislondon.co.uk)

· If you want to show a friend how much you care, forget about a Hallmark card. Just screw their brains out. They'll appreciate the gesture, trust us. (indiatimes.com)

· She-porn outfit, For The Girls is holding an erotic fiction contest, so remember to take notes next time you're getting some. (forthegirls.com)

· Internet porn: Wrecking marriages since 1991. Or saving them, we're not sure. Either way, never give your spouse your email password. (wimmera.yourguide.com.au)

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· Have you ever wondered what Sports Illustrated Swimsuit models look like with their clothes on? Yeah, us neither. (egotastic.com + drunkenstepfather.com)

· A completely unscientific survey says female gamers get laid more than regular girls. No, the Whorecraft girls don't count. (wired.com)

· Neither rain nor heat nor a giant fucking blizzard will stay some folks from streaking during a live newscast. (gorillamask.net)

· Found on a UK government jobs website: "Trampling/Domination Person ... Previous experience would be advantageous but not essential ... Must be open minded." Sounds great, but what about the benefits? (spinneyhead.co.uk)

· Putting a giant penis poster in your backyard is not the best way to settle neighborhood disputes, especially when you're running for mayor. (azcentral.com)

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· American Apparel is getting so desperate that they've given up on the whole "selling clothes" idea, and are exclusively advertising naked ladies. Oh, and ugly, ugly socks. (copyranter.blogspot.com)

· Fed up with our online "cesspool," a Nebraska legislator wants to make it a crime to send anyone a pornographic email. In a related story, Lincoln's own Melissa Midwest will be eligible for parole in about thirty years. (theindependent.com)

· Kink.com buys the famous San Francisco Armory and plans do nasty things behind its walls. Because nothing says sexy like an old, abandoned military warehouse. (nbc11.com)

· A streaker gets hit by a car while celebrating Florida's national football championship. His mother was so disappointed to learn he wasn't wearing clean underwear. (gainesville.com)

· Digital Playground changes it's mind on high-definition and chooses HD DVD over Blu-ray. By the time we save up enough money to get that flat-screen TV, this may actually matter to us. (cepro.com)

· Some European Big Brother star that you've never heard of is selling her breasts implants at auction. So if you need two useless lumps of plastic, today is your lucky day. (thelocal.se)

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· Seattle police are now using Craigslist to set up prostitution stings and then arresting the johns and basically ruining Craigslist for everyone. We suspect that we have not heard the end of this. (seattlepi.nwsource.com, via seattlest.com)

· Putting our little 007 tribute to shame, Thighs Wide Shut turns his homepage into a thoroughly faptastic retrospective of Bond Girls past. Almost too thorough ... that Jaws guy still creeps us out. (thighswideshut.org; Britt Ekland's ta-ta's via robbscelebs.co.uk)

· Take a look at the most expensive bras of all time. You would almost feel bad about taking them off—but not that bad. (spluch.blogspot.com)

· Rest assured whenever a naked guy runs down the middle of one of Los Angeles busiest highways, Defamer will be there. (Defamer)

· A nice old man in New Zealand defends the rights of school girls to run around in their underwear. So what if he's a Member of Parliament? He makes some good points. (stuff.co.nz)

· Dating service True.com will weed out the pervs for you ... after pulling them in with advertisements featuring tight-assed models. It's a bit of vicious cycle. (copyranter.blogspot.com)

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· The end of Daylight Savings Time means you get an extra hour to spend looking at Jennifer Ellison's 2007 calendar. We think that's what it means; we're not so good at numbers. (gorillamask.net)

· You think you know everything about politicians who write trashy stories? This quiz will test your skills: try to match the sex scene to the candidate who wrote it. (slate.com)

· Ultimate Fighting Champion Tito Ortiz was uninvited from the Marine Corps birthday party after the Marines found out his girlfriend is you know who. They should really read more Fleshbot. (marinetimes.com, via adultfyi.com)

· Condom factories in the Alabama fight to stay alive even with foreign aid and a lot of pork. No, not porking ... we meant pork barrel politics, but we guess the world will never run out of either one. (upi.com + nytimes.com)

· Students in Colorado fail to break the world record for group streaking, probably because they tried to break the world record for streaking in Colorado in late October. (thedenverchannel.com)

· Unable to get regular bank accounts, sex workers in India set up their own co-op. It's the only bank in the world that won't take a check. (indiatimes.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· All the Michelle Marsh nudity you're ever going to need, all in one place. Think of the time you just saved. (dailyniner.com)

· Somehow we don't see this toy "pole dancing kit" filling up children's stockings this Christmas. Although, Dad probably wishes he could get one for Mom. (dailymail.co.uk)

· Three male teenagers get busted for streaking at a high school football game. That kind of thing will ruin a person's reputation ... especially if it's cold. (kutv.com)

· Britons don't have as much sex as you think. Honestly, how much sex do you think they have ... and how often are you thinking about this? (reuters.co.uk)

· More political scandal mongering: Should writing a steamy romance novel disqualify you from being state comptroller? Does anyone even know who their state comptroller is? (heraldnet.com)

· If you show your boobs at a biker rally, don't expected to get paid when a photo of them ends up in a biker magazine. Learn from the pros and always get the money up front. (delawareonline.com)

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· We think the world of Jenna Jameson and her efforts to branch out into other realms of entertainment ... but a signature golf putter (er, "putt-her") is pushing it. How long before the whole planet is enslaved by her officially licensed image? (jjputter.com; more @ AVN + Gram P.)

· Porn studios do battle with the pirates who illegally distribute their movies, steal their online content, and rob them of hard earned profits. Gosh, it's almost like porn is a real business. (businessweek.com)

· Sex in the bathroom? Naked filing cabinet jumping? Break-dance competitions? No, it's not Monday afternoon at Gawker Headquarters. It's the civil servants of Great Britain taking the whole "close your eyes and think England (and then jump off a filing cabinet)" thing to a whole new level. (bbc.co.uk)

· Toni Braxton was just asking for trouble when she wore this ultra-short, paper thin dress outside on a blustery day—which is probably why she put on the reinforced panties underneath. Her backside however, was not so lucky. (hollywoodtuna.com)

· The world's most bashful "streaker" gets no points for keeping her swimsuit on, but gets an A+ in marketing by turning the tiniest sliver of fame into a sales opportunity. But why should anyone buy her bikini when she didn't even have the guts to take it off? (yahoo.com)

· Researchers say that people who suffer from migraines have a higher than normal sex drive. We always knew that "not tonight, I've a got a headache" line was a bunch of crap! (thesun.co.uk)

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