To be fair, the vibration isn't exactly bad—in fact, it felt pretty good (as vibration is wont to). With three vibration intensities and six pulse patterns, there are many different ways to vibrate your g-spot "beyond," if you will. However, the navigation on this toy is so poor that you may find yourself giving up in frustration before you ever reach that point of pleasure.

In a nod to simplicity, the Ophoria Beyond Vibe has just one, single button. Click it once to turn it on, then use it to shuffle through the various settings (should you wish to turn it off, just hold the button down for a few seconds). Of course, to get to your favorite setting could take a lot of clicking—and if, god forbid, you happen to accidentally click off that setting you happen to like...well, have a fun time clicking your way through the entire cycle to get back.

I wanted to like the vibration: I am, at heart, a vibrator girl (and a g-spot one at that), but with all the clicking, I just couldn't get into a groove. In fact, I found that I enjoyed the toy more once I turned off the vibration and just enjoyed it as a dildo.

Sometimes it's best to keep things simple.

· Buy the Ophoria Beyond G-Spot Vibrator (goodvibes.com)

It also, oddly, smells mildly kiwiesque, which I suppose is a bonus if you find that scent arousing. But I digress.

The Ki-Wi is a solid, egg-shaped vibe with a vibrating (and, for some reason, glowing) purple tip. Its operation is simple: press either one of the buttons to turn it on, then continue to click to explore all the different stimulation patterns. (For want of a better description, the upper button serves as "forward" button, the lower as a "back" button—click forward to launch into straight vibration followed by pulse patterns, back to launch into pulse patterns followed by vibration. And, of course, feel free to use a combination of the above to happily toggle your way through.)

In terms of stimulation, the Ki-Wi feels somewhat akin to the rabbit part of a Rabbit Pearl vibe, insomuch as the thin, delicate silicone nose offers a sensation similar to the ears of said rabbit. Of course, the Ki-Wi is a turbocharged version of said rabbit: with three vibration speeds, and seven pulse patterns, well...this Ki-Wi leaves that hare in the dust.

For the life of me, though, I cannot figure out why the tip of this thing glows purple whenever it vibrates (and, more to the point, why you can't disable that). Is there a fetish for glowing purple labia that I'm presently unaware of? Are women in need of a toy that, ahem, lights the way (so to speak)?

Please, if you have any idea, enlighten me. (And if you don't, still consider this toy: compact, sturdy, and totally cute, it definitely gets the thumbs up from me.)

· Buy the Ki-Wi (goodvibes.com)

· Clara G (clara-g.com)

The droplet necklace is a long, silver chain with two small silver cylinders (one on each end of the chain. But oh, they're not just there for decorate: each cylinder is a miniature vibrator—and a nipple clamp as well.

How does it work, you ask? Each cylinder is attached to the change by a loop of black string, which can be placed around a nipple and adjusted to tighten and clamp in. The vibrators are activated by a small twist of the base—and then, oo! Tiffany never felt this good.

Lovely as it is, the droplet necklace is not recommended for the serious BDSM enthusiast. I, personally, had trouble keeping the "clamps" clamped—with the slightest movement, the loops slipped right off of my breasts (and even when clamped, they didn't apply that much pressure). Though the vibrators did feel pretty good...both on and off my nipples.

If you're looking to treat someone special (like yourself!) this coming V-Day, the droplet necklace could be just what you're looking for. A pretty piece of jewelry with a naughty little kick...we know quite a few girls who could appreciate this piece.

· Buy the Incoqnito Droplet Necklace (babeland.com)

Let's get one thing out of the way right off the bat: the G-Ki is not a SaSi that's been modified to stimulate the inner bits. While the SaSi is a programmable toy with a unique mode of stimulation, the G-Ki is a much more traditional sort of sex toy, one that vibrates to get you off, and comes with a preset number of stimulation modes. Which is not to say that it isn't innovative—but we'll get to that in a second.

The G-Ki is a long, slender vibrator; one with a shape not unlike LELO's Ella. Along the handle are two silver buttons: press the + button for two seconds to turn the G-Ki on and browse through the vibration levels and pulse patterns, the - button reduces the vibration level and turns the toy off.

This is all pretty standard practice of course. And the G-Ki seems like a pretty standard vibrator—until, that is, you discover the buttons on its neck.

Along the side of the vibrator are two raised, bumpy buttons (one just above the controls, and one located up on the head of the toy). Press them down simultaneously, and you're now able to alter the curve of the toy, making it (almost) ramrod straight or doubled over like Gonzo's nose, whatever your preference. It seems simple, but as a woman who's spent many a frustrating night trying to get off with a toy that was just a wee bit too straight, I can tell you that this is a pretty awesome innovation.

Also cool: the G-Ki's charger doesn't plug in to the toy—it's got little magnets that attach to the toys buttons (at least that's what I assume is happening, I'm a little vague on this area).

Kind of annoying: try as I might, I just can't get into the two button set up on a toy—especially one with ten different stimulation patterns. Is it really fair to make me click a button 9 times to get to the last pulse setting—and then nine more times if I want to go back to the lowest vibration?

That annoyance aside, the G-Ki is a solid toy that certainly helped me find (or at least pleasure) my own spot. Though it's not as groundbreaking as the SaSi, it's still a very worthwhile g-spot stimulator. In fact, you might even say it's the "key" to your "G"...but that would be a really terrible pun.

· Buy the G-Ki (babeland.com)
· Je Joue (jejoue.com)

And their new "Pirates"-themed novelty line isn't like other porn company sex toys. True, there's nothing incredibly groundbreaking about any of their toys: but they are well-made, beautifully designed, and, well, look like toys we'd actually want to use. And for a branded novelty line, well, that's what we call thinking outside the box.

The line is made up a few different styles of toys (each styled after a particular Digital Playground star): dual-stim, rabbit style vibes; Slimline-esque vibes; small, bullet vibe necklaces; vibrating cock rings; and (of course) a stroker in the shape of pirate hunter Jesse Jane. Most exciting of all: none of the toys are made of jelly rubber. They're all phthalate-free materials like ABS and TPR (and, we're told, in the future they'll be made of silicone, too).

And now for a look at the toys (full collection at left):

Digital Playground's dual stimulation vibrators. Each one is named after a contract star, and has a different design (and shape of clit tickler).

Up close: Katsuni's vibrator. The name escapes us at present, but we love, love, love the octopus (also the red and black design).

Up close: Jesse Jane's Smoking Pistol. There's a shortage of sex toys shaped like firearms, and we're pleased to see someone trying to remedy that.

Up close: Janine's Cannon Fire.

A few of the Slimline-style vibrators. Note: the material on the shaft is not hard plastic, but a softer, velvety coating. We have Jesse Jane's Treasure Trove (not pictured), and will definitely be reviewing soon.

Pendant vibes, a cute little hard plastic vibrator that comes with its own treasure chest (the name's escaping us), and the Jesse Jane Booty Stroker. The last one may be best reserved for those with Lilliputian amputee fetishes.

We gotta say, it really goes well with her boobs outfit.

· Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)

As the year draws to a close, we've reviewed our reviews from 2009, and scientifically determined just which toys were the best of the best this year. Below, our picks for the tops in toys.

10) The Real Touch: With a few rare exceptions, high end (and high tech) sex toys are almost exclusively targeted at women. The Real Touch is looking to change that. A high tech masturbator that syncs with POV porn, the Real Touch may just change the face of toys for boys. True, it has its problems (most notably, the fact that it won't work if you're not paying per minute for AEBN's porn)—but it's promising enough to give us hope for the future.

9) OhMiBod Freestyle: After years on the scene, the OhMiBod has finally reached its full potential. With the Freestyle's wireless connection, you can finally rock out to your tunes without being tied down to them.

8) Tenth Anniversary Tristan Butt Plug: The Tenth Anniversary Tristan Plug takes a good thing and makes it better (or at least bigger). A beefed up version of the original Tristan plug, the 10th anniversary edition is a must have for any butt aficionado in need of an upgrade.

7) Bolero Straitjacket **BEST LUXURY TOY**: This delightful bondage device combines the efficient immobilization of the straitjacket with the delicious eroticism of being nearly naked. True, it's not cheap—but if you're willing and able to invest in your BDSM toy chest, it's an excellent addition.

6) Imperial: With 11 inches of aircraft quality spun aluminum, the Imperial is bound to please any and all size queens—especially the ones who enjoy toys with the ability to pleasure and violently disfigure.

5) Bloomy: A wonderful dildo for the girls, and a p-spot stimulating butt plug for the boys—Bloomy's a toy that everyone can enjoy! (Just, uh, remember to sterilize it before sharing.)

4) Finger Tingles **BEST BUY**: Since the day we first discovered sex, we've wondered whether there could ever be away to improve on the erotic abilities of the simple little finger. The answer, friends, is yes: with the help of the Finger Tingles, your mild-mannered digit becomes a super finger.

3) Contour Q **BEST DISCREET TOY**: Don't be fooled by Contour Q's innocent appearance: these bumpy little massage stones know their way around a woman's body. And we do mean all parts of the body.

2) Sqweel: With the Sqweel, Love Honey set out to create a toy that replicates the sensation of oral sex. While they may not have quite achieved that goal, they did create a wholly unique toy that stimulates in a very unusual (and very pleasing) way.

1) Form 2: Small, sleek, and super-powered: the rabbit-inspired Form 2 has two silicone ears that are all revved up and ready to rock. And just like a real rabbit, this thing won't quit until long after you're satisifed.

Worst Toy of 2009: The Blowguard: Sure, it'll enable you to give a decent blowjob with absolutely no effort...at the cost of your dignity, your comfort, and your ability to control your drooling.

While the Form 2's ears made it rabbit-like in appearance, the Ina is a rabbit in a more metaphorical sense: unlike the Form 2, it is a dual stimulation (aka "rabbit" vibe)...but in appearance, well, it bears more resemblance to some sort of cactus than a fuzzy little bunny.

But, of course, it's much more pleasant than a cactus would be on the lady parts. Ina's sleek, smooth contours felt great on my bits; and I greatly enjoyed the many pulse patterns offered by the toy. If you're familiar with Lelo toys and Lelo quality, you should know what to expect here: it's a solid, well designed piece of machinery that'll keep you happy all night long.

However, there were some road bumps to my experience with Ina. The first came early on: Ina's smaller prong (the one used for external stimulation) is in a relatively fixed position. While it's flexible enough to bend back a bit, it may not be enough to accommodate all body types. Ultimately, it was fine for me—but if you prefer your external and internal stimulators to have a good deal of distance between them, this may not be the toy for you.

Secondly, the external and internal stimulators do not have separate controls. The Ina's four buttons control all parts of the toy simultaneously, whether they're turning it on, turning it up, or cycling through a few rocking beats. If you like your clit to rock as hard as your gspot, then carry on—but if you want to be able to switch things up between the two areas, another toy might suit you better.

True, the rabbit vibe is a classic toy—but it's always nice to see the classics get reinvented (like when Baz Luhrmann shot "Romeo and Juliet"!). Ina's one great take on dual stimulation...and we can't wait to see what other sorts of remixes the future has in store for us.

· Lelo (lelo.com)
· Buy the Ina (babeland.com)

A bright red sheath encasing (what else?) a bullet vibe, the Finger Tingles looks a bit like a very ineffective bottle opener. But trust me: with a little know how and maneuvering, this toy should have no problem popping your cork.

To use the Finger Tingles, simply slip your finger of choice (index finger, middle finger, someone else's finger...whatever) through the hole, and press the vibrator's button to activate. Voila! You should immediately notice some tingling...in your finger. No, there's nothing wrong with you: the toy's sheath is, in fact, conducting the bullet's vibration into your finger.

Most of you have probably figured out what happens next, but if you're feeling a little slow today, I'll happily explain. Using your (vibrating!) finger, proceed to stimulate yourself as normal. Yes, your finger just got that much more powerful.

But wait! There's more: move the Finger Tingles all the way down to the base of of your finger, and you now have the ability to do oh so much more with that little digit. For instance, slide it inside yourself, with the vibrator pressing against your clitoris and labia. Yes, that is what we call double stimulation (eat your heart out, rabbit vibe!).

The Finger Tingles is a wonderful example of how effective simple, good design (and your very own finger!) can be. My one complaint? It's only available in one size. Much as I liked it, it felt a little large and unwieldy in the palm of my hand. Then again, my hands are (more or less) the size of a child's...so that probably won't happen to you.

· Buy the Finger Tingles Vibrator (goodvibes.com)

JimmyJane is referring to the Form 2 as a rabbit vibe (and given its resemblance to a certain Sanrio character, it's not hard to see why). But don't be fooled: this isn't the Rabbit Pearl you're dealing with. The Form 2 is a world away from the toy that was the toast of the "Sex and the City" set.

For one thing, the Form 2 is for external use only. But don't think that the lack of dual stimulation is a failing: the Form 2 may not do everything, but what it does do, it does very, very well. The two ears (which can stimulate the labia, envelope the clitoris, and whatever else your dirty little mind imagines) are each powered by their very own motor...the better to vibrate as hard as possible, of course.

And there's also the matter of the controls. The Form 2 is graced with three little buttons: a plus sign (to turn vibration on and up), a minus sign (to decrease vibration and turn it off), and a squiggly line, which takes the toy through different pulse patterns. It's a simple, intuitive set up, and it works very, very well—even in my orgasm addled state, I was still easily able to navigate my way through the pleasure cycle.

But that's not all! The Form 2 is completely waterproof (for bathtime fun), and—and this really excites me—it's impossible to overcharge it. Yes, leave your toy sitting on your charger overnight, if you like; it'll still be good as new in the morning.

In the past, I've had my issues with some of JimmyJane's products, but the Form 2 might just be enough to turn me into a true believer. I'm eagerly looking forward to Form 3 and 4...I can't wait to see what the future holds.

· Buy the Form 2 (jimmyjane.com)

· Buy "Lesbian Love, Vol. 1" (hotmoviesforher.com)

Of course, the use of an anal vibrator is more of a personal discovery, as in this video. Like all discoveries, it should be well-lubed, gingerly placed, and accompanied with slow but steady boning. Some day the humans will uncover an even more delicious orifice to put things in. For now, the Monolith waits...

· morning fun (xtube.com)

And frankly, it's just as hot to watch her deepthroat as it is to watch her pleasure herself. Each task requires serious attention, knowledge of personal limits, and zen-like concentration. We just don't know which to watch! Luckily, her husband is considerate enough to keep the camera moving while he gets head. Hey, we guess guys can multi-task after all! Enjoy this gender equality right here.

· Deepthroat on Cruise (xtube.com)

Last year, we were presented with the very praiseworthy SaSi from Je Joue, which turned the idea of what a sex toy can do completely on its head: instead of vibrating or penetrating, the SaSi's primary stimulation comes from moving pressure created by a small nub on the toy's underside. Now LoveHoney has their own innovative toy: meet the Sqweel, a rotating wheel of ten pink rubber tongues.

The idea behind the Sqweel is relatively simple: as the wheel rotates, the pink tongues flick against the clitoris (or nipple, or penis, or labia, or...you get the idea) one after the other after the other (and so on). The idea is to simulate oral sex—though I have to say, most of my partners have had an oral repertoire that was more extensive than simple tongue flinging.

That's not to say that the Sqweel isn't awesome; because, well, it feels pretty darn great. The soft tongues create a very nice feeling, and were easily able to get me off—obviously, the most important test in any sex toy.

However, the Sqweel can be a rather temperamental toy. For optimal results, it must be held just so: when I attempted it press it into my parts to increase the stimulation, I found that the tongues completely stopped spinning—likewise my attempts to clutch the toy between my thighs for hands free fun (I eventually got this to work, but it took some strategizing). But don't be discouraged by any initial struggles: when you do get it work just so, the resulting feeling is well worth the effort.

One criticism, though: despite LoveHoney's claims, I would not classify this toy as "easy to clean," purely on the basis that in order to clean the toy, you must first disassemble it. Sure, the disassembly is a mere two steps—but that's a whole lot more work than it takes to just rinse off any of my other toys.

Of course, none of my other toys house a wheel of ten divine, spinning tongues—so I guess it's just a trade off I'll have to live with.

· Buy the LoveHoney Sqweel (lovehoney.co.uk)

In fact, more often than not we find we can't pull ourselves away from bed and into the real world until we've had that one last wank...or watched someone like Brandi Love have one, anyway. From us to you, a Monday morning gift: here's hoping Brandi's sweet flesh will make that cruel, cold world seem just a little bit kinder.

· Buy "Masturbation Nation #4" (gamelink.com)
· (evolutiondist.com)

For the most part, the Freestyle is very similar to the original OhMiBod, in that its a vibrator that syncs to the sounds of your music (or, if you prefer, works as a normal vibrator—but where's the fun in that?). But there's one key feature that makes the Freestyle a winner: unlike its predecessors, the Freestyle won't leave you tangled up in wires.

In previous incaranations, OhMiBod's toys always plugged directly into the iPod. While the long cord made the situation workable, it was hard to ignore the fact that you were, literally, tethered to your iPod—a situation that could make things a little tricky, especially during partner play.

The Freestyle, on the other hand, has no such limitations. Rather than plugging the toy into the vibrator, one merely has to plug a transmitter into the iPod, which wirelessly transmits the vibrations to the Freestyle. It's a small change, but one that's greatly appreciated—and greatly improves the experience.

However, the toy wasn't quite perfect: much to my disappointment, the Freestyle abandons the wonderfully curvy shape of the NaughtiNano, opting instead for a Slimline-like body. It's okay and all—but it would be nice to see a wireless iPod vibe with a more body-friendly shape. (I also have fantasies of a very tiny Freestyle that can be tucked into the panties for discreet play in public—but maybe that's just me.)

I'd also love it if some future version of the Freestyle would enable the user to skip through songs using the toy alone. See, because the cord-free nature of the Freestyle gives me such freedom, I've taken to plugging my iPod into my speakers, and enjoying the beats from all the way across the room. And sometimes, well, I'd like to be able to switch a song without actually getting up and going to the iPod. But, uh, maybe that's just me.

Anyway: when it comes to iPod-synced vibes, the Freestyle is easily the pinnacle of achievement (for now, at least). And I, for one, look forward to enjoying many, many wireless orgasms for years to come—or at least until they come out with the next, even better model of this toy.

· Buy the Freestyle (babeland.com)

The main pros to the Earth Angel are immediately obvious. It's made from recycled plastics and doesn't require batteries, so you can rest easy that you're not killing the planet while rubbing one out. It also requires nothing but your own elbow grease to get up and running—a nice bonus if you're ever in need of some, ahem, relaxation during a blackout.

On the con side: look, I can't lie to you, this thing is a bitch to power up. At four minutes of cranking per thirty minutes of vibing, it seems like a lot of work for minimal payoff (especially since—let's face it—many of us could easily get off in four minutes with just our hands, or even an equally earth-friendly dildo). True, it can also be charged with a 5-volt charger (not included); but doesn't that power drain take away from the Earth-friendly aspect?

And then, of course, there's the matter of how the vibe performs. As the picture indicates, the Earth Angel is basically a Slimline vibe with a crank on the end. It's hard plastic, and it's ultra straight: all of which adds up to the kind of vibe that just doesn't really work for me.

I love the idea of a toy that doesn't make me run to the bodega for batteries, and doesn't take hours to power up, but the Earth Angel needs a few more tweaks before it gains my seal of approval. Note to the manufacturers: throw in a little curve to the body, maybe soften it up a bit, and see what you can do about reducing the crank time. Once you've got that down, well, baby, we'll be in business.

· Buy the Earth Angel (babeland.com)

Made of a velvety hard plastic, the bumpy toy feels sleek against the skin—always a nice sensation. With its arched head, it's perfectly positioned to rub up against a girl's gspot; the small bumps lining the top of the head feel great when they come into contact with the, ahem, outer areas.

But I found myself wanting to feel the whole toy inside me—and, alas, here is where I was stymied. It looked like it should go in just fine, but whenever I attempted this feat, I found myself out of luck. More persistent (or more flexible) penetrators may have more success with this than I did (and if you do, please report back).

And what, you ask, about the vibration part of this vibrator? In terms of intensity, this is a mid-range toy: it's no powerhouse, but it's charged enough to make an impression. Depending on your mood, you can increase or decrease the vibration by turning the dial at the base of the toy. (Don't be expecting any fancy pulse patterns, though—this is a strictly entry-level toy.)

I wouldn't say that the Cloud 9 took me to Cloud 9—but I did get somewhere in the range of Cloud 7 (and maybe even 7.5!). Not the best marital aid known to man; but then again, at a mere twenty bucks, it offers up a pretty respectable experience.

· Buy the Cloud 9 (babeland.com)